Are we CDers more secure in our masculinity than "real" men?

[kimdl93]

I don't feel the need to buy a 3/4 ton, crew cab, long box pick up...the Civic is just fine for cruising around town. So, maybe I am more secure than some GMs.

[Joanne f]

I do not feel insecure with my masculine side because i do not really have one so i do not have to worry about trying to prove anything in that direction .

[Kate Simmons]

I guess but it's more like being secure with who we are as a person, rather than as this, that or the other thing.

[Leslie Langford]

...But then I'm not a male interacting with them and maybe most men do show their softer, more sensitive sides to the women around them, more readily than they show it to their peers. Two of my brother's sons are into men's fashions big time. They're fastidious about it really, and no one thinks there is anything odd about this. My brother and I don't talk sports or guy things. We talk about our fears, hopes, issues with partners ... just as I would with any girl friend.

Just sayin ... although I'm glad to read all the posts from people who don't feel their masculinity is threatened, I don't think the real world of men is as boorish and neanderthalic as many in the forum might like to believe? At least ... not when these men are in the presence of women.

You make a very important point here, Reine, namely that each one of us is shaped by their own particular life experiences, and these determine the way we see the world around us and how we relate to others.

There is no doubt in my mind that each of us treats the opposite sex in a manner far different from members of our own sex, and much of that is rooted in biology. There is always an underlying sexual tension in any interaction between heterosexual males and females, and even if there is no overt sexual attraction evident between them initially (at least on the surface), our hormones and Mother Nature have conspired to program us to be on our best behavior in the presence of the opposite sex because we still want to appear attractive to them. Blame it on the primeval mating urge that causes us to look at each such individual as a potential mate, even if most times we do not carry through with that pursuit because we are, after all, thinking human beings and not simply rutting animals in heat.

But the point I want to make here is that males (especially the alpha variety) will try charm the pants off a potential sex partner and treat them like gold in order to seduce them and achieve their goal. On the other hand, other males are seen as competition in this endeavour, and must be dealt with harshly and decisively so that they won't get in their way.

So yes, as a female, you probably haven't seen that much of many men's dark sides. We males, on the other hand, have, and it ain't always a pretty picture. I tend to give these alpha males a wide berth, as I really don't need to put up with all that B.S. Quite frankly, I far prefer the company of women (and as friends, not necessarily as potential conquests), whether it is in "Leslie" mode or in drab.

If being a macho @$$hole is the way these men need to express their "masculinity", so be it - that is their biological imperative. I, on the other hand, like being transgendered and not having to pigeon-hole myself into such a one-dimensional role. I often compare it to being bilingual and bi-cultural (which I am), and which allows one to inhabit two different worlds simultaneously while being a far more well-rounded person in the process.

Being bilingual and bi-cultural yourself, (yes, I, too, grew up in "la belle Province"), I am sure you know exactly what I am talking about.

[Jamie001]

I would not say that I'm secure in masculinity. I reject masculinity and embrace femininity. It is who I am.

[ReineD]

So yes, as a female, you probably haven't seen that much of many men's dark sides. We males, on the other hand, have, and it ain't always a pretty picture.

You make good points too. But are all men like this? I'm relieved to be a GG. I don't think I'd survive well at all if I were MtF. I do appreciate the challenges you all face and it's a testament to your characters to have the courage to be who you are. I say this from my heart ... you are all admirable indeed.

[QZ2]

Leslie, you just told my life's story. I couldn't have said it better or more truthfully. Thanks,

Susie

[BRANDYJ]

I'm not going to go as far as saying that us CD's are more secure with our masculinity then non CD's. That to me can't be compared. I will say that I am very secure in my masculinity and like that part of me as much as I like my feminine side. I will say I am perhaps more secure in expressing my feelings, emotions more so then the average man would express them. Over-all, men tend to keep their emotional feelings toward love, sentiments and deeper feelings to themselves; Even to their wives or SO's. But especially keep it bottled up around other men. We just can't be viewed as somehow weaker. We have to project that macho thing we are all raised with...or most of us anyway.

So if you mean being not afraid to express a more loving, caring, sentimental, nurturing side of me, then yes, I'm more secure then the average man might be. I do have to keep it in check around certain kinds of men that would look down on me if I was to express to much softness. That's a shame. A shame for them, but not for me. To bad most men can't express a more gentle loving side to not only other men, but even to their own wives or SO's.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Fonzie used to always say that if you had to ask whether you were "cool", then you weren't cool...

i think saying anyone is "more" secure in masculinity than "real" men is an interesting way to say it and i would choose another way and just ask if cd's are secure in their masculinity

and my bet is that they very much are..

of course i guess its a very masculine trait to put your masculinity up against anothers!!