Forgive me, this will be a long post
So, I mentioned in Nikki S's thread about coming out to her sister that I had put up a Facebook page for my girly alter ego. I had wanted to do this for some time, it seemed like a fun idea and generally for the most part it has been. I also mentioned in that thread that I was surprised and slightly disappointed that no one in my family really noticed. Be careful what you wish for!
So a little background. After Halloween I put up some pictures from that night of me dressed to the nines on my regular old facebook page. Didn't get much of a response, I was a bit surprised. Most of my good friends know but I thought some family members might be like what the hell?My one sister made a comment that our family has some pretty people. It was cute and funny. An ex girlfriend stated "you so crazy" bur otherwise nada, that was it. I think I did it to kind of slowly get people, family members mostly, to think about it. To kinda ease them into the idea and to see who might be a harder sell. I have not come out to any family. I have a big complicated family. My Dad was married before, had 4 kids, got divorced. My Mom was married before, had 2 kids, got divorced. They met and had me! Cute right?
So about a month ago I said screw it and put up a facebook for Samantha. I have over the last couple years come to completely accept this part of my life. I do not feel shame or embarrassment anymore and I've gone out a bunch of times as well. Over this time I came out to almost all my closest friends, everyone of them has been awesome and accepting, beyond my wildest dreams. I am in the headspace that I am simply not going to hide this anymore, come what may.
Well, one of my sisters, ironically the same one who commented on my Halloween pics in a jovial way sent me a message the other day. Her first message was very honest and mature stating her feelings on the subject of me putting up this page. She was very concerned that someone in our family would tell my parents. This particular sister shares my Dad so to speak, and is about 20 years older than me. She seemed so scared about the possibility. My parents are elderly (Dad's 74, Mom's 69), but they aren't senile or anything. Funny thing to me about this is my Dad is an old school blue collar type. So yes maybe he won't approve, and he certainly won't understand. However he is a very intimidating gentleman, always has been. Big heart and all and well respected in our family, just very strong ya know? So I cannot fathom anyone in our family having the balls to confront him about me. My sis pointed out the one person who would have the balls, the sister I used to be the closest to. This particular sister has always been a bit nuts and in the last 2 years cheated on and divorced her husband (whom everyone loves to this day, more than the sister in question) and has messed up her 3 kids lives pretty badly in the process. She has almost been completely disowned at this point. Sad I know but she is really kinda evil. So I could totally see her trying something like this. Except there's no way she could really contact my Dad. She is not allowed in my parent's home, my parents do not have a computer, etc. I made this point to the sister who was concerned. As we argued maturely, each one of her messages got increasingly harsher. Her sole thought was the idea that our Dad would be told about me and be devastated and hurt. I pointed out to her that Dad actually saw me duck into my room one night decked out in bright red boots and fishnets, the full package. Some of you might say well he could've thought it was my girlfriend. I am only attracted to BBWs, Cat is a big girl. No way he could've been confused. He never said a word about it. So I'm pretty sure he knows. So I keep making points like this and she keeps getting more vitriolic. I think you are selfish she says. She thinks I'm "blindsiding" our family and being disrespectful and selfish. She thinks I should take it down, etc. Despite what I've pointed out in previous messages. I also told her I planned to come out to our sibs and my Mom soon. She still states I should take it down . I went out of my way to explain my side. I told her the profile's set to private, only my friends can see. She just seemed hell bent on bullying me into taking it down and I told her as much, then she wondered why I was being so defensive... really?! I told her I felt attacked and insulted, although I also stated I did not think that was her intention. Also she did say she had no problem with what I am doing personally and wasn't jugdging me, and I believe her. BTW I was thoughtful and mature throughout the messages. No bad words or namecalling occurred on either side
Now I understand where she's coming from, it's from a place of love and concern for our Dad, but I disagree with her premise entirely. I have always been the weirdo of my family. I've always been told what to do, how to do it, who to date, what to paint, on and on and on. I'm the baby ya know. I don't think she gets that because we aren't that close, both emotionally and geographically. I think my Dad (if he doesn't already know, which I believe he does) would just giggle at me and shake his head, honestly. He is an adult and has always accepted me for who I am.
So I didn't take it down and I don't plan to which is what I told her. So next week there's a big family wedding back home in NJ that we are flying out for. I plan to tell my siblings and maybe my Mom if I'm feeling it. She can discuss it with my Dad. Oh and NO I won't tell them at the wedding!!
I just really needed to vent about this. Just made me feel crappy I guess. Feel free to agree with my sis or post your thoughts whatever they may be. I just needed to get this out. It really got me upset because she seemed to intimate that by doing this I didn't love and respect our father without ever really looking at it from my side of things. Thanks if you actually read ALL that!
Next week should be fun!
