Going out with my daughter in law

[TxKimberly]

My soon to be Daughter in law is celebrating her twenty first birthday this weekend in San Antonio by hanging out with my wifes cousins. Believe it or not, they intend to go to a "gay" bar and sing karaoke and I am seriously thinking about joining her.
There are a few catches though!

1. I know that the cousin has been told that I am a cross dresser by my wonderful mother in law, but I have never conformed it to him, let alone shown him. This would do both.
2. It's a bit uncomfortable with my wife. If she gets left behind she's of course not gonna be happy. If she goes, she doesn't like hanging out with me dressed.
3. If I don't go as Kim to try and make her happy, I will be miserable and probably resent the hell outta her for it.
4. Odds are good that at some point in the visit, my daughter is going to meet Kim if my wife joins us for the trip to San Antonio. While she does know about me now, I'm not sure how I feel about her actually seeing me.

I'm just not sure what to do! Sigh . . .

[kimdl93]

Hmmmm, that's a dilemma. My CD side says, go for it girl. The wife's cousin - I don't know...doesn't seem like there's much reason to hide. How might that whole situation with your wife play out? You can't leave her behind - that would probably prejudice her even more against Kimberly. I know how important it is to accomodate our wives, but I also know that feeling of resentment can linger long after. Is there any way to do both? I mean, your wife has seen you, but she doesn't have to "hang" with you at the gay bar...but maybe if your wife's cousin can deal with it, she'll loosen up a little too. That's just a hope...

As for the daughter - I think its adding on too many levels of complexity to let her meet Kim...until your wife is more fully on board. Can you dress somewhere else and meet the rest of the group at the bar?

[TxKimberly]

. . . As for the daughter - I think its adding on too many levels of complexity to let her meet Kim...until your wife is more fully on board. Can you dress somewhere else and meet the rest of the group at the bar?

Yeah, my intent would be to get a hotel in the area, and my daugther would more than likely be babysat by my cousins daughter. Thing is, they are likely to drive as her wife doesn't drink, so it has potential for my daughter coming face to face with me while dressed. Not a given, but the potential is there.

[AKAMichelle]

Your life sure is taking a turn for the complicated. The way that I have messed up my life, I am going to refrain from giving advice on this. Choose Wisely as the old knight says in Indiana Jones movie.

[Amanda22]

Kimberly, my first reaction is that the weekend is about your daughter-in-law and I'd be hesitant to take the focus off of her. The 21st birthday is a big one. I don't mean to rain on your parade. I just fear this has a chance to make the weekend about you in a way you won't like. Of course, I may be totally off base; I can only fill in the blanks from your description in your post. Can you plan another outing with your daughter-in-law later on, in a dressed mode? That'd possibly make this weekend bearable by giving you something to look forward to.

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hi Kimberly,

Sorry to say, but I think Matt should go this time......and try to not be miserable as it is a pretty major event for your daughter in law. I'm also thinking that you really don't want to upset your wife.

I agree with Amanda, if your daughter in law is receptive, you could plan a girls night out as a follow up.

Choose Wisely as the old knight says in Indiana Jones movie.

Unlike that movie scene, at least you won't turn to dust if you choose poorly.

Hope you all have a great time whichever way you choose.

Tash

[Holly]

Kimberly, has your future DIL specifically requested that Kim join the 21st birthday celebration? If not. I think I would pass. Even if she has, I might consider declining. The day is meant to be a celebration of achieving a milestone in her life, not a coming out party for you. If she truly wants to meet Kim, suggest another time when you can just go out and have fun without the need to involve other family members.

[sandra-leigh]

You recently had a thread about how you were trying to concentrate more on your customers and less on your dressing. Do you resent your customers because you cannot dress while you are working? For the purpose of something like this, a limited time event with your family, your wife is your "customer".

[Nicole Erin]

Ahh, how peaceful it is to be single and not have to worry about inlaws, unapproving spouse, kids, etc...

[bianca66]

I am with most of the gals that say the weekend is about the daughter-in-law...Also the wife thingy and dealing with her cousin about you being dressed would seem like a nightmare for her possibly....Sounds tricky/messy.

[Chickhe]

If it were me and not knowing all the facts, I would wait for the girl's stag party. There are too many variables and may upset your wife and you might become the life of the birthday party either making or breaking it. If your future daughter in-law wants to see you dressed up, why not do a separate outting with her and your son? I'm a little biased about birthdays, since they can be a stressful event if too much is going on and if you don't have a good time, your son and daugher in law will feel bad too...

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Another option is to not go at all.

[Sally24]

I would say go for it with 1 caveat.... I know your wife is not too happy about it. Just how unhappy would she be? Is it a big thing or only a minor annoyance? I wouldn't push it if it's a big deal. But otherwise it sounds like a fun time. If you want to keep it low profile, just meet your in-law there and can introduce you to others any way she is comfortable with.

I wouldn't worry about the little critter. She's bound to ask to see you "dress up" soon anyway.

[Tommie Rae]

I have to agree with a lot of the opinions here. This is about your daughter-in-law. Go as Matt, sing karaoke, have a great time with the new DIL, show your wife and cousin that you can have a good time no matter where you are, no matter what you look like. There is plenty of time for Kimberly to be part of the fun in the future. Welcome the new daughter-in-law to the family the way she is going to see you most of the time.

[DaphneGrey]

I have to agree with most here. It is your daughter in laws day. And your wife wouldn't like the idea so don't. Also just because someone is ok with knowing does not mean they want participation. I have lots of caring and genuine support from many friends and family members who are not crazy about seeing me as Daphne. It sucks sometimes but those are the breaks. Honor your daughter in laws milestone and respect your wife's boundries. So many people on this site are envious of you and all of the opportunities you have to express yourself. Be thankful your very lucky! More than most I dare say.

Just my two cents.

[Gerrijerry]

Since I follow many of your post I know that you have many times done what many drean they could do. Get to be who you feel you are. I agree with those that say. This is the wrong time for you to go out dressed. Why even go there knowing someone will get upset. Just have the best time you can in male mode. Then maybe in the future you can see when it is time to come out to the family one or two at a time. There is no way anything good can come out of this party if you dress when it is totally about someone else. You are above that sort of thing and already know how it will effect others. We all I am sure, everyone here, support you, but at the same time know one wants you to hurt others directly or indirectly you are just to nice a person to do that.

[kimmy p]

Kim, I do not mean to upset you in any way. So saying, let your male self go this time if your wife wants to go. You have many adventures as Kim, and a night out with your wife as her husband shouldn't be considered a terrible thing. And it will will save you grief in the future. My .02

[Stephanie Miller]

Just my feelings but......
First commitments first.
Married the wife before you had an in-law.
Why would you resent anyone for having their own feelings? Sorry for yourself, yes. Resentful? Nah.
Matt should go and have fun this time. Just schedule for the two of you to go again another time.

[Babeba]

There are an awful lot of caveats there for Kimberly to go! I'm not sure whether calling your MIL 'wonderful' is serious or sarcastic, and that might change my answer a little (if she's likely been negative about it, it may be weird for your wife's cousins to see Kimberly without learning more about the concept yet). Above all, if things get an undercurrent of weirdness, your DIL will probably get that vibe and above all, I don't think you'd want to ruin it for her.

I'd say go in drab, but that doesn't mean you can't have fun with it! Heck, you could sing 'Man, I feel like a woman', 'Lola', or 'You Make Me Feel (Like a Natural Woman)' if you wanted to make a token gesture. (I'm sure the rest of you gals could come up with less cheesy suggestions, too!)

[Cassiecd]

Wow Kim, look at all the love you are getting here! It certainly is a pickle!

My gut impression is that part of being a cd with an accepting wife is meeting her needs and keeping her comfortable with the cd thing. Do what is best for your loving wife and daughter in law I say! Talk to her and share feelings.

p.s. when are you going to fly with me again?

[kimdl93]

My view was definately in the minority - which is ok, those advising against this event made some good points. But I like Cassie's suggestion - why not ask. It may be that your Daughter In Law wants Kimberly to be present at the party.

[JenniferB]

Kimberly, my first reaction is that the weekend is about your daughter-in-law and I'd be hesitant to take the focus off of her. The 21st birthday is a big one. I don't mean to rain on your parade. I just fear this has a chance to make the weekend about you in a way you won't like.

I agree with this. I hate to say it, but this whole thing might backfire on you in a big way.
Proceed with caution

[TxKimberly]

Kimberly, my first reaction is that the weekend is about your daughter-in-law and I'd be hesitant to take the focus off of her. The 21st birthday is a big one. I don't mean to rain on your parade. . . .

I couldn't agree more that this should be the first thought to run across my mind. The catch is that it was HER that invited me.

[Catina]

REF Cassiecd: "My gut impression is that part of being a cd with an accepting wife is meeting her needs and keeping her comfortable with the cd thing. Do what is best for your loving wife and daughter in law I say! Talk to her and share feelings."

Hi Kimberly,
Cassiecd has expressed my thoughts on this which I agree. Take care, Catina

[sandra-leigh]

The catch is that it was HER that invited me.

Was she talking to HIM or HER at the time?