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Thread: For those who haven't told their SO..........

  1. #1
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    For those who haven't told their SO..........

    For those who haven't told their SO..........

    Do you think she suspects your C/Ding, or are you confident she really doesn't know?

  2. #2
    Member Sarah Michelle's Avatar
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    I believe she doesn't know

    I am reasonably confident that she doesn't know or even suspect but that is a qualified confidence. Her reactions to certain things in the gay community tell me that she would be traumatically affected by finding out about my c-ding. So, I believe, if she knew or suspected she couldn't sit on the information or thought without challenging me.
    On the other hand, it could be that she suspects and is so adamantly against the practise that she is refusing to acknowledge it even to herself.
    It can be impossible to tell what a good secret-keeper knows.
    Or what someone is capable of doing to sustain their central relationship and their future.

  3. #3
    Member ColleenW's Avatar
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    My SO knows but I'm sure she didn't have any idea before I told her.
    ColleenW

  4. #4
    Just finding my way.... StaceyJane's Avatar
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    My wife knew for a year but didn't say anything to me. She said she figured I would tell her when I was ready.
    Stacey

    I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wob7zmvVTb8

  5. #5
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    I sure my wife doesn't have a clue. I wish I could tell her, but I'm afraid that she equates it with being gay and would not be accepting.

    My wife recently found out that her cousin came out of the closet as gay--so maybe there will be there will be a day when she may understand that cd'ing isn't a result of being gay. Until then, Deb will remain in the closet, as I would not want to risk breaking up my marriage.

  6. #6
    Full-Time Duality NathalieX66's Avatar
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    I've been dating a woman close to two months now, she is accepting but she has only seen me dressed up twice....aside from the bedroom stuff.

    My spiel has always been that " I admire women so much I like to emulate them/I've been fighting these urges for the last 38 years and I know all there is to know/I'm a crossdresser bt I'm straight as a Texas highway"...and so far she has taken to these alibi's.
    I'm a sheer believer that honesty and real discussion is the best way. I think my "38 years" quote kind of intimidated her a bit because she didn't have much defense.
    Some people hate seafood, and if you mention that you love sushi, you're not always guranteed to get positive reactions. But usually most people will accept your liking to sushi even if they don't.

  7. #7
    Female Spirit Bernadina's Avatar
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    Think my wife suspects as she keeps buying me dresses.

    My concern would not be in being a CD'er but that there was a secret kept from her.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #8
    Member pink femme's Avatar
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    My SO must suspect......she allows me to have some of her underwear and holdups in my drawer......and a pair of her heals in my wardrobe.

    I love going shopping with her for her clothes, and I can't stand buying mens stuff for me.

    When there are dance type programs on TV we talk about the dresses.

    Yet I know if she knew 100%, then I would be on my own!!

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member Cheryl James's Avatar
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    My wife discovered Cheryl through carelessness on my part with my browser history on the computer. I came clean to her, then. She hated it, moved out of our bedroom, only to return when I agreed to seek counseling (which was a waste of time and money). She knows that I have a life (so to speak) as Cheryl and hates it even more. It is but one more issue that is going to cause us to separate. And, at this point I think it is for the best for both of us.

  10. #10
    a bit nutty
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    Sometimes I'm convinced she knows, other times not. She makes jokes about me wearing her stuff, looks at me directly in the eyes etc... but then says "...its just wrong..." or "...sick..." and is thoroughly disgusted when she sees it on television. I've been kind of hinting about it, showing interest in feminine things, joking that I'll gladly wear her stuff. It creeps her out.

    Who knows? I want to tell her, but... same old story. Fear.

    Ginger

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bernadina View Post
    Think my wife suspects as she keeps buying me dresses.

    My concern would not be in being a CD'er but that there was a secret kept from her.
    There's probably a perfectly innocent explanation for her buying you dresses ... erm, no, I' drawing a blank

    Do they usually fit and correspond to your taste?

  12. #12
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    I've kept out of these sorts of threads thus far, but since you ask....

    A couple of years ago I told my wife I'd like to dress up and have her do me. She was like "maybe I should be more dominant".

    So it seems like I could definitely tell her that I've gotten a bit more serious about it lately, but I keep putting it off. Part of me is thinking that, next time I'm home (I'm contracting 500 miles away this summer and only get back every other weekend) I might "accidentally" leave my copy of The Lazy Crossdresser behind. Or I might go a HS reunion, dressed, as a classmate's date, and then reveal myself to her this way but couch it as part of a practical joke.

    I guess what's holding me back is that there is definitely an urge to be with other people sexually when I dress, a conversation I'd like to avoid. I sort of just don't know, this deeper plunge I'm taking this summer while away from home so much could just be the end of things. We have arguments on other topics and she sometimes says "just get a lawyer already".

    So it's complicated. As I presume it is for so many others.

  13. #13
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    I am out with my wife, but at first I wasn't and when I finally talked to her about it I learned that she suspected I did. Woman are very sharp. More so than we give them credit for, yet many prefer to deny what they may suspect.

  14. #14
    Member Emma Jean's Avatar
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    Pretty sure that the wife knows about my other self. We're definitely in a "Don't Ask Don't Tell" situation though. We'll see how things go.

  15. #15
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    No SO at the moment; but if past occurances suggest? Well, considering the shock waves that went through our relationships once they found out, I'd say I hid it pretty well.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  16. #16
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    I told my wife but...

    My wife knows, during a confrontation with her I came out clean and told her. she did not accepted my explanation and has make it clear that she will never accept my crossdressing. so I have gone into hiding again, this time being more carefull (I don't keep any of my femenine things at home). however I made her clear that even if I stop crossdressing the feeling of wanting to do it will not go away. she did not seem to understand that either, so now we just don't talk about it.

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