I have a hard time finding someone that will accept the fact that I like to CD at home. I don't like the attention so I don't go out in public.
Most sorta freak out and then I'm single again. What is it about CDing that women don't like. Its just clothes.
I blame most of society for the most part. Guys that CD to most women are thought of as gay, or we have something wrong in our heads, or we are sexual deviants that "get off" CDing...The reasons are endless for why women don't like CDer's seriously
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I see you don't get out enfem. If you would you would be suprised at what you might find. I meet GG's all the time when I'm out. They do better when they see it and how you act. So try that if you can.
Ehhhhh... In my experience, it's not just clothes. At all. It's extremely complicated and it has been a rocky road and full of tears. I don't know why girls freak out when they hear the words, "I'm a crossdresser." Maybe we know deep down that it's a lot more complicated than just getting off on wearing clothes. And, might I add that even when you give your SO all the support and love and acceptance that you can, you can still be stepped on, chewed up, and passed over. Not to mention taken for granted.
I think it's just life and dating.
It sucks on both ends.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
I agree with Shananigans.Originally Posted by Shananigans
There is always problems no matter who you go out with.
If they don't understand you then they are someone you should not go out with. Sometimes I don't understand me though.
Who knows what the GG's insecurity could be also.
Maybe your clothes are nicer than theirs?
I have had a GG tell me she wished her top was as large as mine.
Who knows.
Wish there were more Shananigans out there.
That is one understanding HOT GG!!!
Aw, you're a sweetie.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
Most gg's have a preconceived idea of what they are looking for in a mate, for a lot it seems that cross dressing isn't part of the idea. I personally know a lot of gg's that don't have a problem with someone who cross dresses, as long as it isn't in their backyard. They may accept the fact that some men like to dress up in female attire, but they wouldn't want to date one. One can second guess their motives until the cows come home, but when it's all said and done.... it is what it is.
It's the time spent and the obsession of the "hobby" that many GG's object to.
Second star to the right and straight on till morning
I was told by a GG that she married a male and not another woman. That kind of said it all to me. Some woman don't mine but I think most do not want to be married to another woman even if it is once in a while.
I was hinting around with my wife about CD'ing and she said "If you did that I'd be worried about you."
I asked "Why, it's not like I'm gay or want a sex change"
And she said "I'd just be worried". She couldn't really explain it. And she's a very tolerant and open minded person.
I let it drop.
But if she can't explain it, I am pretty sure that I can't.
What kills me is that we tolerate women "CD'ing" all the time. We all know the examples so I won't rehash them.
This i know to be true in at least one experience. My SO. She now accepts and loves me for who i am and even participates in my CDing, but during the time we were talking things over and trying to figure things out one of the points she brought up to me was exactly this. That this bump in our relationship is going to take work to figure out, alot of work, because she had a plan for us and herself, and of course there is always room for a little big of indifference in their plan, but this is indifference that most women are not expecting to forsee.
So i think what it really comes down to is not how open minded or tolerant a person it, but its about how willing they are to stretch their preconceived idea that they had for the life they want to live.
Being dressed up is much better if you have someone else to admire and enjoy it with you.
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?
- Alice Kingsley
I'm curious, I'd like to know more about how you tell them. It may honestly be an issue of how you're presenting it to them, and when. It may be too early in the relationship, or too late. Or if you're presenting it as "ok, so here's this weird thing I do," that may influence their response as well.
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I think earlier on, but not too early if that makes sense. Ryan told me after we were dating about 4 months. So, he waited to tell me long enough that I knew who he was and I cared about him a lot. I know a lot of guys tell a girl after they are already married. I tend to be the suspicious type, so I would be thinking, "Oh great, what else hasn't he told me? Do I even know this man at all that I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with?"
I think the style of doing it really depends on your partner. I'm a very blunt person. Subtlety is not one of my strong points. So, Ryan just straight up said one day, "Sometimes, I like to wear women's clothes." After that, he was really open and answered any question I had truthfully. Truthfully being the keyword.
I've heard some guys kind of spring it on girls and they'll like....dress up en femme and then walk out and be like, "HONEY, I'M HOME!" It hardly ever goes over well. I know personally if Ryan had done that, I probably would have been like, "So, what the hell are you doing?"
Him just telling me about it and answering any questions I had got me more comfortable with it before breaking out the clothing. If that makes sense.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
Hello psion
Just the clothes - no far from it.
We are not brought up to have a partner who wears womens clothes as we are not brought up to even knowing what cross dressing is. We are brought up to expects role models to be acted out. Thats is what most childhoods inform you about male & female relationships.
Most of us have no understanding of what TV or even TS is, what understanding there is is based about misinformation - such as you gay, perverted, not 'normal'. So out of bounds of most peoples experience of normal & safe.
As a natal who is with a TV, it did push my boundaries at first, even though I new before we got together. I accepted, even thought I did not know what it entailed in anyway.
Most natal's (not all) can have very negative body images, to have your partner frolicking in a frock without the addiction of cellulite & wobbly bits can heartbreaking. If your partner can wear the womens clothes which you only can dream of fitting into it can be destructive emotionally. So those who do stay within TG relationships can have extra demons to deal with.
So it isn't about just the clothes, it is about understanding what it is all about. It is a mystery to those who are uninitiated, a social taboo.
One day you will meet someone who loves 'You', then all aspects of you will be accepted.
Pam
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I'm in the same boat... some girls are really cool with the idea of CDing, (not my husband or BF, though), some say it would be fun and would dig it! WHERE ARE THOSE GIRLS! HAHA
I'd really like to believe there is someone for everyone...
In my case, I "came out" after we had gotten serious about each other, but before we were engaged. I think in some respects, I needed to know if she would try to understand as much as she needed to know about my CDing. It worked out, but I know many women wouldn't have accepted me. Their loss
Just clothes?
Geez, if the clothes got up off the floor, arranged themselves properly from top to bottom, and then started moving about the house, I'd be freaked out too!
That's what you're proposing, with, "Just clothes."
It's not the clothes, it's the person in the clothes. The person they thought they knew, the person they were expecting when they started dating, the person they were thinking they were going to wind up with someday.
You probably need to fill out the person in the clothes a bit better to be a keeper. If someone is so insensitive and unaware of the flash points that can and do come up with, "just clothes," then that itself is a red flag.
Most people are looking for solutions to life's problems - not new problems.
Keep that in mind as you go about dating these ladies.
What's so great about you that is more than, "just clothes"?
There are tons of folks on this site who are CDing in relationships with SOs. Some are good, some not so good, some are great...
I promise you, ALL those SO relationships are about more than, "just clothes."
I think after the initial meet maybe wait a week or so and let them know. Either they will say yes or no I can't do this. And, usually if they say no and leave you better believe every GG friend they have is gonna know your secret.
(If they are to stretch their preconceived idea that they had for the life THEY want to live.) Meaning you are saying that the woman has all the power in the relationship. Usually the woman is the dominant one in the house just not many people get to see that side of a person relationship.
It seems like you chose a really good time to do it. If the situation were flipped on me and I was a CDer, I would definitely want my SO to know that aspect of my personality before we were engaged. I don't know why...maybe because I would want to be certain that this person is right for me...that this person IS committed and truly loves me for who I am.In my case, I "came out" after we had gotten serious about each other, but before we were engaged. I think in some respects, I needed to know if she would try to understand as much as she needed to know about my CDing. It worked out, but I know many women wouldn't have accepted me. Their loss
So, good decision, I think.
Although, I think you'd be surprised at how accepting some women can be. I think this forum proves it. But, for those who aren't accepting...you're right...it's their loss.
"Today a young man [...] realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration...that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively...there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.”-Bill Hicks
“What freedom men and women could have, were they not constantly tricked and trapped and enslaved and tortured by their sexuality! The only drawback in that freedom is that without it one would not be a human. One would be a monster.” East of Eden by Steinbeck
IMO,
It is a few things that hender our acceptance , first is the type of woman we are attracted to . That is important to me the attraction but my type isn't the type of woman who cares to have a man act like a sissy every now and then.
Next is society and the mis understanding for most CDers , common knowledge is if you like to dress in femme you are gay or so they think. For most of us that is far from the truth cding and sexual attraction are completly un related.
Next yes women do xdress but their mind set isn't the same as ours in this situation for most.. We or the typical CDer dress to emulate women they do not dress to emulate men.
I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.
For anyone, male or female that does not have a good clear understanding or education about the facts on CDing, there is a lot that she won't like. And that is very understandable since most women know so little or have a very low opinion of CD's thanks to shows like Jerry Springer and that idiot so called expert Dr. Phil. ( one show, about 5-6 years ago, was about a wife and husband and CDing. He insulted not only the wife but put down the husband too. He is clueless about gender issues.
now couple that with what the image of a man is to most any women and dresses and heels just don't go with it.
If you dated the right sort of woman, one who is compassionate, intelligent, understanding and open-minded, once she got to know a lot about you as a man, then and only then she may be able to handle the CDing. If it is brought up to soon, before she knows much about you as a person, a man, then it's goodbye. It's knowing what sort of woman will perhaps accept once they know you. Next is the fine line between telling early and waiting until it's to late to be upfront in the budding relationship.
For 22 you seem to be much older and wiser. I do think a lot of women will accept but it is all about the telling and when.
After marriage - bad results.
Before things get serious - 50/50 as to the result but you do waste less time with women who will never accept
Prior to Engagement - I think this might be the risker time because everyone has invested so much time into the relationship and the woman may feel pressured to accept because of how much she loves him. Even though she will never accept.
I tend to think that earlier is better than waiting but what do I know. I have told 2 women before things got serious. The first one tried to accept because she was so desperate to find love. The second became a long time girl friend. Not of the romantic type. She went places with me while dressed. We still talk more like girlfriends than man-girl usually do. In fact she talked with me about her love life with her fiance. He might be a little upset if he knew that she told me such intimate stuff. He has never met me but will be meeting me soon. We decided that he gets to choose whether he meets male or Michelle.
P.S. I have to confess that I went to your photo album and you are one gorgeous woman and then it hit me that I was being a dirty old man. I have a son 3 years older than you. Bad Dad!
Michelle
I think it goes back to an overall negative perception of crossdressing. I was reminded of this a few weeks ago at a family get together. Somehow the topic of cross dressing came up during a conversation with some of my GG family members. Basically all of them considered cross dressing to be weird/bordering on perverted and their was no way they could ever tolerate dating or being married to one. I was unprepared to give a postitive outlook on it due to being completely blindsided by how the topic came from out of nowhere without outing myself in the process.
What I gathered from the discussion was that while here on this forum we are accepted, in the outside world it's another story. While leaving I asked my wife how the family members would have reacted if they saw a picture of me in order to give a more postive non Jerry Springer/ COPS picture of cross dressers. She said that would not be a good idea, being that it would really freak them out to see the "man" that they know dressed up completely with make up, wig everything.
Despite the fact that I might look somewhat cute being en-femme it would probably terrify my family members to see their strong masculine tough guy relative looking like a woman. What I took from this was that they expect their men to be 100% man with no feminine attributes what so-ever.
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I'm stilll struggling to understand it myself. And to accept it myself. I have trouble believing that everyone here didn't go through a period of similar struggle - however brief, lasting, recent or long ago. Why expect a GG to be any different?
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I could go on and on about it.
I won't speak to why some women do and some don't accept CDing. But I will suggest that you consider the on-line dating services, particularly those that are less "judgemental". Put your CD interests out there along with (but not overstated) the rest of what anyone might need to know, so that the girls know this is a part of you. You may be surprised how accepting some women are of a decent, honest, fair minded, and considerate crossdressing male.
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