Got into a difficult situation

[gwen cd]

while on holiday at my parents place, my mom was telling me about this little boy at my nephew's school that went to day care afterwards.
he is very feminine and dresses like a girl, even sometimes has makeup on and tries to hug and kiss the boys.
she went on and on about how sick the boy is and how sick the parents are to allow this behaviour, she went on and on and on and on.

I blew up and said:
You know some boys are born a little different then the others.
some feel they are a woman trapped in a mans body.
some just want to feel sexy and feminine.
why do people always ridicule and lable all people like this as GAY.....
boy did i give it to her for about an hour straight.
Her eyes started to tear up and her lips pouted and she went very quiet.
I told her some people need to do this to fill an emptyness in their soal.

ever since for the last 6 months she has been different towards me.
she has not said anything about the subject again.

Question is.......... does she think i fall under the same!!!!!?
this is eating me up alive,
please give me some advice!!!!!!

[prene]

I would not worry.
I think she may think you have a cd-friend.

Or that you are just sensitive and about this issue.

I would not worry at all.

[Joanne f]

You cannot have a passionate outcry like that and not give away what is inside of you , so yes your mother will know how you feel .
I know a lot will say you should talk to your mother but i am not sure if this is always the right way as some people prefer to know its there but not talk about it , but in the end you know your mother best .

[noeleena]

Hi,Gwen.


Well one reason your mum wont bring this up or talk with you is she knows youll hit the roof again & may be you over did it by the sounds of it.

How close are you with your mum i really dont think your mum will talk .

Even tho some times we get worked up & it sounds like as a male here. stop & think as your mum would ,
okay not what you wont to hear i know , just some times we need to listen hear & really get to know whats being implyed not all ways the words that are spoken . one detail is men dont hear the woman they hear words .& then walk off .

i know allso if i where you i would apolagise to her for your out burst & get closer to your mum , this may take a lot of effort & time to have your mums trust again .
You may one day just need that & you know what im saying here , you like womens clothes & all .
you may just need to step down off your soap box .

& i would write a letter , & then explain in detail about what you think & why yes may be even tell her if you havent about your self , because one day itll blow up in your face & then what, what is better lose your mum or gain her respect & have a closeness that seems to not be there now,

Oh & Gwen ,,was,, my Mums name 37 years ago.

...noeleena...

[Shari]

An hour's worth of berating?

No way you talked that long and didn't let the cat out of the bag.

She knows.

[DonnaT]

I think it is time for the talk. With an apology. If she's thinking it, then go ahead and confirm it. If she's not thinking it, then telling her why you got upset would clear the air. She doesn't have to accept it, and you shouldn't go into it expecting her to. Just tell her you still love her regardless.

[PretzelGirl]

Just because you defend something, doesn't mean it applies to you. As Donna says, talk with her and don't just tell her anything. Go with it and get her to put her feelings on the table. Then you can get past it.

[KristinSkye]

An hour's worth of berating?

No way you talked that long and didn't let the cat out of the bag.

She knows.

Hrm, maybe... Some people can be awfully passionate about certain things that don't directly apply to them though, but on the other hand it is your mother Gwen. Mother's have a certain way of just "knowing".

As some people have already said it's definitely time for a talk, but I don't think you need to come out to her entirely. Just confront her and let her know that your sorry about that particular conversation. Let her know that you needed to talk because you noticed she has acted differently towards you.

She may just still be upset that you went off on her like that or she may have already assumed that your one of those "confused individuals". Whatever ends up happening at least you can hopefully figure out what has been on her mind the past 6 months.

[Teri Jean]

I would have to say she either knows or thinks you are closer to a situation that brought on the tirade. Someway you need to sit down with her and talk it out. Ask why she is so set against this little boy and his parents. Give her an education in transgender people but do it in a loving way and for heaven's sake apologize for being rude, not your belief but the way you treated her.

Teri

[boardpuppy]

Hi Gwen,
Talking to your mom is good but choose your words and gage her reaction as you progress. Your outburst may have given her the endication that you are enimetly involved with the subject. You pick the time and place but be understanding of her feelings. This may lead to having "the talk" with her but at the very least a new found relationship between you.

My heart goes out to you as I have been there. I blew up with my mom when she called me gay in the same situation. She was not discrete trying to get me to talk to her (family gathering) and then trying to corner my sister into telling her about me. My sister knows and supports me. I know how you feel and understand.

Hugs,
Alice

[TxKimberly]

You know, we really can't guess if your mother knows or not, but I do have a couple thoughts.
The first is that you don't cry about something unless your very emotionally invested in it. If she cried, this means that she has fairly serious anger, sadness, fear, etc associated with the topic, and you don't get this talking about someone elses little boy at day care. Of course the "hurt" in this case, may also be from your self confessed tirade about it.
The next thought that strikes me is that you should try and be sure that you haven't harmed your relationship with your mother. Do what it takes, be it apologizing for yelling at her, or telling her the truth about yourself, but make sure that you and your mother are good with each other. A mother is a very precious thing . . .

[Rachel Morley]

I think it is time for the talk. With an apology. If she's thinking it, then go ahead and confirm it. If she's not thinking it, then telling her why you got upset would clear the air. She doesn't have to accept it, and you shouldn't go into it expecting her to. Just tell her you still love her regardless.

... this is along the lines of what I was going to write.

[EllieOPKS]

gwen
I am making an assumption that in the past you have had a good relationship with your mom simply because this is eating at you. I believe the thing that makes a man great is learning to make three statements without hesitation
1 - I love you
2 - I was wrong
3- I am sorry
you can calmly tell your mom that being different is what makes our world the great place that it is. There are too many cases where intolerance has created disaster. It is important for her to understand that a child in particular looks to every adult for security and support. How could anyone sleep if this kid was beat up by his peers just because he is different, or worse found hanging from a rafter . You can teach your mom how dangerous her thought process is and she will probably thank you in the end. Just my thought for whatever it's worth. Lastly, whatever you decide to do, send her some flowers, they like that a lot.
Ellie

[Lynn Marie]

You know, we really can't guess if your mother knows or not, but I do have a couple thoughts.
The first is that you don't cry about something unless your very emotionally invested in it. If she cried, this means that she has fairly serious anger, sadness, fear, etc associated with the topic, and you don't get this talking about someone elses little boy at day care. Of course the "hurt" in this case, may also be from your self confessed tirade about it.
The next thought that strikes me is that you should try and be sure that you haven't harmed your relationship with your mother. Do what it takes, be it apologizing for yelling at her, or telling her the truth about yourself, but make sure that you and your mother are good with each other. A mother is a very precious thing . . .

[SIZE="3"]I really like what Kim says here.

There now seems to be a wall between you and your mom and only you can knock it down and reestablish the closeness that you had before. It sounds as if she is hurt either by your tirade or because you didn't confide in her sooner. You need to talk, and if she asks, you should tell the truth. You've already exposed your heart, which is a very good thing. Now she needs some of that sensitiveness that you have.[/SIZE]

[mklinden2010]

If she went on and on and on about some little kid, she's got problems of her own.

Either she's mentally off for not letting it go, or, she's got something or someone on her mind that's bothering her.

If it's you she was thinking about - Oops!

She's your mom, sort it out in your head. Is this, "just like her," or, something odd for her?

If this is, "just her," I'd not be too happy that she teared up and went quiet. "So, uh, you can dish it out, but you can't take it?"

Not fond of folks like that, myself.

If it's something odd, then yeah, go back and say, "OK, we've been a bit on the outs since I blew up the other day. Sorry about that. I guess we should talk about that. Not everybody is born the same, grows up the same, and/or acts the same."

Let her talk about that, and the subject at hand... If she gets cranky again, just give her her right to an opinion and change the subject. If she has what seems a good reason for her, "going on and on and on," then maybe you can say, "Well, yeah, about that subject..."

And, why are you concerned to the point of being "eaten up" by this?

If it just being at odds with mom that's discomforting, or, is crossdressing some horrible thing you can't talk about anyplace but here?

At any rate, things aren't always what you might guess...

I can relate one case in point. My mom started going on one day about a neighbor she suspected was secretly gay. I asked her why she thought so and why she'd care and she said, "Well, er, he's, er, been doing some odd things with, uh, well, cucumbers and stuff..."

I said, "Mom, that guy couldn't get a date with a blow-up doll he paid for... But, everybody has a sex drive and he's been alone so long and experimenting so long, he's exclusively auto-erotic - and a little shy about it. He's just doing what feels good and hiding the evidence when he's done. Leave the guy alone with his business. What's it to you anyway?"

My mom said, "Oh, well... Everybody has a right to their privacy. I was just concerned he'd have someone moving in with him. I do like a quite neighborhood and I like it that there's only one man living over there."

That was funny. But, it also got us into a discussion of different sexual practices and customs... It even got her to complaining about life, and when she was young, when only the men could ask someone to dance, initiate sex, etc., or, you weren't a good girl.

Long story short, it opened the door for, "everyone," including me, to do whatever they wanted with their lives.

I wouldn't have guessed it, but she was all for people having a good time - she just wanted her share too.

May your discussions go well...

[joandher]

YOU HAVE ONLY GOT ONE MUM !


J-JAY

[gwen cd]

Thanks for the advice girls, had a talk with her earlier and all seems ok.
Still some barrier in the way though.
I will take most of the advice as it seems all pointing to one thing.
I am going to speak to her but I will not tell her about my CDing as it would pro. Kill her.
Love her to much toi do that!
You all are special, thanks.
Will keep you posted on the progress!

[LisaM]

Gwen,

My Mom became more accepting of different people as she grew older. I told her about myself; about being TS and struggling with the transition issue. It was one of the most wonderful conversations of my life. I have no idea how your conversation would go. I didn't either but I had to tell her and I did. She passed away a few years after our talk and it is still a memory/part of my life that I will never forget.
All of our conversations are different though. Good luck.

[Nicole Erin]

I think the best solution here is to yes just say it is who you are, I mean I don't know if you run around dressed like a woman and trying to kiss men but anyways that doesn't matter.

If she doesn't approve, than just start stomping left and right and after one of the 4th beats, start singing - "Uh huh, this my sh^t, all the girls stomp your feet like this! A few times I've been around that track So it's not just gonna happen like that Cause I ain't no hollaback girl, I ain't no hollaback girl"