I've not posted a long description of my ventures out before, and I don't know if anyone will really be interested, but I know I enjoy reading some of those sorts of posts, so maybe it will find a readership.
I've been out in public dressed maybe 12 or 15 times over about 4 years. Not a lot, and each time I think it may be the last, as I have limited opportunities (it's a complicated situation) and I worry that as I age I am less and less likely to pass.
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Wednesday
My plan was to be able to be fully femme throughout a whole long (3-day) weekend. I actually started on a Wednesday evening. I needed groceries, and went to the local supermarket dressed, which I had done in the past. It's about a 10 minute walk each way, and wanted to be comfortable in the heat, and to blend in of course. I wore a long filmy two-layer skirt in a pink/white/grey floral print, a pink t-shirt, a pink long-sleeve silk shirt left open over that, and silver ballet flats. I did have on nylons, stockings with a pink garter belt, because I really like nylons—going out and passing is a way to wear them, not the other way around—so I wore them even in the heat. In fact they were quite comfortable. And a wig, pink nail polish, make-up—not too emphatic—and jewellery of course.
It was all quite uneventful, which was fine. The young male check-out clerk did address me as “ma'am” but I think maybe he did realize, which is fine. No one in the store or on the street gave me a second look.
Thursday
I had to go to work, but I wanted to buy a transit pass to use for the next few days, so I got up early, dressed, and walked to the local commuter train stop. I wanted to look like I could be going to the office that morning, and wore a lightweight mid-blue dress, knee-length, long-sleeve, with beige pantyhose, and dark blue t-strap high heels. The passes are coded as to male or female and the sales person gave me the female pass withought hesitation or comment, and I think I did in fact pass. It was a shame to have to go back home and change to male mode for work. I couldn't go out that evening either. Ah well.
Friday
The big day, and I had it all planned out. Red blouse, mid-calf length lightweight black and red floral print skirt, black leather high heel pumps, over red lingerie, including, again, a garter belt and stockings, in this case from my stash of vintage very sheer, very smooth non-stretch nylons. Deep maroon metallic nail polish—actually on press-on nails—and the usual wig, make-up, lots of jewellery.
Taking the train was completely non-eventful, but it is a kick for me to show my Female pass and have it accepted. Got off downtown and walked to my therapist's office. I see her once every month or two, to deal with my depression and anxiety, someone to talk to. We have talked a lot about my cross-dressing, and she is fully supportive, and is happy to have me see her while dressed.
After that, walked to a Barnes and Noble, browsed a bit, and did buy something, using my discount card, all without incident.
Took a bus—using my transit card again—and walked towards a thrift shop that benefits a charity for people living with AIDS. I had shopped there en femme before, but had not had a lot of time. On the way I passed a little second-hand boutique, and tried on and bought a red knit dress. I assume the staff—one male, one female—read me, but it certainly was no problem.
At the thrift shop I took my time and browsed a lot, and tried on a number of outfits, though the change room was very small and cluttered with clother others had left there. Still, it was fun to be able to do that. Bought a couple of blouses, a couple of skirts, and a dress, along with some music, books, and videos, all for not much more than $20, and all for a good cause too.
By this time I had walked some ways and my feet were getting a little sore in the 3 inch heels, and I was hungry, so I stopped at a little chinese place and had some tofu and seaweed soup. Not a great place, but it served the purpose.
A bus ride to a cinema but I was too late for one show and too early for another, so I browsed in a book store and had some ice cream at a café. No issues, no looks. Am I really passing completely, or do other people not care at all? Either way it's fine. Back to the cinema and watched Inception. (A very big disappointment by the way.)
Another bus ride—getting good value from my pass—and to a late chamber classical music and jazz concert at a small book-store/performance space. By this point I am feeling very comfortable with being out and dressed, and there are no issues at all at the space. It's the sort of place where, I think, those that would notice I'm a cross-dresser would think “fine,” or “cool,” or “ehh.” It's what I want.
And finally back to the train station and the ride home. A very successful day. Of course all weekend I wear a nylon nightgown to bed, and keep my polished nails on.
Saturday
I enjoy waking up to see my nail polish. Today I have some things I have to do around the house, but in the afternoon I go out. Dark blue silk straight skirt, just above knee-length, with lavender silky blouse, both of which I had bought the day before. Light pantyhose, and black patent 1-inch heel shoes. These I chose on the basis of the heels the day before getting uncomfortable for walking after a while, but they would prove a real mistake.
Train again, and it was fun to be able to see and feel my nyloned knees while just sitting there. Took a bus to another thrift shop, where I can't try things on, but it's fun to hold dresses up to me. Bought a couple of things for myself, some for my wife. By this time I realize my shoes are cutting into me, rubbing on the big toe where the side of the shoe comes up to the toe. It's far more uncomfortable than the heels were. While I'm standing in line to pay the heavy-set woman behind me says to me “oh, those shoes are wonderful! I wear size 11 and I've been looking for a pair like that. Where did you get them?” I told her (Payless) but, I would have given them to her if I'd had anything else to wear! I then went to an Indian grocery where I shop regularly, and stocked up on many things, now carrying full canvas shopping bag. Again, a bus to the next stop. No choice, as my feet are very sore indeed.
I went to a Russian film at a student organization cinema, again a space I'd been to a number of times. An odd film, “The Mirror” by Andrei Tarovsky, and I must watch it again on video. Sat there the whole time with my shoes off and sometimes massaging my feet in the dark.
Bus to train station, and home. But from the train station to my house I took off my shoes and walked on grass when I could, on concrete when I had to. So much for those nylons, but my left foot has a serious gash in it—somehow the pantyhose are not running there!--and is bleeding. But otherwise a pleasant day.
Sunday
Thought of going out during the day, but I was tired, slept in, and wanted my feet to recover. That evening I had arranged to meet a friend for dinner and a movie. Long skirt with a maroon/yellow/green floral print—yes, I have several like that—gold silk blouse, beige high heel pumps. Underneath, a really cute embroidered yellow bra and panty set, with yellow garter belt and pale stockings. Same maroon nail polish, lots of jewellery. I always wear an ankle chain, and all this weekend I wore big silver hoop earrings and a silver nose stud.
Train and bus to cinema and bought the tickets ahead of time. I had a quick look inside the window of the restaurant next door where we planned to meet, but did not see my friend, and as I was very early I then waited on a park bench outside the restaurant for her. I could see everyone passing by so I was sure I would not miss her. Lots of people went by, no issues, but the time to meet came and went and I was wondering if something had gone wrong. Suddenly she came out of the restaurant, where she had been all the time, arriving even sooner than me. Somehow we had not seen one another, apologies all around, and she said “I finally realized I should have gone outside, and I looked, and said 'there she is!' “ Note: “she.”That felt great. She had seen me dressed at my house many times before, and I once visited her en femme, so she's very used to it.
So we had a nice meal, with no one paying the slightest attention to me so far as I could tell. My friend is very different from me: female and very butch, shaved head, black t-shirt and jeans, running shoes or boots. So we must make a odd couple, but it wasn't an issue.
The movie was “The Kids Are Alright,” which we both enjoyed a great deal, and my friend said it struck a lot of chords for her. We walked back to the train station, talking a lot about a lot of things, and my feet were much better in the heels than they had been in the flats. We went our different ways at the station after a very pleasant evening.
A very pleasant week-end, and I was very saddened to have to return to male mode for work on Monday morning. Hope this has not been too long and too boring. Thank you for reading.
Michaella
Originally Posted by Michaella
