All too often on these boards and elsewhere, we hear tales of CDs turning out to be TS.
(Whats the difference between a CD and TS? 2 years! I-thank-you)
But lets humour the above joke for a second and say its true.
Lets say 5 years is the difference. No, lets say 10 years is the difference.
Now, I've been dressing for 15 years, but not once have I ever though of taking hormones or undergoing surgery to obtain a body I dont have. It just doesn't sit right with me.
Fact is, I love my body. Sure, Ive got lumps and bumps I wish that I didnt, there are bits I want to be smaller and bits I want to be bigger (watch the cheeky comments).
But overall Im happy with it. It's mine.
If I love it so much, then why do I CD? Why does it bring me happiness to dress in the attire of the oposite sex?
I guess the problem with answering that question is that in the early days, it was driven heavily by arrousal. Then that died away about 7 or 8 years ago.
5 years ago I met my wife to be and the rare occasions where I dressed in the first 4 years (or so) of our relationship, none of them were sexualy driven.
Recently since she found out, Im able to dress more, but of the dozens of times I've dressed since then, I can count on 2 fingers the number of times Ive been aroused.
And yet I still crossdress and still get joy from it.
I realised the other day that when people tell you that gender is not black & white, not one & the other, not male and female, but a rainbow... they arent kidding.
Im starting to feel and understand that I (for some reason) am able to feel either masculine or feminine. And these are expressed in what I wear and how I look.
I possess both male and female traits. Some shine through whatever I wear, some shine through in jeans and tshirt only, some shine through in a skirt and heels only.
They are still part of me.
I guess you could say I'm a little from column A, and a little from column B.
I get the best of both. I haven't got to choose, because Im smack bang in the middle.
It's like the advert for a well known butter company in the UK says...
It's great in the middle.
That's right folks, Im churned like butter, but with half the saturated fat...
Wait... I got that wrong....
I believe the term is Androgyny, not clearly defined as male nor female.
Not that I look like a girl in terms of my body, but my mind deffinately has a feminine voice that likes to be heard (typical woman). And when I listen, I wear girls clothes.
But like every woman, give her what she wants, and she's happy for a while, and Im able to go about my daily life not hearing her nagging.
The nagging, CDs, TVs, TSs and GGs, is probably what you know as the urges.
If youve followed me this far... well done.
I didn't mean to write reams, but I just though I'd share the revelation.
Ive not been this content with my crossdressing since I admitted to myself that I am a crossdresser. I always knew it, but I needed to realise it.
And Ive realised where my mind is in all this now...
Somewhere in the middle(ish), leaning towards the dude.
Hope this was informative and hopefully helpfull to someone