No urge all of a sudden

[AKAMichelle]

I have just finished my trip from Denver to Dallas dressed and was looking forward to going out in Dallas dressed. Then something totally unexpected happened. I met a woman which I totally connected with. In fact we have known each other for only 2 days but I spent the prime dressing time with her instead. Which leads me to a big question since I have never experienced this.

When you meet someone new does the need or urge to crossdress disappear for you temporarily? I am not use to anyone or anything stopping my desire to dress since I was in my 20's. I just can't figure out what is happening since these are new feelings for me.

[AlisonRenee]

Michelle - maybe you're thinking the woman you've met is pretty significant and consciously or not, you're apprehensive about letting your femme self out because you don't want the lady to lose interest?

Or maybe you're just distracted, face-to-face with the realization that being WITH a great girl is as much fun as being one.

[txrobinm]

yes, that's been my case, too (original post, not to hide it for fear of scaring her away). But eventually I want to share my femme side with them, too, as it doesn't go away to stay. That is, not feeling a need to express my femme side when a possible relationship is just beginning.

I've noticed that my need to dress up becomes a want if a relationship has a lot of physical affection in it, making CDing easier to manage. No affection, and you can bet I'm getting pretty pretty soon.

[Andy66]

Aaaawwwww...
I'm glad you met someone nice. I hope she supports you in being yourself, whether crossdressing or not.

[AKAMichelle]

My problem is that I wasn't looking for anyone. I didn't think that I would find anyone. I wasn't really ready to think about anyone else. That is what is spooking me so much. Here we are discussing her taking her vacation in August in Denver and me coming back down to work in October. The only issue I have is that she is one of the partners of my client which makes her my client. Her partner and I have discussed doing other business deals together and I don't want to jeopardize anything business wise but this woman has me spell bound.

That also opens up the next issue of telling her about myself and taking the chance of this going through my entire client base. That is extremely scary, but this woman is one of those that you can talk to for hours and never get tired of talking with her. I am postponing my departure from Dallas for a few extra days so I can spend more time with her before I have to get back to Denver for July 4th.

[ReineD]

Oooh. Tough one Michelle. For once I'm stumped. Obviously you need to tell her if the relationship is to go forward, but when?

... later. I got it! Make sure this is not a "rebound" thing. Take it very slowly. It is good you do not live in the same city. Spend lots of time on the phone so you can both get to know each other. You will be forgiven for not telling her sooner if you take your time to get to know each other first. She will understand that you are going through a divorce and you do not want to rush into anything that will potentially ruin a relationship with her.

I think you'll know when the time is right to tell her. You'll also be in a better position to gauge her character. You will know if she will be able to keep your confidentiality ... if the CDing is not something she thinks she can live with.

Good luck!

[pj]

When you meet someone new does the need or urge to crossdress disappear for you temporarily?

Yes. Well, kind of. Those were always my purge times. "Hey, she's great, I don't need this stuff anymore!" But as you know, the urge never goes away for good.

Her partner and I have discussed doing other business deals together and I don't want to jeopardize anything business wise but this woman has me spell bound.

Yow, mixing business with pleasure is a minefield under the best of circumstances. If you think there's a real possibility of a future there, I would seriously consider holding off on doing any business together (or with her associates).

[eluuzion]

Which leads me to a big question since I have never experienced this.

When you meet someone new does the need or urge to crossdress disappear for you temporarily? I am not use to anyone or anything stopping my desire to dress since I was in my 20's. I just can't figure out what is happening since these are new feelings for me.

"Michelle and "Dallas"...sittin' in a tree, K I S S ...ING"


Remember in first grade when you left that note on her desk that read...
"I like you, do you like me" yes yes (circle one)

Welcome to first grade....

Does CD "disappear"? EVERYThing disappears but the thoughts and images of your new "love"...

Enjoy it, it does not come around often...

[Loni]

you will want to dress again. how she will handle this is to be seen. have you tried bringing up the subject with her?
if she is a keeper better to find out sooner than later.
but this is were only you can answer the question.
talk with her and see were she stands on the subject. maybe a movie about/ with a lot of cross dressing. O what was the name of that movie about a cross dresser in Australia?? Queen of something??

lots of luck

.

[Stephanie Miller]

Good idea Loni. This movie idea is a great opening.
I think the movie your talking is The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. There is also another popular one that is cute - To Wong Foo with Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze, John Leguizamo.

[Farrah]

Yes, It happened to me when I met my wife. However, The urge came back, and it was stronger than ever before.....

[AKAMichelle]

it happened to me when I met my wife too. No urge for 2 years and then it was back. This part I suspect will happen.

Luckily she is a minority partner and I have limited contact with her at work. But last week she was on vacation and this week was spent working with her. I don't think that I would have much trouble with her accepting. The issues begin with if you break up how much gets told to others. Then the news spreads to 300 of my clients since they all go to meeting every couple of months with each other. So if this client learns and it becomes the topic of discussion then it will spread to the rest of the gang shortly.

I have no idea if she is a keeper, but I do know that I can sit and talk with her for hours. The other strange thing to me is that I sit there asking her about herself. I have no desire to talk about me. Like every guy the best topics are sports and me, but not with her. That's why I say that I am spellbound.

P.S. This isn't a rebound thing but I am a little uncomfortable because I didn't take more time before I met someone. I am staying an extra day to spend with her on Friday. I have figured out where I plan on taking her. I am going to take her to Dallas Arboretum. She is into flowers and plants and this is a 66 acre place full of them. I can't imagine anything better than that for Friday.

Yes her name is Deb and she does look like the Deb in Debbie does Dallas fame. I just can't believe it.

[Cheryl James]

When I was younger and out in the dating scene, every time I met someone with whom I felt a connection, I figured that she would be the one to "cure" this affliction. We are human and need that connection with others, especially a romantic connection. I've met a lot of women and I am still not "cured". Good luck in this relationship and in sorting out the whole problem of telling her and hoping for the best.

[kimdl93]

Oooh. Tough one Michelle. For once I'm stumped. Obviously you need to tell her if the relationship is to go forward, but when?

... later. I got it! Make sure this is not a "rebound" thing. Take it very slowly. It is good you do not live in the same city. Spend lots of time on the phone so you can both get to know each other. You will be forgiven for not telling her sooner if you take your time to get to know each other first. She will understand that you are going through a divorce and you do not want to rush into anything that will potentially ruin a relationship with her.

I think you'll know when the time is right to tell her. You'll also be in a better position to gauge her character. You will know if she will be able to keep your confidentiality ... if the CDing is not something she thinks she can live with.

Good luck!

Just agreeing for added emphasis!

[Kaz]

Don't try to rationalise... enjoy the moment! I would go with what feels right for you for now. You don't know how it will work out. If it does and she has long term interest, then it's decision time... if it doesn't... then the experience will have helped your life-long learning process...

[DonnaT]

The urge/desire stopped for me, at least until a few months after we married.

[carrie-ann]

Mine just got stronger and stronger. Even after marriage. So don't be supprised when it comes back.

[AKAMichelle]

I have reached the decision that I will tell her if and when she decides to come to Denver in August. If she comes to Denver then I will have to let her know about me before things go any further. That will be taking a chance with my career, but I think it will be safe at this point.

[Marcella Camira]

Hold up! You've know her how long! And you've seriously talk to this woman how many hours (2). I don't care whether you think this woman is marriage material or not! Sounds like your career maybe on the line! You gonna tell someone you meet at office party after talking to them for a few hours, I wouldn't. Not happening! Yeah, u can tell right before you get married in a year or so.......but, just dating anyone where you work is bad news, much less letting the cat out of the bag. Especially so soon! You better re-think this, some people are not easy going when it comes to alternate lifestyle. More often than not........it is not! But, then again I live w/ a bunch of rednecks. Oh, its definitely your choice. I see a lot of Pro on here for this decision, so I gonna have to take con side. She'd have to moving in or something with me before we got that far along! Still your choice. But, give it some time........she may split for different reason. Let her tell all the other people about instead! Slow down....It's not something she gotta know immediately. When its time to tell, you won't be asking us. You'll already know. Just my opinion!

[AKAMichelle]

Hold up! You've know her how long! And you've seriously talk to this woman how many hours (2). I don't care whether you think this woman is marriage material or not! Sounds like your career maybe on the line! You gonna tell someone you meet at office party after talking to them for a few hours, I wouldn't. Not happening! Yeah, u can tell right before you get married in a year or so.......but, just dating anyone where you work is bad news, much less letting the cat out of the bag. Especially so soon! You better re-think this, some people are not easy going when it comes to alternate lifestyle. More often than not........it is not! But, then again I live w/ a bunch of rednecks. Oh, its definitely your choice. I see a lot of Pro on here for this decision, so I gonna have to take con side. She'd have to moving in or something with me before we got that far along! Still your choice. But, give it some time........she may split for different reason. Let her tell all the other people about instead! Slow down....It's not something she gotta know immediately. When its time to tell, you won't be asking us. You'll already know. Just my opinion!

This goes against all of my rules. I have owned my own business for 26 years and I never never dated anyone connected with a client. I never told anyone about me - much less accepted myself until 2 years ago. That said I am so surprised that I feel this way about her. I am not saying that I am going to marry her, but definitely date her. The biggest problem I see with this relationship is the fact that I live in Denver and she lives in the back country south of Dallas. Real blood Rednecks. That doesn't bother me in the least. I learned a long time ago that if you are open with a woman early on then she usually accepts if she understands how it all connects. Then cd'ing becomes a part of who you are and she isn't threatened. the relationship grows with that knowledge.

The only issue is that once the words leave my mouth then it is all over. Since she is close to my business it might cause problems, but she could do it later just as well. I think my rule of telling before we go around the bases is one which i will stick with. Besides if she never comes to Denver then it will end anyway and she will never know that I am a cd'er. I have no plans to revisit this client anytime soon. I have worked for him for 2 years now and never even seen him before. I guess the next step is hers so we will have to see what happens. If she goes through the door then I mean as much to her as I had hoped for.

Besides don't you believe in MAGIC! Personally I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in the ability of people to fall in love and overcome all kinds of obstacles together. i also believe that being TG is no big deal to a relationship, but I think most of the time relationships fail because of the deceit and lies surrounding cd'ing and so many other things. But you start the relationship early and tell them before they fall in love then telling them has a totally different effect. They respect you more that you would risk everything to tell them the truth. That starts the relationship off on the right footing.

[Prissy Linda]

Michelle, I believe you are right In letting her know early on in the relationship. When the time is right only you will know but waiting to long isn't fair to her either. Let your gut be your guide, not just your emotions. Good luck G/F

Linda

[DonniDarkness]

Michelle,

For me its like the tide in the ocean, the waves ebb and flow, rise and fall. My crossdressing is the same, i guess its because im not a full time girl and my life as dad/househusband tends to distract me from my dressing.......in fact its been over a week since ive practiced my make-up techniques.........i did wear a few things the other night, but it was very simple, not the usual gothic splendor tho.

-Donni-

[Daenna Paz]

[QUOTE=AKAMichelle i also believe that being TG is no big deal to a relationship, but I think most of the time relationships fail because of the deceit and lies surrounding cd'ing and so many other things.


I think I would have to politely disagree with your first statement here ... it seems to be the elephant in the room for most couples that I know of.

I do agree with your second premise, however.

It's definitely not an easy call ...

Let's get together when you are back ;^)

Be well,

[JulieC]

i also believe that being TG is no big deal to a relationship, but I think most of the time relationships fail because of the deceit and lies surrounding cd'ing and so many other things.

I think I would have to politely disagree with your first statement here ... it seems to be the elephant in the room for most couples that I know of.

I think it largely depends on two factors;

One, how accepting the CDer is of themselves. It's unreasonable to expect someone else to accept us if we haven't accepted ourselves. Lack of acceptance causes all sorts of internal and external problems. It's unhealthy too. But, it's a seriously hard struggle to overcome lack of self acceptance.

Two, what sort of predisposition/experience a woman has in regards to alternate lifestyles. My wife's entire life frequently had gay men, and even a couple of crossdressers. All friends of the family, nobody she dated. Her mother was involved in a career field that happened to have a lot of alternate lifestyle types. That set the stage for my wife accepting a crossdressing man. With some education, communication, and patience, it's all worked out very well indeed.

[AKAMichelle]

[QUOTE=Daenna Paz;2197462][QUOTE=AKAMichelle i also believe that being TG is no big deal to a relationship, but I think most of the time relationships fail because of the deceit and lies surrounding cd'ing and so many other things.


I think I would have to politely disagree with your first statement here ... it seems to be the elephant in the room for most couples that I know of.

I do agree with your second premise, however.

It's definitely not an easy call ...

Let's get together when you are back ;^)

Be well,[/QUOTE]

That is the problem. It is an elephant in the room that nobody talks about. It doesn't go away. Somehow it gets bigger and that's why I believe it is better to deal with early on.