Hi Michelle,
.[QUOTEI learned my lesson of not telling. I find telling early allows the person to decide quickly before they feel trapped. Even when we wait to make sure that the person is the one we want to tell, we must realize how the woman feels. It must be a terrible feeling to love someone and find out something this big. Then the woman feels trapped into accepting something which she can't do. That isn't fair to her because she tries so hard to accept and sometimes the truth is that she can't. She has committed so much time and energy and most of all her heart to this relationship. We have such a tendency to look at it from our perspective and ignore the woman's pain. Not everyone can accept our cd'ing, but we have to respect them regardless of the outcome. I personally feel showing the understanding of their feelings early allows them to see things clearer and improves your chances of them accepting][/QUOTE]
This is obviously your call and you know the details and parties involved better than any of us BUT I would make the case that your experience or my experience in when/how to tell are only single observations and each one is likely to be different, as different people are involved. I'm not negating the pain a woman feels when her man comes out as a CD but the fact is we don't know how your friend will react and that's why it's a dilemma for you.
You said it right there, you're risking a lot. Are you willing to lose it all, her and the business etc because that is truly what's at risk here. I know this is hard and you want to do the right thing by her and for you. Just don't want to see you hurt emotionally and financially. Good luck.Plus you get extra brownie points when they feel that you are so honest that you would risk everything to tell them this secret which could cost you so much.