I am still trying to understand why I CD. I often imagine what it would be like to have a vagina and natural breasts. It turns me on thinking about it. Then again, I think like a guy, look like a guy, live in a guy's world. I play baseball for my college and i feel if i did anything to my body to make it more feminine, it would jeopardize my baseball talents. I love baseball, but I also like to dress up. I think in an ungendered world, I would totally wear a skirt or a dress in public without a sweat. I would probably even wear women's clothing every day if it came down to that. But we do not live in a world like that.
I have also tried some self-hypnosis from isabella valentine for erotic pleasure to see what it would be like to have a woman's orgasm. This was a cool experience.
I guess this is just me venting more than anything, but I need to know what my next step is. Should I go onto hormones, and eventually SRS. Should I just take hormones? Or should I try to my feminine side more repressed but continue to crossdress? Unfortunately, im at a stalemate, I have no direction now...