Hi Renee,
I think your making the right decision to keep your marriage together until your kids graduate....that is the only reason I'm still married. The High School/Teen years can be tough enough with out adding the divorce of two parents into the mix. Kids are smart, mine realizes that both his parents don't get along, I told him these things happen but you have two parents that love you very much and care about you...and that's what matters.
Good luck!
Regina
Regina,
I appreciate yore perspective. They are sound words.
My wife is from central Ohio. Is this a pattern????
I trully understand what you are going thru and what she is feeling. All I can say is hope it works out for both of you so that you are both happy.
I told my wife and did what was suggested took her to a support meeting. She went with me many times until she realized That I was not meeting other guys for sex. She talked to other wifes at the support group also. We attended counseling together for a while and talked for years about it. In the end I guess I was lucky because she finally said what worried her the most was being embaressed that people would see me male then female. She was worried about family and friends finding out. Well she told our best friends I didn't want to be she insisted. They are still our best friends. She told of kids turns out no problem there either.
We will soon be moving to a new home in another state. And to my surprise she told me that when we moved I will have to be full time female since that would be the easiest for her. As she put it. At least she didn't have to deal with the changing and getting caught. Of course being TS as per the counselor I am looking forward to the full time change. Right now I have been full time except when she feels I need to be in male mode. Which meant she wanted me to go to work and do just about everything dressed female. She told me that she wants this so I would understand that I will not be dressing male again. This all from a wife who at first didn't want to even talk about it in the beginning.
Gerri, I am really happy for you that after all of these years of being a part-time girl, you will soon begin your retirement years dressing as a woman on a fulltime basis permanently.
It sounds like your wife has given this a great deal of thought and made what seems like a very rational decision that you are soon to dress enfemme fulltime. But i can also understand that you may be just a bit nervous about this major and 'forever' change in your life. From what you have said in your postings though, i think you are very well prepared for the change, even if your wife had to nudge you toward it.
Geeez!.....so's mine. We must talk at SCC
Regina
My wife refuses to read or talk about CD or TS, which leaves me out there twisting in the wind. I think some of it has to do with what she thinks her friends and family would think, and some of it comes from a belief that my nature is a sign of her inadequacy as a woman, which is not true, of course. After all, I was TS thirty years before we ever met.
I may have to undertake some direct action to get us off the dime.
Lallie
PS: My wife is not from central Ohio.
Time for a change.
There is a lot of validity in our SO's feeling these things. The thought of disclosure to others, whether voluntary or involuntary, leaves my wife stone cold. Like it or not, right or wrong, who we are reflects on our spouses, at least in the eyes of society at large. As for the inadequacy thing, it's a real emotional response that can be hard to overcome. All we can do is be loving and as reassuring as possible, something that is most difficult if communication on this subject has left the building.Originally Posted by LALady
It is tough Renee, and it seems like a good sign that there's a willingness to keep things together for the kid's sake. With time, learning, counseling and communication, your relationship certainly could prosper again.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
I know what you mean by small town conservative views. My wife was fundamental independent baptist and she wouldn't budge. We are even from TN. I think the south in a lot of ways is less tolerant than other parts of the country. I hope you and your wife find a way to work through this. Divorce is hard on everybody.
Michelle
I can be loving and reassuring till the cows come home, Sara Jessica, but as long as my SO won't even so much as read anything about gender, much less talk to me about it, she remains in a state of denial which I will extend indefinitely by acquiescing.
That's why I think I have to break the logjam, one way or another. Otherwise I'll go nuts.
Time for a change.
Lallie,
My wife is similar to yours in that she essentially refuses to educate herself on the subject of cd/tg/ts. As such, she has a very limited understanding, based wholly on her own feelings and the popular media (Jerry springer, etc). This has prevented her from moving forward and developing a more informed/ enlightened perspective. It really makes discussion difficult
Renee & Lallie, please allow me to share with you what I go through each and every day in both my heart and my head.
I wake up in the morning with a sense of optimism for the day to come. Perhaps this will be the day she might open up a bit more. That we might communicate in a positive way on the TG subject. Or that the day might be coming where she would actually want to meet this part of me.
Then as the day moves along, reality sets in, whether it's simply life that happens or whatever, I invariably go to sleep that night with a slight sense of disappointment that today wasn't the day, only to wake up the next morning with optimism renewed.
Why am I in this perpetual cycle? Because the one person who I love and adore the most in this world, my soulmate, my best friend, is unable to open herself up to share, at least a little bit, this integral part of my being.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
...she has a very limited understanding, based wholly on her own feelings and the popular media...It really makes discussion difficultIt's heartbreaking, isn't it? I yearn for my wife and me to be able to dig deep into our souls and hash things out honestly, with love, so that instead of living a ghost life we can find a way to be who we really are, together! If we can't do that, I don't see much hope.
Lallie
Time for a change.
Dear Gerri,
I think it is wonderful that, with the support of your wife, you will soon start to present fulltime as a woman. As i thought about the plans you have made for your upcoming retirement, a question came to mind.
In most of the retirement communities with which i am familiar, the vast majority of residents are married male-female couples. There are also a substantial number of widows, and a few widowers as well.
The other types of households i have seen among the retirees are: single brother and sister living together; or two sisters; or mother and single daughter, etc.
Sooo...My question is what is your wife and you plan as to what to tell your new neighbors is the nature of your relationship when you are both presenting as women? e.g., "sisters", or some other idea.
The reason i ask this is that i saw from your previous postings that your wife made the decision that you would go fulltime, with no going back to male mode, at the time of your move. And her primary(?) reason was/is that she wants to simplify your lives and not having you perceived as a male one time, and a female (or a male en femme) at another time. So i would think that she would also want a plausible explanation as to why two women are housemates in a retirement community.
btw, How soon will you be retiring and moving to your new place?
Nancy
I wish you luck and support, and hope all works out for you. Follow your heart and go where it takes you.
Yep, sounds like my ex. One day she left me, (mostly for finachal reasons) then I met my Polar Bear. 100% suport!
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