I kinda want to stop

[Nicole Thomas]

I am a private male to female crossdresser, but I want to stop because I have lived as a guy my whole life, enjoy many aspects of being a guy, play baseball, have a muscular body, and love going out to the clubs with my masculine body to meet girls. I dont want to end up looking feminine and losing all of that, it's way too risky and I am very unsure if I would enjoy being a woman in real life because I'm tall and look very male-like when I crossdress.

Is there any hypnosis that can be done, or therapy that can break my crossdressing ways, and make me completely male? I feel like I'm living as both sexes right now, but am favoring being a male.

[JulieC]

Short answer; no. To my knowledge, nobody has ever been 'cured' of the desire to crossdress. If there were a cure, it would be public knowledge on this forum, and nobody has ever reported such knowledge. It doesn't exist. You are who you are. Hypnosis can't force you to do something that goes against your grain. It can't make you stop crossdressing.

Your best path, in my non-professional opinion, is to learn self acceptance.

You don't have to be all-guy or all-girl. You don't have to modify your body to be more feminine and achieve a sense of balance.

Most people assume that humans are either male or female in their gender identity. This is sometimes called the "two box system". Reality is otherwise. While most people would self identify as being "male" or "female", the reality is that very few people are absolutely on either end of the spectrum.

You are what you are. Like the vast majority of people, you are somewhere inbetween the absolute extremes. You are closer to the middle than the vast majority of people, which makes you feel 'different', but you're not. You're just as human as the rest of us.

You are evaluating your self identity against society's expectations of you. You can see it in your post. You're trying to justify yourself as being a guy, talking about sports, your muscular build, liking to attract women, etc. You don't have to justify yourself to anyone but yourself. Figuring out what you are is one of the hardest things a person can do in their lives. You happen to be closer to the female and of the spectrum than most guys. That doesn't make you wrong.

It also doesn't make you a person that has to look and act like a woman in order to feel whole. If wearing a dress, or pantyhose, or heels, or whatever makes you happy then do it. You don't have to explain it to anyone but yourself. If you're worried about ramifications with certain people, then don't crossdress in front of them until you're not worried anymore (if that ever happens). And don't think you're never going to be able to tell any woman you fall in love with. That's bunk. I married a very intelligent, very cultured, very beautiful woman who knows all about my crossdressing, and loves me all the more for it.

[Tomara]

Hi Cyankee
I don't know of anyone who has been cured of cross-dressing but I'm not saying it isn't possible.
You could try therapy to help you understand why you feel the way you do. Gender therapist are very helpful but not magicians
Why not just enjoy both your masculine and feminine sides and all that each has to offer.
Tomara

[AlisonRenee]

I agree with the counseling suggestions. Talk it out, get some objective perspective from the counselor, and you may resolve the issue for yourself - and understand what makes this part of you tick and why it is, or isn't important to you.

[suchacutie]

I only found my feminine side 5 years ago, at age 55. I've found that Tina is clearly an important part of who I am, but in no sense do I want to lose my male side.

As far as I know, my male self has not been diminished in the slightest because of Tina (my wife confirms this, from her perspective). In fact, I am very sure that my male self is far better off because of the fact that I've acknowledged and supported Tina. I've lost weight and I take much better care of my body. Just the daily regimen of moisturizing and other skin care has improved my appearance significantly. The idea of feminine posture has made me aware of just how many of my male friends/colleagues are half bent over when they walk!

So, lose Tina? Not a chance. Has she helped my male self? Tremendously.

Oh, and let's not forget that we now know that walking in heels (4in or greater) is theraputic to my back problems. Quite literally I've had a back "incident" every 3 years since college (incident=I can't even move for an hour and can't walk for 2 days). Since Tina and buying a pair of 4.5 inch mules to wear every morning for a few minutes, I've not had even a slight back tremor, and when I feel my back weakening I just slip into the heels for a few minutes.

Again...lose Tina...nope. My guess is that you, too, can find life wonderful in both genders

Tina!

[Kaz]

The basis of counselling is to enable you to resolve your own problems... they may (or may not) have deep knowledge oh this. Our received wisdom on this forum is that it is there and won't go away. What a lot of us have done is successfully bury it while we raise families, live full marriages, etc... then it pops up in middle age. Quite often it manifests it in the meantime as an occasional need to wear something or just buy something, but it is somewhat controllable (well it was for me).

But then it kicks in as the "I should have done this years ago".. issue which you will see on this forum.

We all need to carve our path... if you feel you need to go with the male full-on thing, good luck... I managed it for a lot of years (with a few digressions)... but by 50 it hit back with a vengeance.

The counselling will all be about positive reinforcement... it may work...

Kaz xx

[Pink Person]

Some people are cisgender. Some people are transgender. There is no cure for either condition.

If you are transgender and want to be happy then you will have to find ways to accept your transgender identity and express it.

If you are transgender and want to have good relationships with other people then you will have to be friendly and associate with people who respect gender diversity.

Good luck. There's nothing wrong with you and there are people who will respect you for being your true self.

[Shananigans]

I would just say about the counseling recommendation...make sure it is someone with experience on the issue at hand. It might just be my area, but no one advertises that they are a "gender therapist." You have to do a little digging. But, it's essential the therapist is experienced in this particular area.

I sincerely don't think you could be "cured", so to speak...however, I still think therapists are great just to get the issue at hand on the table and figure out what exactly is going on. Why do you feel compelled to crossdress? What started this? What triggers it? Etc.

I've been to therapists for different reasons, and though it's a lot of time and money...it's 110% worth it.

Little fact: Transsexuals and crossdressers used to be considered insane (long time ago). Gender dysphoria was considered and illness. In order to cure individuals, psychiatrists performed electroshock therapy and often committed them to insane asylums. Luckily we are more intelligent today. I think that's why there is a shift from "finding a cure" to learning to accept this aspect of your personality.

[DonnaT]

I am a private male to female crossdresser, but I want to stop because I have lived as a guy my whole life, enjoy many aspects of being a guy, play baseball, have a muscular body, and love going out to the clubs with my masculine body to meet girls. I dont want to end up looking feminine and losing all of that,

Just because you crossdress it does not mean you will lose any of your masculine desires or appearance.

I've been dressing since the age of 10. Still play sports (when the old bones let me) etc.

One reason I can ensure my wife I won't transition is because I enjoy being a guy, and am glad I have the strength to do many of the things I did 35 yrs ago.

OK, so I shave my legs. Big deal. No one has noticed or said anything, and the muscle definition is even more defined. Lots of body builders shave. Heck, one of my close CD friends was an avid weight lifter until she retired last year, and held many state, country and world records in her age group.

You could try counseling and hypnosis, or you could just relax and enjoy more than just the guy aspects of your life.

[Joanne f]

I would not advise anyone to mess about with hypnosis, and as far as i know you do not automatically turn into a female if you like to cross dress, there are many all male CDs who just enjoy the clothes and really do not want anything to do with the female/feminine side of it so that is an option you may wish to consider as you will still keep your all male side but can still enjoy the clothes.

[Petra.Briar]

I can only speak from my experiences, when I have wanted to "stop" and tried to, I figued out later it was because of my guilt or trying to be "normal". You need to figure this out on your own but I would suggest, like others, don't predetermine the outcome, you will be more satisfied if you find out who you are.

PS While you go through this phase do not throw away all of the fem belongings you have (aka purge them)....it is very expensive to rebuild the wardrobe, and that I speak from exprience ;(

[Jonianne]

.....Is there any hypnosis that can be done, or therapy that can break my crossdressing ways, and make me completely male?.......

You CAN stop actively crossdressing, but it's not likely the desire will ever go away. If you choose to stop cd'ing, you will most likely have to live the rest of your life fighting the desire. I've found it much better to accept the fact that I am a cd'er and live within boundries and groundrules with the important relationships I have.

Trying to keep a balance, for me, is vastly easier than trying to fight to entirely eliminate something that is an intragal part of who I am.

Some religious priests are sucessful in having celibacy and living without the emotional intimacy of a life partner, but it takes a lot of inner strength to stay away from something that is perfectly normal.

The second part of your question is NO. Nothing will ever make you completly male. There will always be female aspects to all of us. It is not a black and white issue. Your body makes male and female hormones, which is normal. You will always be part female (half of your DNA comes from your mother). If you accept that part of your physical body is female, why not just accept that part of your emotional and mental being is female as well?

I suppose that if your cd'ing is just a fetish, then with self-disicipline and will power, you could probably stop. And I would guess most who do, probably end up never visiting the forum again.

If there is any emotional self-identity involved to any degree, then you most likely will not stop.

[Proteus]

I'm a private male to female myself, and whether I crossdress or not, I'm still the same person. Not two different people where one personality can somehow be eliminated with therapy. I think even trying would be very destructive.

Kinsey made a scale of homo- and heterosexuality. The same applies to trans- and cisgender. I am, and I assume you are, near the cis end of the scale. I prefer to do most things in life with a male expression, which inevitably means I haven't got to know my female expression as well. Getting to know yourself is a process that takes a lifetime, and while therapy can be a valuable aid, the process itself should never be tampered with. Any kind of conflict within yourself is the very last thing you want.

[PetiteDuality]

Let me tell you that I haven't crossdress for a while. I wouldn't say I'm totally cured (I come to this site quite often), but I don't get the urges anymore.

The only couple of times I've crossdressed in the last 6 months have not been because of the urge, but just because I was bored. And I didn't enjoy it.

What made me change after so many years of very strong crossdressing urges?

Many things. I became more muscular and fit, and more happy with my male appearance.

I'm getting older, so I really don't see too much of a woman in the mirror. When I was much younger it was easier to see more feminine traits.

I shaved my legs after desiring pretty bad to do it for several years, just to discover that my legs, which I imagined would look totally feminine after I shaved them, actually looked too toned and muscular to look really feminine. Specially in heels

I made a lot of efforts to pass. Bought the right clothes to minimize my shoulders and arms. I went to a transformation service, and I felt really uncomfortable being seen dressed by others. And I didn't look that good even after a professional transformation.

The opinion matrix here is that you can't quit, that there is no point in trying, etc.

I just say: if you want to stop, try to get deceived from what you see when you crossdress. It worked for me. The mirror was my best friend in order to quit.

Or so I say. I can't guarantee that the urge will never come back. But I think it's gone for some while.

And by the way, I believe in hypnosis. I quit smoking with it.

[sissystephanie]

If YOU really want to stop crossdressing, YOU can! All it takes is the idea solidly in your head that you will not put on any clothing that is feminine at any time. Get that idea in yoiur head and learn to live with it! Some years ago I stopped completely because of family reasons. 5 years later my wife(now deceased) begged me to start dressing again. She told me that she really missed Stephanie in our life and wanted her back. I agreed, and still dress. I do it now to keep me reminded of my very dear and supportive wife, whom I had known for over 60 years before she passed away. If someone I love asks me to stop now, I will!! In a heartbeat!! It just takes willpower!!

So the answer is that you can stop, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO!! You don't need hypnosis to do it! You just need your own willpower!! Go for it, and good luck!!

[carrie-ann]

Good luck you will fight this your whole life. There is no magic cure. Just your own decision.

[NicoleScott]

Many of us enjoy being a man and all that it is to be one. Many of us just like to occasionally dress up because of some compelling inner desire to do so, stay inside and never venture out, never want to be a woman, and have masculine features that will never allow for passing. But we can be a man and still have this part-time harmless dressup fun.
As for kicking the habit, I don't know. You could stop dressing through will power, but I doubt that you can be rid of the desire.
In my own experience, I had recurring episodes of guilt, shame, purges, doubt, confusion, etc. until I accepted and embraced my crossdressing. Now it's really fun.

[Kate Simmons]

It's really all about feelings. The only way to truly "beat it" is to make it a choice rather that having it be a compulsion.

[BobbiU]

Many of us males enjoy cross dressing, and have no intention of becoming more female looking. I for one, lead a 100% traditional male life for everyone except for my wife. No one else has any inclination that I love to cross dress, and have been wearing pantyhose and panties since my late teens. I'm now 50. This is between my wife and I, and I plan to keep it that way. Have I gone outside with female undergarments on and a bra and forms, yes. Do I do it to look try to pass as a female? No. I do it because I want more of the feeling of female clothes, and the joy I get when I wear them.

I'm certainly no expert, but i think it is safe to say that one can truely live the life of a male, meet females, workout, and look like a male while wearing a bathing suit, without any fear of becoming female. That is a choice people make to change their body, and does not come about simply by wearing clothes.

As many others above have written, and is so often advised for many issues, talking to someone certainly might help, and then you can decide if you need to forget about this lifestyle, or manage both aspects, your public male life, and your private enjoyment of dressing in female clothes.

Just my worth.
Good luck.

[Nicole Thomas]

thanks guys, that helps alot. I just went out today and bought a good looking top, skirt, and shorts today. They look sexy. But of course, I won't expose myself in public with this.

I will see how this goes for now and if things evolve, ill let it happen naturally rather than fighting it.

[mklinden2010]

C,

New clothes?

Good for you... Live your life.

You can, you know, talk a bit more about what you think of some things and how you feel about others.

Be more out about yourself and you'll feel less pressure to "fake it" while going about your life. Just be your - entire - self more and more often and you'll worry less what goes on in your head that people don't know about. They'll know all they want to know and life will go on...

Oh, I've had a number of happy SOs tell me their surprisingly simple bottom line:

"Hey, as long as I'm getting something out of this, I'm a happy camper!"

That's really the key to living happy - just remember that you want things AND so do other people.

Give a little to get a lot and you'll always be fine.

[DonniDarkness]

Sounds great keep us posted! Remember what you do in privacy is yours alone....dont let it effect your daily life and relationships and you will be much more accepting of yourself.

[mklinden2010]

Aw, Miss D...

Doooo let it affect his daily life and relationships to make at least "a little" room for his fairly unique interests and viewpoints.

It's called, "Being who you are and making room for yourself in this big ol' world" - to take a breath every now and then.

Everybody is entitled to a kink, a point of view, AND a little personal space...

But, they ain't givin' that stuff away everywhere...

So, you sometimes gotta take what cha need...

[CherryZips]

Is it fair to say some people do stop?

But we have no idea why. And the people who do stop won't be here. But do they still have the desire? I would suspect they still have the desire given the right circumstances. But then circumstances imply control over it. But circumstances are only controlling the expression not the desire.

I'm always curious about those who discover late they have this aspect of themselves. For me it has always been there whether I am active or not.

[PretzelGirl]

Is it fair to say some people do stop?

But we have no idea why. And the people who do stop won't be here. But do they still have the desire? I would suspect they still have the desire given the right circumstances. But then circumstances imply control over it. But circumstances are only controlling the expression not the desire.

I sometimes feel I am alone in this opinion, but I really do feel that there are people that can stop what we do and just walk away. When you are around this board or others like it long enough, you see that we are all different and there are quite a lot of variances in what we do and how we think. So why is it so hard to believe that someone can quit? It is just another end to all of the spectrums we occupy.

I think the biggest thing is that people in general tend to project what they feel on other people. It is common in all aspects of life. What is interesting is one of the things we fight and/or put up with is people projecting their thought that what we do is wrong. Yet the minute someone says they feel they can quit, a lot of people are quick to tell them they can't. Are we not listening to ourselves?

Now I will agree that the preponderance of opinions here are that you can't quit, so the majority probably can't. But do we take that majority and turn it on others to tell them they can't either? It all comes down to drivers for why that person dresses. If it isn't about an internal gender conflict, then it opens the door to many possibilities.

The OP doesn't really provide enough information for us to comment on the reasons she dresses. She could in fact have an internal gender conflict (and odds usually lean that way). But a broad brush can be a dangerous thing.