I put the gun to my head and ...

[Daenna Paz]

[SIZE="3"]Well, I did it ... made my first major blunder in this new 'adventure' ...
I asked for some closet space for my things - way too early in the process!
I am finding that taking things at her speed is much easier said than done.
My request last night generated a vigorous discussion early this morning ;^(
We worked through it, but it was painful ... I don't recommend this course of action for the weak of heart!

Maybe not a gun to the head ... maybe more like a knife to the heart ... [/SIZE]

[highheelqueen]

Hi Daenna, I know just what happeaned. The way to help cut down on takeing too big of a step. Is to wear really highheels. Its baby steps all the time. When you first start to bring your other soul to the front of the closet. Even then it may take awhile. Good to hear you were able to settle the dust. Just remember baby steps. Hugz Sarah

[kimdl93]

Daenna, after the difficult conversation this morning, painful as it was, how would you characterize the situation - did things improve or get worse?

[Patty B.]

Deanna i sympathize with you been married 29 years now and told my wife a year ago, she thought I'd/was having an affair, so to ease her mind I finally came out. It has been up and down and I still don't know how or if our marriage will turn out. Yes I know how little knowledge was out there back then, I'm 57. Thought it would all go away once I met and dated my wife, hope it all works out for you, slow is best. I'm actually going at a slower pace than my wife has been suggesting. Plus living upstate NY in a small town farming redneck community has never helped my situation.

[Daenna Paz]

[SIZE="4"]Thanx all ...[/SIZE]

[SIZE="3"]Kimdl93,

At first, I thought I had driven the situation right off the road ... but after some tears and clarifications, things calmed down. Situation is definitely better at this point ;^)

Patty B,

Funny ... my wife thought the same thing ... that relief factor smoothed out some of the rougher spots in the 'reveal' ...[/SIZE]

[kimdl93]

Patty,

that's so great to hear. I guess sometimes difficult conversations can lead to catharsis! Hope it keeps improving for you!

[Daenna Paz]

[SIZE="4"]Here I am at the 2 week mark ... [/SIZE]

[SIZE="3"]Lots of questions, some knowing smiles, puzzled looks and just plain blank stares ... but communication is on-going!
This will be a long process - I can see that clearly now ... have not been able to ask for anything (concessions) yet ... maybe soon ;^)[/SIZE]

[Jonianne]

If you havn't, start discussing boundries and groundrules with her. Find her comfort level. You can rediscuss them in the future, but give her the comfort you are willing to stick by them for the relationship sake.

[Sallee]

I agree with that the GG's need support to and they often are reluctant to tell their normal group of friends who give support. At least that is how I see it with my wife We have been together 30+ years and she has known for most of those years and is accepting for the most part but it is not easy for her and I don't push it, but dresses do hang in my closet.
Good luck talk a lot

[Cassandra Lynn]

Congrats on this huge step in yours and your wife's life Daenna, i know from another conversation we've had (several months ago) that you are a strong and good person, so i have faith that you two will come to accept this new life with peace and grace.
My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
mj (Cassie)

[Angie G]

That's awesome news Deanna.I wish you all the best. And remember go slow don't push it. I know it will work for you. From your wife being willing to talk about it your half way home hun.
Angie

[Patty B.]

At the one year mark, its still up and down, sometimes accepting and sometimes not. Still has questions, and still answer honestly. But now I'm perceived as another woman she lives with, says my femininity is coming out more and more even though I dont realize its happening. She's presently looking for someone, counsler, therapist to talk to and I only have a feel for where our lives are going. But she is very rigid, feeling I'm no longer a husband, no matter how she praises me for being there during our marriage for her, kids and all the health issues, and life in general. Time will tell.

[Tina B.]

Remember you have had years to think about it, she is just starting out on the journey, give her time to catch up. I know a couple of weeks just now seems like forever, but for her to have time to digest all of this, it's just a blink of an eye.
To often, me included, go off the deep end after coming out, after all we wait a lifetime to do it, and then want to jump in with both feet. This can scare the heck out of a person, so many changes so fast. Some of get lucky and find someone that can except right off, for some it can take years, and then there is those that can never deal with it. I had the last type first, and got lucky and got the first kind second, it's been a better life because of it. But there are plenty of stories on this site of those that married the second type, the ones that come around slowly, and they often need a lot of reassurance that they have not lost the man they married. The best advice I could give is, don't rush her, but slowly try to move her along. Good luck with it!
Tina B.

[Daenna Paz]

[SIZE="3"]This marks the third week since coming out to my wife ...
Fewer conversations these days ... but more intense when we do talk.

Earlier this week, I had mentioned that one of my 'social groups' was planning a meet-up for Friday (tomorrow). i said it would be fun to go but I felt I wanted to concentrate on my wife right now. Not trying to ingratiate myself or anything ... it really was and is how I feel.
Nothing more was said this week, however, and I hadn't really thought about it any more. Dinner plans with my wife had been made and all was good ...
then tonight, out of the blue, she says to me "I know you have your meet-up tomorrow, are you sure you wouldn't like to go? I know it's important ..."
I was floored! What can you say when someone truly begins to understand what this all means? I gratefully declined, saying that I still felt I wanted to have this time with her ... but the door just opened a little wider! ;^)[/SIZE]

[Christy_M]

Congratulations on taking this huge step in your life. I came out to my first wife by choice and had some pretty good years with her (Except for her flaming bitch moments unrelated to Christy). After that marriage ended, it was back into the closet for another 12 years and into the 3rd marriage where I was caught. That conversation didn't go well and I told her I would stop...Now the guilt is wearing me down to the point that I know I have to talk to her again about this part of me. I am scared SH**less about the consequences but can not deter my need for this expression.

I wish you the best of luck moving forward and as mentioned by someone earlier, if the foundation is sound, I am sure there are more reasons to work together through this than drift apart becasue of it.

[Patty B.]

Deanna, its great you want to spend time with your wife as a couple, this is what you've probably done all your lives together. I've tried to spend as much time with my wife this past year doing things together. But do to her health issues, hasn't always been possible, and I do miss not being able to do more together. It'll take time for the two of you, it's been a year for us and it is still an ongoing process.

[AKAMichelle]

That's not a little wider, she just opened the door for you. That is pretty important right now. It looks like you will eventually get through the problems. There will be other meetups and maybe those are the ones to go to. Besides there is always Halloween at Phyllis's.

[Tara1967]

Congratulations for coming out to your wife. I know that in the long run of things, all will be better. For now you don't have your secret weighing you down and putting conviction on you daily. I know you already feel more free. Tara

[JulieK1980]

[SIZE="3"]This marks the third week since coming out to my wife ...
Fewer conversations these days ... but more intense when we do talk.

Earlier this week, I had mentioned that one of my 'social groups' was planning a meet-up for Friday (tomorrow). i said it would be fun to go but I felt I wanted to concentrate on my wife right now. Not trying to ingratiate myself or anything ... it really was and is how I feel.
Nothing more was said this week, however, and I hadn't really thought about it any more. Dinner plans with my wife had been made and all was good ...
then tonight, out of the blue, she says to me "I know you have your meet-up tomorrow, are you sure you wouldn't like to go? I know it's important ..."
I was floored! What can you say when someone truly begins to understand what this all means? I gratefully declined, saying that I still felt I wanted to have this time with her ... but the door just opened a little wider! ;^)[/SIZE]

It sounds like you two are on the right path! I wish you both the best of luck. If you continue the open communication, and honesty things will work out. The divorce rates that everyone mentions relate (I think) to poor communication skills between spouses more than crossdressing.

[Daenna Paz]

Besides there is always Halloween at Phyllis's.

[SIZE="4"]Do tell me more!! [/SIZE]

[KrazyKat]

Daenna, the hard part might be a coming, but hard work can be very rewarding!!!

I'm sharing this from my own insights of Karen and I's last 5 years together!! It's really wonderful now!!

Wishing you and yours all the best and lots of love and understanding to find your way together to happiness!!

[Daenna Paz]

[SIZE="2"][/SIZE][SIZE="2"][/SIZE][SIZE="3"]Well ... here we are ... 1 month since I told all to my wife. Looking back, it has been an interesting time; we are more communicative, I am more demonstrative (in affection), and on the surface things seem to be stable ... therein lies the problem - no real movement from my perspective. Oh, she has expressed understanding in my need to go out ... that is truly wonderful!
But nothing else has changed ... am I being too impatient here? Desperately trying not to be ...
Anyway, this will probably be my last update for this thread; I will post milestones if and when they occur.
Thank you all for your supportive comments and love ... I feel blessed. [/SIZE]