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Thread: Dressing and Divorce

  1. #1
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    Dressing and Divorce

    Has anyone divorced because of the "need" to dress that resides within us? I think it may have been the root cause of my failed marriage of 25+ years..... and to top it off , the divorce has left me broke , so i cant buy any clothes....bummer

  2. #2
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    I do not believe that dressing, per se, is ever the root cause of a divorce.
    Always, there are other issues ... the dressing is either the given excuse for the blow-up or merely a contributing factor.
    Look elsewhere in your marriage relationship.
    Dig deep ... sometimes the root cause is well hidden.
    Finally, don't beat yourself up over it. Move on.

  3. #3
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    You are absolutly correct IMHO Clayfish, I use to think my dressing was the root cause for my marriage troubles... Funny thing is...I never dressed in front of her through our whole marriage ,I did before we were married but she didn't like it so I did what little I could do in private... Looking back what destroyed my marriage was her cheating !! Then she used my dressing as an excuse , just as you mentioned Clayfish..

    Now I am sooooooo much better off leaving her behind , yes , don't get me wrong it hurt and being lonley didn't help but I can honestly say I would never get back with my wife and I feel I am a much better person now because of the B.S. she put me through and useing my dressing for all of it was just wrong..!!
    I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.

  4. #4
    Learning a Lot MichelleL's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by clayfish View Post
    I do not believe that dressing, per se, is ever the root cause of a divorce.
    Always, there are other issues ... the dressing is either the given excuse for the blow-up or merely a contributing factor.
    Look elsewhere in your marriage relationship.
    Dig deep ... sometimes the root cause is well hidden.
    Finally, don't beat yourself up over it. Move on.
    I agree completely, Clayfish. In my experience, poor communication is usually one of the root causes.
    I don't claim to be an expert on anything! After all, an EX is a has-been and a Spurt is a drip under pressure!
    OK, OK. I admit it. I am a has-been drip under pressure. Sigh.

  5. #5
    Silver Member AKAMichelle's Avatar
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    cd'ing isn't the root cause of my divorce but it was a contributing factor. I think most of the divorces are for other reasons.
    Michelle

  6. #6
    My name is Carol Julogden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by clayfish View Post
    I do not believe that dressing, per se, is ever the root cause of a divorce.
    Always, there are other issues ... the dressing is either the given excuse for the blow-up or merely a contributing factor.
    Look elsewhere in your marriage relationship.
    Dig deep ... sometimes the root cause is well hidden.
    Finally, don't beat yourself up over it. Move on.
    I would respectfully disagree with that. Some wives can never tolerate a CD husband. I know from experience. There was plenty of communication on my part, I told my wife prior to getting married and had to quit dressing in order to stay together. I was 21, very much in love, didn't want to hurt her, and didn't know myself well yet, so I agreed to stop dressing. I went cold turkey for a couple years, and finally realized that it wasn't going to work for me. I tried and tried to get her to discuss things to try and work things out, but that was the end. She wanted nothing to do with discussing what I was going through and there was no compromise. I was more than willing to work out a compromise in order to help her deal with her feelings about me being a CD. In the end, she walked, nothing that I could do would have stopped her.

    Carol
    My name is Carol.

  7. #7
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    You might want to scroll down to just below the message area and find the portion marked "Tags" and click on the link marked "divorce" there, to be shown a number of other messages about divorce, some of which discuss causes.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Julogden View Post
    I would respectfully disagree with that. Some wives can never tolerate a CD husband. I know from experience. There was plenty of communication on my part, I told hmy wife prior to getting married and had to quit dressing in order to stay together. I was 21, very much in love, didn't want to hurt her, and didn't know myself well yet, so I agreed to stop dressing. I went cold turkey for a couple years, and finally realized that it wasn't going to work for me. I tried and tried to get her to discuss things to try and work things out, but that was the end. She wanted nothing to do with discussing what I was going through and there was no compromise. I was more than willing to work out a compromise in order to help her deal with her feelings about me being a CD. In the end, she walked, nothing that I could do would have stopped her.

    Carol
    I must respectfully disagree ..No it's not the clothing it's... the demeaner behind the clothing..
    I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.

  9. #9
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    My first wife divorced me after 9 years of marriage, mostly because I would ware girdles under dressing.
    I met My second wife, 12 years later, and exposed her to dressing before I asked her for her Hand in
    marriage, She knew going in, and allows me to dress, as long as it stays in the house. Under dressing
    is OK as long as it is not noticeable. Rader

  10. #10
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    I don't think that it was the root cause but as so many of the girls have already said, probably better than I can, It may seem to be the lightning rod so to speak but there are usually other relationship causes also. I was married for close to 30 years -- I had started cding when i was 11 or 12 -- so just maybe I would of been a good candidate for a sex change -- but I too had to hide this -- completely from my wife - when I tried to share with her she claimed it was the "dark side" of sex controling me. Oh well. My divorce has not been good money wise either and being alone is not what I want...

  11. #11
    Junior Member Marsha My Dear's Avatar
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    Hi all, there were many reasons my first marriage failed, but dressing up wasn't one them. There were two strong, longtime relationships which destructed because I was 'one of those'. Good thing though, my wife is fine with it as long as she doesn't see me dress-up (unless by invitation/command) and it doesn't become a daily recreation.

  12. #12
    Member NylonMan's Avatar
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    I agree with the majority. My marriage just ended as well after 15 years. She knew going into it about my CDing. She accepted and even liked it when it benefited her. In the end. She cheated on me and then used that as the reason. I honestly think that the reason women do not like CDing is because they are insecure, either in the marriage or in thier looks. I think that if a women is secure in her femininity, she would not care what you wear. In fact i hear a lot of women talking in groups about how they would like to dress thier man up in thier clothes.
    Last edited by Tamara Croft; 09-28-2010 at 03:27 PM. Reason: read the rules, removed reference to women cd'ing!

  13. #13
    Just a touch of class Lynn Marie's Avatar
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    [SIZE="3"]I've been divorced for five wonderful years now. It wasn't cross dressing, it was growing apart rather than growing together. We were actually going in different directions before we got married. We just didn't realize it at the time. We did well for a few years before marriage though. I stuck it out because of commitment and our daughter.[/SIZE]

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    Trystan, I was basically divoced because I was a crossdresser. But the divorce was bigger then the fact that I was a crossdreser. The biggest problem is that my ex was not, for all intent and purpose in it for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health until death do us part, (the actual vows she took, not so seriously). If you were to speak with her now, she would say it was because we were married at 21, too young in her mind, mind you, there was no pregnancy, and we accepted our love, she knew that I was a crossdresser before she married me, and still did. She blames our divorce to our age, I blame our divorce to her mental ability to deal with life at any age. The fact that I crossdressed gave her an out. She'd hope it would sway our friends to thinking she was valid in her dicision. To this day, I have hung on to the friends we had. She has hung onto the bar rail at the local watering hole.

    Truths have their way, absolutely.

  15. #15
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Sure, there are mariages that end for a combination of reasons other than crossdressing. But the simple truth is that some wives cannot tolerate a crossdressing husband, as Carol said. My first marriage ended for that reason only. You may believe otherwise, but I know.

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    No... I am sorry but it wasn't ...just crossdressing?...I mean sure it's easy to say..Yeah thats it ..But no it's not.. In fact I am willing to bet if it was just crossdressing that only the marriage would still be intact,.. First it is the sterotype ( mis understanding of crossdressing as a whole ) way of thinking.. Right? Then once you out yourself whats the first queston? I mean come on people really, it's just clothing to us isn't it? Because thats what crossdresing is wearing clothing of the sex you wear not born as and assigned by soceity..

    But we know what it is deep inside ..for some anyways ( me included ) That's to not have the nads to defend yourself once the secret is out!! For most if it's just crossdressing then why did we not hang it up?.. Because it is called being Transgendered you can't!! Your wife has that choice even if she accepted it from the beggining . It's called life but even more important is how yo expressed it and yourself ..Crossdressing may have had a part to do with it depending on the relationship and how it was brought about but ..No , it's hard to believe that was the only reason..
    I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.

  17. #17
    My name is Carol Julogden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucy_Bella View Post
    No... I am sorry but it wasn't ...just crossdressing?...I mean sure it's easy to say..Yeah thats it ..But no it's not.. In fact I am willing to bet if it was just crossdressing that only the marriage would still be intact,.. First it is the sterotype ( mis understanding of crossdressing as a whole ) way of thinking.. Right? Then once you out yourself whats the first queston? I mean come on people really, it's just clothing to us isn't it? Because thats what crossdresing is wearing clothing of the sex you wear not born as and assigned by soceity..

    But we know what it is deep inside ..for some anyways ( me included ) That's to not have the nads to defend yourself once the secret is out!! For most if it's just crossdressing then why did we not hang it up?.. Because it is called being Transgendered you can't!! Your wife has that choice even if she accepted it from the beggining . It's called life but even more important is how yo expressed it and yourself ..Crossdressing may have had a part to do with it depending on the relationship and how it was brought about but ..No , it's hard to believe that was the only reason..
    Dear, you are certainly welcome to your opinion, but you did not live my experience, you were not there. I know very well what happened in my marriage.

    Carol
    My name is Carol.

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    Juleo, Thanks for the polite way of letting me know this.. I am not out for a pissing match over this subject so please don't get me wrong.Who knows maybe I might learn something .. I guess we should define Crossdressing..

    Crossdressing = Wearing an artical/articals of clothing meant for the sex you where not born as .. This does not include Wigs , makeup or any other non natural material that enhances the appearance to emulate the sex you where not born as.. IE .. To use these enhancements is not only Crossdressing it excells above and beyond that desire to feel femme. It passes any means of "I do it because I enjoy the way the clothing feels on me".. To do this act is to satisfy the desire of being the sex I should have been born as..

    Yes most of us start as mere Crossdressers and in the end most of us become Trangender.. Is ths the same as Crossdressing? Yes one in the same but a cut above in the Gender spectrume. So in saying it was because of my Crossdressing ..Yes maybe you are correct because thats where all of it starts.. Couldn't be because your desires have grown and you wanted to explore more of your femme side , Right? But it could be that if your wife didn't like it from the start she sure as hell wasn't going to like the person who was supressing the urges to blossom..
    Now for me, and I know we are all different I hide that growth and sucked in that growth.. Maybe it was I that drove my wife away.. Just a thought..

    Like I said everyone is different..
    I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.

  19. #19
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Julogden View Post
    Dear, you are certainly welcome to your opinion, but you did not live my experience, you were not there. I know very well what happened in my marriage.

    Carol
    The irrisistable force met the immovable object and something gave way.

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    Sadly it's an easy factor for both sides to blame.

    My opinion is that if the relationship is working, you ought to be able to cope with it.

    If not, it becomes a big issue.

  21. #21
    Banned Read only Satrana's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by clayfish View Post
    I do not believe that dressing, per se, is ever the root cause of a divorce.
    I think that is naive to say it is never the root cause. There are undoubtedly some women for whom CDing is such an abomination that it is an automatic divorce. In the same way some people consider cheating to be cause for an automatic divorce. Some people do draw a line in the sand and stick to their principles.

    I would agree that these women are a small minority but they definitely do exist. In most situations however the effect the CDing has on the relationship is a mixture of how the CD behaves and how transgendered he is and how open minded the SO is. If the issue is not resolved amicably then it festers and puts intolerable strain on the relationship aiding in its destruction.
    In my estimation of the hundreds of divorces reported here in this forum, half say it was a contributing factor, the other half say it was not.

    At the end of the day as you say move on. If your wife divorces you either wholly or partly because of the CDing then clearly she was not the right partner for you. Everyone is flawed. A good relationship lasts because the couples' flaws do not match up which results in a magnification of the issue.

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    Everyone's responce has merit. I feel sad those who experienced separations due "in part" to their CDing had to be an agenda item in the divorce but we all must move on. There are many women out there who can cope with one CDing because marriage isn't just about one thing in a relationship. Just my humble belief.

  23. #23
    Meberette Hope's Avatar
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    No one gets divorced because of any single issue, particularly not one like this. Healthy functioning marriages look at something like this and giggle, in really great marriages, this is the sort of thing that brings people closer together. But lets be honest, these are the minority of marriages.

    In deteriorating, or unhealthy marriages, where resentment and belittling behaviors have already set in or have been well established for a while, in marriages where the members are already looking for support outside of the primary relationship, issues like this can easily become the excuse for or a divorce. But honestly - it is better that those marriages end any way.

    In the vast majority of marriages, where there are no significant problems, but no significant resources either, this can be the sort of thing that can stimulate a couple to turn towards each other and start to think and behave seriously about their marriage. But this depends upon both of the members of the marriage to decide to be present in the marriage, and to seek support from inside the marriage. That means that the wife has to more important than the dufus football buddies and the husband has to be more important than the catty coffee clutch. In these marriages, something like cross-dressing can be the spark that stimulates the marriage to become a great marriage, and bring the couple closer together, OR it can be the excuse to start tearing a marriage apart. And it depends entirely on the people involved.

    But lets be serious, every day there are marriages that overcome obstacles SO MUCH bigger than this one, and there are marriages that succumb to no more than petty bickering. Cross-dressing is not why people get divorced... people get divorced because they don't have healthy relationships with their spouse... cross-dressing, and the myriad of other things, are just excuses.
    "I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." — Marilyn Monroe

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    Thank you Hope for that! I think you summed up the success and failure aspect in any relationship quite well.

    Often times we hear that a marraige or relationship is a 50 50 sort of deal, you know comprimise for the other. Posibily and probably those do work at minimum. But, I believe, as you have discribed, it is more not the "issue" then it is the "effort". A Marraige or relationship is a 100 100 sort of commitment. You can never be fully engaged in a giving and loving relationship to a point were you will both be successful, if your only giving half of yourself to it.

    Very often a person who expects another to bring them happiness will never recieve that happiness. Though the person who gives of themselves with out expectation will see happiness returned a hundred times over.

  25. #25
    Gold Member NicoleScott's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Julogden View Post
    Dear, you are certainly welcome to your opinion, but you did not live my experience, you were not there. I know very well what happened in my marriage.

    Carol
    And yet, Carol, there are those who say you are wrong, that they know better than you what happened to your marriage. Seems a bit arrogant, don't you think?

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