I recently sold my home and moved into an apartment complex, the neighborhood and complex are fine, but my next door neighbor is a very verbal homophob and yells f*g outside my front door - window at the drop of a hat. I have lived as a woman for about 7 years now and for the first I am afraid to go outside as Arlene.
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Report a hostile environment to the landlord. They have a responsibility to make sure you are safe in your apartment and free of harrassment. If the landlord doesn't follow-up with it, see an attorney. There are usually pro bono folks who work cases for the LBGT community when there is clear harassment issues.
Christy_M,
Thank you for your valuable post. Its greatly appreciated.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
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Carry a small can of MACE with u, Arlene. You'll probably NEVER have to use it. But, it mite help u get over your fear of going out!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Sherry,
Thank your for the mace advice. Its really just this neighbor that scares me. I have been going out enfemme since the late 1960's.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
Also, I imagine you are protected under the fair housing act that protects one against discrimination in housing. The landlord needs to inform the tenant that he (I assume it's a he) needs to stop immediately or be evicted. What he's doing is a crime - verbal harassment is assault.Originally Posted by Christy_M
That said - I'm heading "cross country" here in the next few weeks and would be happy to pay your neighbor a "friendly visit"
Thank you Miss Misery for your wonderful post. He does need a visit.Also, I imagine you are protected under the fair housing act that protects one against discrimination in housing. The landlord needs to inform the tenant that he (I assume it's a he) needs to stop immediately or be evicted. What he's doing is a crime - verbal harassment is assault.
That said - I'm heading "cross country" here in the next few weeks and would be happy to pay your neighbor a "friendly visit"
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
Hard evidence is always a good thing... Take a video camera to document the harassment. Audio to get the words on "tape", video to show where the audio was recorded.
$.02
Arlene, you must definitely report the neighbour to your landlord. I assume that, as you have been living as a woman for 7 years, the landlord accepted you as a tenant knowing that you were TG, so he will have no excuse not to pursue the matter, when presented with the evidence.
That said, neighbour disputes don't often turn out good unless one party moves away (or is evicted). So go with Sherry's MACE suggestion, although living in fear is not good for anyone. I don't know about US law, but in the UK common assault is an act that instils fear. I would push hard on this matter, because unless the SOB is evicted or genuinely repents his ways, his presence will always be a worry for you.
Rachel,
As a crossdresser my personality has several facets. Therefore, I suppose I can be forgiven for being facetious.
Rachael,
The more that I think about it Sherrys" idea is very well grounded. Thanks hon & Sherry.
Thank you kat also.
Last edited by Nigella; 09-15-2010 at 01:15 PM. Reason: Please edit your last post rather than post immediately afterwards - Nigella
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
Ugh this is such a disturbing read. I'm really sorry you have to go through this. I agree with the MACE thing. You need something that makes you feel more secure.
I would definitely report his stupid a$$, but I'm sure that he will deny it. And, then there isn't much that you can do.
He sounds like he needs a muscle to rattle his cage a bit. Know any mean, intimidating friends that would say a few choice words to him?
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Not knowing more details .Like his size and demeanor Maybe he just needs an education. You would have to be the one to decide weather or not he has the ability to learn some people don't. Good luck One more thought before you do any reporting make sure the landlord and him are not buddies since grade school things could go from bad to way bad. Again good luck I would send ya a Hug but I don't know what happened to them. Scarlet.
I hate to say this. But people like that will never change. You can complain to the landlord and even to the police and yes you should do that. But will still have the crazy person doing the same thing just less of the time. Then he will get his friends and others will back you up. Still it is just putting you into a everyday thing when he is around. Personally I would Just move out and not deal with it. If you signed a lease your reason for breaking it is the hassesment and your safety and that will end the problem. The landload can only do so much it is not like he can stand around and watch this person all the time. I know it is a pain to move and find a good apartment but which is better staying and dealing with it or moving out to somewhere else. Just my 2 cents.
Barking dogs are usually not biters. It is the quiet ones that attack.
The best response is the same for bullies, internet trolls, idiots, stalkers, rude people and wiseguys...no response. Just remain calm and courteous. Any response just pours gas on the fire. I usually do not allow hostile or questionable people to get closer than 10 feet from me without a "warning". Especially in this economy. Many people wandering around with pent up frustrations looking for an excuse to blow up.
Use the normal legal channels to address it.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Hey gf.....there's always one scuz who's got so much hatred about anything, they have to show the world verbally. Take the advice and report him to the landlord, and/or bring a lawsuit against him.....You don't need this aggravation.
I'm in a greement with the advice to report the jerk, but doubt that much will happen. I was wondering if you'd ever confronted this individual - face to face - maybe with some back up nearby. I'm not suggesting physical conflict at all, but definately standing up for yourself. You shouldn't have to take this crap.
I don't agree with this. First of all, the neighbour hasn't attacked Arlene physically and retaliating using mace in a persons face can quickly turn this whole situation around and Arlene could end up in serious trouble. There are correct ways of reporting abuse, via the landlord and the police if Arlene feels threatened in any way. Evidence of alleged verbal abuse needs to be logged, but that can also be thrown out if said person isn't warned they are being recorded.
Arlene, if you have a video camera, next time you go out and this jerk is verbally abusing you, turn your camera on, give him a warning that he is being recorded, it can then be used in evidence. Phone your landlord, tell him what is going on and that if he isn't going to sort it out, you will end your tenancy, he'll lose money and he won't want that. Don't give into your neighbour, he's just an idiot, if you feel frightened, phone the police.
Administrator
Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
As a landlord in Calif., I can tell u that he or she is pretty helpless. Unless your neighbor STOPS PAYING RENT, or the POLICE site him for something, your landlord is risking being sued for an "eviction without cause" for evicting him! It happened to me once!I don't agree with this. First of all, the neighbour hasn't attacked Arlene physically and retaliating using mace in a persons face can quickly turn this whole situation around and Arlene could end up in serious trouble. There are correct ways of reporting abuse, via the landlord and the police if Arlene feels threatened in any way. Evidence of alleged verbal abuse needs to be logged, but that can also be thrown out if said person isn't warned they are being recorded.
Arlene, if you have a video camera, next time you go out and this jerk is verbally abusing you, turn your camera on, give him a warning that he is being recorded, it can then be used in evidence. Phone your landlord, tell him what is going on and that if he isn't going to sort it out, you will end your tenancy, he'll lose money and he won't want that. Don't give into your neighbour, he's just an idiot, if you feel frightened, phone the police.
If your landlord's a professional he or she will know what is legal and what isn't! If they're doing it on the side, they may NOT be acquainted with, "eviction without cause" laws.
And, u CAN threaten the landlord with, "it's either him or me". In ANY CASE, u should consult your landlord about the neighbor. Maybe he's been a problem before and this will be the "straw that breaks the camel's back"!
If not, MOVE!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Carry the mace but don't use it unless he comes at you.
For the verbal thing, when I get one of those, I just say "F*** you, you (whatever)" and even that small gesture usually puts an end to things.
See, if you stand up to a bully even once, it is usually enough to get them to stop. Bullies prey on easy targets. If no one is around to back him up, who is he impressing?
My experience is that when you stand up to a bully even once, it is usually enough to discourage them. Once in a while you find one that you have to stand up to twice, but there is almost never a third time. You don't have to go kick his ass or anything, so much as a verbal confrontation will make them think "Well damn, I am not scaring this person"
For the video or recorder, I don't know if I would bother cause honestly, the landlord won't care, their response will probably be "if this is how it is, I will evict everyone involved". And the cops will be like "Well, there ain't anything we can really do etc".
I have been on the reporting side of things to the police on a few occasions, even things where we knew exactly who did what and unless something is very serious, they pretty much ask your info, give you a case number, and that is the last of it.
So, with mace in hand but hidden, next time he yells something, just cuss right back at him. I would be shocked if you ever heard his mouth again.
Defense spray can be bought at autozone for less than $10. I carry one.
Whatever you do, be careful. People like him dont always back off when threatened with the police, eviction, etc. I agree with keeping the mace handy. There are a lot of laws that are enforced or not, simply going by the attitude of those in authority. Some places, you would be protected, others, you wouldnt be helped. Its a sad reality. If you can get free legal help through the GBLT community, I would contact them first. They probably have a good feel for those types of situations, and how they are handled.
Ladies,
Thanks to all of you for your advice. I believe that I should go the legal route.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
Yeah, great advice, advocating violenceAnd you don't know this neighbour, you have no idea what he is like, nor do you know who his 'friends' are... If Arlene does anything to provoke him, who the hell knows who he'll bring round next.
And what if it doesn't? what if it causes more problems? And what if Arlene takes your advice and then gets 10 times worse?
How exactly do you know? If this guy harasses Arlene futher, lawyers always want evidence presented, so this advice really is crap!
That happened to you, doesn't mean it will happen to Arlene. Seems to me you're basing your issues/results on something that happened to you and you seem to think Arlene will get nowhere. So you just continue to give crap advice
Yeah more great advice there
And again, the neighbour hasn't done anything physically, it's all verbal, it can be ignored. If she is threatened, then having that on film or even a recording is better than Arlene spraying mace in his face, which imho is just stupid. No wonder there is so much bloody violence in the States
Administrator
Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn
Nicole,
I do think the mace would just lead to an escalation of the problem, but thanks for the advice. I need to talk to the landlord & proceed from there. Audio & video recording is an excellent idea.
Fulfilling a Lifetime Dream of Living as a Woman in My Adult Years.
My Love of Cat's Eye Frames, Bangles, Red Lipstick, Nails, & Cheeks, Comes From My Mother - An Irish Beauty
I'm Always Rainbow Proud
Go outside his door at three in the morning and wake him up yelling homophobe!!! Seriously though, report it to someone in authority, landlord, police .... the first time not much will happen, but on any subsequent reports there will be a history to back up your case. The other thing you might try is to become friends with the other neighbors so they can tell him you are a decent person (sort of like, well, she can't be that bad, she always says hi and cooked me some jam)... or even better, be friendly to him, hold the elevator door, find out what he needs and offer it to him. I doubt he will be rude directly to your face if you are being nice to him. If you have the opportunity to talk with him calmly, you just explain, 'you understand he doesn't like gay people, and you are glad you are not one because you would not like to be treated that way by him'.
Chickie
I don't know how things go in the USA but in the UK, if your neighbour was uttering homophobic abuse, you could call the police, they would visit and probably administer a caution, and if it happened again they would haul him off to the cells, full stop.
Though if he was known to them already he might well get the cuffs on first time.
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