If...

[RachelPortugal]

... I was ever asked a question about whether I would change anything in my life to now, I would have to say, "No."

Why? Because whilst I know I have made a few ill-timed or ill-judged decisions, which have had their costs, if I had done things differently then the present outcome might be different. I have two beautiful daughters, both of whom I consider to have made a success of their lives so far and a gorgeous wife of almost 30 years with whom I am able to spend virtually every hour of every day at our remote farmhouse enjoying the peace and beauty together.

That said, I do sometimes wonder if things would have turned out differently if the internet and forums like this had been around 30-40 years ago to influence some of my choices.

As a teenager, I was small for my age so I was able to try on my younger sister's clothes when at home alone, but I never took the crossdressing any further than that.

At twenty, with hair below shoulder length, still below average height and only having to shave the blond bumfluff from my face once or twice a week, I spent a year travelling around Europe - alone for the most part - doing odd jobs to boost the coffers and hitch-hiking most of the time. On a few occasions as I stood in my skintight "Wranglers" waiting for a ride, vehicles would slow down or even stop only to drive off again, I guess the drivers were hoping to pick up a girl and on closer viewing could see I was a guy.

So, had I taken to the road that year in girly mode, I am sure I would have seen a whole lot more of the sights of Europe, a lot less of the muddy or dusty roadsides and my future life may have been a whole lot different.

How I envy the young crossdressers of today with all the support and advice of forums like this.

[Joanne f]

I wish i could say the same thing as i have made mistakes that i regret , they seamed small at the time but had a long lasting effect .

[Sandra Dunn]

Yes if we had known then. I look at it this way I am making those decisions now and changing what I can for me while at the same time offering the younger ones the support I did not have when I was young. I can not go back and change anything so I will change it now.

Like you I wish I knew now what I know then, it would have been a different life. Oh well allI can do is go forward and hope the younger ones will take advantage of the changes we help bring about.

HUGS Sandra Dunn

[Sarah53]

The only change I would make is to dress more open sooner. Couldn't do so with small children in the house.

[vikki2020]

I've often thought about that. I have no complaints about the life I have now, but I think I would have taken a completely different route if I were 20 today! But, no time like the present,right!

[Paula Siemen]

I guess I would have to say, "I can only imagine what my life would be like now?"

After college, I went back to my smallish, city home town in Texas (a pretty much redneck sort of place). After I got my own place I practiced my dressing up as a woman, in private, only going out late at night for a drive. I rarely went to the nearby Big City where I could have found other CDers and realised as much as I do now. My cross dressing was stymied for nearly 20 years until I made a transition to that Big City,,,a much more open minded place. About the same time the internet and sites like this were comming into being and I was able to realise just how large the Cross Dresser's community is and how open one can be about it. I've since become rather at ease with my total self and am able to function rather well in either role.

I did meet and have some really great friends and of course my wife of twenty years now, in my home town, so that part of my life was truely great.

But, what if I had come to the Big City sooner, before meeting my wife and all of my friends and having the "normal" experiences through those 25 years after college? I can't even imagine what and where or how I would be. May be a full time woman? Likely not.

WHo Knows?
Paula

[Teri Jean]

I think we all have asked the what if questions and come away with so many different reasonings. For me, knowing what I know today and the daughters I have after 35 yrs of marriage I would say no. I do wish I understood the whys and whats that confused me for so many years. Today I'm more happy for the answers that I have but the family is still my crowning glory.

Teri

[wanagione]

my wife asked me that question a couple of months ago, I said that right now no i would not transition. I'm realitvly happy now,. But If this was 2010 and i was 20 years old again, i probibly would transition

[sterling12]

That's a very healthy attitude Rachel.

There is No Train to The Past, and we can't change anything. If one spends their time fixating on past mistakes, on "should a beens" and "could a beens" it amounts to A Life wasted.

We are very limited on how much of The Future we can effect. We can plan well, and hope that our efforts will lead to happy conclusions, but **** happens, and we are right back to "Square One."

But, TODAY we can effect! We can learn to appreciate what we have, and live TODAY to our max potential. I'm glad you are satisfied with what you do have. Maybe, there wouldn't be so much pain if we all could learn to do The Same......Oh wait, isn't that part of that "Self-Acceptance Thing" that we keep harping about?

Gee, isn't that something to think about?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[sometimes_miss]

As they say, hindsight is 20/20 vision. The only change I would have made in my life would have been to borrow money to get through school. Trying to work full time while going to school full time affected my grades enough to keep me from going to medical school. No one told me that I could have joined the armed forces, served as an M.D. for them for a duration, and that the gov't would have paid for my education.

Thanks for nothing, public school guidance counselors.

[tricia_uktv]

Never Forget.

It works for us girls too;

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Hugs,

Trish xx

[Sarah Doepner]

If I knew I was going to live this long I'd taken better care of myself.

If I understood I was going to crossdress the rest of my life I would never have grown a mustache.

If I'd known when the stock market was going to crash I would have made lots of money and had that Facial Femininzation Surgery.


I occasionally play the "If" game, but found it doesn't help me be any happier. I think it works best for me when I practice "Peace is when we understand we can't change the past." I'll work with what I have and try to find ways to make the future a time with fewer wishful "ifs".

[kimdl93]

I usually play the if game with regrets...but I don't find I regret cross dressing. I regret the people that I've failed, the stupid mistakes I've made. None of those failings or mistakes were due to my CDing...but rather immaturity and impulsiveness. I'd change any of those things, but keep dressing up

[eluuzion]

I wish I would have invented a way to physically change back and forth between genders. Oh, I wish I would have invented a sunscreen lotion that makes you invisible. I wish I discovered the fountain of youth too, instead of looking for my keys all the time...

Ok, I know many cannot resist the "what if" stuff. But it just never made sense to me. It is like ruminating about a wreck, and trying to "back out of an accident". What if, I could of, would of, might of, if only, I wish I did this or that.

I guess I spend all my time thinking about what I can do next. I have no regrets about anything or would make any changes if I got to do it "over again". Everything would be different...

[RachelPortugal]

That's a very healthy attitude Rachel.

There is No Train to The Past, and we can't change anything. If one spends their time fixating on past mistakes, on "should a beens" and "could a beens" it amounts to A Life wasted.

We are very limited on how much of The Future we can effect. We can plan well, and hope that our efforts will lead to happy conclusions, but **** happens, and we are right back to "Square One."

But, TODAY we can effect! We can learn to appreciate what we have, and live TODAY to our max potential. I'm glad you are satisfied with what you do have. Maybe, there wouldn't be so much pain if we all could learn to do The Same......Oh wait, isn't that part of that "Self-Acceptance Thing" that we keep harping about?

Gee, isn't that something to think about?

Peace and Love, Joanie

Thanks for the compliments Joanie.

I have to say that much of this healthy attitude stems from my current lifestyle as a naturist, which is not just about being naked all the time, if that were the case I would never get the chance to wear female clothing. Naturism is also about caring for and being close to nature. One of my interpretations of naturist philiosophies is non-materialism and non-consumerism, so I do not crave designer labels or the latest "must have" items and as such I am very happy with my lot.

[ReineD]

So, had I taken to the road that year in girly mode, I am sure I would have seen a whole lot more of the sights of Europe, a lot less of the muddy or dusty roadsides and my future life may have been a whole lot different.

At the risk of bursting bubbles, I feel compelled to inject a dose of reality.

I understand the idealism surrounding the thought of living a woman's life .. the romance, having men fall all over you and show you a good time, the glam, the glitter, etc. But the reality is that girls get raped when they hitchhike alone in Europe. And when she has a boyfriend, he is interested for a short time and then the romance fades ... his eyes turn to other girls, he wants to do stuff with his buddies, and many boyfriends even stray. Opportunities within the jobs aren't as good, it's still a man's world in that respect. And, .... guys don't fall all over you and show you a good time, unless you look like a model, which few of us do. And even then, today's guys expect the girls to pay for their own way.

Most of us regular looking GGs, even if we are wearing a skirt and heels, get treated the same in the grocery store as you do, we have to wait in line like everyone else, we sit at a table in a cafe to read our books and drink our lattes without having men come up and pay attention to us (they're all married), and we go home alone at night if we are single.

Or we find a guy to fall in love with, have kids, the romance fades, we become preoccupied with the bills, raising the kids, dual careers, marital issues, losing our bodies and getting wrinkles, and half of us get divorced in courts that heavily favor the men. The statistics show that after a divorce women's standards of living decrease while men get richer.

I'm not saying a woman's life is horrible. I wouldn't know how to be a guy and I can't imagine being any different than I am. But when I read the fantasies here about it, I shake my head in dismay. A woman's life is not the glitzy, romantic life it is cracked up to be.

[RachelPortugal]

At the risk of bursting bubbles, I feel compelled to inject a dose of reality.

I understand the idealism surrounding the thought of living a woman's life .. the romance, having men fall all over you and show you a good time, the glam, the glitter, etc. But the reality is that girls get raped when they hitchhike alone in Europe.

Life would be so boring if we did not take risks, actually around the time that I was hitching around Europe I only heard/read about young couples being murdered. Sure there were dangers, as there is in everything we do (most accidents happen in the home). During my travels I found myself facing the barrel of a gun on two occasions - jumpy police officers in Germany and Italy at a time when Bader-Meinhoff and the Red Brigade were very active. I was only frightened once, and that was due to a loss in translation whilst speaking in French, the only common language, with some Yugoslavs who were giving me a lift.

And when she has a boyfriend, he is interested for a short time and then the romance fades ... his eyes turn to other girls, he wants to do stuff with his buddies, and many boyfriends even stray. Opportunities within the jobs aren't as good, it's still a man's world in that respect. And, .... guys don't fall all over you and show you a good time, unless you look like a model, which few of us do. And even then, today's guys expect the girls to pay for their own way.

Most of us regular looking GGs, even if we are wearing a skirt and heels, get treated the same in the grocery store as you do, we have to wait in line like everyone else, we sit at a table in a cafe to read our books and drink our lattes without having men come up and pay attention to us (they're all married), and we go home alone at night if we are single.

Or we find a guy to fall in love with, have kids, the romance fades, we become preoccupied with the bills, raising the kids, dual careers, marital issues, losing our bodies and getting wrinkles, and half of us get divorced in courts that heavily favor the men. The statistics show that after a divorce women's standards of living decrease while men get richer.

I'm not saying a woman's life is horrible. I wouldn't know how to be a guy and I can't imagine being any different than I am. But when I read the fantasies here about it, I shake my head in dismay. A woman's life is not the glitzy, romantic life it is cracked up to be.

I have consistently said that I am a crossdresser and have never had and never expect to have any notions of transitioning. My "what if" was that had there been the influence of forums suchas this 30 - 40 years ago I would have probably crossdressed on my hitch hiking tour, during which I noticed on more than one occasion that drivers, faced with a choice, would opt to pick up a female hitch-hiker rather a guy. Multiple hitch-hikers do not form a queue like at a taxi stand!

As for your experinces of life as a female, I would say that you just aren't meeting the right guys. I have two daughters, both of whom are constantly spoilt by their boyfriends/partners and whilst life isn't always a bed of roses for them, they are certainly not experience all those bad things that you portray as a normal woman's life today.

[Danni Bear]

While I'm not a GG but a T-girl. I can agree with Reine, a womans life is not all glam and glitz. It's humdrum and hard mostly.There are times it is great. Kids and family responsibility don't disappear when you transition. How you handle daily tasks don't stop. You deal with them as best you can. This is the same as you did as a male. If's are fun to think about but reality always intrudes.

Danni

[Tina B.]

What if, is always fun, but I bet in 20 or 30 years from now you will find them saying "If I knew then what I know now". I doubt that will ever end. We didn't have the net back then, I wonder what these kids will be calling that thing they didn't have back when they where young, in some ways things just keep getting better and better, remember for someone out there, these are the "Good old days!"
Tina B.