We as cross dressers are always being reminded about the lies we tell to our S/Os , does that mean that GGs don't tell lies?, or has any cross dresser ever caught their S/O out telling lies, and what was the lie and the outcome,???
just curios
J-JAY
We as cross dressers are always being reminded about the lies we tell to our S/Os , does that mean that GGs don't tell lies?, or has any cross dresser ever caught their S/O out telling lies, and what was the lie and the outcome,???
just curios
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Hugs J-JAY
Never underestimate the power of brains and a push up bra.
Never complain about growing old, far too many people have been denied that privilege".
Oh yes sugar ....been on the end of some serious lies . It's my pet hate - I simply cannot abide lies of any form . Its an insult to a persons intelligence , integrity and personality .
One things for sure - theres more to come for each and everyone of us ...
We can not live other peoples lives for them. Every person is responsible for his or her own actions. Because you told me a lie in no way is justification for me to lie. Lying is rarely warrented exxcept in the asanswer to the question, "Do you think this makes my butt look big?"
Liars are almost always discovered. The truth may be uncomfortable but in the long run it is the proper choice.
"We as cross dressers are always being reminded about the lies we tell to our S/Os"
No disrespect to your post intended.....Its not "we" Its "you"...
As for me, There are no lies in my relationship with my wife, Happens to be the cornerstone of our relationship...Trust....
If you have to lie to your SO, its a relationship that is going to fail.
My ex was a liar on a level none of us would ever want to experience, I left her as a result. I had purged upon meeting her and would have been ok with never coming back to Sandra if it meant having her to love. I only started dressing again after we split up. I was very damaged by her lies. Now that i have come to completely except myself and being TG, i will enter any new relationship with 100% honesty as i dont feel as i want to give up anything at this point. I look at it this way, the time we were together I never lied to her. I didnt dress and gave it up for her. I dont know exactly the impact that had, but what i do know is lying to myself damaged who i was and in return damaged my ability to exist within a relationship. I do think this...She lied to me, cheated and still denies to this day despite black and white evidence. Did lying to myself cause this....NO, and i can 100% empathize with any SO that has had something at this level hidden from them. It would be as devastating to a relationship as being cheated on was for me. Girls your not fooling yourself. Lying to them or lying to yourself by denying who you are is a steel spike in your relationships. Ask yourself f i was you being lied to, how would you react? Im sorry but i only hold empathy and no sympathy for anyone who holds secrets for their SO. Iying is a relationship based on falsehoods and your SO deserves more than that.
Sorry if my comment makes someone mad, but its just the way I feel.
Last edited by SandraAbsent; 07-08-2010 at 11:30 PM.
Life inside the music box ain't easy
The malots hit the gears are always turning
And everyone inside the mechanism
Is yearning
To get out
http://sandra-absent.blogspot.com
As crossdresser, we don't lie, we only don't tell them anything.
Well that's a lie, we do lie on occasion, but in most cases, imagine the outcome. If you didn't lie about what you were doing Friday night, most people are not going to be that open about your CD'ing. In most cases telling your wife of SO that your going out drinking with the guys, is much better then telling him/her your going out in drab to a trans-friendly bar and/or nightclub. From what I can tell, most people would not be that open when you tell them.
Of course, inversely, if you don't tell them what your doing, your going to be in trouble for not being able to tell them what you were doing. It really depends on what your SO would feel about your CD'ing or what you think she would feel.
Also, if you don't have an SO, like me, your good.
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Jamie-noun-(JAY-mee)-A mystifying enigma that's wrapped in a mystery that's secluded in a dark forest with mind-teasers and twisters, that loves anime and video games . . . with a rack . . .
~Vanity is a bitch, and I'm her willing slave.~
A friend persisted in asking what I had done over the past weekend. I gave some vague answers but he kept pressing for details so I finally told him about going out dressed on Saturday night. It was great! He looked like he had suffered a severe blow to his head. After that he never asked too many specifics about my life. We remained good friends until he moved away.Originally Posted by fallen_rayne
Most lies that spouses tell each other are about temporary, passing things that go away once they are dealt with, like occasionally over spending. Or maybe not telling the truth about spending an evening in a manner the spouse wouldn't approve of, or on a more serious note, having an affair.
Lying to someone about a gender issue, which is a fundamental part of who you are, has farther reaching consequences. I would put this on a par with not telling a wife you are already married to someone else (bigamy). Or a wife not disclosing before marriage that she has a shopping addiction and has huge amounts of debt that now have to be dealt with. Not disclosing these things can cause serious erosion of trust.
Reine
That about sums up this thread. A relationship simply cannot exist without trust. A mistake I have made and cost me dearly. Once trust is violated on one side, often the response is to disregard it on the other. Bam relationship over.Lying to someone about a gender issue, which is a fundamental part of who you are, has farther reaching consequences.
Not disclosing these things can cause serious erosion of trust. Not disclosing these things can cause serious erosion of trust.
Life inside the music box ain't easy
The malots hit the gears are always turning
And everyone inside the mechanism
Is yearning
To get out
http://sandra-absent.blogspot.com
Lie's are waaaaaay so destructive. Been on the end of them many times.......not nice
my SO is so incredibly forthright and honest. I don't think she's capable of deception. My ex was different - she would frequently say things that were false, but in her mind they were true, and that was all that mattered.
I would definitely include having an affair in the latter category. Not that it's not possible to get past any or all of these issues, but I would say this is definitely has far reaching consequences, and will almost certainly cause a serious erosion of trust.
I don't disagree that not telling someone about a gender issue is wrong, but I can at least understand situations where someone didn't understand their gender issue themselves, and therefore found it a difficult topic to broach. Or if someone was convinced that this part of them was something of the past, only to have it return. Ideally, it would still be disclosed reasonably early, and certainly after it's obvious that it is a permanent part of the person.
But cheating can be a fundemental part of someone's nature too. Even if it's not, it is certainly a betrayal of one of the essential elements of most serious relationships.
Just my opinion. (In the interest of disclosure: yes I have been cheated on, and I haven't been in a relationship since my discovery of CD first surfaced, so I have never failed to disclose it).
I've not told any lies (at least not intentionally) in my marriage.
Most relationships do have lots of small little white lies, but that is a very different from hiding a significant part of your personality from your s.o.
I think personally, hiding your crossdressing from your spouse is probably as destructive as an affair would be. Is it possible to survive it and move on? Probably, but the relationship will never be exactly the same. Its definitely not the same as say, overspending, and trying to hide it.
Don't know what I was thinking.Of course having an affair belongs in the latter category.
I understand this pre-internet times when there wasn't much info available. But surely not anymore? I can't think of any reason for a CD not telling his wife now. I also think it is ridiculous comparing the non-disclosure of gender variance to a wife not telling about a dress she bought, or whatever, if indeed this is what the OP had in mind when mentioning SO lies.
Reine
I told my late wife about being a CD before we married! We had almost 50 years as husband and wife before cancer took her. Yes, there were lies in our life, but they were those about gifts for certain occasions or similar things. Never for anything major, truth was a strongpoint in our home and still is!!
Stephanie
Lady on the outside, but man underneath!
[SIZE="3"]I really cannot see the point in Lying, yes i will hold my hand up and say..........Yes I was that person & it got me into some serious sh1t.
At the end of the day you are just digging a hole deeper and deeper for yourself & the worst possible outcome happens at the end of it.[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"] Mandy xx[/SIZE][SIZE="3"]Dont knock it, till youve tried it[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]Qualified & Insured Waxing Therapist[/SIZE]
(first question)We as cross dressers are always being reminded about the lies we tell to our S/Os , does that mean that GGs don't tell lies?, or has any cross dresser ever caught their S/O out telling lies, and what was the lie and the outcome,???
just curios
No, because that is an illogical question suggesting a possible relationship exists between two unrelated events.
Secondly, comparing something wrong with something worse, never makes it “right”.
(second question)
Regarding personal “examples” from my “SO”…
Too many examples to list, none of which are worth the time to recall.
My ex made the personal decision to make lying and deception part of her character. She insisted on trying to make it a daily part of our marriage, I insisted on refusing to ever let it a part of my life. The outcome was 2 years of nonsense until I divorced her.
HaveFun/BeHappy...
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Lying to you spouse about your crossdressing is particularly absurd because when you stop and think about it there is really no good reason to lie about it. I say this because there is nothing inherently wrong with being Transgendered.
Being TG is not a character failing like infidelity, nor is it a desease like addiction. But rather it is a personality trait and an expression of gender identity - it's who we are. And I believe that something so special shoud be embraced and shared with your SO, not hidden in shame.
The wasted energy you spend maintaining a secretive double life could be much better spent trying to gain acceptance and understanding from your SO. Remember, she's your life partner and it is important to both of you that she understand this part of you.
Try letting her in, she may surprise you.
Discussed on POF, basically everyone lies about something. The problem is where we differentiate what is important, and what is not. Simple example: Someone asks what type and color your underwear is. You tell them, blue boxers, even though it's white jockeys. No one will ever care. But tell them it's white boxers, and you're wearing pink bikini panties, and that will upset a lot of folks. Why? Same lie.
Women lie, 'bend the truth', or misrepresent themselves every single day. Nearly every one of them changes their appearance drastically from what is natural in many ways, yet they don't think that's dishonest at all.
My ex wife told me she hated shopping, didn't expect jewelry presents, and liked to do certain things in bed.
So much for honesty.
Yet when she found out I crossdressed, that was the big problem.
And the therapist agreed with her. Oh yeah, a female therapist.
Last edited by ReineD; 07-10-2010 at 04:56 PM. Reason: TMI
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Not the same lie at all. This lie masks being TG. That's pretty big.But tell them it's white boxers, and you're wearing pink bikini panties, and that will upset a lot of folks. Why? Same lie.
What if she had a penis that she hadn't told you about? Let's not compare apples with oranges.Women lie, 'bend the truth', or misrepresent themselves every single day. Nearly every one of them changes their appearance drastically from what is natural in many ways, yet they don't think that's dishonest at all.
Reine
I was told lies by me previous SO.
Working late.
Working Saturday for Overtime.
I didn't sleep with him until I left you.
Your dressing has nothing to do with my leaving.
My parents living with us has nothing to do with my leaving you.
I don't need to 'catch her out' to know... It was all just so much BS.
I don't claim to be whiter than white... I have been dishonest... who hasn't ? but my lies were minor, hers were deceitful. Forgive me if you can't see a difference. I can.
Everyone tells little lies when first dateing, it's called puffing. But the time to get to brass tacks and tell the truth about something that will effect both your lives is when you think she's "the one". Same goes for the GGs.
Presh GG
There are two things that I personally can not tolerate and that is a liar or a thief! There are no lies in my relationship either, (guess that's why we're 27 years together) and as for being a thief, I would cut off my own hands if I ever stole something.
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