Are crossdressers better partners?

[BobbiU]

Sounds like you and your wife have a great relationship that works for you, however, I don't think one can simply say that makes a person a better partner or not. As with most things, it depends on the people involved, and their love and understanding for each other.

From my short time on the group here, seems like many of us have excellent relationships with our SO's, however, I know many others that don't CD (at least that I know of , ) and they have GREAT relationships. Even though my wife is supportive, and we've been married 22 years, and would both do it over again, I don't do the cleaning, minding the house, and I'm certainly not a neat person, using the washer and dryer, I refuse to even learn the buttons.

Since we've started to share my CD experiences, I think our relationship has improved even more, but it was great the 1st 15 years also.

I think it's fantastic that you do all that with your wife, and the more people have in common, the better the relationship. I'm just glad my wife is not on this board (yet) and has not read it. I don't want to start to learn how to use the washer and dryer, Just like she doesn't want to go to work every day.

[JenniferR771]

I have haerd that cds make great husbands--tried to convince myself of that.
Be right back.
I then decided to vacuum the house and offered to do my wife's pedicures, (she declined, but asked me to fix her leaf blower). I also help making the bed and doing the laundry, and a few little setting the table things. So, I guess you are right--it depends on who the cd is as a person. Its possible.

[SuzanneBender]

Hey ladies
i am so sorry that i offended everyone here and i will not bother you with my dribble again.


Michelle

Dear no dribble you have started a great conversation with multiple opinions that what this wonderful board is about.

I think there a benies to having a hubby that digs the femme. However, many of our wives already have best girl friends. I think its a case of looking at the glass half full which makes for a wonderful life. Keep it up.

[christinek]

Maybe I am the odd one out and I dont know! Me being female has cleared up allot of questions in our marriage. First is why was I so into cook, clean, do dishes and the like. We are a pair and my wife has accepted Christine so much that she buys for me male and female. She is not threatened by my femininity and embraces it actually! Christine is OK in our marriage and we have moved past the oddity of it.

I love my wife and vow to be with her in a heterosexual relationship but realize it is truly an girl on girl mentally, even if it is in my own mind!

Am I a better partner for being who and what I am! Yes!

I am so in tune with my wife on many levels! If your lady is looking for a grease monkey then you get what you get

[~Michelle~]

Are crossdressers better partners, i think so, because we enjoy shopping with them for clothes we don't mind house work and i am sure they don't mind us in the kitchen cooking or cleaning. I think we are a neater person because we feel like we belong more when we help with what is considered to be womans work; laundry making the bed vacuuming doing dishes painting...

You totally forget that lots of crossdressers don't tell their partners until many years later (if ever). Are those "better" partners? Mmm...

[christinek]

I came out on our 16th wedding anniversary!

[Leslie Langford]

It is a common misconception that TG's threaten femininity especially with their SOs. I don't know which pioneer of psychiatry thought of this but it really has not been something I have ever really seen or been told in real life. I have never heard of a woman telling her TG spouse "Oh you are so much more girly than I am...I can't take it." We aren't a threat to femininity, the biggest issue is how we present that to the SO.

Well, I'm still not convinced...

If we don't pose a "threat" to our SO's by trying to get in touch with our own inherent femininity, then riddle me this, Batman:

- Why did my wife go ballistic when she got wind of the fact that I had once tried on one of her old bras which she had included in a bunch of clothes destined for Goodwill? After all, as an extension of this POV, they are just discarded garments with no life or personality of their own even if society generally deems them to be gender-specific, so then what's the big deal, right? Oh, I dunno - maybe - just maybe - being freaked out by the thought of her husband in her lingerie and seeing that as an affront to the sense of intimacy she otherwise feels for him?

- Having been forbidden for some years now by my wife to buy her any article of clothing for Christmas, birthdays etc. because of the irrational fear that I might secretly be buying the identical article for myself in my size, and how weird/creepy would that be?

- Being told in no uncertain terms that because she is not a lesbian, the thought of seeing me in women's clothing would be utterly repulsive to her because she likes and is sexually attracted to real, (preferably big and hairy) masculine MEN, and not androgynous-appearing ones or effeminate "girly men". So yeah, that's all she wants to see when it comes to me, and especially in the bedroom.

Do I think those are signs that my wife sees her own femininity threatened by the mere existence of "Leslie" when she reacts so strongly to these matters? Well, as they say, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, odds are...

[leggylisa]

It's a chicken in a duck costume

[kellycan27]

Well, I'm still not convinced...

If we don't pose a "threat" to our SO's by trying to get in touch with our own inherent femininity, then riddle me this, Batman:

- Why did my wife go ballistic when she got wind of the fact that I had once tried on one of her old bras which she had included in a bunch of clothes destined for Goodwill? After all, as an extension of this POV, they are just discarded garments with no life or personality of their own even if society generally deems them to be gender-specific, so then what's the big deal, right? Oh, I dunno - maybe - just maybe - being freaked out by the thought of her husband in her lingerie and seeing that as an affront to the sense of intimacy she otherwise feels for him?

- Having been forbidden for some years now by my wife to buy her any article of clothing for Christmas, birthdays etc. because of the irrational fear that I might secretly be buying the identical article for myself in my size, and how weird/creepy would that be?

- Being told in no uncertain terms that because she is not a lesbian, the thought of seeing me in women's clothing would be utterly repulsive to her because she likes and is sexually attracted to real, (preferably big and hairy) masculine MEN, and not androgynous-appearing ones or effeminate "girly men". So yeah, that's all she wants to see when it comes to me, and especially in the bedroom.

Do I think those are signs that my wife sees her own femininity threatened by the mere existence of "Leslie" when she reacts so strongly to these matters? Well, as they say, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, odds are...

A threat to HER femininity or a threat to the masculinity that she wants in her man? The big hairy masculine type that SHE is attracted to.

Kel

[Sammy777]

Call me crazy, but maybe she [or any other SO] really are not threatened at all by "the other woman" in the relationship.
1 Because it is still you and her, not a 3 some
2 maybe, just maybe she prefers a man [the one she met and fell in love with] and not a girl-friday helping around the house, or a girl Friday thru Sunday.

You shouldn't have to get "girlied up" to help around the house or actually talk about feelings and such with your SO.

[tinalynn]

Have to agree with Kelly... My wife doesn't want a girl in bed, either. Doesn't mean she's threatened by me in a skirt. LMAO!!! There's no way any of us could 'really' threaten that. Some women just like to have a MAN around, rather a man in women's clothing. Good grief...

[Karan49]

I googled "TBPO" but none of the replies made any sense. Can someone help me out here. Karan

[Sammy777]

I googled "TBPO" but none of the replies made any sense. Can someone help me out here. Karan

To
Be
Perfectly
Honest

[ReineD]

Michelle3 great post, and all the attributes you mentioned would be desirable in a partner for many women, but the trouble is they are not gender dependent.

There are men who shop and cook, and who are neat & tidy. My ex used to pitch in with housework gladly especially when the kids were small. His side of the closet was always neater than mine. lol. And I venture to guess there are many CDs who do not like to cook and clean, and who leave their clothes & makeup all over the place.

What makes a good partner is the give and take, the listening, the communication, the laughing and crying together, not holding things in and airing them out when it is needed, being considerate, being interested in each other's days and concerns, calm discussions, working towards solutions and compromises when there are issues, self-responsibility, honesty, lack of blaming, allowing each other to be vulnerable, the ability to forgive. None of these things are gender dependent.

Well, I'm still not convinced...

Do I think those are signs that my wife sees her own femininity threatened by the mere existence of "Leslie" when she reacts so strongly to these matters? Well, as they say, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, odds are...

Leslie, I'm sorry your wife is not fully supportive of the CDing. But it is not because she feels that her femininity is threatened; she does not feel less a woman because you CD. She just is turned off by it all and from your description, it sounds as if she fears that it is more important to you sexually than she is. She cannot reconcile the idea that her husband also wishes to be feminine. She just doesn't understand, and I agree with what you said earlier - it may well have everything to do with her generation and the way she was raised.

[Deborah Jane]

Well, I'm still not convinced...

If we don't pose a "threat" to our SO's by trying to get in touch with our own inherent femininity, then riddle me this, Batman:

- Why did my wife go ballistic when she got wind of the fact that I had once tried on one of her old bras which she had included in a bunch of clothes destined for Goodwill? After all, as an extension of this POV, they are just discarded garments with no life or personality of their own even if society generally deems them to be gender-specific, so then what's the big deal, right? Oh, I dunno - maybe - just maybe - being freaked out by the thought of her husband in her lingerie and seeing that as an affront to the sense of intimacy she otherwise feels for him?

Could it simply be that she found the idea of you [her man] dressed in her underwear repulsive.....You even said it yourself

Oh, I dunno - maybe - just maybe - being freaked out by the thought of her husband in her lingerie

- Having been forbidden for some years now by my wife to buy her any article of clothing for Christmas, birthdays etc. because of the irrational fear that I might secretly be buying the identical article for myself in my size, and how weird/creepy would that be?

But is her fear really so irrational, given that you'd already been wearing her lingerie?...Albeit lingerie destined for "goodwill", but still her lingerie regardless!!

- Being told in no uncertain terms that because she is not a lesbian, the thought of seeing me in women's clothing would be utterly repulsive to her because she likes and is sexually attracted to real, (preferably big and hairy) masculine MEN, and not androgynous-appearing ones or effeminate "girly men". So yeah, that's all she wants to see when it comes to me, and especially in the bedroom.

Well I guess as she married a man, that's what turns her on, maybe effeminate "girly men" actually turn her off, hence she wants a man in the bedroom!!

Do I think those are signs that my wife sees her own femininity threatened by the mere existence of "Leslie" when she reacts so strongly to these matters?

Or it could simply be that as she sees herself as the woman in the relationship and she sees you as the guy [the one she married], she finds the existance of Leslie repulsive. In her eyes it could be that Leslie isn't a threat to her femininity, more a threat to the masculinity of the guy she married.

Well, as they say, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, odds are...

The poster has run out of ideas for fighting a lost cause and is trying to form some sort of pointless and irrelevant analogy!!

[Kate Simmons]

Not any better or worse than anyone else. It depends on the people involved really.

[noeleena]

Hi.

There are very few women who would wont any man wearing thier knickers & that includes me ,I buy my own not for any one else to wear.
As a ie , i had a dresser come to me to talk about trans issues & he asked if he could try on some of my clothes ,
i was taken aback, & relented so picked a skirt out for him to try. & then he asked if he could try on my knickes .
& that put the red flag to the bull.

That was an affront to me ,how dare he, i said no i dont do that ,if any one except Jos ever wore my knickers i would burn them .

Sorry , males do not understand what that does to us who are women , you have no idear
I cant explain this & even while writing this the hackles are going up my back,
a male is so different,
im crawling, im so uncomfortable just thinking about this ,
so , no he did not get near them. let alone touch them.

As to doing things like cooking washing & so on wether you are dressed in fem or bob mode does not make the person any different i have done that & for over 50 years ,
no father so i learnt to do things ,

Now im not saying its not a given or is if two people are excepting of each other no mater what the clothes are then thats a plus. if your a dresser.
& as said many men come from the victorian attatude of women are chatles belong in the house have children & so on, & with out the man at the head of the house hold ,
then women are no more than dirt & for mens own lust & a slave ,
now is this the case to day yes it is , is every man the same no of cause not , we do have men who are very loving & yes are partners, not over lords.

so each friendship is different & can work if exceptance is there,
& ill say this in a nice way , men are men & no matter what you wear or make up shoes & pass as a female you are not women ,
we are born differently our mind is different ,
& when a woman marries a man she expects him to be one ,not change at some time later & say im a female / woman , hence there is a shift in how a woman sees a man there after,
This has come up else where, how do or would you think if you where a woman in this relastionship.
my point is you cant because your not a woman. so really the ? can not be answerd by a male. so what im saying is men find it hard to understand how we tick if you like or what makes us like we are,
& to share your thoughts on details like this is for understanding of each other with different thoughts & how we deal with these issues,

...noeleena...

[Rachaelb64]

'Clothes doesn't maketh the Man'

I have my bad points (I could write 3000 word essay on them if you want) I have my good points (A short note should cover that)

But point is they still exist whether I'm Rachael or not. My traits don't magically disappear because I'm dress as a woman, I don't suddenly dislike football (scoccer) because I'm being Rachael.

My SO says I get distracted easily, My SO is a far better dectorator then me, but I make a wicked curry.

My SO can throw some almighty wobblers, I can be extremely moody and stubborn.

I know its best to leave her alone when she having a wobbler, and she trys her hardest to make me laugh when I'm being moody.

A relationship is a compromise.

Book covers may look good but the pages of a book are more interesting.

Jesus may been the son of god but desn't mean he didn't have a temper.

If there one thing my travels through life as a CDer has taught me, is relationships need a foundations of trust and truth. (and like most CDers I've learnt this lesson the hard way.)

Do CDers make better partners? No.

Do people who build a relationship on trust and truth make better partners? Yes, whether they are CDers or not.

Thats my quid's worth

[Dee2U]

I wish it were true that CDs and TGs made better husbands. T'aint so and if your SO benefits from having a friend to shop with and od housework she might regret not having anyone who enjoys DIY and fixing things....Dee

[GoddessEve]

I am new here and can't comment on whether CD in general makes better partners. I do know since I got completely comfortable with my own sexuality as a Bisexual GG, and let go of all the societal rules that allowed me to be finally comfortable with my partner's CDing, we are better partners to eachother. I have known I was bi-sexual and always felt I had to choose, and be caught by it, and when I finally got to a place where I was comfortable with him CDing, he opened up and I got a girlfriend and a boyfriend all in one, without cheating or a threesome.

As some have said I really wanted him to experience being female beyond the clothes as well, so we have been doing different breathing exercises, and sexually working on surrender. I love David Deida and all his work on spirituality and sexuality, and so allowing ourselves to switch roles, was empowering for both of us.

So long story short, us getting to a place where CDing is open and comfortable has definitely made our relationship better and stronger

[t-girlxsophie]

Pity the poor OP who exitedly put her thoughts on her happy marriage,and her assertion that CDers make the best Husbands on this site,only to be greeted with some OTT reactions.now I am not stupid enough to think everyone else will have the same opinion as she will but some of the replies border on hysteria

Now I dont actually agree with her point but This couple obviously work well together,and are happy with their Life,which has led this lady to make this observation.Now personally speaking am I a better person because I dress,I have to say yes,but am I a better husband because of it,well no I still do stupid things as all men do.

I do my share of housework,not so I can run around like mrs mop with my marigolds on,but like the rest of my family,I do it cause I dont wanna live in a S**Thole,I dont do D.I.Y.because im Crossdressers answer to Tim Taylor My wife Loves my Feminine side and she too notices I am a much calmer person when am dressed BUT thats not what defines me as a Good Husband.I feel I am doing the best job I can as a Husband and Stepfather.

My wife has been treated in the past in awful ways by her previous Husband etc that I wouldnt like to Broadcast on here (am sure you'll understand)and she knows I will NEVER do anything to hurt her and will do my utmost to be the best Partner I can be.

The fact I do this while being her man,or by being the woman she loves me to be is in my opinion A welcome side effect of our relationship.I think really this was the OP real meaning,and to her I would like to say continue to contribute to this wonderful Forum Its a great place to be even though we Do on occasion get a little heated as you may have noticed

Sophie

[iwearstockings]

Better dressed partners!

[msniki48]

Broad brush for a small wall.

You make the assumption that a woman wants a "girlfriend" or house keeper. Here's the thing, you make a good partner no matter how you are dressed or how you present. Great,you like to shop! It was an advantage in my marriage that I liked to shop, she didn't. So when she needed a new outfit, I would scout one out maybe buy it and see if she liked it. We neither one liked housekeeping. Lots of great male chefs in the world.

Do crossdressers make better partners? No. When you scan a few posts here you will see that many are self centered, difficult, spoiled, can I say liars? (at least not tellers of the total truth). They like having the perks of both genders but seldom take the dregs. Their tastes run in different directions. Some use it as a sexual fetish and when the act is done..it's back to being Mr A-hole again.

I can see where you think this should lead. Hey girls! Want a guy who is caring sweet kind wonderful, likes to cook and clean and will cuddle all night long while you bask in the lap of luxury? Date a CD! And if you act now we'll throw in ironing your panties FREE! Why? Because CD's love the texture and feel of your underwear and they get a great kick out of it! (restrictions apply, said panties must be lace and satin, very small and preferably a bright color.) It doesn't go there. You are who you are. It is a core concept most of us here try and explain. It should not matter what you wear. If this is an idea to get your SO to accept you, then you are barking up the wrong skirt. If they love you, as you, then your clothes don't really matter (at least between you two...you have to work through the in public and other places deal). If you, like most early CDs use it as a sexual toy, it won't work so good. If you just incorporate the ideals you stated in the OP, going shopping (if she likes that), cooking meals for you two, doing little things around the house (be they male stereotype or female), being there FOR her when she needs you, sharing anything you like to do and yet giving you both the space to be YOU, then those pink boyshorts under your slacks, or that little teddy you like so well, won't be a major issue. But you MUST communicate (two way street). If you let her see that you are really a good person who cares about her (and puppies and rainbows) then the CD thing will work out.

I was a terrible husband in my mind, I wear dresses (and she accepted that I was a TG), I cooked. But I still wasn't the great husband I could have been (see all the flaws listed above). Lucky for me, she knew perfection was impossible.

Lorileah! I so enjoy your silver tongue! you have hit so many good points here. [ as you so often do]

[Karen564]

Do I think those are signs that my wife sees her own femininity threatened by the mere existence of "Leslie" when she reacts so strongly to these matters? Well, as they say, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, odds are...

[SIZE=2]NO, [/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]I don't see those as signs of her feeling that her femininity is threatened in any way at all...[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]I see those more as signs of a good woman that only wants the Man she married to be a good husband & lover...and of course for him to stay a Man.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]If she wanted a woman, she would of married one.[/SIZE]

[mykhelee]

This thread was a complete delight to read through.

In mythe obvious answer is no. Over and over, the same point driven home, you are a good partner or not depends on who you are.

I am a bit of a clean nut most of the time.