Am I getting this?

[Paisley GG]

I saw my counselor yesterday, and during the course of our session I mentioned the current status of things with regards to my hubby's cding, and my joining this forum. She seemed to feel that there has to be sexual element to all of this (ie. arousal etc.) She asked me twice about it and both times I said I suppose it could. When I thought a bit more about this, my impression was that you can't rule the sexual element out, but that it not necessary. That the desire for cross dressing comes from a deeper place. Am I understanding correctly?!?!!



Please note: My husband and I are not having difficulties with his cross dressing. We are working issues out as they arise, but we have always been there to support the other in any way we can.

I am not seeing a therapist about his cross dressing.I am seeing her regarding issue from my past long before my husband came along. She and I have an excellent working relationship and she is well qualified to help me.

She asked me a general question about the cross dressing she was NOT stating an opinion....since neither of us knew I thought it would be best to ask the people who could best answer this.

As I personally imagined there would be, there are lots of different experiences....like anything in this world there are patterns but that does not negate variation.

I have clarified the original statement several times in this thread, but I think some times people read the first entry and then respond without realizing I have already made clarificationss.

My counselor did nothing wrong.

[sissystephanie]

I believe that answer totally depends on the crossdresser himself! I think you are correct for most CD's. The desire comes from a much deeper thing than just sex!

I have always loved wearing feminine clothes for the fit, feel, and look of them. When my late wife was still alive, she could get me sexually aroused when I was dressed and on occasion the feeling would come to me withour any action on her part. But for the most part, I will say that sexual action is really not part of my crossdressing. But then, I am in my late 70's so that may have something to do with that!

BTW, I lost my wife over 5 years ago and I still miss her every single day!!

[kellycan27]

For some it is sexual. not so much for others. it's takes all kinds to make the world go round.

[sherri]

I believe there is indeed a sexual element for nearly all CDers early on. Some appear to outgrow it as they evolve and come to better understand their transgender nature. A few (or maybe more than a few) never "progress" beyond CDing as a sexual outlet. For others, like me, there will always be a sexual side to it, cuz I've always been that way regardless of gender expression, but it's much more of a package deal now, with other facets of TG having equal or greater weight.

I'm curious though, is there a sexual element for you in your husband's CDing?

[NicoleScott]

You may see comments from those who just feel right when dressed in women's clothing, without a sexual component. So that you may hear from the other side, I dress for sexual excitement, and it's been this way for decades. I like other things about crossdressing (such as: it's fun and provides non-sexual excitement), but I always am aroused by making up and dressing. It's something I do only occasionally, and I do not want to be full-time. I enjoy being a man, doing guy stuff, hunting, fishing, being a husband and father, and wouldn't change that even if I could. But I have a strong drive to make up and dress up in an over-the-top style: heavy makeup, short skirts, very hiigh heels, etc. At one time, when single again, I could and did dress up 3-4 times a week. Now, family situations don't allow for that. I have always enjoyed dressing up in hotel rooms when I traveled. I have gone out some, but stayed in far, far more. I dress up for my own pleasure - not looking for anything personal or physical, although I do like a little attention from those who see me. Just fishing for compliments, I think. I think it's harmless fun, and very enjoyable. My wife knows and isn't threatened by my crossdressing. She approves, supports, and even encourages, but does not participate. I'm happy just to have her approval.

He knows what it is that drives him. Only he can tell you. It may be sexual, or may not be.

[Kathi Lake]

Echoing others here, I have to agree that for some, there is a sexual component. For others, not so much. It sounds to me that your therapist has some outdated information or opinions. It honestly sounds like what the world thinks of us - that we are sexual deviants. Hide the children! Sigh.

Your best source of this information is indeed your spouse. Although it is an embarrassing thing to bring up, I would take a deep breath and ask.

Kathi

[Joanne f]

Unfortunately there is no easy answer to this as it maybe for some but not for others, and some may start out that way and then change in the way they feel about it over time, some are just drawn to it for the feel or style of the clothes which in turn helps them to relax and one could say that a relaxed person can be a more sensual person which may intern give their SO the impression that the CDing is done for a sexual reason .
From the sound of it i am not sure that this counselor fully understands the full nature of cross dressing ,( not many CDs do so i would not really expect some one who is not one to ) talking with your husband is the only way to understand why he likes or needs to do it , and i am sure that the GGs on here can help you understand it a bit more from their point of view

[Cheryl T]

I believe that this varies from individual to individual. Some do it merely for the sexual thrill, be it the clothing or the forbidden aspect.
Personally, it did originally have a strong sexual component, but that was when I was much younger. As I matured that element faded, as did my desire to wear the sexiest outfits. I found that it was not necessary for me to present myself as a sexual object any longer. I'm quite content wearing jeans and a tank top and equally comfortable in a nice skirt and blouse. Most of the time I'm in casual clothes just as any other woman would be, but I do enjoy the times when I can get "all dolled up" and feel sexy and feminine.

Each of us has a specific need and we each find a way to fulfill that need. Not all of us find sex is a requirement for that fulfillment.

[Alice B]

At times there may be a sexual element to dressing, but as others have said the root desire lies much deeper. That aside, I must complement you on your acceptance of his dressing. You are a special wife.

[Lorileah]

either I am the rule or the exception to it I guess, no sexual desire associated with the clothes. The councilor must have read a different book

[Paisley GG]

Thanks for sharing your insights ....

Myy counselor admitted to not really understanding it...I am not sure if she has had any experience professionally or personally...I felt she was asking in a general sense.

My general sense is that the "why" is quite personal to the individual even though there may be some comonalities.

On a personal level, I do feel at times there is that sexual component, along with the physical sensual aspects. My SO is not the most introspective person, so the motivations are not always readily available. I am hoping as he explores himself he will be comfortable to share with me.

[joandher]

either I am the rule or the exception to it I guess, no sexual desire associated with the clothes. The councilor must have read a different book

I AM THE SAME, SO WHAT YOUR COUNCILOR SUGGESTS DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL



J-JAY

[JulieC]

My counselor admitted to not really understanding it...I am not sure if she has had any experience professionally or personally...I felt she was asking in a general sense.

Be careful with regards to gender issues with this counselor. That's not to say the counselor is bad. It is to say you don't go snowmobiling on a rocking chair or use the snowmobile to hang out on your front porch on a hot day. Each thing for its purpose.

My general sense is that the "why" is quite personal to the individual even though there may be some comonalities.

It is personal to each person. There is no one type of CDer anymore than there is one type of human. It's true, there are a lot of commonalities though.

On a personal level, I do feel at times there is that sexual component, along with the physical sensual aspects. My SO is not the most introspective person, so the motivations are not always readily available. I am hoping as he explores himself he will be comfortable to share with me.

This may take a lot of time. Self acceptance can be very hard for a CD, and discussing it openly can be difficult without that self acceptance.

It's wonderful that you are here!

[Patty]

At times there may be a sexual element to dressing, but as others have said the root desire lies much deeper. That aside, I must complement you on your acceptance of his dressing. You are a special wife.

I feel the same

[AKAMichelle]

Each person is different. I for one had a sexual component to it when I was younger. Now there is no sexual component to it. I just feel more comfortable dressed and that is why I do it.

[carrie-ann]

I think every one is different. For me It's never been about sex at all. I have felt dem all my life. Never liked tbe male side.

I saw my counselor yesterday, and during the course of our session I mentioned the current status of things with regards to my hubby's cding, and my joining this forum. She seemed to feel that there has to be sexual element to all of this (ie. arousal etc.) She asked me twice about it and both times I said I suppose it could. When I thought a bit more about this, my impression was that you can't rule the sexual element out, but that it not necessary. That the desire for cross dressing comes from a deeper place. Am I understanding correctly?!?!!

[kayegirl]

I started cross dressing at an age when I did not even know the word sex or sexuality,let alone understand what either meant. For me the driving force, if you could call it that was a desire, no a need to be as different as I could be from my much hated twin brother, (but that is another story, which perhaps I might relate one day, although it will be a long story!!!)

[sandra-leigh]

Thinking about cross-dressing can have a sexual component for me, whether I am dressed or not. This can catch me unaware sometimes: e.g., if I am trying on some clothes then I am of course to some extent be picturing myself wearing the clothes, and I might become aware that my body has become aroused while my conscious thoughts were primarily on the mechanics of getting the item on.

On the other hand, the actual practice of cross-dressing is usually not exciting to me. For example, this afternoon as I was walking down the street, my thoughts were "Are these forms too big for me? What are people seeing when they look at me? Do they look silly or do they look proportionate to my body size? Are do they look silly because they are holding my blouse away from my body so much? Or do they just look silly because people see me as a guy? My back is aching... I should reconsider what size is right for me, I think these {Oh she smiled very nicely at me, do you think she saw my bust and approved?} I think these are too heavy... or am I just really out of practice with this size? I think this bra is too small for these forms, and I bet it would hurt less if I wore the right bra. I didn't used to care if I looked silly, has something changed or have I just not worn big forms enough lately to have confidence in myself? My back aches. Maybe I'll get a falafel for lunch. You know, I really looked great in those other forms a few weeks ago."


There is the fantasy of being / looking like a woman, and there is the reality of doing it. and the two do overlap, but to some of us the two are pretty different.

I don't mean to give the impression that the reality of dressing is a litany of worries and pains, though that is part of the experience sometimes. The hardest part of my day so far was having to take off my dress after my morning appointment.

[carhill2mn]

Yes, you are understanding it correctly. One can CD without any "sexual" implications. There are many for whom CD is a sexual thing. Again, there is no "one size fits all" answer.

[jenna_woods]

I can only speek for my self, but my dressing has nothing to with sex, nothing at all

[Kate Simmons]

CDing is about expressing really deep feelings that some men can only express by acting out. For others it's simply part of who they are and the dressing is really just icing on the cake.

[monalisa]

It might be your counselor has little experience, knowledge, or hands on experience dealing with the crossdressing issue and is just throwing ideas and suggestions out. You might want to question him or her also.

I think there are a multitude of answers depending on the person, their relationships, past experience, and own desires so there is no easy answer and it might involve numerous issues or occurrences in life. I think in the beginning it is sexual and sometimes stays that way. sometimes I think we dress more because we aren't good at relationships or don't feel good about ourselves and for a brief amount of time we feel beautiful and sexy and desireable. Some of it may because it is different and antisociety. Sometimes it can serve as a stress relief. Or it can be as simple as men's clothing is boring and women's is colorful and fun to wear. So you need to find out what your spouse feels and why he wants to dress and what he likes to dress in to get a better understanding of him so you can figure out your future relationship and adjustments that perhaps both of you will have to make.
Dr. Mona

[Jonianne]

Most things are not an "all one thing or another". Cd'ing included. Certain aspects of cd'ing can be erotic and other aspects can be for idenity, or it could be simply just someone's personal choice of cloths. When you got married, did you marry your spouse just for her mind or just for her looks? I bet it was the whole person.

[charlie]

I saw my counselor yesterday, and during the course of our session I mentioned the current status of things with regards to my hubby's cding, and my joining this forum. She seemed to feel that there has to be sexual element to all of this (ie. arousal etc.) She asked me twice about it and both times I said I suppose it could. When I thought a bit more about this, my impression was that you can't rule the sexual element out, but that it not necessary. That the desire for cross dressing comes from a deeper place. Am I understanding correctly?!?!!

As several others have said, at first crossdressing was completely sexual. Then I would put on some lingerie get sexual and take everything off. That evolved into what I do now. I do what every GG does....I dress and take about an hour putting on makeup and an outfit and run out of the house. My dressing is not sexual at all. I simply want to be the best looking woman that I can.

[Jilmac]

Paisley, A profound pondering indeed, but I can only speak for myself in saying that the sexual arousal subsided many years ago. Now I dress for the pure pleasure I get from my feminine side. My spouse of 26 years ( rest her soul) felt her own femininity threatened by my dressing and had trouble understanding that it was a part of the whole me.

Perhaps you'll never completely understand your own spouses urge to dress but please try to, at least, realize that his dressing is a part of him and it will never go away.