Gay either way

[Lex]

So I've been watching Glee and I now have a huge crush on the guy who plays Kurt. (He's 20, I'm 21, so it's not a creepy crush on a school kid, lol.)

Anyway, it got me to thinking that whenever I have feelings for a guy I want to express those feelings as a guy. And if I have feelings for a girl I want to express them as a girl. I also tend to be attracted to effeminate guys and masculine girls.

As someone who swings between feeling like a guy and feeling like a girl I found it hilarious that whichever way I swing I have a tendency to be gay.

So I was wondering if there was anyone else who feels this way?

[4serrus]

Yes. Sort of.

I identify as 'mostly gay'. I like dudes. All sorts of dudes. Masculine guys, feminine guys, any sort of guy (and transguys!). But I'm only really attracted to them as a GUY, specifically, as more of a 'top'. I don't want to be the 'girl' in the relationship. I've had quite enough of that living in a girl body, thankyouverymuch.

However, I am also, sometimes, in weird situations, attracted to girls. But only like, dykey girls, butch lesbians, and very occasionally non-masculine girls who are otherwise outside the norm in some way, and in those cases the attraction isn't really sexual at first. I really have no idea how to explain this. I mean, I can look at a masculine chick and be attracted to her, physically. But not in the traditional male, heteronormative way? More of an actually lesbian relationship, even though I don't consider myself really female? And I don't know if this is just my brain sort of 'settling' due to the reality of my body or, something else. And then I can look at the 'ordinary' girls, and not be attracted to them at all until I get to know them a little, and then that's when the tiny bits of attraction start. And that's when I start to think about the vanilla guy-girl heteronormative dating experience. But I'm not sure if I'd like that for long. The big thing is, I never really think a lot about sex with girls, because, well, sex is pretty problematic in general. But I think about sex with guys a lot!

Yeah I have no idea what's going on in my head... I think I might be attracted to masculinity, and turned off by the heteronormative. I don't want a het relationship. Maybe that's backlash from being in one for the past ten years.

[AnonyMouse]

I used to be like this, back in my girlfag period. Once I went into the full-on transsexual phase, though, my desire to be with a woman as a woman waned. Now I'd rather be with a woman as a girly guy. The dynamics of the potential relationship depend on the woman.

Still, I'd rather be with a dude as a dude. There's something about the power balance in that kind of relationship that I dig deeply.

[kellgrl66]

Well I too have always been attracted to effeminate guys as well as masculine ones. In regards to ggs I like sporty and butch women and not sure why

[Lex]

Thanks 4serrus, it's nice to know there's someone who thinks sort of like me. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying.

Still, I'd rather be with a dude as a dude. There's something about the power balance in that kind of relationship that I dig deeply.

Yeah, I think that's why I'm gay both ways. Gay relationships just seem more equal than hetero ones. When I was in a relationship that was percieved as straight, I had to really fight for my equality within that relationship. Luckily not with the guy I was dating, but sadly with a lot of the other people that I knew.

[AnonyMouse]

Oh, Lex, I hear you. This reminds me of a conversation I had with my mother, actually. We were talking about the stuff I'd do after I got married, and somehow it got on the subject of my computer (probably because I write on it).

(The following is paraphrased.)

MUM: But what if your husband won't let you have a computer?
ME: I'd get one anyway.
MUM: No, you can't. The Bible says to submit to your husband in all things.
ME: ...(WTF?)

I decided shortly afterwards that I wasn't going to marry any man who couldn't see me as his equal, because srsly. That's just stupid. I'm supposed to sign up to live with this guy and do whatever he says for the rest of his life, and what, just hope he doesn't turn out to be an a-hole?

I'm sure there are plenty of het marriages where the two are equal, but (Christopher Lee voice) why take the chance?

(Kidding about that last bit. If I was a girl I'd be happy to get het-married.)

[Lex]

Oh man, that submitting to your husband thing...I've read about that. And no matter how they spin it, it just sounds AWFUL. And I'm sure there are het relationships where people are equal.

But I also don't like the preconcieved roles that each person is expected to play in a het relationship. For example, if the man does the cooking everyone's either amazed, jealous or they give both people crap about it. But if the woman cooks, it's normal. I'd love to be in a relationship that doesn't come with any of that.

[AnonyMouse]

For sure.

'Course, I can't help but wonder that if I do end up married with a family and all that, and I end up doing stereotypically female things, if I'm going to get flak from my sister ('cause, y'know, why would I bother transitioning if I'm just going to be the woman in the relationship?)

UGH... Actually, that's part of an overarching psychological problem. I am deeply insecure. It's my mother's fault, I think. It seems unrelated, but it works its way into everything I do.

[kellgrl66]

Love to be in company of effeminate men. Going in public with a guy who has platinum bleached hair, painted fingernails, wears make-up , is a real turn-on for a middle aged CD.

umm me too

[Leo Lane]

Anyway, it got me to thinking that whenever I have feelings for a guy I want to express those feelings as a guy. And if I have feelings for a girl I want to express them as a girl. I also tend to be attracted to effeminate guys and masculine girls.

As someone who swings between feeling like a guy and feeling like a girl I found it hilarious that whichever way I swing I have a tendency to be gay.

So I was wondering if there was anyone else who feels this way?

I feel exactly that way, always have.

Oh man, that submitting to your husband thing...I've read about that. And no matter how they spin it, it just sounds AWFUL. And I'm sure there are het relationships where people are equal.

But I also don't like the preconcieved roles that each person is expected to play in a het relationship. For example, if the man does the cooking everyone's either amazed, jealous or they give both people crap about it. But if the woman cooks, it's normal. I'd love to be in a relationship that doesn't come with any of that.

Complete agreement once again. I was lucky enough to stumble across a guy who really does consider me an equal in all ways, so take heart, it happens.

[Lex]

Yay, thanks Leo, it's nice to know I'm not the only one.
And I have been in a relationship with a guy who treated me as equal and didn't hold for any of that hetero BS either. That was great...but relationships need more than that to work. So here's hoping I can find that quality in anyone else I might go out with in the future.

[Leo Lane]

And I have been in a relationship with a guy who treated me as equal and didn't hold for any of that hetero BS either. That was great...but relationships need more than that to work.

Yeah, that's the tough thing.

[KarenCDFL]

I think that it is great that we can be so many different people wrapped up inside of one person.

Like is too short not to live as we need to but long enough to enjoy it!

[got2free.Ollie]

I'm bi and I sort of share that point of view. I like effeminate guys, shy and nerdy guys and tough masculine girls...all the girls I've ever had feelings for were either bi or Lesbian and they were all tough, tom-boy, cap and chain wearing sort of girls :P
My mind's got it mixed up lol girly guys(love it when they have hair past the ears) and manly girls with long hair and kiss-ass attitudes are my downfall lol
we can't be the only ones out there so I'm sure there are lots of others who are attracted to the same sort of people