The heartache that I need some opinions on.
It involves a friend of mine(we'll call her Jen). We have known each other for 12 yrs-been best friends since the beginning. We never even fought. We'd disagree, but leave it at that. She had her things to go through, I had mine. She moved out of state, kept in touch-she moved back and when I moved out, we still kept in touch. We talked all the time, as if we had only hung out the last weekend. Talk til the phones died. That's how close we are, but some things have changed, and now don't know how to handle things anymore.
I told her about 3 yrs ago now, about my FTM issue. She was surprised for sure, but just took it in stride. Like my other friends/family, asked all the Qs of everything, which I happily answered. So there was no conflict there. But after some months, I noticed she would still call me my "old name". If she said one at all. Obviously making no attempts with this. Every time I would just say "Dante" after she said the other name. She would just skip over it like nothing happened. Even after any long talks to her, patiently explaining on how she needs to start to try.
I would just get "Well it's hard for me too. I'm still trying to get used to this" That's fine, I understand, but don't still use that as a cop-out nearly 3 yrs later. I told her I was getting sick and tired of hearing this excuse from her. Telling her that if she at least says Dante and makes a point of using it, she WILL get used to it eventually, but all she does is avoid it. Only in July on my birthday did she introduce me to people at the club as Dante but I'm sure it's because I was standing right there, and if they came over to me to say hi, and I found she had given them the old name, hell would have risen.
So, I can't really say I've seen an improvement since any other time she would just avoid saying a name at all and just say "Hey hun" more often. Not saying the old name, but avoiding the current. I have even explained to her about the depressions I get and still have-that how when me and my friends went to a gblt club, saw drag kings and queens, I broke down crying and had to go sit down on the side on a couch. But even these talks and admissions still don't seem to make any bit of difference. It's not that she doesn't want to accept it and is in denial, but she doesn't like not being in control of things.
It's because of the type of person I am. She even ripped on me on how it was oh-so-hard for her to get used to it when I haven't shown her any changes. Her trying to make this a television talk show drama on how apparently I have to look, dress, behave like a dude for her to accept it. She refuses to accept that I'll be like I am currently(which is love of fashion, hair, eyeliner/eyeshadow) but be a guy while doing it. She yelled at me on that's not what guys do (mind you she's yelling all this at me over the phone and she has a gay drag queen as a friend) Showing that it's not any type of phobia, but that apparently she has rules for everything and I'm not fitting them. Another reason she won't say my name "because it's not on my id yet" not legal.
The problem now, is I just don't know what to do. I love her so much, she's a great girl she really is, but I'm not just going to sit and be patient for all the yrs until she decides she wants to get around to trying. It's disrespectful to me. I think I've been more than gracious, letting this go 2 3/4 yrs of this. Can't no one say I was impatient or unkind. I want her with me always, I love her deeply, but at the same time, I can't let this go any longer. I don't want to let her have her way on this just to keep her happy. She even had the audacity to call me selfish for wanting her to finally get over it and start trying. If I had said this when only a couple months going on, yeah then I'd deserve it. But not after near 3yrs of patience with her, and even now still won't even say my name, she wants selfish, she needs to look in the mirror.
I'm thinking, as her final chance, that once I start my T and my name is legal she better damn well start trying, and do it quickly, or I will have to just cut ties with her. Thing is, she hasn't changed all this time, will she even bother?
I just don't know what to do. Could be that I might just have to say final goodbyes next yr /: