Your response to "Macho" as a kid

[Sarah Doepner]

When I was a kid and still trying to figure out just who and what I was I tried a couple of times to pursue various "macho" activities. I was a failure at most ball games, couldn't fight my way out of a wet paper bag and wasn't much of a vandal or a thief either. I was afraid of girls and spent most of my time alone or with a small group of firends.

It wasn't that the "Macho" world offended or repulsed me, I just was a failure there. Feminine stuff was forbidden so I was kind of left trying to make my way through the world without latching on to a normal gender role. I know there are many examples of crossdressers who jumped with both feet into the dangerous, heavy testosterone world of sports, hunting, speed, the military and the like. My question then; If you didn't/couldn't get in to the macho part of the world, where did you go?

[SummerJ]

I spent 3 years in wrestling and pretty much all of my early years in boyscouts... so I might not be the best person to ask, lol

but I think I was kinda desensitized to it? or maybe it wasnt as intense as it could have been

The group of friends I hung out with was a pretty good gender mix and I was with my highschool girlfriend for 2 years, so there was some relief when I needed it

[Daphne S]

Hi Sarah,

I too was a failure at most team sports I attempted to play. Got only two base hits my entire last season of baseball. I mostly decided to make friends with people that were like me, in that they were not ultra macho or ultra feminine people so I felt more comfortable hanging out/talking with them.

I have been in denial for a long time about my gender but I could not bring myself to be some fake, macho man. Instead I took a softer, more gentlemanly approach to being over- compensatingly masculine; I grew a beard, didn't talk about my feelings, and was very stoic all of the time. But I always felt empty putting on this facade and like my life was a hollow shell of what it should be. I wish that I would have just said to myself "to hell with it" and been who I wanted to be the whole time.

But that's not always possible when you're younger.

[juno]

I was pretty much a nerd as a kid. Maybe that is common here? I did boyscouts, but also made a flower covered belt and sewing projects at school. I was lucky that my parents promoted freedom of self expression. But, I also did not have that many friends.

J.

[linnea]

Unless I was dating girls, I realized that the female was off-limits for me as a male. It would have been very dangerous for a male in my teen years to "come out"; I did a lot of guy things--I played football, wrestled, participated in track--and I was good at them. But I never really liked the "macho" part of it. As a matter of fact I was repulsed by that attitude and posturing, even though I was a champion athlete.
This doesn't really answer your question, which I think is an interesting one, but it happens that I rejected the machismo though I lived pretty successfully in the world of macho (I just didn't feel right in that milieu).

[Midnight Skye]

Haha macho stuff? My mother believed all of our children must go out for at least one sport a year (she didn't believe in couch potatoes). I ended up going out for track/basketball and actually turned out to be quite a track star... I was literally a freak on the field... I'd start growling/yelling about 1 minute before the race would start to do an adrenaline dump (which actually worked!) It also tended to unsettle the other racers... and lead to me almost always bursting out of the blocks with a nice lead.

The overall experience was different than anything else in my life... locker room talk... being around guys who think about women and women... being with a tight-nit group of men and all of the deep viewpoints. Safe to say I was on the wrong side of the fence... but at the same time I loved the respect which came from it.

The links I formed from it and respect I gained marked me as a man in my highschool... one to be respected and not messed with. It was quite strange really... because truth was I an incredibly intelligent and feminine egghead. Yet my sports success also positioned me as a prominent person in the school. I'll never take any of it back (I really learned to socialize properly with men from it)... though looking back the entire experience seems surreal now.

[Jenna Lynne]

Great question, Sarah. I was a complete failure at sports. In 8th grade they let me be the umpire in softball, because neither team wanted me on the field.

Where I went instead was into being an academic success. Straight-A student, that whole thing. Being smart gave me the ego strength I needed to cope with life's challenges, both in school and later on.

Later I was a musician, which was nice because I got to grow my hair long. That was an ego boost too. If I hadn't had these talents, I would have been a complete and utter mess.

*** Jenna ***

[Barbara Dugan]

My experience is pretty similar to Sara. Now I know that my testosterone levels never were normal. I've spent most most of my childhood hidden behind books and Tv. My parents basically drag me out from those activities and force me to get out and play with other kids and while apparently I blend in, I never felt comfortable around other kids. When Sara said ''I was kind of left trying to make my way through the world without latching on to a normal gender role'' those words echo in my mind the same happened to me .

[Barbara B]

I was never a sports person at school and managed to wriggle out of most sports, luckily my parents never pushed me into them either. I much preferred to be out playing over the fields when ever possible, even now I have a loathing for sports involving a ball and live by a simple rule, if you cant eat it, I won't chase it.

[Faye56]

I was always the last to be selected with great reluctance to play soccer. My parents bought me the kit but I was never going to be any good, and they and the team knew it.
The fact that I preferred the outfits worn by the girls netball team , short pleated skirt etc was the indication that ' Macho ' sports were not for me.
I endured the comments of parents, brothers and school ' friends ' and look back and think , yes I did it my way , ' never played for the netball team though, pity !

[nikkijo]

swam swim team for 13 years, went to state 3 times, reginals once, false started at the last finals race in regionals and had i not messed up would have been an alternate to the national team for the 1996 olympics...

was a 4 sports a year stuydent from 5th grade through junior year.... foot ball, basket ball track, swimming... s hunting, fishing, 4x4's cars i guess id say i was fairly " macho" but let me put this in perspective..... i started dressing regulary at age 13 and blocked out alot of who i was at age 15.. it took my 10 yr hs reunion to let me grow past the drama and allow myself to remember what i was as a person in school.. and then i realized i was transgender nd thus why i had the issues i did.. so macho is just a saying..... a girl can do everything i love and more.... and honestly i would have loved being a girl in swim team.... i would be an olympian... my times were equal to a high ranking finish in this latest olympics...

[eluuzion]

I was an overachiever, but not by choice. This is related to the topic, but an example of twisting the rope from the opposite end...

My father was abusively critical and took out his own dysfunctional childhood (as an only child with a micro managing mother that made him wear aprons) on me.

He never once threw a ball with me, etc. But I was required to play football, baseball, basketball, tennis, track, martial arts from the age of 6. I excelled in all of them. They also sent me off to military school for high school.

Many years later, I asked my mom if my "theory" sounded weird...I suggested that he always felt intimidated and frightened of "gay" feelings instilled during his childhood confinement with his mom...He was living out his frustrations by countering everything in my life (living his again through me). She quickly dropped open her mouth and said "Wow, I thought the same thing!"

I never got a hug in my life, or heard
I love you once...from my father...who is dead now.

[Tranny Tee]

I had the dubious honor of being the worst athelete in my school. I dreamed of ballet and wearing a tutu but realized that I would suck at ballet too. I enjoyed the Boy Scouts and camping but my real escape was through reading.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Well now, at my first school there was cricket & was told go out & play , i lasted 20 mins & then walked off. so next school , we played softball a bit like your baseball . did quite good to the point others on our teams did not like the way i could throw left handed i was to hard with my throw. so demanded i use my right hand & yes throw like a girl,
hocky was good about avg, tennis avg,
So really was not that good at many sports prefered games that included girls other wise i was gone.
oh now iceskating oh yea that was neat quite at home yet felt very selfconscious being in front of others as it was i hated it. & did not over come that for 50 years.
the macho detail no way just not me yet worked on building sites i held my own yet not as a male , & did not like being around males i was forced to face them & work with them knowing i hard to learn my trade. when you dont relate to men its bloody hard , to say the least. yet did enjoy my work so yea.

There were some neat things i did, singing, gym , & in the militay band,learning to fly, & working with my hands, & a lot of bike rideing , hey it wasent all bad ,just a lot was.
If you were not a part of the men scene then you were on your own & i was for many years, so you just closed down & keept to your self ,

& did things by your self with as little to do with men .
hence not being able to express my self in the way i should have been able to . that to me was the hardest . & that hurt me the most,
so now thats all changed,

Afraid of girls , oh wow, I saw girls as sisters , oh heck, im lost for words on that.
& i accept most of my life was to help me see that im true to my self & as a woman.

...noeleena...

[joanieb]

I found my resolute in the woods. The trees, the mountain tops, the starie nights, the warblers singing with the sun, joys of a new day. This was my solitude, my respite. My place of peace and tranquility away from the ball games where all I wanted to have fun. Unfortunately for me, the other boys wanted competition. It was the tea party the girls would giggle and then shun me from when I just wanted to play. The wilderness only cares that you tread lightly and cautiously not what you look like. It allowed me that place were I can sit to see my ideals, styles and images super imposed on the landscapes and skies that were familiar and friendly to me. The beauty and majesty of mother nature with all her gifts were rewards for anyone adventuresome enough to seek them.

My gear was my bling. My sleeping bag with pine needles under it were my satin sheets. The blue and white of a cool summers sky provided the only wall paper I needed to pretty up my space. Oh and the perfume she wore! Exquisite. Well unless I should have happened upon a what a bear often does in the woods.

[Anneliese]

In elementary school, I was brainy and horrible at sports. My only macho aspect was being a Boy Scout back when they were mini-Marines. (camping in below zero temps on a snowbank, hiking 25 miles in a day, a Survival week where we had to live off the land, etc). Then we moved...

All of a sudden I was no longer respected for my brain, and I went downhill academically. I was chased regularly, as well as laughed at by both genders. I started playing sports of all kinds, and got pretty good at them. Baseball and basketball, as well as table tennis, were my strengths.

No matter any of the above, I have always felt being macho was DUMB! Never started a fight and (mostly) avoided getting beaten up by being able to run faster than the bullies.

I have never had a one-night stand. Have never cheated. I have never picked up a woman (or man). I hate movies with car crashes and explosions. I know almost nothing about automobiles. I think war is, 99% of the time, avoidable and the absolute last resort. The last time I fired a gun was when I was a Boy Scout. I've been the aggressor on a date once (it worked!), but that was only because I'd dated her years before.

I just got bawled out by my boss this week for not being an enforcer. Not sure if I can change.

Me macho? Nope. Never have been.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I did one year in cub scouts. A year playing in an orgainized baseball league (14 yo). I didn't get to play much and when I did they put me in the outfield. I did get one hit. But, I didn't fit in there. Spent most of my early years with other outcasts being ridiculed. When we got a pool in put in though (@1965) every kid was my friend then. After summer was over they disappeared.

[Karinsamatha]

I played Soccer up to my early teens - wasn't very good. After that sports was limited to gym class. Started ridding motorcycles at 13 something that I continue to do 27 years later, but not with sport bikes or cruisers but on a Goldwing. I am a avid book reader - always have been. Didn't fit in with the "jocks", or "freaks" in school. I ended up hanging with the "brains".

[AKAMichelle]

Macho never really bothered me. I couldn't play Football. I could pitch in baseball and after 2 years in little league I only had 2 hits in the same game. I could play Basketball really well and golf. I even boxed in school and won every fight until I ran into a Southpaw. That was my last fight. I got pummeled and decided that was enough.

I always was able to connect with girls but not the ones in HS. Once I got in HS I was more of a loner. That's ok because it worked out ok. I got through HS and got to college where I was better. I had a social life.

[Charleen]

I was lousy at sports too. Made it to webloes in cub scouts. Big disappointment to my dad who loved sports. Did pretty good at art and drama though.

[Danielle Gee]

My response to "Macho" guys (they all wanted to hit me for some reason) was to immediatly fall down, cover my face and cry like a girl

Danielle

[Toni_Lynn]

I was just a kid. I liked to ride my bike, was in the scouts, played wiffle ball with my cousins. Typical "Timmy and Lassie" stuff. But, I also had no interest in Midget Football or Little League Baseball. I was pretty much just into being by myself, reading and listening to my shortwave radio or my records .. which absolutely p.o.'d my mum who taunted me by calling me a loner.

By the time I was 13 I knew that something was different .. I wasn't like the boys so in my mind that mind, I must be a girl, and therefore should start wearing girl's clothes, and from there sprung forth my getting my first bra and panties. When discovered, it only made the taunts worse, but soon the strength of my nature took control and while it was always a battle and the scars run deep .. the girl within lives on.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[docrobbysherry]

There were NO youth sports available back then and I grew up at the beach. So, naturally I got involved in water sports and beach volleyball.

Snorkling, body, board, and belly board surfing were done on a daily basis during summer as a kid.
In my teens, myself and a couple of friends actually invented and pioneered a new sport at the Wedge in Newport! It's called, "Skimboarding", these days!

For my size, I was pretty good at volleyball, football, wrestling, and pitching playing softball. ( No, girls didn't play it back then!)
Couldn't play on the school teams because of conflicts with my music interests!
Altho, my college 6 man volleyball team DID win the school championship! There were NO inter-college Vball competition back then!

Thru all of this, I DIDN'T get along well with ANY of the MACHO guys!

[joannemarie barker]

My brother did all the sports,I wouldve played tennis if I couldve worn the skirt

[Cheryl James]

If there was a sport that involved a ball, I played it and, usually, very well. My main sport was basketball. I didn't hang with the "macho" guys...never liked that type, so I stayed away from them but I had numerous friends. Girls were the object of my attention. I wanted to date them, but I. also, wanted to wear their clothes and I'm not sure that has ever been, totally, resolved.