Boi, boy, man or guy

[Kieron Andrew]

Labels as much as everyone hates them seem to play such an important part of our existance (whether we are trans or not), amongst the FtM community i have seen the word 'boi' thrown around alot!, i really personally hate it when referring to myself, it reminds me too much of being a butch lesbian, but i know there are other FtMs who don't mind it so much...I was just wondering how some of the other guys here identify when others are labelling you or you labelling yourself, are you one stuck on labels or don't they bother you too much?

[Ze]

I personally don't like "boi." It makes me think of something incomplete or alternate to "boy," hence its usage to begin with.

I use the other labels, though, in reference to myself: dude, guy, man, transman, hey you, whatever. I also use "boy" a lot simply because I look a lot younger than I am. And I'm a smartass.

[Toni_Lynn]

Hi guys

That's a great question Kieron. I am looking forward to to seeing replies from the other guys.

Milo -- I like your take on the word. From what I have seen, it tends to get used in situations exactly like that you describe -- as an alternative. What you say does blend well with what Kieron said. It gets used as an 'almost but not quite there'. I have to think back to the sixties (when I was a young girl ) and some unscrupulous folk came out with albums by 'The Beetles'.

One reason I think that boi gets used is because its not boy, which when used in a sexual sense can have very negative connotations. Yet, the odd thing is that the word girl get used in similar setting quite freely, although I do see gurl and gyrl being used.

Knowing you guys from your presence here, Kieron and Milo, you are the real deal -- you are boys and men with all their real concepts intact.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Kieron Andrew]

Toni Lynn, thanks for such a great response

[AnonyMouse]

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! My post just got deleted for the SECOND time. I HATE THIS STUPID TOUCHPAD!

Anyway.

I was under the impression that "boi" refers to a small lesbian who dresses as a pretty boy. That's pretty much the opposite of what I am, so I never identified with it. But I don't like "man," either. Partly because I'm female-bodied, but also because it brings to mind things I don't really click with. Beefcake. Sean Connery. Everything but a short, fat wannabe twink.

The labels I identify with best are "guy" and "dude," followed by "transman" (adding trans- to the beginning of it seems to make it fit better), "transdude," "messed up in the head," and "don't call me she."

[Lorileah]

Duuuudes

I hear ya, man. I know what you are sayin' Bro, I hate "Gurl". Good thing is when spoken both Boi and Gurl don't sound any different than Boy and Girl. There is another word used for women I don't like being called either unless you wanna get b*tchslapped. Boy can be derogatory too and son is a little personal (no one says listen daughter when they talk to a strange female).

I think I'll stick to the standard "dude" "man" "bro" "bud" when I am in this section. Oh BTW love what you have done with the decor...you an hardly tell it's a keg now, it looks like a flower stand....oh that's not a flower

[Andy66]

I'm at this weird place in my life right now where neither man nor woman seems to fit a hundred percent. Being called either one bugs me a little. I know, I'm being awfully hard to please. ...but if anyone called me boy or girl I would think "You've gotta be kidding. I'm 43 years old. I haven't been a boy or girl in a loooong time."

Terms like boi and gurl sound to me like they imply fakeness (just my personal take on it) but I usually try to respect whatever a person identifies as.

[Ze]

Toni Lynn, thanks for such a great response

and "don't call me she."

Good one.

[Tamara Croft]

You forgot lad and gentleman... and I like those 2 (not for me obviously lol and shut up Kieron!!)

[az_azeel]

Forgive me guys for intruding on your thread...

this to me is well said by Rudyard Kipling..

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

[DanielMacBride]

The only labels I will not stand for being used to describe my gender are anything that remotely says feminine - and "boi" is one of those to me, it is most commonly used here to refer to butch lesbians or girls who dress masculine (but who may not necessarily be butch - think more crossdressers than lesbian, I'm talking the types who have the little pixie haircuts and don't hide the fact that they are female). So for me if anyone calls me "boi", that's disrespectful and tells me they don't see me as male.

Labels I do identify with though are man, guy, dude, transguy/transman, and pretty much anything that acknowledges that my gender is utterly male. And which labels I personally use will vary on any given day depending on how I am feeling and the company I have (when my dysphoria kicks up for example, I am less likely to use "FtM" or "transguy/man" because it reminds me that I am still female bodied and makes my dysphoria worse. However in general I'm ok with letting most people know I'm a transguy, as long as they don't use "trans" as another way to say "not quite a real guy".

[mistunderstood]

For me it gets complicated. I like dude or him or man but there are days when I refer to my relation ship with my pets i call my-self mommy. I guess that being female bodied but male brain can sometime mess with my head.

[Leo Lane]

I'm not really familiar with 'boi' but according to Wikipedia it can mean

"A younger person who looks and acts like a young, heterosexual male, possibly embodying stereotyped attributes towards casual sex and commitment in relationships, in contrast with the stereotype of the U-Haul lesbian. Bois may not identify as butch, regarding butches as playing a more powerful or responsible role – the 'man of the house' – while a boi is still in a freer, younger phase.

"A young man who appears to be an adolescent, but is actually of legal age.

"A submissive butch in the BDSM community, or a younger butch in the butch-femme community.

"A male who identifies as a submissive/slave in BDSM.

"A young transman, or a transman who is in the earlier stages of transitioning."


Confusing...I fit the last of those and up to a point the first, but I don't really care for the word, I guess because of the different spelling, which I don't see a need for, and also because I'm not too fond of all this complicated labelling. Boy/guy/dude/man/gentleman/youth/lad yes; boi no; not bloke either, actually, because I'm not the blokeish sort.

[Ze]

Who the hell decided it could have that many definitions? They're all contradictory!

[alpha12]

Well, I call everyone "dude," all the time. It's a real challenge remembering not to address clients as "dude". But mostly guy, gentleman, sometimes man. Man mostly in literary usage--not only Kipling but so much other literature about being a man.

[Leo Lane]

Who the hell decided it could have that many definitions? They're all contradictory!

They just grew up organically, I guess. Happens.

[Andy66]

It's a real challenge remembering not to address clients as "dude".

[Adam]

I think as myself as a man as i am over 21 but i have been called Boy or young man i dont mind that eather.

As i dont often see other trans people in real life it dont come up much any of these trans or queer terms infact i dont think they ever have come up in conversation around me.

[AnonyMouse]

Duuuudes

I hear ya, man. I know what you are sayin' Bro, I hate "Gurl". Good thing is when spoken both Boi and Gurl don't sound any different than Boy and Girl. There is another word used for women I don't like being called either unless you wanna get b*tchslapped. Boy can be derogatory too and son is a little personal (no one says listen daughter when they talk to a strange female).

There are SO many reasons why I don't like "son." Firstly, as you touched on, it's presumptuous, implying a personal relationship between two people who probably don't have one. Secondly, I find it condescending, in the same way as someone addressing a woman whom they find "uppity" as "little girl."

And yet... and yet... I'd give my left nut if guys who didn't know me well would call me "son."

I think I'll stick to the standard "dude" "man" "bro" "bud" when I am in this section. Oh BTW love what you have done with the decor...you an hardly tell it's a keg now, it looks like a flower stand....oh that's not a flower

I don't really care for "bro" when it comes casually from anyone but another trans guy. Same reason I don't like "son" - it seems presumptuous. (Unless "son" comes from an older trans person who is offering advice/moral support... then it's just warm and fuzzy.) I'm good with "man" and "dude" in that context, though.

[7sisters]

excellent topic. helpful.

[boi_0h]

So, I know this is a little late, but, originally, I used boi, as what I thought described my gender identity, which at the time was sort of a butchy, manly, transmasculine, questioning gender-queer-ish person. I have since done research and soul searching and trying things on, and found that I am a man. My soul is male, and I know that I can safely say that labels I'm more comfortable with now are man or guy or something/anything related to an adult man.

So, in short i evolved from boi to man, and where I'm at, is where I imagine I'm gonna stay.

[Kaden]

Thread made me laugh cause I put no thought whatsoever into my user name, I don't care what people call me, just as long as it's not feminine!

[Lex]

At twenty-one I feel too old to be called boy. But I feel too blurred to be called a man. I don't stick too it for long enough to earn it. I like guy though, that's a good one. And when it comes to female pronouns...there is nothing that is the same as guy. So I guess woman is okay, because I'm sure as hell no girl.