Too Close for Comfort

[AKAMichelle]

I am having a hard time because I recently met a woman who is connected to my business. We get along great and seem to really enjoy each others company. One of the problems is that she lives 763 miles away. That makes it difficult times 2 because I don't know how often we will be able to see each other. The bigger problem is that if she comes to visit in August like we are planning then she will possibly learn things which could be told to others. Like the fact that I shave my legs and underarms. You can explain away legs, but I haven't figured out underarms. Plus since she would be staying at my house, she might find things. Lastly I don't want to lie to anyone else about my cd'ing, so I am considering canceling the trip and just fading away without telling her the truth.

So have any of you pulled away from a person who might or might not accept without giving them a chance? I feel like this woman would possibly accept but since I own my own company and she could tell hundreds of my clients I am getting cold feet. The risk is so great that I don't know what to do. I tried to cancel things with her last night but couldn't. Time is running out (2 weeks before she books flight) and I need advice.

I think what makes this so difficult is that it is so hard for us to find someone to accept and love us in the first place and here I am throwing in the towel before I even try.

[Tomara]

Hi Michelle
If you are asking for my advice I will tell you what I would do in your situation.
Be Honest !
I would tell her that you really like her and that there is something very private about you that you would like to share with her , if she has any integrity she will keep what you tell her to herself and my guess is that she will have a great deal of respect for you being up front and honest with her.
Please don't sabotage yourself or the possibility of a great relationship with the fear of the unknown.
Best of luck to you.
Tomara

[SherriePall]

Michelle -- You are in a very difficult position. How many times have one of us said, "If only I was my own boss. If only I owned my own company."
If we worked for someone else, we could, hopefully find another job. Owning your own company, you risk more than a job.
I have no advice for you as we don't know the lady nor do we know all the circumstances of your situation.
I can only wish you the best no matter what decision you make.

[Billijo49504]

I agree with Tomara said, honesty is the best thing. Some people don't have much hair under their arms. Now if the rest of your body is furred out like a bear, I don't think it will work. If she is that important to you, go for it. If she rats you out, just brush it off at work, as a woman scorned, tryiing for revenge. Good luck...BJ

[JoanAz]

Dont worry about the Hairless Arm Pits, if she snuggles there she might like it....
No boldy realy cares about how much Hair you have legs arms Pits etc...
and again telling her is up to you..

[celtic.blue.eyes]

You shouldn't cancel anything, and risk loosing a good relationship. You don't have to tell her the truth yet, you are not that close. As for the shaving, just tell her a previous wife (or girlfriend or SO or whatever) preferred you that way, and that's the way it's been ever since. In the very rare instance it comes up, I just tell people that antiperspirant works a lot better without the hair, and that I tend to stink a lot!

[AKAMichelle]

Well let me explain further so you can understand just how dangerous this one is.

She is partners with a client of mine. Her partner and I are possibly going to become partners in August which should be the final deal of my life. It has enough money on the table that I will be able to retire early and enough life. If I tell her and it doesn't go well then it could kill the project with her partner. She could tell other clients of mine which could backfire on me and cause me to lose additional money.

I don't know what I was thinking getting involved with her. She is gorgeous and smart. We are able to talk for hours. I guess that is what got me not thinking.

[dana 1]

same as any office romance, to much to lose, lot of fish in the pond, go fish somewhere else. unless your willing to come out, or feel very very lucky.

[Pythos]

Um, people seem to be missing the obvious problem with this budding relationship.

Distance.

Long distance relationships fail, even in this age of cyberspace. Well they fail most of the time.

I am curently talking with a girl I met on a Mana site, and she lives practically at another coast. I am keeping it at friend despite the fact she likes my fem look. LOL.

[ssandy]

Sweetie you have to much to lose...be careful.

[Stephenie S]

You are, as many here do, overthinking this situation.

You really have NO business telling her you are a crossdresser this early in a long distance relationship. Keep that fact to yourself until you are MUCH further along in your relationship.

That leaves you with legs and armpits to worry about and I don't see ANY need to explain either to ANYONE other to say you like it.

"Oh, I see you shave your armpits."

"Yeah, I like it."

"Oh, I see you shave your legs, too."

"Yeah, I like it."

Simple, short, and to the point. Not even a faint suggestion that you are a crossdresser.

Stop worrying. Invite this person and have a good time. Keep your CDing in the closet for now. Later on, if things get serious, you can reopen the subject.

Stephie

[Miss Misery]

Hi Michelle,

I understand your dilemma and think that it's easy to be brave with someone else's future - not so much when it's your own.

I too own my own business but will likely never have the business opportunity that it sounds like you have in front of you. So, are you concerned about what might be found when this person visits - can you do some "cleaning" to make sure that doesn't happen? I don't know what other "things" she might be exposed to that would tip her off that something's up - you need to decide on that. But my point is that there's no guarantee she would think anything is strange unless you tell her. I know this goes against all the honesty with SO's stuff we talk about on here but this is an unique situation and, in fact, I think that when to bring it up to our SO's is unique to each of us and our relationship. Sometimes later (not 20 yrs per se but ...) is better because our understanding of each other and our relationship has grown to be able to accept the idiosyncracies in our partner.

So - can you have your cake (relationship) and eat it too (business deal)? I would think so UNLESS there is some obvious clue that would spill the beans - I don't remember are you a CD or TS?

My best advice would be to cover the business first and I hate saying that but the relationship, like any new one, has a lot of unknowns regardless of the CD/TS issue. Take the "bird in the hand" and reach for the "bird in the bush". All the best to you.

[Angiemead12]

Hmmm I would play it safe first. Closes the big Business deal. And get to know her a bit more before revealing anything. If you make your hairlessness an issue then she may question it. But if you just act like nothing is wrong then it's up to her to interpret.

[FanciJewel]

It seems to me that this has nothing to do with hairy arm pits or legs and everything to do with a business or professional relationship. If you want you business partnership to succeed, then keep your relationship with a potential business partner at a professional level. Nothing destroys a business faster than a physical relationship with a business partner. Let the business partnership mature. If you become social friends later then think about the addressing the hairless arm pits. Fanci

[joanieb]

You can not live your life, if you have to hide some important aspects of it.

I know I'm going to get a lot of yes you can. And in actuality I do. I do it for those that I love. Having said that. This person that is coming into your life desirves to share with you every aspect of your life. Trust in her that she will hold your persona confedant. She can do this if your honesty if sincere. It's only when we lie to people that they become vengful.

If your honesty is something she can't tollerate, then she is not worth the time. And though she may spill the beans, hopefully it is not with in your reality. Be true to yourself and those you are involved with, you will benifit from it.

Sincerely Joanie

[Cassandra Lynn]

Business before pleasure, makes the most sense here. If you should confide anything, make it "i'm worried that any relationship other than friends and business associates could be trouble", say it nicely and that you do like her.
After things have solidified on the business end and the money is in the bank (so to speak), see if the spark is still alive.
Do tend to agree that body hair is much ado about nothing, and doing a sweep of the house to remove any evidence is doable.
mj (Cassie)

[carhill2mn]

I think that you are worryinng too much about the "little" things. Why should she care about your arm or underarm hair? If you are really "hitting it off" these things will not matter or maybe even be brought up.
Enjoy your new relationship!

[Billijo49504]

After you explained it, I agree that you shouldn't get your meat where you make your bread....BJ

[Tina2]

I shave my armpits because it helps me smell less. I was doing it at my wife's suggestion years before I came out to her. It is not uncommon for men to shave their pits to reduce body odor.

[ReineD]

Michelle, if by telling her you risk losing out on the business deal of a lifetime, I would suggest holding off until after the deal has gone through. It is only another month, which is a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things.

I also think you should get to know her better before you do tell her. If you've no idea whether she is trustworthy or not, then your relationship has not progressed to the "need to tell" level yet. You are still strangers.

I would not walk away from the relationship out of fear of what she will do.

So .... instead of having her come up to your place in August, can you arrange to meet her somewhere else for an extended weekend?

[AKAMichelle]

So .... instead of having her come up to your place in August, can you arrange to meet her somewhere else for an extended weekend?

That is a great idea Reine. Why didn't I think of it first?

The truth be told is that the woman is going to be my main contact with this business deal. The business deal didn't even come up until after I had come back home from Dallas. When I came back from Dallas, I had already decided that I wasn't going back there for business and it left the relationship free of the intanglement. If it goes through then I will be working with her a lot. Very bad situation because if I blow it, it could cause an uncomfortable work environment. The other part is what bothers me the most. If I can't be honest with her then I have no business being with her.

I learned my lesson of not telling. I find telling early allows the person to decide quickly before they feel trapped. Even when we wait to make sure that the person is the one we want to tell, we must realize how the woman feels. It must be a terrible feeling to love someone and find out something this big. Then the woman feels trapped into accepting something which she can't do. That isn't fair to her because she tries so hard to accept and sometimes the truth is that she can't. She has committed so much time and energy and most of all her heart to this relationship. We have such a tendency to look at it from our perspective and ignore the woman's pain. Not everyone can accept our cd'ing, but we have to respect them regardless of the outcome. I personally feel showing the understanding of their feelings early allows them to see things clearer and improves your chances of them accepting.

Plus you get extra brownie points when they feel that you are so honest that you would risk everything to tell them this secret which could cost you so much.

[michellebesweet]

Michelle, You have an opportunity for love, you need to test those waters first. If that is what you really want out of life. You must also secure your future, and stay financially secure. Meeting with her should not be any issue. Nor having her stay with you. Hide what you need to hide, I would not share the CD side of your life with her right now, you really don't know this person. Spend some time with her, get to know her, make your deal, and if things progress to that point, then yes, the answer is be honest with her. If you want to spend the rest of your life with her, you must be honest. I don't think you are not being honest with her now if you don't tell her about this part of your life. I would look at this time as a time for learning about each other. It will fall in place if it is to be.

[Jamie14]

The underarms thing is easy. Just tell them it helps me cut down on sweat, body odor, and tht it feels more comfortable........

[AllieSF]

Michelle, I think that you have already answered your own question. I believe that in this situation your business should come first for all the obvious reasons already stated by you and others. If you want to be honest about it, sleeping with a partner is more than a valid reason to hold off and see where the new partnership goes and how the overall working relationship works out. You can always renew the relationship later when you yourself feel more secure in the overall business and potential romantic relationships. If you decide to back off now, you can tell her something came up on the home front that needs some TLC on your part and that you will reschedule her, or your trip, at a later date. That gives you time to work this all out on your time table. Good luck on all fronts.

[Cheryl James]

No advice from here, just a comment. Telling a woman in whom we have a strong interest knowing full well that the "news" may not be received with overwhelming enthusiasm is so difficult. Having said that, I do recognize the value of honesty, but at what price? Unless we are lucky to have found that one in a million person, are we doomed to never have a significant female in our lives? Are we forced to endure the risk that our honesty will result in disclosure to the world at large? And, your situation is doubly difficult because of the implications for your financial well-being. As I said, no advice, but I do have empathy for your situation and hope that you work it out in a way that is good for you.