reality bites

[DAVIDA]

Hi Lorileah!
You shouldn't put to much into what he said.
You could tell him that it doesn't matter what he thinks. You weren't interested in dating him anyway!

[Kate Simmons]

I disagree with your friend Lori.

[Andy66]

Meh... you can't please everyone. Your friend's personal taste is just his personal taste. I checked out your profile page and photo album (I put on my eyeglasses for this) and found out that you're actually pretty cute. Maybe your friend needs eyeglasses too.

[Jonianne]

Maybe he said that because he's trying to stop you from dressing?.....

I was thinking that too.

The first person that accepted me, a lady friend that was a hairdresser and had roomed with an openly gay CD in the past, told me that I would never look like a female, that I didn't have the face for it. That really hurt, especially after knowing she was the first person that accepted me dressing. I don't know why she told me that, but it definatly knocked me 3 steps back. I already felt that I wasn't passable anyway, but it's a slap when you hear that from someone you thought was a friend. I have thought she may have said that to try to discourage me from dressing, because she was also a close friend with my first wife who was not accepting.

Lori, don't worry, you do make a very pretty princess!

People have different ideas what a best friend is.
Some think best friends should support you in everything you do and say whatever necessary to make you feel good.
Others think best friends are the ones who should tell you the truth even if it hurts your feelings......

Satrana, if Lori had asked her friend how he felt she looked, that would be one thing, but to have a friend say that unsolicited is another.

[ladyinblack]

I think you look great hun dont worry about other just do what makes you feel good

[Karinsamatha]

If I may say you are attractive! A good friend of mine Harry Huck em said "F&%^ em". What matters is how you feel. Your pictures indicate you feel pretty good when you are dressed.

[tanyalynn51]

I sound like a broken record on here, but you are beautiful, and your friend is an idiot. In fact, go get a 2nd opinion- Im sure theyll say he's an idiot too. Get some real support who will recognize you for who you are.

[Kathryn Martin]

Long ago, in a thread far way I wrote about having a long time friend accept me. I know I am never going to be the beautiful princess I want to be. I know that physically I will never be mistaken as a genetic female. I have resigned myself to the fact that I am who I am. I also know that the people on here accept who I am (they may not like me but they accept me). But today, my best friend, told me that no matter how I present, I can never be attractive (OK he said I don't look good no matter what and that this is especially true when I dress). So, three steps back now.

Not something anyone likes to hear.

I know what I have to say will not be popular with everyone.

First of, you are beautiful and attractive!

I think that we are not all fully understanding the context. Your best friend became your friend and even best friend at a time when you presented as your male persona. He loved you for who you are as a person.

When you came out to him he accepted that the person he knew and loved as a friend was really a woman. He probably grieved a little because in some ways that was not what he signed up for. But he accepted you because he knew you for the person you were no matter how you presented.

I don't know how the topic came up, and what the context was, but I assume he must have been asked whether he found you attractive or if he liked the way you looked. Whoa, that really changed the water on the beans for him because he likely never looked at you in that way. There is a huge difference in "accepting a person as they are" and finding them "attractive".

I know what he said hurts and when the time comes maybe you can let him know that. But on the flip side I think you need to give him some credit both for accepting you and for telling you that, to him, you cannot "look good" or "attractive" because it changes the fundamental basis for his friendship with you.

He has been a good friend and you say a best friend for a long time. Don't loose him over this but try also to understand him (which I think you do on some level in any event.

You look great and are very attractive

Kathryn

[erickka]

I think he's just jealous. The reason I'm saying that is because you look beautiful, and IMO, look better than a LOT of GG's. He is probably wishing he had a girl who looks as fine as you!

[Raychel]

I have found over the years that every move I make, Every decision that made, everything that I did, someone disagreed or did not like. I just try like hell to make my life as good as I can, and pretty much forget about what other people think. What to they know anyway.

I think you look great,

[Jay Cee]

Hmmmph! With "friends" like that...

Don't let his words plant doubts in your mind - you are attractive. End of story.

[Fab Karen]

Your feelings are understandable. But then you should stop & realize, he might say the same thing to a GG ( I suspect him telling you this was his "I'm not gay" declaration to you, as if you automatically would be interested in him ).

[suchacutie]

Ok, first of all, there is no way that he can legitimately say that you are unattractive. We have all agreed on this, so he is outvoted.

But, he said it. There are many possibilities: He was inebriated, he wanted your male self "friend" to return to him and was upset that he lost his male friend, he had a temporary "bug" where the sun doesn't shine after talking to someone completely against CDing, or he was just having a terrible day and you were there to be picked upon.

There are probably other possibilities too, but you'll never know which one is true....

unless you ask him.

really

tina

[joanne shannon]

A friend is someone who will stick by you through the good & the bad...someone you can always count on and would trust with your life. Perhaps this individual is not the friend you thought he was and maybe you need to find a real friend. From the two photos I saw, you are very beautiful and I guess there is some other factor at work regarding your friend's opinion.

Love . . . Joanne S.

[Ze]

Um...did you show him your avatar picture as a rebuttal? Seriously, I'm not kidding when I say this; you pass and you're quite attractive. Really. I think that's the only reason I'm your friend. I've said time and again, you're lucky you're cute.

I, and I'm sure many others, know how it feels to be told shit like that. I think it was Marge Simpson that said, "There are many people out there who are going to try to tell you what to do. But most of the time they don't know what they're talking about."

Has this so-called friend seen you dressed? Has he seen photos? Has he seen any evidence of your female self at all? How unrealistic are his standards of women? Is he a poor lonely ******* like myself (albeit for different reasons)? There are many factors to consider here. I mean, I've seen both male and female pictures of you; they're like two different people. I was blown away when you first showed me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is...aw geez...don't make me say it in public...

You're one of my favorite people with a fantastic attitude and, yes, very attractive features. Though admittedly I still can't choose between blonde or redhead.

*belches, scratches his crotch, and goes back to his NASCAR*

[Kieron Andrew]

You're one of my favorite people with a fantastic attitude and, yes, very attractive features. Though admittedly I still can't choose between blonde or redhead.

hmm, yanno i was thinking this myself, im still unsure which i like between the red and blonde...its like the redhead is the bad girl (and i do like bad girls ) and the blonde is the cute needs looking after girl (but i also like needy girls too!!)...now i know you've said shes yours but come on dude, you have to admit its easy to see how any man would feel honoured to have someone as sexy and beautiful as Lori on your arm ...no wonder we fight over her all the time lol

oh and Ze is right..put some of your sexiest pictures under his nose and let him decide again!

[Ze]

hmm, yanno i was thinking this myself, im still unsure which i like between the red and blonde...its like the redhead is the bad girl (and i do like bad girls ) and the blonde is the cute needs looking after girl (but i also like needy girls too!!)...now i know you've said shes yours but come on dude, you have to admit its easy to see how any man would feel honoured to have someone as sexy and beautiful as Lori on your arm ...no wonder we fight over her all the time lol

For the last time, I CALL DIBS! If you don't back off, I'm telling Esther!

Yes, folks, Ze and Kieron are officially in a Lori thread. i.e. Lori's going to start feeling better whether she likes it or not.

Edit: That's true, Kieron. I think we need more pictures to decide. Particularly ones involving a maid or bunny outfit.

[carhill2mn]

I cannot imagine a "best friend" saying something like this unless you asked for his opinion. If you did then, as a "best friend", he was giving you an honest answer even though it was not what you were hoping to hear.

[carolinoakland]

It sucks when friends think they're honest comments about THEIR feelings and opinions won't be taken in a hurtful fashion. I laugh the hardest whenever someone try's to tell me how HARD it is to get used to my new name. REALLY? HARD? FOR YOU? lol. And here I thought this was all about ME!

Lori, you are a fine looking woman and the only looks you'd ever get are the one's any good looking woman would get, your friend just looks at one type of woman, his. Carol

[Ze]

I laugh the hardest whenever someone try's to tell me how HARD it is to get used to my new name. REALLY? HARD? FOR YOU? lol. And here I thought this was all about ME!

I have no intention of derailing this thread, but can I use that quote on my immediate family, Carol? How wonderful.

[Samantha B L]

Lori,I'll tell you a few things if you'll promise to finish your cookies and milk and not to get a big head. I don't know you super well and you're a cyber freind anyway. But I always have a tendency to click back on your avatar and any other clips or pics the way we all do with Karen Hutton or Tamarav or Tracy Schapes or Pretty Flowing Gown. Maybe the person who told you that is a little uneasy that you are TS. And maybe a little bit stupid too. In an effort to discourage me from dressing my Mom told me when I was 18 that "you would make an ugly woman". Turns out I'm a passing fair "Goth" you could say.

[Nicole Erin]

Some men have this ideal of beauty that is a supermodel. Anything less just doesn't look good to them.
Now I think the "reality" is that no one here looks like a supermodel.
However, perfect beauty is not the real world anyways.

Hey I will say Lorileah - I wish I looked as good as you.

Thing is that a lot of men are really shallow when it comes to looks and such. I have a gay friend at school, he is like 28, not bad looking, but was complaining about how men are all into looks.

It is true that the world is shallow enough to judge a lot by looks, but there are people out there who look to a standard in others that they could not themselves meet. You know some older sloppy low income average joe is not going to get a 21 year old playboy bunny, even if he thinks he can.
And for the women - some fat ugly 30 something single mom is not going to land a financially stable handsome prince who loves kids and animals.
I think we all dream of having the mate who is perfect in most ways. I think 95% of the population wants to date the better 5%.

All I am saying is the shallowest peoples' opinion should be dismissed like the crap that it is. Your friend probably has this fantasy of being Hugh Hefner.

[sissystephanie]

This was your best friend who said that? Is he still? If I looked even slightly as good as you do in your Avatar, I would be looking for a new best friend!!

OIf course, that is a camera shot and maybe enhanced! But even so, you are a very good looking woman. Don't take what he said to heart!!

[AKAMichelle]

If I had asked your friend about me the comments would have been harsher. It is the beauty inside of us that really shines to others. You friend is only talking about the outside.

[Lorileah]

Thanks again everyone. Glad no one said "hey he is right! you troll" Things tend to change with time and in my mind a few things that some said here were right on. There were two other guys (golf foursome) and they had all met "Lori" so it wasn't secret. I think it may have been more a "good old boy" comment to deflect any hint of "gay" that was there. Two of the three have told my away from others that I do look nice. That includes the best friend so maybe I was just hyper sensitive. Guys talk big around other guys. I know that but even what some think are innocent joking remarks sometimes hit home.

I won't hold it against him, he will be a friend and probably a best friend forever. Sad for him is that he won't have the complete friend he would have had because Lori isn't going away. And if he can't handle her...he will never see her again. So half of his best friend won't be around. Did that make sense? When you have to be on the alert and defensive around someone, it just isn't a complete friendship

Thanks again every one. It is good to have friends