Going to an LGBT Club - Couple of Questions

[KristinSkye]

I've been looking into this local LGBT club lately and it looks like a lot of fun. Apparently it's a pretty big complex and has among other things: a showbar (drag shows, etc), pool hall, and dance hall.

As a straight male I never really considered going to a place like this but it looks like too much of a fun place to pass up while dressed. I do feel a bit disconnected from the LGBT community so I did have a few questions I was hoping some of you could answer:

1. I know the general consensus regarding restroom use in public places seems to be to use the facilities of the gender you're impersonating. Is this true to venues like this LGBT club or do the rules change?
2. Feminine voice: in public places I know a lot of us, including me would feel the need to use a feminine voice while interacting with strangers to avoid embarrassment. Is this something I should even worry myself about in this case?
3. I'm definitely going to be partaking in a few beverages while there. In my opinion I look completely different from my normal self when I'm completely dressed. Will I run into any issues because of that if I get carded? How should I handle that?
4. I would really like to ask my wife to go but I'm not sure if she is either ready for an outing like this or as a straight GG just not interested in going to a "gay" bar. She's a member of this forum so there's a chance she may see this post but I was just wondering if anyone had any advice on how to bring it up.

Anyway that's it. Thanks in advance everyone

[Stephanie Miller]

Try and think of it this way... if you were just given your "go girl" card from the doctor to start your 1 year transition period - you would more than likely start acting 100% girl. So, would a Gg use a mens room at a LBGT club? Short answer as I see it ( and have always acted..) Use the restroom you present to.
I always lower and soften my voice, but never have been good at femme voice. Still, never had a problem.
Your facial features still look the same. Same nose, same mouth. Gg change hairstyle, color, no make-up, heavey make-up - no problem. You worry too much.
Don't you think you can trust your wife to make up her own mind. Just ask. She doesn't want to go - she'll tell you. Just don't push one way or the other.
Have a great time.

[Samantha Girl]

There are a few I've been to here in Portland that are a lot of fun! Drag shows are awesome!

1. I have found that it seems to matter less in a gay or LGBT bar which bathroom you use. But I do tend to stick to using the girl's room when I'm out en femme. Although it helps tremendously to have your girl at your side

2. I actually don't really use a feminine voice. I drop my voice somewhat as I have a deep voice, but that's it. To each their own

3. I look pretty different when dressed even though I have long hair as a dude as well. Bartenders and Door men, especially at that kinda bar will be a little more used to seeing a guy in drag. There might be a doubletake or something, from your ID to your face and back, but you'll get your drinks I always do

4. My girl has gone with me to all these places and she's a very queer friendly gal, so she always has fun. I would just tell her you'd really like to go to a place like this and that you think you'd have more fun and/or be more comfortable with her by your side But don't be too pushy, she may not be ready

[juno]

I have not been to one, but here are a few suggestions:

1. I think you always use the restroom matching your presented gender. But, if you are only half dressed (e.g. guy in a dress look), and LGBT club would be a good place to go, and then just use the men's.

3. Getting carded there will be much less of an issue than most places. If you go in public a lot, some people get state ID cards dressed en femme.

4. Many straight people go to such places with their LGBT friends. Try going the first when it is not very busy. She would probably feel better if she can bring a straight friend. Going with another couple would be ideal.

[Tina B.]

I used to leave a block away from a gay bar, used to get in there every now and then for a drink on the way home at the end of an evening. was always in drab, but found the place to be very friendly to both of us, in fact the boys loved to shoot pool with my wife and I would lose her as soon as we got in there. No body seemed to care we where straight, and we didn't care that they where gay, we knew who we where leaving with.
Tina B.
As the wife, and if she says no thanks, then ask if she would mind you going there for a while, hope it all works out .

[kaleyg]

1. just use the ladies room -- often the gay guys go in there anyway.

2. i'd practice using yur voice, altho u dont need to to be accepted. but if yur trying to pass, go for it.

3. if u think u will be carded, keep it ready, but no one will care. i usually dont get carded.

4. i would def invite the wife -- its better for u guys if u experience it together! fun memories! if she says no, still a good idea -- she knows yur not trying to meet guys/girls.

have fun!

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I go to several in the Nashville area...

I use the ladies room without incident ...as a matter of fact I've been very well accepted there so no problem...

Never been carded...not an issue...

Voice??? Can barely ehar inside with the music anyway so voice isn't a concern and I talk in my normal voice...couldn't carry a "femme" voice if my life depended on it...

All in all you may get some looks but then you'll get just as many "points of acceptence...or "validation" of your female self...

First time in you'll feel totally out of place..."like a thousand eyes are on you"...as soon as you get past this feeling the better it will be for you...

Don't expect the gay guys community to embrace you...they won't...tolerate maybe...but to them you'll probably closer to a freak because they can't understand "why a guy would want to wear a dress"...but the girls there (GG's) both straight and gay will more than likely embrace you "PDQ" as one of the girls...at elast that's been my experience...

You'll also find a lot more striaghts there than you think...at least that's been my experience at oen club here in Nashville...

Bottom line is click them heels and walk in there like you belong and you'll have a blast after your settle down and relax....but at first your going to be trippin with the nerves...just the way it is...get past that as soon as you can ...work on your girl mannerisms as well...dress nice but not over the top...jeans or slacks, heels a top etc and you'll be good to go...

Let us know how it works out...

Good luck...

[sterling12]

Well, I've been "carded" at The Parliament House in Orlando, but they do that with everybody before entering. I imagine it is for their own protections. And since there were literally thousands of People going through That Line, can't imagine The Guy checking would remember anything except: "It said they were over 21."

I've personally never had a hassle using The Ladies Room anywhere, when presenting as Joanie. But certainly, In an LGBT Club it's a "given," All Gurls will be using The Ladies Room. I believe all GG's in attendance also accept this eventuality, as I've certainly chatted with them in front of The Mirrors, nobody seems to be upset!

Just go into The Ladies Room with a purpose, don't act weird or suspicious, don't "scope out" The Bathroom, and you should be fine. If A Woman is adjusting her clothes, turn away, and ignore. You can do this!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[CharleneT]

1. It's a public place, use the restroom accordingly. Why would it be different ? You will likely find that restrooms in gay bars tend to have quite a variety of people in them. It can be a bit of a circus . . .

2. Use whatever voice you are comfy with, but as pointed out already, it will probably be pretty loud. You may find that trying to talk loud enough to be heard will make it difficult for you to maintain anything close to a feminine voice. The average denizens of LGBT clubs have a fairly heightened "G/T 'dar" and you'll get read faster there than almost anywhere other than a Jr. High cafeteria.... so act as you want, but be real, they'll accept you more for it.

3. Take an ID, then it doesn't matter

4. Ask her, not us. As others have said, you'll find plenty of strait folks there. Especially if it is a good club !!

LGBT clubs are great places to gain confidence for going out to more mainstream places. You'll be tolerated and can relax and just be "you". Plus, chances are you'll have an opportunity to interact with other TG folks. GO !! Have fun !!

[Aeify]

Here in Memphis, their are multiple restrooms, but they are all unisex at the club I've been to, so np there, but if you plan on sitting there, you need to carry tp or some baby wipes in your bag, after a couple of hours some people forget how to urinate without hitting the rim which sucks for anyone who accidentally sits.

[NicoleScott]

I would think, and hope, and assume, that a club that has drag shows would be tolerant of crossdresser guests.

I had some of the same concerns when I decided to go into a Daytona club which had drag shows (bummer- the night I went was drag-QUEEN night. Still had a good time). I was planning on going that night, so I went in the afternoon and asked the manager/bartender if it was acceptable to come en femme. He said yes. When I got there that evening the female bartenders on duty greeted me and made me feel very comfortable. I asked which restroom to use. They said use whichever I wanted. I'm just a light/moderate drinker, but I limited myself to 2 drinks (had to drive) and ended up back at the condo without having to use the restroom. My normal voice is neither strongly male (it's not deep) nor female (not high-pitched, and I don't speak effeminately). I used my normal voice. I guess I should point out that I most certainly seen as a crossdresser, and I didn't mind that. I like to make up and dress "tastefully over-the-top" which some will see as an oxymoron. Anyway, that's why I chose a TG-friendly club, because I expected (and got) acceptance.
I had a great time. Chatted with several people, including the bartenders, shared some pics of me, discussed crossdressing with a guy who dabbled in it some, saw the show, and when I got home, felt exhilirated for finally DOING IT.
p.s. A funny thing about that night. Here I am, a crossdresser en femme , and I couldn't take my eyes off a gorgeous babe with long straight blonde hair sitting at the other end of the bar. She couldn't take her eyes off her butch-looking lover. She (butch) sang that night and had a beautiful female singing voice. As I was leaving I went to the couple and said I enjoyed her singing. They were nice, and we chatted just a bit and I left, wishing the blonde would accompany me but knowing the chemistry was all wrong for that. Funny world out there.

[KristinSkye]

I read everyone's reply word-for-word; thank you all for your insight and advice.

As I was reading through the replies I started to get the butterflies bad; probably mostly from being nervous but also from excitement of thinking about how the night will play out.

I did think of one more question though. I'm not sure if it's even a valid one, but I know my wife has expressed a concern over going out with me dressed and getting hit on (by male or female). For those who have had this experience how did you handle it?

[Paulette]

I agree with everyone else use the girls restroom and try to find a female voice some where with in your self. Ask your wife to join you and understand her answer either way. I heard a new word for straight cross dressers which was trans-lesbian which solves the men hitting on you issue (an believe me with your looks you will be hit upon). Remember we are the T in GBLT.

[NathalieX66]

I have not had any problem using the womens' rooms at a couple of LGBT establishments I've been to. We girls need a private place to powder up, ya know.
If you show your male i.d. wile en femme, they will respect and honor that fact no matter how you are dressed. I assume it's all par for the course. Oddly enough, I've struck up conversations with lesbians very easily. They often initiate the conversation. I've been offered drinks by guys all the time. The compliments are great but I'm straight, so there ain't much luck there for them. ...but do keep complimenting.

[Annie D]

Clubs and bars like the one you are planning on going to are alot of fun and everytime that I have gone to one I have felt most welcome and comfortable. I go to LGBT clubs in Dallas, Ft. Worth and Arlington and in Dallas when walking from my car to one of the clubs I have even talked to the beat cop on duty in the area. As far as your questions are concerned:
1. use the restroom for the way u r dressed; most everyone in a club like this may use the one that is available if the restroom is a "one holer".
2. use a feminine voice if u can or wish or just soften your male voice when talking; there may be so much noise and chatter you may forsake trying just so u can b heard.
3. when you first enter, u will most likely be carded, not at the bar; just tell them that the picture doesn't do u justice or isn't a very good likeness; when they look at your picture just introduce yourself with ur fem name and leave it at that.
4. tell ur wife about ur plans and invite her along; it should be a great outing and alot of fun for the both of u; if she doesn't go along take bunches of pictures to bring home and share.

Good luck!

[FireFoxAngel]

[*]I'm definitely going to be partaking in a few beverages while there. In my opinion I look completely different from my normal self when I'm completely dressed. Will I run into any issues because of that if I get carded? How should I handle that?
:

Getting carded was one of the better moments. My first time out, I handed the bouncer my ID, he looked at it, said "Wow, good job. I do that every Sunday night too (refering to amateur drag shows he does)".

[Mikaela]

I'm not sure if it's even a valid one, but I know my wife has expressed a concern over going out with me dressed and getting hit on (by male or female). For those who have had this experience how did you handle it?

How would you behave if you were hit on in drab and she was with you? You're with someone. Plain and simple. No different than if one of you were hit on in public anywhere else.

Unless of course you're both just having fun and flirting, but that's up to you and your wife's relationship.

[Fab Karen]

Many clubs these days check ID's at the door- to ensure everyone's of age, but also secondarily to scare away creeps & low-life's. Showing your male ID is not a big deal, especially in LGBT clubs. Unless they question you (unlikely), you don't need to say anything about it.
Unless you're going on a drag night or TG-focused event ( brings out the admirers ), the odds are low that you'd get hit on. & in the RARE event you run into someone who doesn't let it go when you politely decline, tell the security that this person won't leave you alone.
Those of you who've never be in one ( in either mode ) will see it's pretty much like any straight club, just people's preference is different. Relax & have a good time.

[KristinSkye]

My first time out, I handed the bouncer my ID, he looked at it, said "Wow, good job. I do that every Sunday night too.".

That's awesome; I bet that put some pep in your step :P

How would you behave if you were hit on in drab and she was with you?

That's the thing, I've never been hit on in drab in any social setting with my wife. I guess I just see myself saying "Sorry, but I'm with this gorgeous lady!" and walking away lol.

Many clubs these days check ID's at the door- to ensure everyone's of age, but also secondarily to scare away creeps & low-life's. Showing your male ID is not a big deal, especially in LGBT clubs. Unless they question you (unlikely), you don't need to say anything about it.
Unless you're going on a drag night or TG-focused event ( brings out the admirers ), the odds are low that you'd get hit on.

That's reassuring to know, thanks Karen.






Well I'm ready to go I think. Just need to ask my wife if she would like to join me.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Since the place you are going to have TG folks who visit the place I would handle the restroom issue a bit differently. The safe, no-BS way to handle the restroom issue is to ask the management which one you should use and make sure it is ok to use ladies room. If there is a problem, you can always say the management said it was ok.

A local gay club explicitly asks those who are not legally female to use the male restroom; over the years lesbians have objected to crossdressers in their restroom and complained. The male restroom is safe, I am known as a crossdresser there so passing is no issue and I do ask they ask.

[KarenEdwards]

Ok, based on years of experience, here goes...
1) Restrooms: Ask the bartender or manager. I've actually been run out of a men's room while dressed as Karen and told that I should use the women's. That was at the old Queen Mary in L.A. Most don't care which you use, but you never know.
2)Voce: Don't worry about it. Trying to sound feminine can often be worse than using your normal voice.
3) Being carded: I just show my regular driver's license and have never had a problem.
4) How to get the wife to go with you: I dunno!

The main thing is to go and have fun!

[NicoleScott]

About the voice: whatever you do, don't use a falsetto voice to try to sound female. It only works in stupid comedy movies, not in real life. It's a dead giveaway.
About gettng hit on: be polite but firm. I got hit on by a guy (he knew that I was a cd) who wanted to kiss me. Maybe he has a lipstick fetish, not that there's anything wrong with that. I politely said that I was flattered, but I'm straight and just wanted to go out en femme, and that I was not looking for companionship. Just to show you there are still stereotypes out there, even for patrons of tg-friendly clubs, he had a hard understanding that I was not trolling for a pick-up. But after a couple of re-trys, he gave up. It never got to a problem stage, and it didn't scare me. I guess if you're hit on but he/she doesn't know you're a cd, you can't use my approach. But still, be polite but firm. Have fun.

[kimdl93]

only on the last point - I would definately want your wife along...for moral support and especially to maintain your relationship. she's been so supportive, I'd hate to jeopardize that support by going alone, particularly if she was hesitant.

[KristinSkye]

Well I took ya'lls advice and contacted the establishment regarding restroom usage and they said that TG/CD can use whatever restroom they feel comfortable




Nicole, thanks for your honest opinion about using a feminine voice :P I might try it at first, or around the bartender, but like others mentioned I dunno if it would even be worth it with all the noise that's bound to be around.


Kim, thank you for your advice on asking my wife. You make a really good point....I'm not even sure if I would honestly go without her. I would love the moral support, but she's also a lot of fun too.




I guess now all that's left to do is plan a night and talk to my wife. Thanks everyone

[ArleneRaquel]

When I am " Arlene " I always use the dolls rest room, so far no problems - Crossed fingers !!!!!!