The Wife Finally Knows The Truth

[Christy_M]

I new this was coming for quite some time and Finally, I have had the courage to talk with my wife. As I mentioned in my previous posts, she had told me five (or so) years ago that if I didn't quit, she would divorce me.

I don't know if it was newfound courage from the drive home from Los Angeles or if I just wanted to get it off my chest but we talked last night for quite a while. I had already prepared a script for this occasion and knew everything I wanted to convey to her. When we talked, the script was tucked away out of sight but I remembered most of what was in it.

We cried, she was angry, hurt, disappointed and slightly relieved that I wasn't having an affair. I told her I was already in therapy and that this was not going to go away. My need to express this part of me is too great and most of the problems we have had were probably related to my suppressing this part of me. She wants me to find Jesus again so he might be able to cure me.

Today, she told me she doesn't know what to do or where to turn. She asked quite a few more questions about whether I am gay or may want to be a woman. I told her I didn't think so on both counts but didn't want to lie and say I knew for sure. I kn ow she is very confused and conflicted right now but she didn't toss me out on my ear so I am feeling pretty good about that. I will keep everyone posted as things develop.

[Jason+]

While I am not sure Jesus can cure something I am yet to be convinced he didn't put in on purpose I am happy to hear that both you stood your ground and admitted to her that it isn't going to go away and that it didn't mean the immediate end for your marriage.

[Persephone]

Well, Christy, at least it is out on the table right now and y'all can deal with it instead of all of the fear and guilt. And that has to be a good thing.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Rachel Morley]

She wants me to find Jesus again so he might be able to cure me.

Unfortunately, I very much doubt even he will be able to "cure" you. I commend you for being honest and open with your wife but as you yourself said, this isn't going to go away. Hopefully you both will be able to find some common ground and continue to love one another and stay together ... true love conquers all - right?

[Sallee]

Good Luck,but with the cure by Jesus comment I wouldn't be to optimistic and might be looking for a good divorce lawyer. Maybe therapy for both of you could help.
Good Luck

[AKAMichelle]

Jesus can cure anything. But the implied intent of the comment is that cd'ing is so bad that it needs curing. The problem I have with it is God knows everything before we do it. We have free will to make choices. So why would God make us TG if it weren't for some purpose. We may never know the purpose but it doesn't change that there is a purpose for it. Since we don't know the purpose behind it, how can we determine if it is bad or good.

[sissystephanie]

Sorry if this comes across kind of tough, but it is the only way I know of to say these things!

I have no idea how old you are or how long you have been a CD. But I do know one thing for sure! You are a man, and you married your wife as a man! Either you want to be a man and stay married, or you don't! If you really want to be a man, than let her know that!! In every way you can.

I started as a panty wearing CD at age 6. When I first got totally dressed to go out in public I was in my late teens! I knew then that I never wanted to become a woman, and still feel the same way! I told my late wife I was a CD before we married, and she accepted me "as is" with the provision that I always remember that I was her man!! We had almost 50 years together!

If you don't know how you feel, you definitely need to consult a therapist! One who specializes in gender disorder therapy!

BTW, I do agree with Michelle!!

[Stacy L]

.




Christy, Maybe Jesus could help her accept you as you are.

[Tara1967]

let us know in about 2 or 5 months will heracceptance be the same?

[Christy_M]

Sorry if this comes across kind of tough, but it is the only way I know of to say these things!

I have no idea how old you are or how long you have been a CD. But I do know one thing for sure! You are a man, and you married your wife as a man!!!

It doesn't come across as tough. I appreciate the feedback. I am 45 and the first time I can remember being in a dress was when I was 4. The first time I knowingly put on girls shoes was when I was 7 or 8. I have struggled with the shame, guilt, purging, et al for most of my life. I know very well what I am and I know all too well the labels that have been put on me (us) over the years. Some people come across as self righteous because they had the balls to talk openly about this to their loved ones while a good number of us stay confused for years trying to figure all this out.

I am a man. I have this huge physiological(?) or psychological(?) or emotional(?) monkey on my back that has affected my life for over forty years. My wife deserves to be with someone who can take care of her the way she needs. I hope that is me but would never expect that she has to accept this part of me. Unfortunately, this part of me comes with the rest of me.

The one thing I have noticed here is that there is no "one size fits all" answer to everyone's struggle with being transgendered (or whatever stage of cross dressing they may find themselves). It would be great if we all had the courage you showed in coming out before your marriage. From your other posts I have gathered you two shared a great life together. I commend you for that and hope the best for you. I have had two previous marriages where one knew and the other didn't. In both cases my feeling about this aspect of my life never got better...even as my first wife and I enjoyed Christy for quite a few years.

I am fairly certain that if my current wife were to toss me out, I would ultimately find another woman to spend my life with. That would probably start without talking about Christy. Not because she doesn't exist but because she is not what a "normal" man brings to a relationship. Of course this is both my opinion and my hell that I have to carry with me through the rest of my days.

I say all this to say "please accept me (and everyone else on this board) for who we are because I believe most of us don't believe anyone else will. I came here for community of similar (not the identical) souls in order to find peace and solace in other's stories and experiences. Just because we don't handle this aspect of our lives the same way doesn't make us less worthy of happiness with those we love and want to be with.

[trisha11]

I have tried everything that I can think of to quit dressing as well. I never tried Jesus but in my opinion that wouldnt work either, this is who we are, for what ever reason we were made this way, born this way. I have learned to accept this and to try and make this as much or as little a part of my life as possible. It took great courage to talk to your wife about it, I wish you well and hope it all works out for you with her.

[sissystephanie]

I have struggled with the shame, guilt, purging, et al for most of my life. I am a man. I have this huge physiological(?) or psychological(?) or emotional(?) monkey on my back that has affected my life for over forty years. My wife deserves to be with someone who can take care of her the way she needs. I hope that is me but would never expect that she has to accept this part of me. Unfortunately, this part of me comes with the rest of me.

I am fairly certain that if my current wife were to toss me out, I would ultimately find another woman to spend my life with. That would probably start without talking about Christy. Not because she doesn't exist but because she is not what a "normal" man brings to a relationship. Of course this is both my opinion and my hell that I have to carry with me through the rest of my days.

Christy, if you have a "monkey" on your back, who put it there? You know as well as I do that you put it there yourself! No one else did!

And don't talk about Christy not being what a "normal" man brings to a relationship. Christy is part of you, just as Stephanie is part of me. The fact that we dress enfemme is part of that, and is actually very normal! You say that it is your opinion and your "hell" that you have to carry with you. It may be your opinion, but it is only your "hell" if you let it be. Please believe me, I do know what I am talking about.

Early on in my life I went thru some of the same stuff you are going thru now. I was much younger of course, but still had a lot of the same thoughts, just without a wife! I just made the decision that I was me, and my life was my problem and mine only. If people don't like me being a CD that is their problem, not mine! In the 70 years that I have been one it has never resulted in anything that I could not handle! No fights, or anything like that.

BTW, my late wife and I were married for almost 50 years but had known each other most of our lives. However, she did not know I was a CD until I proposed to her. I never dressed openly when I was very young! Oh yes, I do have two children, both of whom are older than you and they do know that I am a CD. They just would rather not see me dressed completely enfemme!

[mishmam32]

Wow, I'm loving the opinions on this subject.
I have been struggling with this for years. I have been married 4 years, but have known my wife for 14 years. I have been close to telling her several times but I really am worried about what she will do. They have an image of you, that's what they married. I think of how I would feel if she had a 25year old secret that she sprung on me. I would feel betrayed, I don't know what I would do, maybe that's why I struggle with this.

[Shananigans]

I'm really sorry that your wife reacted that way. I'm glad to hear that you are in therapy and that your therapist is qualified enough to let you know that this is NOT something going away. You don't need a cure.

Perhaps your wife can go to a therapy session with you to help you guys talk about this more constructively.

My thoughts are with you and I hope things get better and she begins to understand and accept this aspect of who you are.

[tgirl2b]

God doesn't make mistakes! He made you who you are for a reason.

[Delenn]

If god gave us such a great gift with born, who we are to denial gods will? Remember that bible is translated by men and by theire will. My suggestion is... stop destroy yourself and acsept your trueself proudly

[Sally24]

No matter how much trouble it seems to bring with it, I think honesty is always the best choice! At least now you should have some chance of dealing with your own guilt and other issues. Being transgendered was not your choice, it just is. How you deal with it is up to you. Hopefully your wife can try to find some way to fit it into her world.

Good luck.....

[kimdl93]

I think you've done everything reasonable. I'm glad to hear that you're in therapy. It would be helpful for your wife to participate or seek professional counseling as well. She needs help in deal with the realities of your shared situation.

[JulieC]

.

Christy, Maybe Jesus could help her accept you as you are.

Score!

I'm with others on the Jesus comment. Jesus made me just the way I am, and I will not understand the full meaning and depth of that until I'm in heaven. Until then, I sometimes think of my transgendered spirit as a means to a greater understanding of the soul.

I know this; nobody who is a crossdresser is 'sick' or 'broken' such that they need to be 'cured' of crossdressing.

As if.

[bianca66]

I am also one under the understanding that "everything happens in God's world for a reason". I no longer try to use my will to change things but just let everything work out the way they were intended.

[Ruth]

Bringing Jesus into the situation will make things better but it may not give your wife the result she wants. I am a committed Christian as well as a CDer and the healing that I got through Jesus was to accept and express my CDing. I think my wife is a long way towards accepting it too, but still finds it hard (life isn't easy, is it?).

[Christy_M]

Score!


I know this; nobody who is a crossdresser is 'sick' or 'broken' such that they need to be 'cured' of crossdressing.

As if.

I am coming to realize this. I really thought this was limited in community and until the last 15 years or so, I thought there would never be more than a half dozen others in the world including me. Accepting myself is critical to my mental well being, I get that, it just goes so far against what I have believed for my entire life.

I have off handedly talked with pastors and others in (different) church. Without getting myself in front of this, I asked about people who do it and heard staements like "abomination," "aborration," "devil's mischief," and "going straight to hell" are probably the most memorable. Between society and the experiences I have found in the churches on this matter, there shouldn't be any wonder why I have buried this part of me so deep.

I hope in time I can realize the same serenity many of you have gained through your personal acceptance of who you are. Being here, on this forum and meeting all of you and hearing your stories and advice has certainly moved me in ways that are immeasurable. I have love in my heart for all of you for all the input and feedback. I can not move forward without challenging my facade and seeing a reality that has only been in my dreams.

Many hugs and blessing to all.

Christy

[docrobbysherry]

Having been married and divorced, it sounds to me like you're on the FIRST STEP of a long staircase. And both of u will have to climb it to stay together!

A GOOD, EXPERIENCED therapist mite help u both up a few steps!

Please DO NOT be duped into telling your story to parties INEXPERIENCED in working with gender difficulties!

Such folks, while well meaning, MAY take sides, or try to CURE u!

While experienced therapists will try to find the BEST solution for BOTH of u!

I TRUST God to do the rite thing! I DON'T trust humans claiming to KNOW what SHE wants, or to be ACTING on HER behalf!

[Dana]

What's wrong with wanting to be a girl or "girly?

Doesn't make you a homosexual, a bissexual, a hetersexual ~ or anything other than who and what you are?

It makes you part of who you are?

[Pattie O]

I think the best thing you can do is go slowly and avoid telling others until your wife has told you how she feels and what she is willing (or unwilling) to accept.Then you will have more information at hand to go forwards in your journey.Bon voyage!!