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Thread: hey, how are my gay male crossdressers doing?

  1. #151
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by maya1love View Post
    , I noticed that some of the Asian gurls there felt more like tvs/cds, but they were so cute and passable and liked men, that it seemed like a good fit for them to become women.
    That is a very good point...I've noticed that behavior to a less extent on my Hispanic culture..is something that always found interesting how is diferent from Anglo gay culture, I feel crossdressing and transgender is a more accepted behavior among the gay community

  2. #152
    Member maya1love's Avatar
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    Hi all. It's been some time since I have added anything to this posting.

    I actually wanted to talk about the patterns that I am noticing in my dating life these days. As I have said before, I consider myself to be a gay male crossdresser. I've never been with a woman and date men exclusively dressed as a boy or girl. I realize that I am "just" a crossdresser, in that I enjoy dressing up and feeling feminine, but I have no plans to transition. I therefore feel that my best partner would be a man who would be attracted to me as a male 90% of the time and as a woman 10% of the time (because that's how much time I spend in each gender). I also would like to be considered the more feminine partner in the relationship regardless of how I'm dressed. So, I really do feel that dating a "gay" man -- a man who primarily likes other men is my best bet. I get ALOT of online attention from "straight" or "bi" guys as Maya, but the problem is that they'll likely never commit to a fully functional relationship with me because they don't want to see me dressed as a man or envision telling the world that they are in a relationship with me. This is the sad truth about trans admirers -- they are an emerging community that still feels very marginalized in society and they need to mature as a community. (I say that with great respect to them.) So, I realized recently that I should stick to the gay guys if I want to have a shot at a long term relationship with anyone, and hope that he won't mind (or likes) the fact that I dress from time to time. It's very similar to the dilemma that straight crossdressers face -- do they actively seek out women who like crossdressers, or do they meet mainstream straight women as men and tell them that they are secret crossdressers?

    Recently, I've had a number of affirming experiences with gay guys. I do a fair amount of online dating, and simply post a picture of my male self and do not mention that I dress. Recently, I joined adam4adam.com, put up a profile with my male self and for the first time revealed in my profile that I liked to dress (but that it was not a must). I've noticed that I've had a fair number of gay men interested in me despite the fact that I've mentioned that I like to dress. So far, I haven't met "the one", but I feel like it's a step in the right direction. I was also set up with a gay guy on a blind date by a friend. He's a really nice guy (but I'm not feeling attracted to him physically). Nonetheless, he revealed that he has always wanted to be with a crossdresser, and only after that, did I reveal that I was a crossdresser! So, I guess what I am saying is that there are alot of stable gay guys who want relationships out there, and may tolerate or enjoy having a crossdresser as a partner.

    One of the things about gay men that doesn't do it for me is "gay acting" gay men. Unfortunately, my femininity isn't awakened by softer, gay men -- I really like the very masculine type. I realize that I just can't be with a gay guy who looks or acts gay, even if he is the sweetest, nicest guy (which was the problem with the guy above who revealed that he wanted to try being with a crossdresser). I find that that is hard to find in the mainstream gay community. So, other patterns I've noticed about the type of gay guys that I might be attracted to are: a) that they do not hang out in the mainstream gay community and were never really attracted to gay culture and don't know much about it; b) they used to date women, they have had some experience with women, and may be divorced with children and now feel that they are gay in their 30's, 40's and 50's; in other words, they are "late bloomers" to being gay; c) they are more masculine than other gay guys in general; d) they like skinny smooth Asian guys (like me, thank god!) and tend to be the "top" sexually.

    I will keep adding to my list as I think of things. Now, I know that I am making sweeping generalizations about these men, so please don't clobber me! If anyone wants to exchange ideas, I'd love to hear from you!
    Last edited by maya1love; 06-26-2011 at 08:55 AM.
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  3. #153
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by maya1love View Post
    Hi all. It's been some time since I have added anything to this posting.

    I actually wanted to talk about the patterns that I am noticing in my dating life these days. As I have said before, I consider myself to be a gay male crossdresser. I've never been with a woman and date men exclusively dressed as a boy or girl. I realize that I am "just" a crossdresser, in that I enjoy dressing up and feeling feminine, but I have no plans to transition. I therefore feel that my best partner would be a man who would be attracted to me as a male 90% of the time and as a woman 10% of the time (because that's how much time I spend in each gender). I also would like to be considered the more feminine partner in the relationship regardless of how I'm dressed. So, I really do feel that dating a "gay" man -- a man who primarily likes other men is my best bet. I get ALOT of online attention from "straight" or "bi" guys as Maya, but the problem is that they'll likely never commit to a fully functional relationship with me because they don't want to see me dressed as a man or envision telling the world that they are in a relationship with me. This is the sad truth about trans admirers -- they are an emerging community that still feels very marginalized in society and they need to mature as a community. (I say that with great respect to them.) So, I realized recently that I should stick to the gay guys if I want to have a shot at a long term relationship with anyone, and hope that he won't mind (or likes) the fact that I dress from time to time. It's very similar to the dilemma that straight crossdressers face -- do they actively seek out women who like crossdressers, or do they meet mainstream straight women as men and tell them that they are secret crossdressers?

    Recently, I've had a number of affirming experiences with gay guys. I do a fair amount of online dating, and simply post a picture of my male self and do not mention that I dress. Recently, I joined adam4adam.com, put up a profile with my male self and for the first time revealed in my profile that I liked to dress (but that it was not a must). I've noticed that I've had a fair number of gay men interested in me despite the fact that I've mentioned that I like to dress. So far, I haven't met "the one", but I feel like it's a step in the right direction. I was also set up with a gay guy on a blind date by a friend. He's a really nice guy (but I'm not feeling attracted to him physically). Nonetheless, he revealed that he has always wanted to be with a crossdresser, and only after that, did I reveal that I was a crossdresser! So, I guess what I am saying is that there are alot of stable gay guys who want relationships out there, and may tolerate or enjoy having a crossdresser as a partner.

    One of the things about gay men that doesn't do it for me is "gay acting" gay men. Unfortunately, my femininity isn't awakened by softer, gay men -- I really like the very masculine type. I realize that I just can't be with a gay guy who looks or acts gay, even if he is the sweetest, nicest guy (which was the problem with the guy above who revealed that he wanted to try being with a crossdresser). I find that that is hard to find in the mainstream gay community. So, other patterns I've noticed about the type of gay guys that I might be attracted to are: a) that they do not hang out in the mainstream gay community and were never really attracted to gay culture and don't know much about it; b) they used to date women, they have had some experience with women, and may be divorced with children and now feel that they are gay in their 30's, 40's and 50's; in other words, they are "late bloomers" to being gay; c) they are more masculine than other gay guys in general; d) they like skinny smooth Asian guys (like me, thank god!) and tend to be the "top" sexually.

    I will keep adding to my list as I think of things. Now, I know that I am making sweeping generalizations about these men, so please don't clobber me! If anyone wants to exchange ideas, I'd love to hear from you!
    Wow Maya, It couldn't be explained any better... I've been having similar experiences, on one of my fem profiles I set my status as gay and still get the attention of a lot of straight and bi -curious guys but recently I am having some kind of struggle ...I don't feel feminine enough to get intimate with them, I still feel the same attraction it's just feel insecure about it.

  4. #154
    Senior Member joannemarie barker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BARBARA_MELENDEZ View Post
    Wow Maya, It couldn't be explained any better... I've been having similar experiences, on one of my fem profiles I set my status as gay and still get the attention of a lot of straight and bi -curious guys but recently I am having some kind of struggle ...I don't feel feminine enough to get intimate with them, I still feel the same attraction it's just feel insecure about it.

    you look feminine enough to me sweetie and as you said you have already caught their attention

  5. #155
    Member jaqueline1's Avatar
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    Im a gay crossdresser that is attracted to guys but im too nervous to go enfemme or as a guy and set up a date

  6. #156
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    I am not full time cd. but wish I could .im also not passable as a women .I fanticize about going out with a man ,on walks, and to parks and things, But at the same time have ,thoughts of helping another cd with her make up or hair and other things girls like to do. so yeh im pretty confused as who id like to date an open gay man ? who is probably thinking one thing. or a gay cd?who is probably thinking the same thing I believe the later .as there would be more common interests.dateing I realy dont know where to start.

  7. #157
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    I am not full time cd. but wish I could .im also not passable as a women .I fanticize about going out with a man ,on walks, and to parks and things, But at the same time have ,thoughts of helping another cd with her make up or hair and other things girls like to do. so yeh im pretty confused as who id like to date an open gay man ? who is probably thinking one thing. or a gay cd?who is probably thinking the same thing I believe the later .as there would be more common interests.dateing I realy dont know where to start.

  8. #158
    Shelby JavaJunkie's Avatar
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    I'm fabulous!.....at least for today lol. Why yes Maya, I have a loving bf who means the world to me. I'm the same way, I like my guys not so much straight looking (what is that even supposed to mean these days) but at the very least clean cut and some degree of style.

    I agree most other gay guys shun us because we offend their definition of what a guy is supposed to be like. I have noticed though that most of the guys saying "no fems" are usually fem themselves. I can certainly understand the feeling cause I'm diva enough for the both of us lol....definitely don't need more sparkle magic around here! Craigslist is closeted gay land so looking for anything more than a one time hookup is mostly out of the question. Same goes for most of the online dating sites seeing as how people only want sex on there. You really have to be out and about in public to meet nice, men who would want more than some fantasy fulfilled. Admittedly I met my current bf online, but we were talking long before we ever met in person. He's supportive to the point that he doesn't want me to transition, but is totally ok with me going out enfemme. To him what matters most is the person underneath the makeup and cute dresses. I just hope and pray then if I do decide to transition, he'll stay with me but I can't say for sure.

    I have had bf's before that as soon as they found out about the dressing they immediately ended the relationship. They couldn't for the life of them understand why a guy would want to dress like a girl. Oh well, their loss!
    "Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth"

  9. #159
    trans punk Badtranny's Avatar
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    Java, Barbara, and Maya,

    We should totally form a gang! You girls know all the words to my songs, (except for me being an actual tranny in transition), we are definitely soul sisters. ;-)
    I see lots of cute boys, but it's only the big strong masculine men that have a chance to peek under my skirt. I totally agree with Java that getting out and about makes meeting cool guys so much easier. I prefer dudes that identify as straight, but they're also the ones who have a hard time being out in public with me. Kinda makes me feel like a dirty little secret.

    I think the right guy would probably identify as proudly bi and wouldn't give a damn if people read me or not. He's out there ladies, we just have to keep trying 'em on until we find one that fits.
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  10. #160
    Shelby JavaJunkie's Avatar
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    omg......we can call it the Fab Four, or the Cute and Cuddly Bunch! I think what you mean Melissa is you prefer masculine men since most straight guys tend to be this way. Nothing makes me swoon more than a sexy, strong man sweeping me off my feet for a kiss.....oh my!
    "Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth"

  11. #161
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Badtranny View Post

    I think the right guy would probably identify as proudly bi and wouldn't give a damn if people read me or not. He's out there ladies, we just have to keep trying 'em on until we find one that fits.
    Sounds like a perfect plan Melissa

  12. #162
    Aspiring Member StarrOfDelite's Avatar
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    MARRIED MEN

    As an older CD/TV I try to stick to my own age group, plus or minus ten years. This pretty much is a pool of lifelong bachelors who are Gay, Bi-sexual Divorcees, and Unhappily Married Men. I've dated in all three categories, but this discussion is about the latter only.

    I have been surprised by the number of married men whoapproach me, and say pretty much the same thing: 1. They have been married 10-12-15 years, 2. The marriage has been asexual for several years, 2. They have 'always' been curious about crossdressers/transvestites, and 3. Are willing to actually spend cash on me for drinks, dinner, and (if things click just right) a nice hotel room. Orientation-wise, they are different from Admirers I've met at Alternate Clubs, but I'm not sure I could define that feeling in less than a thousand words, and even then it would be imperfect.

    I've dated a number of such men, have been intimate with a significant percentage of them, and have even grown fond of some.

    I was. and still am to some extent, ethically troubled by the situation. I have reached a point where I justify it on the basis that whatever was wrong with the marriages had happened long before I was in the picture. Also, I am really only interested in good times, fun and satisfying sex, so I have no intent to disrupt the marriages any further.

    The downside factors are the aforementioned moral ambiguity, and the fact that the relationship isn't going anywhere.

    The upside factors are that the relationship isn't going anywhere, so I don't have to be worried about pleasing and/or not-offending a significant other, and that these guys tend to treat me like a real woman, and not like another man.

  13. #163
    Senior Member joannemarie barker's Avatar
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    ever since I had sex with my flatmate I have struggled with guilt over my feelings.he has a lovely girlfriend who I get on with really well now.I realise it was one crazy night on his part and I am sorry I slept with him whilst he's with her but I can't help myself wishing I could have another night like that with him even though I really like his gf,I feel guilty about that but I still couldn't pass up another chance

  14. #164
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarrOfDelite View Post
    2. The marriage has been asexual for several years, 2. They have 'always' been curious about crossdressers/transvestites,
    Quote Originally Posted by StarrOfDelite View Post
    Orientation-wise, they are different from Admirers I've met at Alternate Clubs, but I'm not sure I could define that feeling in less than a thousand words, and even then it would be imperfect.
    Quote Originally Posted by StarrOfDelite View Post
    The upside factors are that the relationship isn't going anywhere, so I don't have to be worried about pleasing and/or not-offending a significant other, and that these guys tend to treat me like a real woman, and not like another man.
    Do you think the reason they have no sex with their wives is perhaps a lack of interest in women, and had they come to terms with their sexuality earlier, they would not have married GGs?

    Also, I understand you are not their keeper and there is no way you can determine whether or not you are making their relationships worse, unless you actually have a chat with their wives. These wives need to know the truths about their husbands so that they can just bite the bullet and move on from their relationships and perhaps find someone who is into them. But, have you ever considered going out with men who have taken the plunge after realizing they are not into their wives and have actually divorced them? Of course, if all these people are into open relationships, then my comments do not apply.

    Quote Originally Posted by joannemarie barker View Post
    I realise it was one crazy night on his part and I am sorry I slept with him whilst he's with her but I can't help myself wishing I could have another night like that with him even though I really like his gf,I feel guilty about that but I still couldn't pass up another chance
    As with my comments above, if she is sleeping around too and they have an open relationship, then all bets are off, but what makes things worse in your situation is the fact that you KNOW the gf would be upset if she found out. Where are your principles? Feeling "guilty", yet going ahead anyway does not absolve you from any wrong-doing.

    To both of you: even men in committed homosexual relationships have some sense of propriety and loyalty to their partners, unless, again, they are in open relationships.
    Last edited by ReineD; 07-02-2011 at 02:34 PM. Reason: spelling
    Reine

  15. #165
    Senior Member joannemarie barker's Avatar
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    you're right reine,in fairness I wasn't even aware they were really together that night and nothing has happened since and I'm sure won't again anyway

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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    Also, I understand you are not their keeper and there is no way you can determine whether or not you are making their relationships worse, unless you actually have a chat with their wives. These wives need to know the truths about their husbands so that they can just bite the bullet and move on from their relationships and perhaps find someone who is into them. But, have you ever considered going out with men who have taken the plunge after realizing they are not into their wives and have actually divorced them? Of course, if all these people are into open relationships, then my comments do not apply.
    That is an excellent point, after all the wives who do not know what is going on behind their backs are not consenting to sleep with the person they are cheating with (and putting their health and their life at potential risk.)

    But not only does it affect the wife, but the children of the man who is cheating. Think about the damage that will be done to them if the wife finds out and the family is torn apart, and torn apart in a very ugly, nasty way to boot.

  17. #167
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarrOfDelite View Post
    MARRIED MEN

    The downside factors are the aforementioned moral ambiguity, and the fact that the relationship isn't going anywhere.

    The upside factors are that the relationship isn't going anywhere, so I don't have to be worried about pleasing and/or not-offending a significant other, and that these guys tend to treat me like a real woman, and not like another man.
    I was once approached by E-mail by the wife of one married guy,not really sure how she found me, but the thing is I didn't had any relationship with this guy other than just an Internet flirt...the experience left me emotionally scarred because in the past I did got involved with other married guys as a matter of fact I was basically looking for them.
    I made a decision at the time to stop any affair with a married guy.. recently I've been close to broke the promise I made to myself, it's been hard because the experience that Delite describe is a very nice one but I think I can be strong enough.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    Do you think the reason they have no sex with their wives is perhaps a lack of interest in women, and had they come to terms with their sexuality earlier, they would not have married GGs?
    .
    Most of these guys claim to be straight a few define themselves as bisexual or bi curious and they are interested on women and they always go to the extremes of treat you as one..why are they interested on a transvestite? is something that still I am triying to figure out

  18. #168
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    Quote Originally Posted by maya1love View Post
    So, other patterns I've noticed about the type of gay guys that I might be attracted to are: a) that they do not hang out in the mainstream gay community and were never really attracted to gay culture and don't know much about it; b) they used to date women, they have had some experience with women, and may be divorced with children and now feel that they are gay in their 30's, 40's and 50's; in other words, they are "late bloomers" to being gay; c) they are more masculine than other gay guys in general; d) they like skinny smooth Asian guys (like me, thank god!) and tend to be the "top" sexually. !
    Awesome post as usual, Maya! Very, very well-reasoned and thought out. I think if I had to go by percentages and narrow down the demographic most likely to produce me a solid boyfriend, your patterns would be an ideal starting point. In actual practice, though, I've tended to be luckier with the "admirer" types willing to try branching out, rather than gay guys doing the same (from the opposite perspective). It *could* be because I apparently spend much more time as a girl than you do (though you are SO natural-looking it's hard to believe that could be the case), and have an emotional need for my man to be sexually attracted to that side of me more than simply tolerating it or liking it mainly as a change-up. But I really, really enjoy your posts, Maya; and Barbara's too. You girls are terrific!

    (And by complimenting these two gals, I don't mean to exclude any others -- love you all!)

  19. #169
    Member wino_tg_girl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BARBARA_MELENDEZ View Post
    I am on my part really struggling on the dating department. I can get sex any moment I want but those moments are short lived and most straight acting guys see you only as a sexual fantasy.
    What I really long is for a real stable relationship. I am think I am ready for one but everyday seem harder to reach

    I am sorry This thread is making me depressed
    That is just people. I'm a straight crossdresser (sometimes-m2f dating women). When I was in better shape and had more confidence I dated a lot after my ex and I split. Most women dating men are the same way. Some people are looking for sex and some are looking for a relationship. It is hard when those of us looking for a relationship meet with those looking for just sex. I think most single people are sex seekers and like their single status, male or female. It can be hurtful if you feel close to someone and they just want to ****. I don't think it's a trans thing or a gay thing. It's a people thing. Finding the right person is never easy.

    The hope for us all is that there are many people out there who have found each other and are in great relationships. I'd rather be single until I find that right person. It wouldn't be good for any of us relationship seekers if the sex-seekers gave up their lifestyle to settle for us just to spare our feelings. They are leaving us out there to find the right person. There is hope, and we just have to keep at it to find that happiness. I'm old enough to have learned that success in love or profession requires not settling.

    You're not alone. You are just like every other person out there looking for love, and you will find your guy.
    Last edited by wino_tg_girl; 07-03-2011 at 04:07 AM.
    [SIZE="2"]Being trans is so freaking awesome, it astounds me that anyone would want to choose to be only one gender. [/SIZE]

  20. #170
    I really applaud all the contributors on this thread... it's nice to hear from girls facing the same issues that I face. As a gay crossdresser, we face a unique set of circumstances whether single or coupled.

    To those of you who crave a relationship, I encourage you to hang in there. I've been with my guy for 20 years (good Lord, where did the time go?). And while we we've certainly faced our challenges, our love and respect for one another drives us to keep working at making our partnership better. Communication is difficult. But for me, discussing crossdressing with him is especially tough. I'm slowly coming to terms with the shame I've felt about it, and am learning to embrace my feminine side. And he's learning too. So while it's not longer the elephant in the room, crossdressing is just one of the many issues (definitely not the most important) we're working through.

    So if there's a lesson to shared, it's this: relationships take work. Holding out for the perfect guy who accepts every single part of you without reservation is a great dream, but you may be waiting an awfully long time. So find someone you respect and who respects you back. Find someone who's willing to work at communication. And don't give up.

    You deserve to be loved for the beautiful person you are.

    Love,

    Christa

  21. #171
    Aspiring Member StarrOfDelite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    Do you think the reason they have no sex with their wives is perhaps a lack of interest in women, and had they come to terms with their sexuality earlier, they would not have married GGs?

    Also, I understand you are not their keeper and there is no way you can determine whether or not you are making their relationships worse, unless you actually have a chat with their wives. These wives need to know the truths about their husbands so that they can just bite the bullet and move on from their relationships and perhaps find someone who is into them. But, have you ever considered going out with men who have taken the plunge after realizing they are not into their wives and have actually divorced them? Of course, if all these people are into open relationships, then my comments do not apply.




    To both of you: even men in committed homosexual relationships have some sense of propriety and loyalty to their partners, unless, again, they are in open relationships.
    \
    You certainly raise some interesting questions, and I'm not sure I'm competent to answer them. However, here's a stab. I have not dated married men except those who have claimed they were no longer intimate with their spouses, and had not been intimate for a sufficiently long period of time for me to assume that future intimacy was unlikely. Admittedly, this is taking the statements made to me at face value, which requires a certain amount of assessing the veracity of the male involved. I don't think I would knowingly sleep with a man who was still involved in a sexual relationship with his wife.

    Regarding the question of whether they are men who might not really be interested in genetic women, I'd have to say that is a fairly strong possibility. My personal experience, which is fairly limited, would lead me to think that the statement that, "Inside every Admirer there is a Crossdresser struggling to get out," has some truth. On the other hand, there are genuinely bi-sexual people who enjoy being married or involved in a serious relationship with a G-girl, who still enjoy getting on the down-low with other men, and who are just as sexually attracted to either men or women or CD/TV. I think Barbara M asked the right question when she said (paraphrased) these men claim to be straight, claim to be interested in women, and treat CD/TV like women, so why are they interested in someone who is, in the final analysis, a genetic man? When anyone answers that question, please call me ASAP.

    I'm probably older than you, and in my experiences as a military officer, a lawyer, a college professor and an educational consultant I've come to the conclusion that there are many, many marriages where the partners are over fifty, and no longer physically attracted to each other, which endure because of family, financial, friendship or religious reasons. I would describe these arrangements as things which function as 'open marriages' without any express agreement by either husband or wife. I would, therefore, strongly disagree with the blanket statement that "these wives need to know the truth about their husbands" because in many instances the wife absolutely does NOT want to know anything about what the husband is doing.

    Again, starting with the basic premise that these are middle-aged men, in marriages in which the wife is content to have an asexual relationship, with children out of college, I'm not sure that I'd agree it is worse for man to have affairs with Genetic women or Trans-women than it is to drag everything out in the open in the name of Truth, and thereby create a situation where arguably both parties are poorer financially and emotionally and socially. Truth can be a highly over-rated commodity, and like most 'virtues' it's efficacy is often situational rather than absolute.

  22. #172
    Member maya1love's Avatar
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    Well, there certainly has been alot of activity on this thread recently! I'm so glad! Just a friendly reminder, as the self-appointed moderator of this thread , that the purpose of the thread is to talk about our experiences as gay male crossdressers. There are many threads about our experiences with admirers from a straight or bi crossdresser perspective, but none from an exclusively gay male perspective. One of the reasons that I want to keep this thread relevant and alive is to discuss, as gay male crossdressers, how to form relationships/partnerships with men. So, it's more than about how to find sex with men, or about who these male admirers are -- it's about building a relationship with a man. Thanks for your understanding, ladies!

    One of the things that I am realizing in reading posts is that the straight/bi crossdresser community seems to be at a different stage in their evolution regarding relationships than the gay male crossdresser community. There are lots of posts about what it's like to be a straight crossdresser with a wife/girlfriend and the issues that crossdressing raises. There are alot of success stories, and discussion of compromises to allow the crossdresser to be. However, the gay male crossdresser community is more at the stage of "how do I find a supportive husband/boyfriend"? Perhaps, this is the case because there are so many more straight/bi crossdressers out there than gay crossdressers. But I also think that gay crossdressers may expect that they will not be lucky enough to find a good relationship and settle for being single? Would love to hear your thoughts on this!

    Wino_tg_girl: Your post gave me so much hope! It reminded me again of what is most important!
    Christa: You are my hero and a pioneer in this discussion!

    Thank you all for your posts!
    Last edited by maya1love; 07-07-2011 at 12:43 PM.
    Some boys just can't help acting like girls...

    My pictures: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mayatoronto/

  23. #173
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    Quote Originally Posted by maya1love View Post
    However, the gay male crossdresser community is more at the stage of "how do I find a supportive husband/boyfriend"? Perhaps, this is the case because there are so many more straight/bi crossdressers out there than gay crossdressers. But I also think that gay crossdressers may expect that they will not be lucky enough to find a good relationship and settle for being single? Would love to hear your thoughts on this!
    ***
    Christa: You are my hero and a pioneer in this discussion!
    Maya, I think you're right that a lot of gay CDs sorta give up on relationships, and I think that, as with straight CDs, there's another sizable percentage of our demographic that simply suppress their CDing to land a man. (From an outsider's perspective, it must seem so strange that our situation is about as tough as it is for straight CDs (despite all the wonderful, beautiful success stories here, I think supportive partners of either sex are in the minority), especially for those of us that have never been traditionally masculine. But it obviously is!). I think another sizable percentage "evolve" to identify more as TS (and I suspect I'm on that road myself, though I consider it more of a lateral than an evolution ), and there is a somewhat related subset that, whether or not they identify as TS, feminize their everyday appearances to at point which guys attracted to them in everyday mode are more likely to accept or appreciate them bumping it up a notch to girl mode.

    And I guess the final reason (at least the last one I'll bother you all with) that there seems to be less input from our segment is that it seems most of the more masculine gay CDs, and the ones that take on the husband role, *tend* to regard CDing as more of a drag thing, a fun thing to do for kicks (I know this is an over-generalization, but still). And, much more so than in straight relationships/community, drag often isn't seen as that big of a deal in a relationship. I think it's a little different for us, we strive harder to be convincing, real-world gals, and the need to be able to present that way is a little more ingrained into us. And that, as opposed to just-for-kicks-drag, has an impact on relationships.

    With that, I'll shut up a bit and rest my fingers and brain

    P.S., Christa, you're TOTALLY a hero and pioneer!

  24. #174
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StarrOfDelite View Post
    "Inside every Admirer there is a Crossdresser struggling to get out," has some truth. On the other hand, there are genuinely bi-sexual people who enjoy being married or involved in a serious relationship with a G-girl, who still enjoy getting on the down-low with other men, and who are just as sexually attracted to either men or women or CD/TV. I think Barbara M asked the right question when she said (paraphrased) these men claim to be straight, claim to be interested in women, and treat CD/TV like women, so why are they interested in someone who is, in the final analysis, a genetic man? When anyone answers that question, please call me ASAP.
    I agree with you! Have you heard of Alice Novik (Alice in Genderland). She is a psychologist who also has extensive experience having sex with men as Alice, and she is also happily married and in an open relationship with a GG. This is her take on admirers in the LA area, it's a very good read: http://aliceingenderland.com/Manhunt.html

    The other possibility is, as you say, the men interested in CDers are bi. This makes perfect sense. What I don't understand are the CDers who believe that men who are interested in them are straight and further that they sees the CDers completely as women, but with the "little something extra" that GGs don't have.

    Quote Originally Posted by StarrOfDelite View Post
    I'm probably older than you, ...
    (I peeked, and honestly, just by a negligible amount. )

    Quote Originally Posted by StarrOfDelite View Post
    .... and in my experiences as a military officer, a lawyer, a college professor and an educational consultant I've come to the conclusion that there are many, many marriages where the partners are over fifty, and no longer physically attracted to each other, which endure because of family, financial, friendship or religious reasons. I would describe these arrangements as things which function as 'open marriages' without any express agreement by either husband or wife. I would, therefore, strongly disagree with the blanket statement that "these wives need to know the truth about their husbands" because in many instances the wife absolutely does NOT want to know anything about what the husband is doing.

    Again, starting with the basic premise that these are middle-aged men, in marriages in which the wife is content to have an asexual relationship, with children out of college, I'm not sure that I'd agree it is worse for man to have affairs with Genetic women or Trans-women than it is to drag everything out in the open in the name of Truth, and thereby create a situation where arguably both parties are poorer financially and emotionally and socially. Truth can be a highly over-rated commodity, and like most 'virtues' it's efficacy is often situational rather than absolute.
    You are correct. I can only speculate as to how women in such marriages would feel. I do agree there are many middle-aged marriages where the only bond is emotional or financial and where sex is but a distant memory. I just know that I would not be able to stay in a relationship like that. I would want to know if my husband was going out to clubs for sex. I rather think I might feel less threatened if I knew he was attracted to CDers and not GGs, but it still is something that I don't think I could live with.

    The scenario I have in mind is, there is a tacit understanding between both such partners that sex is no longer a priority for either of them, and it is replaced by the depth of the emotional bond and caring that has developed over having shared a lifetime of trials and tribulations. If I were such a wife I'd be surprised to find out that my husband still has an active interest in sex and if I knew about this, I would do what I could to rekindle it between us. Admittedly, I may be naive.
    Reine

  25. #175
    Aspiring Member StarrOfDelite's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I agree with you! Have you heard of Alice Novik (Alice in Genderland). She is a psychologist who also has extensive experience having sex with men as Alice, and she is also happily married and in an open relationship with a GG. This is her take on admirers in the LA area, it's a very good read: http://aliceingenderland.com/Manhunt.html

    The other possibility is, as you say, the men interested in CDers are bi. This makes perfect sense. What I don't understand are the CDers who believe that men who are interested in them are straight and further that they sees the CDers completely as women, but with the "little something extra" that GGs don't have.
    Hi Reine,

    Thanks for the link to Alice Novik. I had never read her blog before, and it will be on my favorites list in the future.

    I think that she hits the nail on the head with her comments. I particularly was struck by her comment that CD/TV people can never understand whether under the proper circumstances a Straight Male might consider a walk on the wild side becuase we are not now, and never were pure straight males and have always looked at the world with a different perspective. I'm sure that some, but not all, of the posters on Crossdressers.com would disagree with that statement, of course, but as an Admirer who quckly became seduced into active transvestitism, I can identify with her column more than some others. My personal history would probably make a poster-boy/girl case history for her professionally. Details omitted.

    Starr





    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    You are correct. I can only speculate as to how women in such marriages would feel. I do agree there are many middle-aged marriages where the only bond is emotional or financial and where sex is but a distant memory. I just know that I would not be able to stay in a relationship like that. I would want to know if my husband was going out to clubs for sex. I rather think I might feel less threatened if I knew he was attracted to CDers and not GGs, but it still is something that I don't think I could live with.

    The scenario I have in mind is, there is a tacit understanding between both such partners that sex is no longer a priority for either of them, and it is replaced by the depth of the emotional bond and caring that has developed over having shared a lifetime of trials and tribulations. If I were such a wife I'd be surprised to find out that my husband still has an active interest in sex and if I knew about this, I would do what I could to rekindle it between us. Admittedly, I may be naive.
    In your scenario, I found your comment about being surprised to learn your husband still had an active interest in sex to be interesting. I think there are lots of reasons why men lose interest in having sex with their wives, but am skeptical that this equates to a loss of interest in sex. Work pressures, poor physical fitness, distractions from children, and sometimes just "familiarity breeds contempt" can dull the interest in the spouse, but I doubt that this generally means loss of interest in the activity. The real question, as it pertains to this board, it seems to me, is how much of the loss of interest is caused by the male's underlying inherent attraction to M2F trans-gender persons?

    I think it's safe to assume your are much more sophisticated about this issue than most gender women, but I wonder if the 'typical' married woman would not be more outraged by the fact that her husband's lover was transgender. I'd guess that many women wouldn't attempt to rekindle the fire because they might think the husband was gay and they couldn't compete, or because they themselves would be so homophobic that they'd be disgusted.
    Last edited by ReineD; 07-10-2011 at 06:10 PM. Reason: Fixed the quote tags. :)

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