Need Help Making A Decision

[Danni Bear]

[SIZE=3]I need some help making a decision. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]A little background might help to see my dilemma. My husband and I are both TS post-op and have been married 41 years. This Sept.13 we are renewing our vows in another marriage ceremony. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]The problem comes from our sons and son-in laws. They have planned a stag party for my husband at the local " gentlemen's" club for next Friday Nite. I want him to go and have fun with our kids and friends but then the idea of him in that kind of place rears its ugly head. Do I tell him how I feel or do I let him go without saying anything. This has been driving me nuts for two days. Am i just being paranoid or what. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]Danni[/SIZE]

[AlysonCD]

What's the reason you don't want him to go?

[LitaKelley]

Wow. I know my comment has nothing to do with addressing your concerns or question, but wow, I find that amazing that you're both TS post-op... I didn't know this about you from reading recent posts. Was your husband previously your wife? Only reason I ask is because you mentioned having sons and son in laws, so, my curiosity got the better of me.

As for the stag party, let him go.. you've been married to him for 41yrs and most likely know for certain that there's nothing to worry about.

[sterling12]

Well Danni, if you say much of anything, it's likely that he will just not attend. That will probably make you look like The Bad Guy, and everybody will think you were a Very Wet Blanket!

The Positive Side of this Situation is that EVERYTHING over at The Strip Club is a Fabrication of Fantasy's! Here's what will happen, Your Hubby will feel more than a little bit embarrassed, and out of place. It will be The Best Man's Job to negotiate for The Obligatory Lap Dance. The "Groom's Lap Dance" will probably occur in The Middle of The Stage, cause' everybody's contributed Money, and they want to see the Fun. Girl (bored) does her thing, Groom acts crazy, all The Boys act Nutty, and everybody ends up more or less satisfied about their fun Evening. "The Guys" will stick around awhile, waste a few dollars, drink a lot, and so goes "The Bachelor party!"

USUALLY, it's really pretty tame. And, I've attended about a half a dozen. If your nephews care about You-All, they will keep him out of trouble. I wouldn't get Paranoid about it; it's all rather mundane. Now, if your GF's are throwing you a Bachelorette Shindig....that can get really insane! Stay away from those male strippers....not unless you want something "waved" in your face!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[AllieSF]

Danni, After 41 years I think some trust is in order. Let the young ones have some fun and embarrass Pops on a special evening night out for all of them. he will tell you everything anyway, so you will almost have a ringside seat! By the way, congratulations for the very long union and for your upcoming special ceremony.

[Marissa]

"Rights of Passage" as many of us pending grooms are driven to act out that one night before the 'chains' are put on and the key forever thrown away.. Is it really a right? or a privelage? Some have gone overboard, with influence of thier Friends..while others just take the course they choose.. and for that lucky Bride, it can be for the better as it will show the true stripes of the man they almost married..

okay, I know none of that settled your mind.. but a nice chat on what the boundaries may be (or what you ask of) is a good thing to do.. and then the rest is trust.. now if you believe this to be a "who can empty the glass the fastest" type of night, then confiding in his best friend may help to look out for your Groom..

It would be the same if you were having a bachelorate party..and we know its all about the male strippers.. (yes I've seen how women act..so don't play innocent..lol) guys have concerns, worries, jealousy as their bride to be goes off..

My first wife was not a fan of gentlemen's clubs.. and I knew that..but I had my buddies who frequent them and after work, it wasn't surprising to find out that it was decided to meet at the local club.. I wasn't really a big fan of watching someone you can't touch.. but wanting to be one of the guys, I would go.. never taking the front row stage seat, just a few tables back. Never one to give the girls money such as slipping in the strings.. i gave my buddies the money as I know the girls worked for tips..and the boundaries that i was aware of..So one day, I stayed out later then normal..and found myself at the table alone as the buddies were up front by the stage.. a stripper came by my table and sat down to see if she could get money off me for a private dance.. didn't work, but we did start taling about why she was working here, yes school..where? what major, etc. and would you believe it, my wife walks in..sees the situation and of course, I walked out of the place soaking wet from the pitcher of beer she poured over my head

Even though I was innocent, I couldn't get upset as the picture painted something different.. but something was missing before all that..TRUST..

So yes talk to him..and use that like "I know you will have fun, because I trust you..."

Not sure if this will help to ease your mind.. so good luck.. hope others can offer more..

Hugs,
Marissa

[kellycan27]

Danni, After 41 years I think some trust is in order. Let the young ones have some fun and embarrass Pops on a special evening night out for all of them. he will tell you everything anyway, so you will almost have a ringside seat! By the way, congratulations for the very long union and for your upcoming special ceremony.

I agree 100%

[ReineD]

C'mon Danni, surely you're not getting into the what's good for the goose is not good for the gander attitude?

Your daughters are having a shower for you, so let your sons have a stag for your husband! Besides ... you know your husband is into you and not into hot 20 yr old GGs?

[Danni Bear]

Yes Lita, he was my wife. we've been together since we became best friends at 15.

Danni

C'mon Danni, surely you're not getting into the what's good for the goose is not good for the gander attitude?

Your daughters are having a shower for you, so let your sons have a stag for your husband! Besides ... you know your husband is into you and not into hot 20 yr old GGs?

Well!! he doesn't know that I've been taking pole dancing lessons for him yet.

Danni

[Gerrijerry]

One night for a few hours of harmless fun. Besides it is never really for the groom or bride at these parties. It is for those giving it. Once home again who will be in whose arms who will love each other. why are you renewing your vows because you love and trust each other no reason to let a party change that. Give each other a big kiss and trust each other.

[Sally24]

Well!! he doesn't know that I've been taking pole dancing lessons for him yet.

Danni

Good for you! I've thought about taking any number of dance classes and just haven't gotten around to it yet.

I've been to men's clubs only a couple times in my life. Most states are very strict about the patrons touching the dancers in any way. It's generally good clean fun with the guys giving the girls money to dance more in their area of the stage. I wouldn't worry about it. If you want to keep them on their toes, make sure they take cameras. (just don't look at the pictures). LOL

Good luck with the pole dancing. He's a lucky guy!

[linda allen]

Danni,

It's your sons and son-in laws taking him out for a nighton the town, not "work buddies" that you don't know. They won't push him into anything inappropriate. You've been married 41 years. I say let him go and give him your blessing.

[Joanne f]

I can understand that there maybe some concerns that you have thought about which do not concern the trust of your husband but more of the trusting of the others that will be there , so i would have a chat with your husband and just mention these concerns as there maybe situations that he has not thought about yet .

[morgan51]

Congratulations to you both Have a great time and enjoy your respective parties! 41 years is a milestone in anyones relationship.

[Tina B.]

Danni, come on, he's with his son, between the boys being there to watch over him, and having His son there, NOTHING is going to happen, but making memories, those guys will remember for a long time. So put on your sexiest outfit, and kiss him goodbye at the door just as sweetly as you can. He will be home early! In the mean time, just go to your shower and have a ball, of all the remarriages ceremonies I've heard of, I think this one has the most meaning of new beginnings I've ever heard of!
Tina B.

[nehapriya]

you both are so lucky... a woman once is a man and a man once is a woman.. i wish i was ur son so that i coud be ur daughter now....its so gud to a lady ... and u r it.and moreover lucky to have a husband like urs..let him go.. he is a man ..and he must see woman ... let him enjoy .. but u be in ur best sexy outfits so that by the time he is back home , make sure he falls fr U ..love U

LADIES ROCK

[docrobbysherry]

------Wow! I find that amazing that you're both TS post-op... Was your husband previously your wife? Only reason I ask is because you mentioned having sons and son in laws, so, my curiosity got the better of me.

Compared to what u 2 must have been thru, how can him watching a few pretty women stripping/dancing and maybe drinking too much, be a PROBLEM?!

[5150 Girl]

I think you may be a tad jelous? I can identify. I don't care for my SO's pennthouse mags either.

[DonnaT]

I reckon he's old enough to know how to act, so can't see any harm in his going to the club. If he want's to, that is.

Congratulations!

[AKAMichelle]

I would say let him go. It is a ritual that all guys deserve to experience at least once in their lives.

[kym]

Danni sweetie, its just one night and you both have had 41 years of heaven with each other. Let him go and have his fun for this one night, remember you two have 41 years of memories behind you and many, many more ahead of you.

[Chickhe]

In Canada you might have to worry about the strippers pulling off his underwear, but probably not at his age and not with a tame crowd. In the states, I understand there is less nudity so I would assume he'll be fine. Basically, these places are just a bunch of tables with guys drinking over-priced beers and everyone watching a dancer on stage. Its not as wild as many make it out to be. You can't say no to these types of events because it is something every male has done in their life and you don't want to ruin the mood. Just wish him a great time.

[Alberta_Pat]

Danni;

I would imagine that the "boys" are in their 30's. They have had this before their weddings, and your husband probably participated as the father (Or it may have been you depending on when you both changed roles)

Both of you need to follow "the ritual". You have both decided that this re-affirmation is going to be a big event. Let the bystanders have their fun too.

I am truly amazed that your marriage has lasted for 41 years, and that you have both had your worlds turned around completely during that time.

WELL DONE!

[LitaKelley]

Yes Lita, he was my wife. we've been together since we became best friends at 15.

Danni

OMG! That is soooo awesome.

[sandcastle]

Should try things once, at least.

Regards,
Sandra