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Thread: Are crossdressers better partners?

  1. #1
    Member alice clair's Avatar
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    Smile Are crossdressers better partners?

    Are crossdressers better partners, i think so, because we enjoy shopping with them for clothes we don't mind house work and i am sure they don't mind us in the kitchen cooking or cleaning. I think we are a neater person because we feel like we belong more when we help with what is considered to be womans work; laundry making the bed vacuuming doing dishes painting their nails. Most women love to be pampered and spoiled, what better way to get what you want than to give them what they want. I love to do all these things and my wife eats it up. I'll bet today she will bring me a new top or skirt or something feminine home. She say's that i am a better husband because i crossdress and would not have it any other way. I suppose i am one of the lucky ones to have a wife that fully supports my cding and encourages me to be feminine. She bought me some new foundation because mine was a few months old. She said especially things like mascara and eyeliner should be replaced at least every few months so she gets me new makeup if i don't do it myself which i do sometimes. When i get something for me i get something for her, i know what she likes in makeup and things so i get her some too when i shop alone. I don't have a problem buying her monthly items either. But i ramble on so i will cut it short. Have a fem day.


    Michelle

  2. #2
    soulmate of Mrs.M...GG Victoria Anne's Avatar
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    Here Here , I whole heartedly agree . I too am one of the lucky few but I expect nothing from her although she does bring things home for me , make-up,clothes,jewelry. I do for her because I love her so much and after all she is my biggest support. I love bringing home flowers for her, going shopping,cooking and gardening,we argue over house work she says I work to hard to come home and work to even if I do enjoy it.

    On the road of discovery ... learning to be the woman I have always been.


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  3. #3
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Broad brush for a small wall.

    You make the assumption that a woman wants a "girlfriend" or house keeper. Here's the thing, you make a good partner no matter how you are dressed or how you present. Great,you like to shop! It was an advantage in my marriage that I liked to shop, she didn't. So when she needed a new outfit, I would scout one out maybe buy it and see if she liked it. We neither one liked housekeeping. Lots of great male chefs in the world.

    Do crossdressers make better partners? No. When you scan a few posts here you will see that many are self centered, difficult, spoiled, can I say liars? (at least not tellers of the total truth). They like having the perks of both genders but seldom take the dregs. Their tastes run in different directions. Some use it as a sexual fetish and when the act is done..it's back to being Mr A-hole again.

    I can see where you think this should lead. Hey girls! Want a guy who is caring sweet kind wonderful, likes to cook and clean and will cuddle all night long while you bask in the lap of luxury? Date a CD! And if you act now we'll throw in ironing your panties FREE! Why? Because CD's love the texture and feel of your underwear and they get a great kick out of it! (restrictions apply, said panties must be lace and satin, very small and preferably a bright color.) It doesn't go there. You are who you are. It is a core concept most of us here try and explain. It should not matter what you wear. If this is an idea to get your SO to accept you, then you are barking up the wrong skirt. If they love you, as you, then your clothes don't really matter (at least between you two...you have to work through the in public and other places deal). If you, like most early CDs use it as a sexual toy, it won't work so good. If you just incorporate the ideals you stated in the OP, going shopping (if she likes that), cooking meals for you two, doing little things around the house (be they male stereotype or female), being there FOR her when she needs you, sharing anything you like to do and yet giving you both the space to be YOU, then those pink boyshorts under your slacks, or that little teddy you like so well, won't be a major issue. But you MUST communicate (two way street). If you let her see that you are really a good person who cares about her (and puppies and rainbows) then the CD thing will work out.

    I was a terrible husband in my mind, I wear dresses (and she accepted that I was a TG), I cooked. But I still wasn't the great husband I could have been (see all the flaws listed above). Lucky for me, she knew perfection was impossible.
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  4. #4
    Platinum Member Sheila's Avatar
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    A gg view

    in my opinion I am sure some of you are and there again some of you ain't .......... again it is the person and not the clothing that maketh the person and in this case the partner not what you wear ............. My
    I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
    Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me

  5. #5
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    Depends on the person, not whether or not they dress in women's clothing.
    [SIZE=3]~Moe ~ [/SIZE]

  6. #6
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    I'd have to agree with the "small wall/broad brush" comments. Some of us may be all those good things, great around the house, willing to share, etc etc etc...or maybe some of us just like to tell ourselves those things because we think it makes us more feminine.

    I know that I'm a mixed up mess of m/f. fortunately, compared to my wife's ex...I'm a pretty good person (or so she says )

  7. #7
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    there is more to it.

    I liked to cook and I was not adverse to housekeeping before we knew there was a Tina. If we assume that being partners with our mates is a given, what is there that is different about us in terms of a relationship?

    Tina arrived one Saturday morning 5 years ago, and the next 48 hours started a discussion like none other in the prior 32 years of our marriage. We started talking about what it is like to be a woman, what it is like to grow up as a girl, how attitudes can be different toward a boy vs. a girl, how a girl learns about makeup and clothes and how to act, and on and on and on. Tina opened up a conversation that I'm sure few married couples have. Tina wanted to know how to grow up, and my wife started to help her by explaining about growing up as a girl. I started contrasting about growing up as a boy. Suddenly we realized we were talking about some very personal and intimate experiences that we never would have thought were important to share.

    Tina has existed for 5 years and that time has been one of the most mentally intimate in our marriage. Allowing our feminine self to become real to our spouse is a very vulnerable moment (especially when you don't know she exits til that point!). I think that it is the remarkable interest we have in our spouse's life perspective, one that most men/husbands will never know, that makes us unique. In return, they get to see a part of us that we are unlikely to share with anyone else in any kind of depth: our feminine selves.

    I guess what I'm saying is that we have the potential to be connected to our spouses in an incredibly intimate and personal way. We might not all succeed, but I see the potential is there!

    Just my

    Tina

  8. #8
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    I think the short answer is...

    ...that we can connect with with women (or at least we think we can) in a way that falls somewhere between the stereotypically masculine male provider/protector role and the non-threatening gay "pal" or hairdresser/make up artist/interior designer/fashion guru whose company they seem to enjoy on a totally different level.

    Problem is, they typically want to keep those two worlds completely apart and don't really want a husband and a girlfriend all rolled up into one, which is what we could be for them if they were willing. Much of it comes down to gender role imprinting when they (and we) were young, and what society and the conventions of the day dictated.

    For example, like women of my wife's generation, she prefers the hirsute, '60's/'70's look best exemplified by the younger versions of Burt Reynolds, Sean Connery, and Kenny Rogers et al, and is really not comfortable with me removing most of my body hair below my neck to better accommodate "Leslie". On the other hand, the younger women of today's generation generally seem to prefer the hairless look, and I would suspect that the porn industry having gone mainstream nowadays and the way that the male performers "man-scape" themselves to encourage and facilitate engaging in oral sex - which has now become almost as innocuous as kissing - has a lot to do with promoting that trend.

    It is very important for women to feel good about themselves to feel sexy, attractive, and desirable to the opposite sex as part of the never-ending mating ritual, even within a committed relationship. We crossdressers upset that delicate balance when we are seen trying to hijack their femininity when we talk about wanting to express our own version of this. And then again, there is always the constant fear that we might actually look better than them, which would really play up their inherent insecurities about body image etc.

    Women are complicated creatures. My wife and I have a "don't ask, don't tell" policy in effect, and while we are both at a point where we are comfortable talking openly about my crossdressing and she knows that I am now going out in public as "Leslie", it still becomes an issue from time to time, and I don't see the day coming when she will actually agree to meet the "other woman", as she calls her.

    On the other hand, my GG make up artist, who I've actually begun to strike up a real friendship with at this point, thinks that "Leslie rocks", and has asked me to contribute fashion advice to a newsletter she sends out periodically to her clients. I feel as much at ease in her presence as "Leslie" as she seems in mine, and we chat and get along like two girlfriends when I go for my sessions.

    And yet, there is a likely a psychological compartmentalization going on here because I am seen as a favorite customer whom she has a lot in common with and who she supports in getting in touch with his "inner girl" on an intellectual/compassionate level, but I also don't represent a threat to her or her inherent femininity. Somehow, I doubt that she would react the same way if her husband suddenly appeared on her doorstep in a wig, skirt, pantyhose, and heels as I do.

    So let's not be too hard on our wives or SO's if they don't jump at the chance of having a husband and girlfriend all wrapped into one. They are trying their level best to deal with this by mentally separating the "guy" and the "girl" that share our bodies, and focusing instead on the man whom they originally married and don't want to lose as we struggle to "find" ourselves and come to terms with our inner girl.

    And in the end, aren't we guilty of the same thing, when most of us try to compartmentalize our male and female sides by presenting an unambiguous male persona to the rest of the world while living our secret lives in parallel?

  9. #9
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Turn the question around: Do women who hunt, fish, and love sports make better wives? There might be things that connect men and women, but that doesn't make them better. There are lots of couples with lots in common who have lousy marriages, and there are couples with vastly different interests that have great relationships. So do crossdressers make better husbands? No.

  10. #10
    Platinum Member Sheila's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leslie Langford View Post
    We crossdressers upset that delicate balance when we are seen trying to hijack their femininity when we talk about wanting to express our own version of this. And then again, there is always the constant fear that we might actually look better than them, which would really play up their inherent insecurities about body image etc.
    This coming from someone with no avvie and no pictures in their profile

    What a load of codswallop ........... you may be talking about your wife here but you sure as hell ain't talking about me and my self image .............. get over yourself
    Last edited by Sheila; 06-22-2010 at 01:21 PM.
    I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
    Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me

  11. #11
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    TBPO I believe that this a question better asked of your SO's wouldn't you say? Not that I think you are biased...

    Kel
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

    http://youtu.be/kR7NlgwVHHg

  12. #12
    Lady By Choice Leslie Langford's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sheila View Post
    This coming from someone with no avvie and no pictures in their profile

    What a load of codswallop ........... you may be talking about your wife here but you sure as hell ain't talking about me and my self image .............. get over yourself
    A load of codswallop?? Maybe so, and perhaps as it pertains to your own particular situation. You're entitled to your opinion as much as I am - and what I posted was just that - an opinion, based on my own life experiences.

    But there's no need to be rude and condescending in dismissing my points, even if I may have touched a nerve. You might consider countering my arguments with valid points of your own in future to foster the type of productive dialogues that we often get to enjoy on this forum, rather than simply shooting from the lip.

    As for not posting an avatar here, that has nothing to do with how I perceive the image I present as a female. It has everything to do with preserving my privacy, and not having my picture hijacked and ending up who-knows-where?

    And also out of respect for my wife and her privacy, BTW. She did not sign up for this particular journey when we were first married, but that's a whole other discussion.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member Sheila's Avatar
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    We crossdressers upset that delicate balance when we are seen trying to hijack their femininity when we talk about wanting to express our own version of this. And then again, there is always the constant fear that we might actually look better than them, which would really play up their inherent insecurities about body image etc.
    And no you did not hit a nerve with me ............ why the heck should you, I am perfectly happy to me ......... and I am proud to be the lucky partner of someone who does not feel the need to make such statements about women to boost her own ego

    Edited to ADD I think still no the answer remains the same it is the person and not the clothes that maketh the better partner, although some would deem otherwise it would seem
    Last edited by Sheila; 06-22-2010 at 03:16 PM.
    I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
    Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me

  14. #14
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    Hmmmm

    So logically thinking.......

    Are Auto Mechanics better partners? [your car is sure to run well]
    Are Plumbers better partners? [thus saving money on house maintenance]
    Are Electricians better partners? [again saving money on the house]
    Are Travel Agents better partners? [free/cheap holidays]

    The list is endless, but would a crossdressing Auto Mechanic be better than a crossdressing Electrician or Plumber, etc

    Or maybe the actual answer is........The clothes don't actually matter, it's the person who makes a better partner!!

  15. #15
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    "...codswallop..." LMAO!!! Can I use that sometime???

    Yeah, I like to cook and I've cleaned my house, did the laundry, and scrubbed out the bathrooms - all while drab. Huh... In fact, I've done all of that 'womans work' in drab both before and after getting married. So maybe it really has nothing to do with what gender clothes we're wearing...

    That said, I kind of feel a little bad for the OP. I'm sure the posting was done in a feel-good mood, with nice responses expected. Instead... SLAMMO!!!! Kinda makes one think twice about posting something. Unfortunate, but it's life, so...

  16. #16
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinalynn View Post
    That said, I kind of feel a little bad for the OP. I'm sure the posting was done in a feel-good mood, with nice responses expected. Instead... SLAMMO!!!! Kinda makes one think twice about posting something. Unfortunate, but it's life, so...
    Maybe a little "disclaimer" would have been in order: "Only reply if you agree with me"? Without it.... everyone is fair game
    Post at your own peril!

    Kel
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

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  17. #17
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
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    Count me in as one that does not think CD's make better husbands. I've known some personally that were horrible to their loving wife. Very selfish, self-centered and dominating the whole relationship as if her feelings, wants, desires did not count.
    I have been married 3 times (once widowed), and now in a very good, loving relationship. I admit that I was not the best husband to each wife. It took me time to mature, and become a better person with each relationship... I grew.
    My currant SO and I are not married, but if we do (and I hope so...might as well be with the way we feel about each other) I'd like to think I would be a very good husband. But still, it has nothing to do with my being a CD.

  18. #18
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Broad brush/small wall!!!
    that's a great one, i am stealing that for one of my lectures!!

    anyway...

    it's great to feel good about yourself and be comfortable with your gender blessings..perhaps those qualities make you a better husband.

    I think a huge reality check is in order if anyone thinks that crossdressing makes you a better husband, or that wives are running around scared of how good you look..

  19. #19
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    It is a common misconception that TG's threaten femininity especially with their SOs. I don't know which pioneer of psychiatry thought of this but it really has not been something I have ever really seen or been told in real life. I have never heard of a woman telling her TG spouse "Oh you are so much more girly than I am...I can't take it." We aren't a threat to femininity, the biggest issue is how we present that to the SO. As many here seem to hide it and hide it and then slam it like a pie in the face. The western society is so wrapped up in role standards that we don't see the whole picture.

    If the OP is in anyway upset about the answers, I am sure there wasn't a direct plan to do that. We all have our perspectives. Questions like this just allow you to see other angles and maybe rethink what you "knew".
    [SIZE="1"]

    And, travel agents do make great brothers (in my experience) so they probably do make great partners [/SIZE]
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  20. #20
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah View Post
    It is a common misconception that TG's threaten femininity especially with their SOs.

    I hope that if he has one single thought about his own femininity.. I scare it the hell out of him!
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

    http://youtu.be/kR7NlgwVHHg

  21. #21
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    I would love to be the wife to a GG ~ as if that's ever going to happen?

  22. #22
    Girlygirl Tomboy Wannabee Toni_Lynn's Avatar
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    Oh, I don't know about the truth of what's being presented, but I do know that as far as my wife goes, she has said that I am her perfect match and that she is wouldn't want me any other way than as a crossdresser.

    Huggles

    Toni-Lynn
    --I'm TN (transnationalist) - a Canadian born in an American's body! I stand on guard for thee!

  23. #23
    Member alice clair's Avatar
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    sorry

    Hey ladies
    i am so sorry that i offended everyone here and i will not bother you with my dribble again.


    Michelle

  24. #24
    Platinum Member Sheila's Avatar
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    michelle, it wasn't dribble sweetie, just we all have differing views and some of us (me being one) get vocal in our opinions, but no harm is ever intended, albeit some peeps get their knickers in a knot but 2morrow is another day
    I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
    Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me

  25. #25
    Silver Member AKAMichelle's Avatar
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    I don't know if we are better or worse just different. Glad your wife appreciates you for who you are.
    Michelle

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