Am I gay, and don't even know it?

[Sometimes Steffi]

Am I gay, and don't even know it?

I'm not really into labels, but I consider myself a heterosexual CD.

But, my therapist suggested that I might be gay.

I don't really think so for the 2 best reasons:

1. I'm attracted to girls/women
2. I'm not attracted to men.

But that's not to say I haven't had boy-on-boy fantasies.

And some of you girls are really, really beautiful.

So, am I fooling mtself about being gay"

How can I tell? What are the tell-tale signs?

[AllieSF]

I would have to say that to be gay, you really want to be with someone of your own gender. Other wise you are straight, or maybe bi-curious until you have tried it a few times and decide you would rather be on the other team. Maybe your therapist is a little too conservative or maybe uninformed regarding CD's and transgender people.

[neworleanssusan]

sigh....

G/G's have that excuse, "Oh, I'm totally straight, but of course I experimented a little in college...."

Boi's can't get away with that, but damn, wouldn't it be nice to find out?

[NathalieX66]

G/G's have that excuse, "Oh, I'm totally straight, but of course I experimented a little in college...."

I dated three girls around college that did exactly just that...even flat out admitted it. That made me question who I really was. But I think it's more the "Lindsay Lohan" effect. It's also reminiscent in the movie Slapshot with Paul Newman, where he is in bed with a girlfriend of an opposing team and she expresses her lesbian interest. Anyway, enough of that before I accidentally run this topic off the rails.

Are you interested in guys? No?....if not, then your not gay.

[Danni Bear]

Steph,

A question to ask yourself. In those fantasies are you a female or are you male?If you fantasize that you are female then and your partner is a male, then you are probably not gay. If on the other hand if you fantasize about your partner being female while you are female then you could be either bi and or have gay tendencies. Having thoughts about sex with a man while dressed is a very common occurance.

Danni

[Sophie86]

Yeah, I anguished over this question a little when I was a teenager, and then I considered the fact that, while I had been falling in love with girls since kindergarten, I had never once fallen in love with a boy. That made me decide that I was heterosexual.

These days I think it might be a little more complex, but even still, whatever fantasies I may have--and I have lots of fantasies--I'm at least hetero-amorous. I'm just more comfortable, emotionally, with women, and more attracted to them romantically.

[BRANDYJ]

Hi Steffi. How can anyone be gay and not know it? You said you are not attracted to men, therefore you are not gay. If you were gay, you would be sexually attracted to men. You said you are attracted to women.
Now about those boy-on-boy fantasies, as you call it. I think that is perfectly normal. Everyone has fantasies. It's when you act on them that might be of concern. I am not gay or even bi-sexual since I am not attracted to men at all. However, sometimes I have fantasies when dressed and in that pink fog some of us get into. I also admit to have experienced sex with other crossdressers in the past. My attraction was to what they presented in fem mode. No way would sex have happened with a drab male. So I still don't even consider myself even bi-sexual since other then when I was dressed fem, and so was the other CD, the attraction to a male was never there for me. But I'm sure as far as labels go, some would say I am at least bi. MY sweetie knows about those experiences since we keep nothing from each other. She and I have disagreed on this very label. (bi-sexual). She insists I'm bi. I insist I'm not. BTW, she would be fine with it if I was. Not an issue.
I still might have a fantasy or two, but I am in a relationship with a GG and would never cheat on her anyway. Sure, I find some other CD's sexually attractive like you do. But let's not forget...they look like what turns us on...WOMEN. I mean beautiful, pretty, sexy or whatever we might see in another CD is arousing since to our eyes they are women. I hope that made sense.

You answered your own question about how can you tell if you are gay or not. Simple fact is you are not attracted to men. Don't confuse fantasy thoughts with being what you are in reality.

[Sophie86]

Also... I don't think of sexuality as being a switch with three positions. I think it's more like a dimmer switch. There are many different degrees, and the occasional homoerotic fantasy doesn't mean that the switch is in the full on, or even the half on, position.

[kimdl93]

Steffi - don't sweat it. You describe a perfectly typical heterosexual. I would say that is rare that a hetero male (or female) hasn't at least fantasized about same sex encounters. That's part of maturation - trying on new roles, imagining new experiences. Sometimes even trying them out in real life. It doesn't "make" you anything but human.

My therapist and I explored the possibility that I might be gay, when we first discussed my cross dressing. Perhaps it was a bit stereotypical thinking on her part, but I felt it was a fair question (note - she asked, she didn't speculate). So, here's what I knew. I had fantasized about sex with men, and had some experience ...kinda like that college experiment thing, except I was in the Army. But, at the same time, I find I'm more attracted to women. So, what am I ...I can comfortably say hetero or bisexual based on thoughts and experiences...but back to your question - I KNOW what I've experienced and enjoyed... you know too...so don't sweat it.

[Marissa]

Steffie, your therapist sounds as good as my ex-wife on how to analyze if a person is gay or not.. my wife (at the time) concluded that I was gay since I preferred the doggy stlye of sexual positions.. hmmmm okay..

She explained that it was the 'preferred' sexual position of gays.. so there you go..i'm gay.. lol.. this even humored me more since that was our preferred position when we first dated and first year of marriage.. since her mind changed, so did her reasoning..

anyway.. just as others have said, fanstasy and thoughts are normal.. experimenting, again, normal. Professing love for the same sex, well that could do it..

Relax.. and maybe next time, ask the therapist what this is based on???? and see what the explaination holds..

good luck..in finding you..

Hugs,
Marissa

[Barbara Dugan]

Also... I don't think of sexuality as being a switch with three positions. I think it's more like a dimmer switch. There are many different degrees, and the occasional homoerotic fantasy doesn't mean that the switch is in the full on, or even the half on, position.

I love that one..yes sometimes is not that simple I was asexual most of my life and insecure about my male role even through my teen years. Around my early thirties I started question my sexual identity. Then I thought to myself oh well I must be gay.
I did some experimenting but still didn't seem right then I started dressing and it changed the whole perspective of sexual identity now I was attracted to males and in a gender I feel more comfortable I still consider it gay I have no problem with it but now my therapist has started to suggest that I may not be gay

[sterling12]

What made your Shrink think that you are Gay? If it's because you have had The Occasional Fantasy, or He/She hasn't figured out that you might be transgendered? You just might need a New Therapist! One who has experience with Transgendered People. I would assume that this Therapist doesn't have enough to go on, unless there is some other stuff your not telling us.

Go back and explain what Danni is pointing out. Let's see how he deals with that Curve Ball! It's important to remember that Gender trumps Sex. If there's a Girl on The Inside, she's The one that has great influence on whom your Sex Partner might be.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Frédérique]

Am I gay, and don't even know it?
I'm not really into labels, but I consider myself a heterosexual CD.
But, my therapist suggested that I might be gay.
How can I tell? What are the tell-tale signs?

[SIZE="2"]Get yourself a new therapist. If you were actually gay, you would know it, and there would be no need for any questions like this. I think crossdressing can cause ancillary feelings from time to time, along the lines of those you have put forth, but that is more like being bi-curious by association, or, in this case, personal appearance by choice. This topic comes up from time to time, i.e. where a crossdresser is confused about sexual orientation – don’t you think you are in the process of channeling everything you’ve heard or known on the subject, then applying it to your own situation? It’s not so cut and dried, and I need to tell you that the era of effeminacy is long past – your therapist needs to do some updated research on this. I even hear outdated concepts on homosexuality and crossdressing being bandied about on this forum, merely confusing the issue for all concerned. So, are you gay? I don’t know – you tell me. You make it sound like the “tell-tale” signs you seek are symptoms for an unwanted disease. Lighten up, enjoy your variety of crossdressing, and leave the questioning behind – you’ll be glad you did…[/SIZE]

If there's a Girl on The Inside…

[SIZE="2"]For the umpteenth time, there is no “girl on the inside.” You are what you are, and you dress accordingly…[/SIZE]

[docrobbysherry]

I used to think my "toe test" could quickly tell me what I was!

Just imagine a certain person sucking on your toe, and u on theirs! Before I started dressing at 50+, I NEVER saw a male I would do THAT with!

However, since I started CDing, I've seen some INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE AND FEM CDs! They LOOKED like women to me!

And now I think, "YEAH! I could suck toes with him/her. But, NOTHING ELSE"!

My suggestion is:
Why do u need to decide what u r? Let your therapist call u "gay", or a "plumber"! It shouldn't really matter!
Just u keep an open mind!

[jenna_woods]

Yes its hard, for one hing most people think that we are crossdresssers we are gay, and that's not true, at least with me, I know I am not gay I still like women,I just dress like them,and a lot of them like it, hope this have helped.

[Samantha Girl]

Steffi, as others have stated, get yourself a new therapist, they are clueless. Either that or they said that to sort of provoke you into fully examining the issue. They still seems pretty clueless to me though either way.

I am Bisexual. I like the idea of doing something sexual from time to time with another man, but dressed as Samantha, and I have. I have no desire to be in a relationship with any man however. As someone stated, in your fantasies are you dressed like a girl? Is it just because you may have a curiosity to see fully what it's like to be a woman, sex included. Not that it's the same, you all know what I mean, I think

It does not mean you are gay. I for example like the idea of fully exploring sex, in many different ways, but as you stated, I am not really attracted to men. Without the Samantha part, I have no desire for it, ya know? It's more about the acts involved and being on the other side so to speak. That's what you should be asking yourself in my opinion It's all about exploration of yourself, just try to be honest with yourself and what you want.

Good luck sweety

EDIT: As Sophie said so well and hysterically I might add, there are in fact more than 3 switches. The Kinsey scale might make this more clear to some people

[Vickie_CDTV]

If you like GGs and are having male-male fantasies (especially cisgender males who present male only), you are probably bisexual (but of course you can choose not to act on them and only be intimate with GGs.)

[RachelPortugal]

sigh....

G/G's have that excuse, "Oh, I'm totally straight, but of course I experimented a little in college...."

Boi's can't get away with that, but damn, wouldn't it be nice to find out?

I have to disagree with you there, homosexual experimentation has been going on for decades in English universities and public schools.

As for "Am I Gay?" Steffi, well you admit to having some fantasies about men, so I would say you are bi or at least bi-curious. I believe that nobody is 100% straight, although many people go through their lives without having any gay experiences. Who knows what is lurking in our brains waiting for the right catalyst to trigger a gay moment?

[eluuzion]

In my opinion, the only relevant issue at this point is that you do not seem to trust your therapist. It is important to find a therapist that you feel comfortable with and feel confident in their expertise. It is not uncommon to "shop" around if you do not feel "right". There is a therapist out there that will feel "right" to you. You just need to take the time to find that person. Do not feel obligated to continue with something that is not working. Therapists understand that issue.

Good Luck

[Byanca]

Don't confuse fantasy thoughts with being what you are in reality.

Why not mix them? There has been said a lot about imagination/fantasy. Like Albert Einstein for one-and I must say I like these ideas he had here;

-“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”

-“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.”

-“The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination.”

[ChrissySox]

1. I'm attracted to girls/women
2. I'm not attracted to men.

That right there should have resolved the issue. Just because your therapist put some other idea in your head will not change your sexual orientation. I would say you are worrying about it all too much. Be yourself, nobody cares if you are gay or not.

[Fab Karen]

So, am I fooling myself about being gay?

How can I tell? What are the tell-tale signs?

Rent the movie "In & Out"

The most obvious sign is forming a group to protest at funerals, or telling people that you can "cure" them of it.

[PortiaHoney]

Being a Hetero CD does not make you gay. If you like men and you seek out men for sex - that makes you gay. Your shrink needs to learn a few things about life. They think that liking men is a logical extension from dressing as a woman. 7 out of 10 CD's wouldn't agree - but many have tried it.

When I approached my GP about T-Blockers and explained to him I was transgendered, he asked me why I don't just wear a kilt. WTF?

Sometimes, those who we believe should know better just have no clue. If they are any good, they might try to learn a bit about the issue. If not, keep looking for someone who can give you useful help.

And, if your shrink has aroused some curiosity in you, give it a go. There are plenty around to help you find yourself. Use protection so your experiment doesn't come back to haunt you. Then, you will definately know which side of the fence you prefer.

[DonniDarkness]

How can I tell? What are the tell-tale signs?

When you lust for men.

The clothes do not change your sexual orientation.

Crossdressing may promote your need to be desired, and when in fem mode you tend to desire what you view as a "females' desire", being a heterosexual TG.
In my life this is what i have noticed about my sexuality and my dressing............

Sometimes the fantasy is only the emotion and not really the physical act.

[ChrissySox]

ahem, anyone ever heard of a
[SIZE="5"]lesbian?[/SIZE]

yea, that would be a woman who is attracted to other women. just because you happen to want to be a woman doesn't necessarily mean you want to have sex with men.