Unclear where me and this post belong ....

[TG_Nicole]

SO not sure where i am or where this should even go.

I've been really struggling as of lat to figure myself out. Am i a crossdresser, am i transgendered or am i really a transsexual. I have these desires to transition but i am so unsure if its really the right hing to do. I'm very scared of jumping into something like this. I wish i could just know who and what i am. That way at least i would have clear direction in my life.

I am very blessed with my wife who is very understanding and supportive whatever decision i make. I'm terrified of the ramifications of transitioning. I currently work in the video game industry which is typically very pro LGBT. But i mean its been my dream to work in this field my entire life. What if i start the transition process tell my boss and then lose my job over it. The combination of that and the emotions of transitioning i don't know if i could take it.

And then there's my family. My father whom i am very close to is a pastor of an inner city church. What if he doesn't accept my choice for religious choices. I'm really not prepared to lose my father. I cant imagine the pain i would feel if i lost him.

Recently on a road trip my wife asked me some questions that are forcing me to really deal with this emotionally. If there were no hurdles in my way. NO family to hold me back and my job wasn't a concern, would i take hormones and start to transition. With no hesitation i clearly answered yes in a heartbeat. She then asked what if i had transitioned and my genitalia was no longer sexually active would i want SRS i said of course yes assuming money was still no object. So she said well there you go i think you have your answer.

Anyway sorry this is so long just really confused with my life and body right now. Sorry if this should go in the transexual forum instead feel free to move it.

[Freddy12]

Nicole,
There are a number of us who are where you are.

First, you wife is wonderful to be so supportive, and to urge you to deal with these issues. Cherish her!

Second, yor father may be more supportive than you think. Test the waters. Ask him how he would deal with someone in his congregation who decided that he was a woman in a man's body and wanted to transition. You can claim that someone at work is thinking of transitioning (it just happens to be you).

Third, ask your boss how he would deal with someone who transitioned. I would not think that asking the question should be a problem.

Fourth, see a therapist.

You are to be commended for taking this step! Best of luck!

[joanieb]

Doubt is always a constant. No one can see or predict the future, they can only move in a direction they can and are willing to risk moving. A factor in my decision making process (and when completed was to stay as I am) was to place those hurdles your wife mentions in front of you. Jumping them one at a time, and seeing where you stand. I got past many, I told my friends, they still love me, (or at least the real ones did) I told my family, no one banished me, and we have moved on to other dramas. My sons still respect me, my work associates know that I do a great job and have their backs. Though I'm semi retired and a house wife now so that doesn't really matter now but it did then. The one hurdle that I could not get over was the real fact that I would be "Killing" a person that I really did like. There were many aspects of this person that had reasons (personal and public) to live. There were things that I didn't want to have to do as a woman, and there are things that I enjoy doing only as a guy. True a gender limitation should never be placed on others, but I did place it on myself for no other reason then personal expressions of what I wanted the world to see as myself as in my feminity and my masculinity. This though process brought to me a realization, that I am the sum value of all of my life and life experiences. I couldn't imagine life with out "John" in it. I found a comfortable world right on the fence. I am open and honest and deal with the slings and arrows. I like me. You have to get to a place in the world where you like you. Not with rewards, not with praise, not with anxiety but just you. It's often a great happiness when you give yourself to others fully and completely that turns pain in to peace.

luvnhugs

[eluuzion]

Sorry, the price of admission covers access to the tunnel, but does not include a flashlight...

I have found that sometimes I make more progress on unresolved issues when I work on the process I am using instead of the content.

My goal is always to "keep it simple" and not make it more complicated than it is. I reduce every decision I make into a "Problem", then apply a non-emotional strategy of resolving it to a point of making decisions. Sounds sterile but it works for me. There are many "models" to choose from...the important thing is to pick a strategy...and DO something.

Ben Franklin method is simple...
List pros in one column, list cons in another...then add each column and compare the totals. The column with the highest number is the decision. More pros = do it. More cons = don’t do it.

Ruminating about the past is wasted time. What if this, if I did that, if I would have, if only this or that happened. You can’t back out of a car wreck, why try?

You also cannot predict the future or mold it with hypothetical thinking. Catastrophic thinking also does nothing but foster procrastination and confusion.

Think less, act more…life is short.

Here is a rough outline of what I do in my mind to make every decision in my life.

1) What is the goal?
2) What are the barriers?
3) What are your actions to date?
4) What worked and what did not?
5) In you current position, what are your options?
6) Which options on this list might provide the best possible outcome?
7) List the options in order of potential for success.
8) Start with the top option and make a detailed plan of implementing it.
9) For each option list a couple contingencies (Plan B if it fails).
10) Quit thinking and start acting by following the top one on the list.
11) Stay realistic and keep trying until you succeed.
12) The results may not be what you hoped for, but it is the best solution. Keeping in mind the objective was reality, not fantasyland.

Sometimes it takes 2 seconds, sometimes it takes longer.
What it definitely does…is keep me moving forward by making decisions. Going in reverse or standing still is not an option in my life.

Whatever you do…do something…and whatever you do…never give up.

But that is just me…

[msniki48]

SO not sure where i am or where this should even go.

I've been really struggling as of lat to figure myself out. Am i a crossdresser, am i transgendered or am i really a transsexual. I have these desires to transition but i am so unsure if its really the right hing to do. I'm very scared of jumping into something like this. I wish i could just know who and what i am. That way at least i would have clear direction in my life. [ This is where a good thrapist will surely help....it definately has helped me over the years]

I am very blessed with my wife who is very understanding and supportive whatever decision i make. [ This is where you count your lucky stars to have someone so supportive at your side]I'm terrified of the ramifications of transitioning. I currently work in the video game industry which is typically very pro LGBT. But i mean its been my dream to work in this field my entire life. What if i start the transition process tell my boss and then lose my job over it. The combination of that and the emotions of transitioning i don't know if i could take it. [ You are absolutley right! take things one step at a time. i have watched several sisters throw caution to the wind, in order to transition, and they are out on the streets. I'm not saying this will happen to you..but being responsible in your thought process is important]
And then there's my family. My father whom i am very close to is a pastor of an inner city church. What if he doesn't accept my choice for religious choices. I'm really not prepared to lose my father. I cant imagine the pain i would feel if i lost him. [ it has taken 7 yrs for my mom to start to come around...we just had our 1st discussion where she didn't just turn off.. i am hopeful. this is a road that you will have to test the waters....your dad may be more supportive than you think, or you may have to make choices as many of us have over the years.]
Recently on a road trip my wife asked me some questions that are forcing me to really deal with this emotionally. If there were no hurdles in my way. NO family to hold me back and my job wasn't a concern, would i take hormones and start to transition. With no hesitation i clearly answered yes in a heartbeat. She then asked what if i had transitioned and my genitalia was no longer sexually active would i want SRS i said of course yes assuming money was still no object. So she said well there you go i think you have your answer. [ My answer would have been the same as yours. That does not mean that just because i am TG and have tendencies to TS, that i must start the Transition process. Sometimes life gets in the way of living, and if you can survive in the middle...you may have to for a period of time. "you are where you need to be for now" Something my wife tells me every time i get depressed about this subject.]Anyway sorry this is so long just really confused with my life and body right now. Sorry if this should go in the transexual forum instead feel free to move it.

You will find your way, one step at a time. Kiss your wife. Find a good counselor. search for your path.

[AKAMichelle]

It is normal to question yourself for awhile. Some take a long time while some know from the very beginning. Take it at the speed that you need. Luckily you have a wife who seems to be ok with any decision that you need to make.

If you really believe that you want to transition, then it all starts with a therapist. Find a good one in your area because that is the most important first step and it will affect everything thereafter.

[carrie-ann]

Before I went full time I called my HR to see what the rules were. I was told I would have to adhere to the dress codes of the females. If any customers said they didn't want me back for any reason. I could be fired and I was. I got a new job on my app for it I listed I'm a TG mtf full time. I get treated with respect 99% of the time no matter where I go on my job. Even dressed in the men's room I've never had a problem yet. Not saying I won't. If you really want it you can do it!

[pamela_a]

Nocole, the first question you have to answer is what do you NEED to do? What will your life be if you don't transition?
Like me, most of the women I know who are or have transitioned have never done it because they wanted to, they transitioned because the needed to.

My first recommendation is find a good gender therapist. A word of warning, a good therapist will NOT be able to tell you what to do. A good therapist will have many questions but only YOU have the answers. They can help you understand and accept the answer but that decision is yours and yours alone.

You may not need to fully transition at all. The TG spectrum is very broad and there are many places on it to stop. Find that place where you are happy and at peace with yourself and stay there.

Your fears and concerns are very real but you can't let them stop you. First find the answer inside you then go from there. Take small steps but you need but you need to take the first step to get started.

I read these words somewhere and feel they're very true:
"Don't transition if you don't need to, but if you need to transition don't let anything stop you."

My best to you in your decision.

[Jenna Lynne]

I agree with what others have said in this thread. I would add only one thought:

It took me many years to overcome the fear and shame. I'm about 90% there now, but it's not gone yet, and I'm 60 years old! What a waste of my life! I wish I had had someone to help me toss the fears out the car window when I was 20 and drive away really fast.

A good therapist will help you dig into the sources of your fear. As you find ways to become less fearful, the therapist will help you process your new experiences in positive ways. At least, that's how it's supposed to work ... I've just started seeing a new therapist, so talk to me about this next month.

*** Jenna ***

[mklinden2010]

Yours is an interesting - and generally positive - situation.

Maybe you should just float a few balloons and see if anyone cares.

You gotta live your life.

Do what you feel you need to do and move on to what whatever seems worth pursuing - with adjustments as you go.

That's life.

Good luck.