Minor personal triumph

[Samantha_Smile]

All too often on these boards and elsewhere, we hear tales of CDs turning out to be TS.
(Whats the difference between a CD and TS? 2 years! I-thank-you)
But lets humour the above joke for a second and say its true.
Lets say 5 years is the difference. No, lets say 10 years is the difference.

Now, I've been dressing for 15 years, but not once have I ever though of taking hormones or undergoing surgery to obtain a body I dont have. It just doesn't sit right with me.
Fact is, I love my body. Sure, Ive got lumps and bumps I wish that I didnt, there are bits I want to be smaller and bits I want to be bigger (watch the cheeky comments).
But overall Im happy with it. It's mine.
If I love it so much, then why do I CD? Why does it bring me happiness to dress in the attire of the oposite sex?

I guess the problem with answering that question is that in the early days, it was driven heavily by arrousal. Then that died away about 7 or 8 years ago.
5 years ago I met my wife to be and the rare occasions where I dressed in the first 4 years (or so) of our relationship, none of them were sexualy driven.
Recently since she found out, Im able to dress more, but of the dozens of times I've dressed since then, I can count on 2 fingers the number of times Ive been aroused.
And yet I still crossdress and still get joy from it.

I realised the other day that when people tell you that gender is not black & white, not one & the other, not male and female, but a rainbow... they arent kidding.

Im starting to feel and understand that I (for some reason) am able to feel either masculine or feminine. And these are expressed in what I wear and how I look.
I possess both male and female traits. Some shine through whatever I wear, some shine through in jeans and tshirt only, some shine through in a skirt and heels only.
They are still part of me.

I guess you could say I'm a little from column A, and a little from column B.
I get the best of both. I haven't got to choose, because Im smack bang in the middle.
It's like the advert for a well known butter company in the UK says...
It's great in the middle.
That's right folks, Im churned like butter, but with half the saturated fat...
Wait... I got that wrong....

I believe the term is Androgyny, not clearly defined as male nor female.
Not that I look like a girl in terms of my body, but my mind deffinately has a feminine voice that likes to be heard (typical woman). And when I listen, I wear girls clothes.
But like every woman, give her what she wants, and she's happy for a while, and Im able to go about my daily life not hearing her nagging.
The nagging, CDs, TVs, TSs and GGs, is probably what you know as the urges.


If youve followed me this far... well done.
I didn't mean to write reams, but I just though I'd share the revelation.
Ive not been this content with my crossdressing since I admitted to myself that I am a crossdresser. I always knew it, but I needed to realise it.
And Ive realised where my mind is in all this now...
Somewhere in the middle(ish), leaning towards the dude.

Hope this was informative and hopefully helpfull to someone

[Barbara Dugan]

Its great that you have found your path... most of my life I felt the same way like kind of somewhere in the middle, most of the time really confuse me how easy I can move from one mode to another , feels so natural

[Samantha_Smile]

Its great that you have found your path... most of my life I felt the same way like kind of somewhere in the middle, most of the time really confuse me how easy I can move from one mode to another , feels so natural

I would try not to be as confused about it Barb.
It's all you!

[7sisters]

for being able to put this so clearly. I think this is a very valuable post. I needed to read this. And I think you have done an excellent and wonderful job writing this. I'm so glad you did! thank you very muh.

[Josey]

Smile: If I thought I'd could compose a thread such as yours I would have done so. I'm a person of few words and prefer listening than talking. That said, I echo your comments as they apply to me with the exception I.ve been with the same women since '63. Thanks for the script!

[kayegirl]

Don't know about a minor personal triumph, I would call that fairly major, and so good, Thanks Smile

[Tina B.]

Found out the same thing years ago, and life gets so much better when you realize it, and quit fighting it. I've dressed for around 60 years now, still have no plans or desire to change teams, but then I feel like changing teams, means I could go either way, I've never felt like I was truly on either side, but like you, somewhere in the middle, waiting to picked by one side or the other. I loved the way you explained it, thanks for a great morning smile, I hope it helps somebody understand that being in the middle can be a good thing.
Tina B.

[carhill2mn]

Congratulations on your "personal triumph"! Many "T" people never reach your level of understanding about themselves and thus, suffer much anguish. I am much like you in many ways (though much older) in that I do enjoy doing some activities as a man and dress and act appropriately. However, I do get more enjoyment from CDing!

[Samantha_Smile]

Thanks for the thanks ladies

Its worth noting, since came to my conclusion above, I am feeling a strong sense of control pass over me.
It's quite liberating... allowing yourself to be itself and not question what it means to CD, it's far more enjoyable when you feel youve got your head straight