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  1. #1
    Member maya1love's Avatar
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    hey, how are my gay male crossdressers doing?

    I'm always interested in bringing my sub-sorority of gay male crossdressers together to talk about issues important to us. I was wondering if any of you ladies have been dating any guys recently.

    Dating continues to be very tricky for me. I like guys that are very straight looking, and I happen to be a softer gay male (who dresses). I was recently at a week long gay retreat with about 150 gay men. It was great, but I couldn't help feel left out because the straight looking guys seemed to be attracted to the other straight looking guys. (sigh) So, I came home, and put an ad on craigslist looking for a straight looking guy that likes fem guys who crossdress...seems like these guys are mostly bi, and would never commit to me openly...oh well...I would be curious to hear your experiences of late.

    ps. Let's keep this post on topic regarding gay male crossdressers and our dating experiences with men

  2. #2
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    I am on my part really struggling on the dating department. I can get sex any moment I want but those moments are short lived and most straight acting guys see you only as a sexual fantasy.
    What I really long is for a real stable relationship. I am think I am ready for one but everyday seem harder to reach

    I am sorry This thread is making me depressed
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 09-04-2010 at 12:23 PM. Reason: merged

  3. #3
    Member maya1love's Avatar
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    Don't be discouraged, Barbara! Although there are fewer men who like us and would be suitable partners for us, we only need one man. I seem to have discovered a way to weed out the good ones from the not so good ones. I think the problem that alot of TVs have is that because they are in the closet, they can't attract a suitable man. When I gained confidence to go out in the mainstream dressed, I was able to change my internet personal ads to say that I wanted to go out to dinner or a movie with a man dressed with no expectation of sex. If you have an ad that says that you are just looking for a nice evening with a man, and that you are confident out in public dressed up, you will attract a better crop of men.

  4. #4
    Junior Member msjessgill's Avatar
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    Hi,

    I have had some success in the dating department as of late. Especially this one guy I met, he and I find each others company to be warm, loving, and engaging. He is straight acting and is wonderful about what i do as well (dressing), and we have been out as a couple too!!

  5. #5
    Senior Member joannemarie barker's Avatar
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    I'm still umming and aaahing about my sexuality but there's one guy I know that gives me butterflies in my stomach everytime I see him.think he's straight though

  6. #6
    firesoul Byanca's Avatar
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    I have the same problem. I have my page on the main gay site, and I get lots of replays. But 99% is sex, sex and sex. To the point that I don't bother to replay much to what is coming in anymore. I will have to be more specific and clear. The last thing I am interested in is some shady hidden sex meeting because they live double lives. It's quite depressing at times.

  7. #7
    Junior Member Mizzsummers's Avatar
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    Dating in the gay scene is very hard. I find I am too femme to land a gay guy and not femme enough to land a bi guy. So i end up just having random hook-ups, which is never safe. And I feel I get clingy as i want a relationship.

    it sure is difficult, but if its supposed to be its supposed to be!
    Last edited by Mizzsummers; 07-16-2011 at 02:34 AM.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member StarrOfDelite's Avatar
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    I had one of "those experiences which perplex" this weekend. I had corresponded with a fellow from western Pennsylvania for several months, but I always seemed to be in NYC when he was free on the weekends, and when I was "at home" he was working weekends. We finally got settled on last Saturday nite, and I put on a new summery dress, et cetera, got as pretty as an Old Tranny can get, and met him at a local TGI Friday's. I knew he wasn't movie star handsome, but he had written some interesting emails, and I thought we'd at least have some decent conversation even if no sparks were likely to be struck. For the record, I went to the meeting with 100% intentions to keep the minimal amount of clothing I was wearing (it was still 88 degrees at ten p.m.) in place at all times, but had communicated no ground rules to him. In other words, so far as he was aware, I could have been just waiting for him to say "Let's get a room," before I tore his clothes off and ravaged him. Or vice versa, which would be more fun for me.

    He got to the rendezvous first, so I sashayed in about five minute late (which would have been very prompt for a G Girl), sat down next to him, gave him a big, flashing smile and a "Hi-ya!" in my best trying-not-to-sound-like-Tootsie girly voice, and tried to chat him up. He was very distant at that time, and remained so during the entire evening. I wound up drinking about four glasses of ice cold Chardonnay and eating an order of deep-fried calamari, so he wasn't cheap-skating the date, but he never opened up, and never seemed like he was enjoying himself. Around 0230 we went back to the lot where my car was parked, and he sort of shook my hand and gave me a man hug and a maiden aunt kiss all at the same time, and took off. I sent him an email thanking him for a nice evening, and he hasn't responded at all. Three days and counting, and clearly that dog isn't going to hunt anymore.

    He had claimed that he had had Gay experiences as a young man, had given it up for the duration of a 25 year marriage, was getting back into the life, and had always been fascinated by trans-girls. He had several full face photos of me, and a couple of full length body pix, too, so it's not like he could have been surprised at my appearance, and he seemed to be distracted even before I arrived so I'm pretty sure it wasn't my presentation.

    Ordinarily, I would have just written this off as a learning experience of the no-harm/no-foul variety, and be happy I got food and wine out of the bargain. However, it seems somehow germane to the discussions we've been having on this Thread about dating Gay men, dating Admirers, and dating Straight guys ( if there are such, of course). So, I'm wondering, was he one of those Admirers who don't really want to be the Male half? Or is he a Gay Guy who had second thoughts before I ever arrived? Is he a confused Hetero who had second thoughts about taking a Walk on the Wild Side. He seemed enthusiastic to meet. I'm sure we have all had some setbacks with the delicate psyches of guys who like CD's, e.g. impotence and premature ejaculation, inter alia, are two I've dealt with in the past, but this is the first one I've had where the man was all enthusiasm about meeting, we'd exchanged at least 12-15 emails apiece, and just turned out to be totally disinterested at the F2F.

    This may be an important point. At some point in the evening I myself sort of gave up on trying to be witty, enchanting and fascinating ingrid, and wound up talking about my adventures as a Leader of Men and Gentleman by act of Congress. He seemed more interested in those stories than anything I talked about which are important to my CD'ing. In fact, as far as i can recall, he never asked a single question about any of that. It's not like I've dated every Admirer entire Russian Army, but all of the newbies I have met have been totally curious about what it's like to be a CD.

    It was just a weird experience, and I'm curious if anyone else has dealt with something like it.

  9. #9
    Member María José's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BARBARA_MELENDEZ View Post
    I can get sex any moment I want but those moments are short lived and most straight acting guys see you only as a sexual fantasy.

    I agree with Barbara.

    A few days ago I was as MarÃ*a José in a GLT Club. I danced all the night. A lot of boys looking at me, but only one danced and talked to me. Now and then I receive internet messages from boys in my area. But they always want a meeting in a diferent town where they live.
    Mar?*a José Fernández

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/98211277@N07/

  10. #10
    Member maya1love's Avatar
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    Thanks for the replies!

    Hi msjessgill and michelle_tokyo: I was curious -- where did you meet your boyfriends?

    I would say personally that every guy I've dated (who I dated as a man with a man) and then later told that I like to dress, were supportive of me. Two of them even bought me lingerie on special occasions! Unfortunately, something wouldn't work out and we would usually break up for other reasons. So, I think gay men are mostly more accepting than straight women, in this department. I tell a gay man that I like to dress up, and he says "so what?"

    The question that I struggle with is whether I should "market" myself as a gay man, and then tell him the truth, or be up front about it. I think I am an advocate of the former. (And actually, the advice would be the same for heterosexual cds as well.)

  11. #11
    Just the girl next door. Michelle_Tokyo's Avatar
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    The most recent guy I met on a dating site. We emailed a bit and moved on to dating. He is really nice, but a little lacking in backbone.

    The guy I was with for a longer time I met at a social event in Singapore. That was our serendipity and I think that went a long way to making it as warm a relationship as it was. We started as two men and then Michelle came to play and she stayed. He was good about it telling me I needed to choose between one or the other and I opted for Michelle at home with him and when we went out for dinner. I think the main reason was not that he liked me being Michelle, but rather that he knew that that is me and asking me not to be me was not realistic. He is a sweet man for sure. I was and am convinced he loved me for me inside not outside.

    I am not sure about straight women having issues more often than gay guys though. In my experience gay men tend to want men to be men. Therein lies the attraction. I know I want my man to be all man so I know that it is logical he may want the same.

    When I am out with straight women they always seem to support me. I was having wine at a new wine bar the other day here and was out with a couple of gals. We were talking about whatever and one of the waiters was passing behind me when gave me a very warm hug and then kept doing his job. I was a bit taken with him and my galfriends noticed and encouraged me. They were poking fun at me all night after that, snapping my bra and gently chiding me to go get his number. I assure I will be doing that. Mmmm…….

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member PrettyFlowingGown's Avatar
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    I've gone through bisexuality, and told myself a year ago, I'll never go back, but recently I've had feelings towards males again. Theres a guy at our local rsl whos a barman. I was there on sunday with a girlfreind and she noticed i kept staring at him. She said "You've been looking at him a long time". I said "Yes, hes quite nice". She said "Have you still got some gay feelings". I said "I guess i have". I dont fancy men on a whole, especially ones with beards. moustaches, hasiry chests.....YOUCK!!! but I love a good clean young man.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]I love my gorgous flowing evening and ball gowns. I love swishing in them, and feeling how beautiful and shimmering they are. I love to feel like a princess. I love to be elegant, feminine and ladylike.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by maya1love View Post
    Thanks for the replies!

    The question that I struggle with is whether I should "market" myself as a gay man, and then tell him the truth, or be up front about it. )
    Honesty is always the best policy. I think I'm right in assuming that you would prefer to date as TS/man rather than man/man... So maybe the thing is to look for men who are really interested in transexuals...there are a lot of them out there...rather than traditional gay men. I bet there are some very straight-looking gay (or sorta hetero) males who would find you to be the answer to their dreams!

  14. #14
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by kimdl93 View Post
    Honesty is always the best policy. I think I'm right in assuming that you would prefer to date as TS/man rather than man/man... So maybe the thing is to look for men who are really interested in transexuals...there are a lot of them out there...rather than traditional gay men. I bet there are some very straight-looking gay (or sorta hetero) males who would find you to be the answer to their dreams!

    That would be an ideal situation but if you market yourself as a gay man they usually run the other way around...my problem lies that sometimes they think I am a transexual or a fulltime t-girl then they start asking questions like how real are your breasts or if you are still functional and I totally agree honestly is the best policy I always disclaim what I am

  15. #15
    Gal Next Door Dora Faye's Avatar
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    I'm not gay but very bi. Super glad I found this thread though as I've been having a lot of feelings about having a man. He'd have to be very sweet and gentle and be crazy about me the way I am. I don't even much care how he looks...well, as long as he doesn't weigh 400 lbs lol.

    Quote Originally Posted by maya1love View Post
    The question that I struggle with is whether I should "market" myself as a gay man, and then tell him the truth, or be up front about it. I think I am an advocate of the former. (And actually, the advice would be the same for heterosexual cds as well.)
    My gut feeling is tell them the truth from the get go. Less crossed wires and hurt feelings in the end.

  16. #16
    Member wino_tg_girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BARBARA_MELENDEZ View Post
    I am on my part really struggling on the dating department. I can get sex any moment I want but those moments are short lived and most straight acting guys see you only as a sexual fantasy.
    What I really long is for a real stable relationship. I am think I am ready for one but everyday seem harder to reach

    I am sorry This thread is making me depressed
    That is just people. I'm a straight crossdresser (sometimes-m2f dating women). When I was in better shape and had more confidence I dated a lot after my ex and I split. Most women dating men are the same way. Some people are looking for sex and some are looking for a relationship. It is hard when those of us looking for a relationship meet with those looking for just sex. I think most single people are sex seekers and like their single status, male or female. It can be hurtful if you feel close to someone and they just want to ****. I don't think it's a trans thing or a gay thing. It's a people thing. Finding the right person is never easy.

    The hope for us all is that there are many people out there who have found each other and are in great relationships. I'd rather be single until I find that right person. It wouldn't be good for any of us relationship seekers if the sex-seekers gave up their lifestyle to settle for us just to spare our feelings. They are leaving us out there to find the right person. There is hope, and we just have to keep at it to find that happiness. I'm old enough to have learned that success in love or profession requires not settling.

    You're not alone. You are just like every other person out there looking for love, and you will find your guy.
    Last edited by wino_tg_girl; 07-03-2011 at 04:07 AM.
    [SIZE="2"]Being trans is so freaking awesome, it astounds me that anyone would want to choose to be only one gender. [/SIZE]

  17. #17
    I really applaud all the contributors on this thread... it's nice to hear from girls facing the same issues that I face. As a gay crossdresser, we face a unique set of circumstances whether single or coupled.

    To those of you who crave a relationship, I encourage you to hang in there. I've been with my guy for 20 years (good Lord, where did the time go?). And while we we've certainly faced our challenges, our love and respect for one another drives us to keep working at making our partnership better. Communication is difficult. But for me, discussing crossdressing with him is especially tough. I'm slowly coming to terms with the shame I've felt about it, and am learning to embrace my feminine side. And he's learning too. So while it's not longer the elephant in the room, crossdressing is just one of the many issues (definitely not the most important) we're working through.

    So if there's a lesson to shared, it's this: relationships take work. Holding out for the perfect guy who accepts every single part of you without reservation is a great dream, but you may be waiting an awfully long time. So find someone you respect and who respects you back. Find someone who's willing to work at communication. And don't give up.

    You deserve to be loved for the beautiful person you are.

    Love,

    Christa

  18. #18
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    That's sometimes an issue with us Gay CDs---lucky for Me that I'm not attracted to butch types except under very special narrow circumstances---give Me a femme guy, CD, or GG anytime
    [SIZE="4"][/SIZE]

  19. #19
    Junior Member Shayna2008's Avatar
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    I want to date a guy eventually. I find myself attracted to very masculine guys; I think 98% of the guys I consider are most likely straight though. I have much work to do as Shayna though as far as getting more comfortable going out but I'm in a position where this is much easier to do now plus I have CD girlfriends to go with too, so that will help definitely. Definitely noticing the guys though!

  20. #20
    Just the girl next door. Michelle_Tokyo's Avatar
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    It has been a bit hit and miss for me lately too I admit. Recently I thought I had a good thing going with a guy who said he was totally fine with my femininity but after catching my heart, it later turned out he wanted a more masculine partner. It took him 4 months and way too many romantic dates to get around to telling me so I cried a bit. But I cannot fault him really. I also like more masculine guys.

    I guess my first clue should have been when he said he did not mind. If guy wants me because of who I am that is great, but if he simply is tolerating one part of me that is not so fine.

    Before him though I had gone through a pretty long dry spell so I would have dated almost any man at that stage. Before him I was in a long and wonderful relationship with a guy that loved me to be his princess and then work and moving caused to need to end that time of joy. But I miss him a lot and I am trying to find a new guy to take his place.

    Michelle

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Desiree2bababe's Avatar
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    Been all too lonely here.........I miss my men! Forget about the gay guys, they want a man not a woman. You'd have better luck going to a straight bar, especially if it's a "brothers" bar.

  22. #22
    Member TommyII's Avatar
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    Ok I read it all and it caused some introspection on a new level for me. Wouldn't it be nice to have one person that loved all of the different me's. A guy to hang with (do guy things with), a girl to shop with, share clothes with, and cry with, but always be there for a supportive hug and snuggle. Now I'm not sure anymore if I want a girl or a guy. I just want to be loved and accepted no matter who I decide I am that day.

  23. #23
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    I would love to meet a guy. My desire is not to transition though. I guess I'm okay with the gay bar scene.

  24. #24
    Member maya1love's Avatar
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    I actually think that there are more gay transvestites/crossdressers who actually transition to become women in the East (ie. Asia). I think that this is probably changing as Asian gay tv/cds realize that there is another choice. When I was in Thailand accompanying my friend to get a sex change, I noticed that some of the Asian gurls there felt more like tvs/cds, but they were so cute and passable and liked men, that it seemed like a good fit for them to become women.
    Some boys just can't help acting like girls...

    My pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mayatoronto/

  25. #25
    Senior Member joannemarie barker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by maya1love View Post
    I actually think that there are more gay transvestites/crossdressers who actually transition to become women in the East (ie. Asia). I think that this is probably changing as Asian gay tv/cds realize that there is another choice. When I was in Thailand accompanying my friend to get a sex change, I noticed that some of the Asian gurls there felt more like tvs/cds, but they were so cute and passable and liked men, that it seemed like a good fit for them to become women.

    I can understand that.I've often wondered why I was born male when I love to be a girl and I love men.I still know I'm cd and not ts but I can't help thinking it would be more fitting for me to be a woman

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