dilemma!! or chance?

[Leanne.cd.uk]

Ok here goes its been a while since i was able to log on properly.

My wife has taken an interest in doing a college course on health and buety inc massage. She has asked if she can practice make up on me (the joy of it) of course i reluctantly agreed coz she still not know bout my cd'ing.

here is the prob do i sy that i will do it as long as she mkes ovr a girl and not her husband or just let her do it in guy mode - this may be my chance to finally come out to her slowly.

on another note i have got to be very close to her best friend and one night whilst chatting on facebook she asked a probing question that led to more and more and i finally got to come out to someone and she is fantastic and supportive.

[Megan Thomas]

Here's my take on it.

She has girlfriends she could practice on and yet asks you? You think she wants to practice creating a look on a man where those skills are far less required than on a woman?

I'd say her friend and her have colluded and got your card marked. Now she is giving you an opportunity to be honest with her and enjoy her support. Just one note of caution, and that is don't fall for the friend, for it sounds to me like you may have just a hint of feelings that way.

[BobbiU]

I'd suggest that you just take it anyway it goes, and see what happens. Let her lead, will probably open up many great opportunities to discuss your CDing. Something thing have a nice way of working out for themselves.

[victoriamwilliams1]

I think it is a chance, however I suggest using wisdom Just see how far she wants to go.

[Michelle55]

I agree with Jo_UK. She probably already knows about your crossdressing, but likely does not know how much you do. She is giving you the best opportunity of your life to come clean in a supportive way.

Do NOT pass up the chance to talk to her about it. Do NOT take the chance to dress fully unless she asks you to and even then go SLOW!

There is still a good chance she will not want to see it or be a part on it, but at least you won't have to hide it and be fearful she might one day find out.

[KellyG]

Often CDers face this trade-off with their SOs.

They don't want to come out right away because they want to give the relationship time to develop trust and to feel secure enough to delve into such a sensitive topic.

On the other hand, if they wait too long, then there may be sense of betrayal because the SO feels they were lied to for all that time.

My opinion is, if her best friend knows then it's probably time to come out to your SO as well. Otherwise, you are dangerously close to your SO feeling (when she finds out one way or another) that she has been left out of this big secret.

Plus, with this makeup thing, you have an opening!

You said you "reluctantly agreed" to have her do your makeup. Careful--any hint of dishonesty may come back to haunt you later.

This course would put her into a world that tends to be TG-friendly. This, plus her friend's acceptance, could be positive reference points for her to understand you.

But one other thing: If/when your SO finds out she will go straight to the friend to talk about it. Since her friend already knows, perhaps you should first tell the friend that you want to tell your SO, so the friend will not be caught off guard. If you ask the friend what she thinks you should do, she'll probably say to stop being afraid and tell your SO. That would be good because it would establish that the friend isn't part of some conspiracy to deceive your SO.

[Joanne f]

Let her do it in guy mode then when finished just look in the mirror and say " very nice all as i need now is a dress" and see what the answer is

[Monica73]

I'd let her do your make up while you are in guy mode. Then when done she'll see how beautiful you are and you can comment on how you never thought you'd look so good in makeup and ask her what she thinks. Never know what happens from there.

[Barbara Jo]

IMO, I would let her take the lead.

She what she is comfortable with. Above all, do no tell her all, at once, or you risk scarring her.
Take it slow. If she is receptive to you CDing, she wiil progress it herself for the most part.

[sandra-leigh]

I wouldn't push the dress at the moment.

I would caution, though, that it would probably not be a good idea to leave some kind of introduction for too long. Having her best friend know but your wife not know is setting course for discord: her best friend would eventually become a threat, and it's a no-win situation there. If her bf advises keeping it quiet or doesn't positively advise you to tell your wife, then you have entered into an "emotional affair". If her bf advises you to tell even though your wife is likely to take it badly, then her bf is "trying to break up our marriage".

[Sarah_GG]

If I found out that my husband had confided in my best friend and not me I'd be pretty miffed.

Your wife is offering to do your make-up. Accept, discuss, communicate... who knows where it might lead.

[christiek]

If I found out that my husband had confided in my best friend and not me I'd be pretty miffed.

Your wife is offering to do your make-up. Accept, discuss, communicate... who knows where it might lead.

I totally agree. This is your chance. . . just be careful how you word things. Good luck!

[AKAMichelle]

I tend to agree that she knows already. She is just trying to bring you out of the closet so both of you can talk.

[celtic.blue.eyes]

If I found out that my husband had confided in my best friend and not me I'd be pretty miffed.

Your wife is offering to do your make-up. Accept, discuss, communicate... who knows where it might lead.

She's so right!

Now, for the most effective practice, she does need a woman to work on, so give her one. Talk to her, before your wife talks to your friend. Once she tells your friend about making you up, your wife will know about your conversation, and all hell will break loose. I would act swiftly but strategically and cautiously.

[Eva_nine]

i agree, guy mode and let her go as far as she is willing. my guess is she already has a clue, but you still need to take it slow.

[Stephanie Miller]

Best friend should have never been told. That is the wifes best friend for the wife to tell - only if she wanted. When she finds out, she may be very embaressed around BF and hurt beyond belief that you trusted BF more than her.You better fess up NOW or enter a very dangerous marriage area.

[kimdl93]

Here's what I'd suggest - first, wear a nice plush bathrobe, not guy clothes...and let her practice, and just be honest that you find the experience very exciting. Since you've already told her GF, you have an obligation to full disclosure with your wife, so this is your opportunity to make up for that mistake. But as other have suggested, she may have already known...perhaps even set up the probing questions asked by her gf.

[Leanne.cd.uk]

thanks girls but i know bf has not spilled beans cos wife would have been mad and prob kicked me out - but all the advice is good and will keep you posted

[Sarah_GG]

When you do tell your wife and when she's looking for information, support and answers to her questions, please do guide her in the direction of this forum. I don't care that the bf hasn't told your wife... in a way that's even worse, where are her loyalties? If you don't mind me saying, you sound quite young, certainly young enough to have no secrets in your marriage.

Good luck

[JulieC]

on another note i have got to be very close to her best friend and one night whilst chatting on facebook she asked a probing question that led to more and more and i finally got to come out to someone and she is fantastic and supportive.

This is very surprising to me, and I think it would be very upsetting to your wife when she is told. You're willing to trust your wife's best friend more than your wife? When your wife finds out and turns to her best friend for support, she may be very, very angry (and I think rightfully so).

[KarenCDFL]

Yeah, she knows.

Just let it go as it goes. Let her do the driving. You will know as time progresses.

[NicoleScott]

What? You told her best friend? You're busted, either now or later. Damage control may be needed.

Regarding the makeup, when she does it, tell her that it's starting to turn you on, pause, wait for a reaction, and based on that reaction, pursue or retreat.

If the reaction is bad - stop - you have your answer. If it's good, push it further, a little at a time.

This is your opening, your opportunity to come out to her - or not. Take advantage.

[tricia_uktv]

Yeah, she knows.

Just let it go as it goes. Let her do the driving. You will know as time progresses.

Yep, time will tell. Don't push too hard!

Hope all goes well,

Hugs

[Jenny Gurl]

If I found out that my husband had confided in my best friend and not me I'd be pretty miffed.

Your wife is offering to do your make-up. Accept, discuss, communicate... who knows where it might lead.

I agree with Jo UK, she probably already knows from her friend or a clue around the house. Sarah GG has also given good advice here. You may be able to salvage this situation by letting her do it in guy mode. While she is doing it or after it is complete I would tell her it was kind of fun and you enjoyed it. See where it leads. Listen to what she is saying verbal and nonverbal feedback. You can always say it has been an interest but you were a little embarrassed to come forward with it, which is the truth, just a little late. Good luck, and enjoy your makeover. Sounds like her new education will become yours as well.