Is crossdressing socially acceptable to you?

[Kara Connor]

Since I am a crossdresser, then yes. Having said that, I do occasionally cringe at media representations of us, or if one of our sisters does something to bring "dishonour" upon us, i.e. perpetuate some of the negative stereotypes. Of course, people are entitled to dress and behave in whatever way makes them happy, within the law, but I hope that most of us try to be ambassadors if we are out, and change peoples' perceptions in a positive way. I know when I was Esprit, a few of us chatted with a group of teenage girls, who had collected outside the hotel, and tried to answer their questions honestly and appropriately. Same thing with staff or members of the public we met whilst out and about. I like to think that our "normality" and style of interaction helped changed their view in a good way, and therefore made CD-ing just a little more socially acceptable to them, and us.

[StephaniAnn]

Since I am a crossdresser, then yes. Having said that, I do occasionally cringe at media representations of us, or if one of our sisters does something to bring "dishonour" upon us, i.e. perpetuate some of the negative stereotypes.

Don't get mad at me for shortening the message, please! (I've been attacked for doing that to people's posts in the past on other forums).
I'm only doing it before an admin does it.

I'm trying not to be nitpicky but I'd like a clear definition of what brings dishonour. What is the general consensus for what constitutes dishonorable behavior?

A bit of tasteful, not vulgar, sexy clothing seems fine to me. FABs do it (age appropriate and generally fit-appropriate) so I don't see that as dishonorable.
Of course we may all have our own ideas of what is tasteful versus what is vulgar, that's just personal opinion I guess.

I'll be honest, I think (unless one is at the beach), daisy dukes are fine on anyone but I think a FAB showing a lot of @ss cheek (as well as a TG) is closer to being risque and it's inappropriate for public. Might be ok for a calendar girl photo-shoot.

Can you give me examples of what most agree is dishonorable behavior? I don't think people should judge each other but I'm also aware that some things are just flat inappropriate in certain settings.

[Jaclyn NM]

Females crossdress all of the time and it isn't an issue, so why is it for us. I just don't understand this double standard. Why can females wear any type of male clothing with no repercussions, and yet we are forbidden by society to wear any female clothing? Anyways, I am perfectly fine with crossdressing in public, and have no objections what so ever. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, or vice versa!

[BRANDYJ]

Females crossdress all of the time and it isn't an issue, so why is it for us. I just don't understand this double standard. Why can females wear any type of male clothing with no repercussions, and yet we are forbidden by society to wear any female clothing? Anyways, I am perfectly fine with crossdressing in public, and have no objections what so ever. What's good for the goose is good for the gander, or vice versa!

Simple answer is that females can dress in styles that appear similar to male clothing or even wear some clothes designed for a male. But if she dresses to look as much like a guy as she can, including men's style haircuts etc., she would get the same stares, disapproval and general dislike from others as a man that does not pass well. Society is not ready for gender bending. I don't consider a woman to be a cross dresser unless she is doing all she can to look and act like a male.

It is not acceptable to me for a man to wear a dress, bra etc, and perhaps have a stache or beard. He is the type that puts most people off about cross dressing. And like everything else in life, there is a time and a place for everything.

I'm not ready for the laughing, humiliation, stares jokes, and ridicule that most of our society will deal out if I was to wear female clothes any place I wanted to. If I was 95% + passable and believable, then it might be a different story for me. Right or wrong, agree or not agree with me, but I do care what others think of me. I do not wish to cause scenes or make anyone around me uncomfortable. So if I was to throw caution to the wind, all these things could happen. So for me, no cross dressing in public is NOT acceptable behavior.

[StephaniAnn]

Simple answer is that females can dress in styles that appear similar to male clothing or even wear some clothes designed for a male. But if she dresses to look as much like a guy as she can, including men's style haircuts etc., she would get the same stares, disapproval and general dislike from others as a man that does not pass well. Society is not ready for gender bending. I don't consider a woman to be a cross dresser unless she is doing all she can to look and act like a male.

Your response is transparent, I think everyone can respect that, I know I do.
But it is unfair that you cannot express yourself as you would like without unfavorable reactions from others.

I've wondered what motivates the reactions.
A macho-presenting female does not usually get giggled at (though they do get disapproving stares, sometimes) yet for feminine-presenting males, the reaction is often laughter and not being taken seriously.

I know this is going to come off as offensive to some but sometimes a cold analysis is just that....it's cold... but it's reality.
So here goes:

Citing evolution, generally the male species is the larger, more dominant gender. (*generally*, not always)

So, when a woman dresses as a man, it can sometimes be perceived as "cute" to a degree, to society, generally.
If the macho presentation is way "too much", society will usually disapprove. It's possible that society presumes that the female is trying to "prove something" (they don't understand that it's an external expression that is naturally rooted internally).

When it's the reverse (again citing evolution- the male generally being the larger, more dominant species- "the leader"), society will not always take it seriously because it's viewed as "stepping down" to a slightly less physically evolved organism (probably they equate that with a king dressing as a peasant and living among the common folk).

Sorry to be so wordy here.
Anyway, this is my best guess as to why society's response to T-ladies is different from society's response to T-gentlemen.

And this is what happens when people simply react before attempting to analyze and try to understand what motivates another person's behavior (in this case, wardrobe choices).

[Nicole Brown]

Well, I for one have been dressing in the clothing of the opposite sex for most if not all of my life. I see nothing wrong with this and don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone for any reason. I go out in public all of the time and extremely rarely have anything said to me. Oh sure, I get the occasional glance or the 'what the hell' stare, but I no longer care about what others think.

I consider myself lucky to live in a time where acceptance is slowly coming into being and the laws are finally catching up with the rights of individuals to live their lives as they choose to. I go out fully dressed in totally feminine attire with full makeup and long wavy hair all of the time and just enjoy being myself. I find that today, most people are either too involved with themselves or just too busy to even notice me. If someone is insensitive enough to make a rude comment I generally tend to ignore it and just feel sorry for that person.

True I live in the northeast and alternative lifestyles are more readily accepted here then in other parts of the country. Still, I look forward to the day when I can go anywhere in this country and not have to worry about the actions of others. I truly hope to live that long...

[StephaniAnn]

. I find that today, most people are either too involved with themselves or just too busy to even notice me.

Bingo! This is how it usually is. Most people are thinking about themselves (and worried how THEY look) or too caught up in minding their own business to notice.
There are the few who go out, actively trying to stir up s#it with others in public but they're few and far between.

Good point, Nicole

[Shananigans]

There are no places for Tgirls to meet where you are?
I guess those of us who have Sisters groups that regularly meet on weekends in a safe, accepting environment should appreciate what they have.
So far, I've only been involved with groups online but I hope to get something semi-organized where I live (safely....this is a very old-fashioned area and we don't want anyone to lose their jobs or be ridiculed by the small towns they live in).

Personal security is a constitutional freedom and an important issue.....in my state, practically everybody is armed (and I am also very pro-second amendment).
If I had my druthers, all TGs and their better-halves would be licensed to carry some sort of self-defense weapon.

For whatever society (some of it) may presume about cross-dressing, no judge/jury in its right mind should convict a spouse who had to do what it took to defend their spouse.

Sadly, no. The gay bars around here are also fairly sketch. Hannah doesn't have a whole lot of stuff yet to really pass flawlessly. (Mainly, there's a wig problem. The current wig doesn't match her eyebrows and it got kind of torn up amidst our shenanigans). So, yeah, it's apparently a wig...

I am a good shot, but no concealed weapon license. Haha. (P.S. my dad is a redneck). Anyway, yeah, and the place where Hannah lives and I visit is a fairly rough place. It might just be my own paranoia, but I'd still rather be safe than sorry.

Save the blatant outings for New Orleans haha where the men look better than women. Great town. God, I want to move there soooo bad. (Before it sinks, of course).

[Marlena-4now]

"
So, how many people reading these words are fine with crossdressing, their crossdressing, and, other people crossdressing?

It is, "OK" to you, as you read this, or, does CDing still seem somehow "wrong" to you?

In general I'm fine with crossdressing. As long as the human race has been around some of us humans have crossdressed. In it self it does no harm and it adds diversity and a unique viewpoint to society. In fact, I find it endlessly fasinating how some men and women can so successfully and convincingly cross the "gender frontier". It does, however, stress some people out to be around us. But i guess those people need to get over it and chill out. Intolerance of diversity is never a good thing. I just can't tolerate intollerance !
I'm totally fine with other people crossdressing. The more the merrier.I wish more people would give it a try- "Try it, you'll like it !" I would never disrespect someone because they crossdress.
The question of my own crossdressing is a bit stickier. I know I should give myself a break and be totally OK with it but I still can not truthfully say I'm proud of the fact I have a compulsion at times to wear women's clothes and try to be as feminine as I am able. I mean I can't really even figure out why I need this. And deep down I still feel I'm not quite the man I dreamed I'd be when I was a kid. You know, the heroic male. I think the fact I am a crossdresser does still lower my self esteem some. I'm working on it though.

[mklinden2010]

In general I'm fine with crossdressing. As long as the human race has been around some of us humans have crossdressed.... (snipped)

The question of my own crossdressing is a bit stickier. I know I should give myself a break and be totally OK with it but I still can not truthfully say I'm proud of the fact I have a compulsion at times to wear women's clothes and try to be as feminine as I am able. I mean I can't really even figure out why I need this. And deep down I still feel I'm not quite the man I dreamed I'd be when I was a kid. You know, the heroic male. I think the fact I am a crossdresser does still lower my self esteem some. I'm working on it though.

Great response!

And, that's the thing (that self doubt, self guilt, self disappointment, and/or, self confidence, personal pride, high self esteem) that prompted my original question..

If you crossdress, are you OK with yourself - and/or other crossdressers crossdressing?

"Society" and "other people" aside, why are you, or, are you not, OK with YOURSELF - and perhaps others who do what YOU do?

Again, the question is not about "society" or "other people," just YOU.

[Rianna Humble]

It took me years to accept myself, only then did I become OK with my cross-dressing. If I'm ok with me doing it, I would be a hypocrite not to be OK with the idea of others doing it.

Some talk about certain CD's "giving us a bad name" whatever that means, but I try not to judge even if I see someone that I consider to be dressed badly because I don't know what that person is going through.

[Sandra Dunn]

I'm fine with it, it should be age approbiate. There are cultures out there where it is normal for men to wear skirts. I am a little bit criticle when it is sloppy dressing for anyone no matter what they wear. Try and look half way decent.

HUGS Sandra Dunn

[StephaniAnn]

Sadly, no. The gay bars around here are also fairly sketch. Hannah doesn't have a whole lot of stuff yet to really pass flawlessly. (Mainly, there's a wig problem. The current wig doesn't match her eyebrows and it got kind of torn up amidst our shenanigans). So, yeah, it's apparently a wig...

I am a good shot, but no concealed weapon license. Haha. (P.S. my dad is a redneck). Anyway, yeah, and the place where Hannah lives and I visit is a fairly rough place. It might just be my own paranoia, but I'd still rather be safe than sorry.

Save the blatant outings for New Orleans haha where the men look better than women. Great town. God, I want to move there soooo bad. (Before it sinks, of course).

Yeeha! Girls with guns.
Redneck is good! As Foxworthy says "you might be a redneck if your front porch caves in and kills 12 dogs"

I do agree better safe than sorry. Always best to know what kind of environment you're going to before deciding!

But I also think it's just a good idea for any woman (TG/GG/etc) to carry some kind of self-protection. I don't mean the rubber kind (necessarily) either.
Tazer (stronger than a stun gun) and/or pepper spray (always be upwind from the attacker of course).

Pit bull is good, too! But you can't take it into a bar. Not a good idea to get it drunk either.

[StephaniAnn]

I mean I can't really even figure out why I need this. And deep down I still feel I'm not quite the man I dreamed I'd be when I was a kid. You know, the heroic male. I think the fact I am a crossdresser does still lower my self esteem some. I'm working on it though.

Now that's something I don't understand. Getting dressed up should boost ANYone's self esteem. Tuxedos and 3 piece suits are just plain boring, that's the bottom line.

It took me years to accept myself, only then did I become OK with my cross-dressing. If I'm ok with me doing it, I would be a hypocrite not to be OK with the idea of others doing it.

Some talk about certain CD's "giving us a bad name" whatever that means, but I try not to judge even if I see someone that I consider to be dressed badly because I don't know what that person is going through.

I think the same way. If a TG wants to wear short mini-skirts, that's fine with me.
Now it's unrealistic to not expect to perhaps be hit on and drooled over (especially with sexy stockings) with that sort of outfit but GGs in mini skirts also know to expect that reaction when dressing that way, too.


Thongs are inappropriate in public (just my opinion) but it applies to everyone.

[KeiraC]

I would have say it depends. Sorry if this seems shallow. I've been CDing as long as I can remember but never embraced it until very recently. Awhile ago, I saw a transgered girl at my college and she made me uncomfortable. CDing is a taboo but I think the amount that someone can think for themself can predict how likely they are to accept crossdressing.

So socially acceptable to me? I think there are two goals or reasons to CD. The first one I think is to do it just to do it. To feel happy and/or fullfilled. I accpet that unconditionally. The other reason is to get better at it. I think an eventual goal of CDing is to pass and is only socially accpetable or alright to go out into society dressed up, to me if they have reached that point. Please let me explain myself

I really like the adjective used in the original post. If a girl walks through the mall wearing a giant fluffy hat with a huge dress that has a ten foot train that is very much, noisy. When people see a CD that doesn't pass they don't know what to think. Natrual thought is rejection and leads to discomfort. Finally, CDing is absolutely acceptable but dressing up in public is only acceptable if they've worked at it hard enough to pass.

[~Trudy~]

OK, so, I'm late in jumping in and I'm sorry I haven't read everybody's responses. Those of you who I've read I think are marvelous. I just have two things to say (aside from the fact that, MK, I really enjoyed your original post)

... the Internet had caught on and it took like five seconds to find a "CD Support Group" meeting to go to. Ahhhh, people!

I was reading an article in Wired about why AA works, and saw the connection to my experience here at CD.com. I'm still surprised at how this forum has helped legitimize my feeling that it's OK for me to cross dress. The article pointed out how AA works in large part simply because of the effect the group has on embracing an outlook. Sobriety for them, cross dressing for me.

Now, though ...

...
It is, "OK" to you, as you read this, or, does CDing still seem somehow "wrong" to you?

Yes, but only because of the reactions I get from strangers. Reactions I get from friends makes it seem totally "right", and there's the point of the group again. How much we embrace the general public as our "group" can determine how much we let them determine who we think we are. My friend once said "the instrument has not been invented that is sensitive enough to detect how much I care what people think of me", and his shabby clothes show it. I think that we all dress for ourselves, and for some of us, for show. We "show-ers" who really care what people think of us have a bit of a paradox, knowing that the vast majority of the general public will view us negatively. When it works, it's elating. When it fails, it's depressing.

Which brings me to my third point (which, I know, I wasn't supposed to have): People who are offended by cross-dressing are offended because the covering doesn't match the naked body inside. Who do these people think they are, having such a strong opinion about my sexual equipment? And those who actually say something are actually talking about my genitalia! The NERVE!

[StephaniAnn]

Which brings me to my third point (which, I know, I wasn't supposed to have): People who are offended by cross-dressing are offended because the covering doesn't match the naked body inside. Who do these people think they are, having such a strong opinion about my sexual equipment? And those who actually say something are actually talking about my genitalia! The NERVE!

Very good question. But it also makes you wonder why people simply must know which gender a person of undeterminable gender is. Other than just the fact that people are determined to solve any mystery they encounter (ex: everyone wanted to know what KISS looked like under their makeup in the 70s, lol).

I think there are several reasons many unconsciously expect everyone in public to "match" their natal gender. Also, everyone (of each gender) is socialized to treat females one way and males another. Body language and other subtleties can change depending on which gender we are interacting with or even approaching.
This socialization happens from a very early age, although sometimes it is a subconscious conditioning.

So we have these preconceived ideas (even the most liberal and open-minded of people) about how we will interact with someone based upon their gender (and to a lesser extent, age).

Some of those preconceived ideas are valid!! For example: I would NEVER yank a woman's chain the way I do male friends'.
Most females simply don't take kindly nor feel comfortable with that sort of joking or teasing.

Anyway, the point is that human beings aren't terribly flexible when it comes to gender issues. Socially, it evolves pretty slowly.

AND, of course there is the issue of attraction. The majority of the population is not (naturally) bisexual or homosexual. So when most straight guys see "a skirt", there is the hope of the possibility of chasing said skirt.
Uhhh, CDing throws a bit of a monkey wrench into that um, "automatic reflex", causing skirt chaser to "look (and pause) before he leaps".

[mklinden2010]

Very good question. But it also makes you wonder why people simply must know which gender a person of undeterminable gender is. Other than just the fact that people are determined to solve any mystery they encounter (ex: everyone wanted to know what KISS looked like under their makeup in the 70s, lol).

I think there are several reasons many unconsciously expect everyone in public to "match" their natal gender. Also, everyone (of each gender) is socialized to treat females one way and males another. Body language and other subtleties can change depending on which gender we are interacting with or even approaching.
This socialization happens from a very early age, although sometimes it is a subconscious conditioning.

So we have these preconceived ideas (even the most liberal and open-minded of people) about how we will interact with someone based upon their gender (and to a lesser extent, age).

Some of those preconceived ideas are valid!! For example: I would NEVER yank a woman's chain the way I do male friends'.
Most females simply don't take kindly nor feel comfortable with that sort of joking or teasing.

Anyway, the point is that human beings aren't terribly flexible when it comes to gender issues. Socially, it evolves pretty slowly.

AND, of course there is the issue of attraction. The majority of the population is not (naturally) bisexual or homosexual. So when most straight guys see "a skirt", there is the hope of the possibility of chasing said skirt.
Uhhh, CDing throws a bit of a monkey wrench into that um, "automatic reflex", causing skirt chaser to "look (and pause) before he leaps".

S,

Well, you have some ideas there...

The gender issue is a binary thing and it "should" be simple enough to determine so that things can move on to other matters. Nobody likes doing extra work when they'd prefer "A" or "B" instead of having to refigure everything all the time.

The subconscious conditioning you mention is just that, conditioning that penetrates all the way to the subconscious. We've almost all been taught about germs and react when the fry cook sneezes on our BLT. Three hundred years ago, few would have noticed anything amiss, miss.

Preconceived notions, as a term, is a misnomer. It's not preconceived if it previously programmed by social and educational conditioning and nothing else. There seems, in fact, to be no "else." Human being actually seem to know very little about anything, actually - not even how to go about having sex or where babies come from. You live, you learn, you practice, you get a clue. Along the way, your blank slate get scribbled on by everybody on the planet. One day, you have to start reading it and making sense of what's written there, and what you see, hear, feel, taste, smell, recall....

The point is, human being are remarkably flexible when it comes to just about everything. They have to be just to figure out what century they live in, what language to speak, where they parked the car..

The majority of the population would "naturally" have sex with anything that came to mind, or, hand - and they do. But, again, they are, by others, discouraged from some things and pushed towards others. But, sex and "handiness" aren't unique to humans - witness cows and horses humping whatever cow or horse comes by, male geese doing the same thing, camels in zoos getting friendly with fire hydrants, dogs loving that fabric on your leg... Get over it, there's "natural" drives - and where you wind up may depend on who's standing around when you both get in the mood.

And, yes, there is attraction with clothes - and many women work it. Some don't, and it makes you wonder.... I work with enough scantily clad young ladies that I often think, "Man, I bet she'd look great in a dress!" Clothes can create all sorts of illusions, which can be a saving grace for those not perfectly endowed, and a great thing to announce, "game on" because they suited up to play.

But, I digress...

Is crossdressing, by yourself and others, fine with you?

[NathalieX66]

....applies to apes too.

[sometimes_miss]

MK, I'm not exactly sure why you posted the question. Like any other generally 'forbidden' activity, you will have a bell curve of opinions about it being acceptable or not. Some are o.k., some are indifferent, some hate it. I'm fine with who I am, but I know very well that there are a lot of so called 'normal' folks out there that would just as soon see me dead rather than interact with me. Now then:

I accept everyone. sad to say society doesn't. gays and lesbians are widely accepted in this country

Uh, no. They're tolerated. Despite the indifference displayed in some major urban areas, most of the population doesn't like homosexuality. Don't believe me? Check out all the backlash against homosexual marriage laws.

Females crossdress all of the time and it isn't an issue, so why is it for us.

Well, they don't do it all the time. For most women, the extent of their crossdressing is putting on a guy's oxford shirt as a robe as she romps off to the bathroom after a night at his place. The rest of the so called ftm crossdressing is simply women who are wearing clothing that is specifically tailored for them, in woman's sizes, of types that was previously commonly worn only by men about a century ago. Only very rarely (if ever) do we see any straight women wearing mens jockey shorts, men's shoes, or other men's attire (you usually can tell by which side they button/zipper up, well, most of the time anyway). Even jeans that women wear are 99.9% of the time only those that have been designed to be worn by the female form; our bodies shapes are different, until you get to the point where the person is a real porker. The normal approximate 70% waist/hip ratio female body cannot fit well into a standard male pair of trousers or shorts. Sure, she can get them on, but they'll usually fall off without a belt, and will never fit correctly.

As for why it acceptable for women to don men's clothes and not the opposite, well, there are many threads addressing this concept, but they are locked, so you'll have to do a search because they will not be anywhere near the top of the thread list.

[ReineD]

Females crossdress all of the time and it isn't an issue, so why is it for us. I just don't understand this double standard. Why can females wear any type of male clothing with no repercussions, and yet we are forbidden by society to wear any female clothing?

Females who wear pants designed and tailored for females are not crossdressing.

If you wore a kilt designed and tailored for a male, you would not be crossdressing either.

[~Trudy~]

AND, of course there is the issue of attraction. The majority of the population is not (naturally) bisexual or homosexual. So when most straight guys see "a skirt", there is the hope of the possibility of chasing said skirt.
Uhhh, CDing throws a bit of a monkey wrench into that um, "automatic reflex", causing skirt chaser to "look (and pause) before he leaps".

and the weaker of them, having been attracted to the looks of the CD'er think "OMG I'm GAY!!!!", when their brain registers that we are actually dudes. But we know, and they should too, that it isn't the dudedness that they find attractive, so there is nothing gay about it. And since we (I assume) aren't trying to have sex with them, they should be able to totally relax.

Always, though, every man's subconscious is on the prowl, even if he's in a happy marriage. Reproduction is hard-wired, and we can't do anything about that, so I guess I oughta cut those out-freakers some slack.

It's no secret that we're messing with the formula, so the dissonance really should not surprise us. Unless, of course, we're trying to be witty.

[Phoebe Reece]

To quote Ru Paul: "If you can't love yourself, how are you going to love somebody else?"

Yes, I believe crossdressing is socially acceptable. However, in the real world I know some people that do not find it to be socially acceptable, so I am not "out" to everyone I know.

[Laura Renee]

Is crossdressing socially acceptable to me? Yes.
Although it may be/is not socially acceptable to a large portion of society, I feel as long as I present myself in an acceptable manner (acceptable to me, that is). I'm not that concerned with what may others think. I'll admit it has taken me a long time to come to this conclusion as it took me a long time to accept my crossdressing and make that first excursion "out and about."
In a nutshell, life is too short to not be able to experience it in a way that makes us happy.

[Joanne f]

Nope it is definitely not acceptable to me , you will never get me into a dress