Facing Reality Sometimes Too Tough

[Julie]

When I think of this in a general sense it's kind of funny but when I relive it it makes me sad.

Last night I'm watching the movie The Hot Chick. It's about a very pretty and popular high school girl who becomes the victim of a body swap spell and ends up in a scummy criminal's body played by Rob Schneider.

There's this one scene where 'she' (in Schneider's body) has already convinced her best friend what happened is for real and they are having a heart to heart talk. Schneider really plays the part well of a girl trapped in a man's body dying to escape it. Maybe because I've had this feeling all my life or maybe it was just a sentimental moment but I started getting teary-eyed watching this. I really wanted to have a good cry but I wouldn't let myself telling myself it was silly. But I was so drawn into that scene it was like I was there, in that scene, feeling the pain of wanting to join my close friend in that girl to girl special moment. It was like something I have been cheated out of my entire life.

I was out Friday with my . We went to a girl event. I was in drab, as I always am when we plan a night together. That's my choice. On the way home I looked over at her in the passenger's seat and thought of what she had said before, "If you were a chick we'd be so together!" That brought a smile to my face and I became quiet. She asked me why I was so quiet but I didn't tell her. I just looked over at her and smiled. I think she knew I was saying, "I love you". Then she said, "I had a really great time tonight". When I thought about how she spent more time with me than anyone else and when we danced how she took my arms and wrapped them around her, well, I don't have to tell you what I felt.

The next day I found myself really saddened by the reality I can never be with her like I want and in the way she wants. There was a solution, but it's long past.
When I have times like this it saddens me I will live the remainder of my life knowing my dream will never come true and that she and I will never be one. I guess that's why that scene got to me so much.

[Vaerise]

I was actually thinking the opposite. Wondering how nice if it would be us to being swapped into the "high school girl's" body. It would have been really cool even if for one day.

[Natasha Anne]

That's so true. I feel a little cheated I didn't get to experience growing up as a girl, so being a teenage girl would be just fine.

That and an inability to grow my own babies I'll settle for the wonderful children I have though.

[DonnaT]

I really wanted to have a good cry but I wouldn't let myself telling myself it was silly. But I was so drawn into that scene it was like I was there, in that scene, feeling the pain of wanting to join my close friend in that girl to girl special moment. It was like something I have been cheated out of my entire life.

I was out Friday with my . We went to a girl event. I was in drab, as I always am when we plan a night together. That's my choice. On the way home I looked over at her in the passenger's seat and thought of what she had said before, "If you were a chick we'd be so together!" That brought a smile to my face and I became quiet.

When I thought about how she spent more time with me than anyone else and when we danced how she took my arms and wrapped them around her, well, I don't have to tell you what I felt.

The next day I found myself really saddened by the reality I can never be with her like I want and in the way she wants.
There was a solution, but it's long past.

When I have times like this it saddens me I will live the remainder of my life knowing my dream will never come true and that she and I will never be one. I guess that's why that scene got to me so much.

I'm confused as to why you would like to have the girl-to-girl moments, yet you choose to be in drab when with Laura despite the fact that she likes you as Julie (as well as Jim).

Could you explain why you find it necessary to make it your choice to be with her while in drab, especially since it seems you prefer a more girl-girl arrangement?

[Julie York]

?
I'm confused.

Which Julie just got back with her wife and everything was all lovely and so on?


??

No, I'm, serious. I've lost track of something somewhere.

[Tristen Cox]

?
I'm confused.

Which Julie just got back with her wife and everything was all lovely and so on?


??

No, I'm, serious. I've lost track of something somewhere.

Dawn is not Julie's wife, she's a good friend that just got back together with Julie(as friends) after a recent fallout. With all you damn Julie's how can we know which is which

[Julie York]

I agree.
So which Julie just got back with her wife and realised she loved her more than life itself etc etc etc.????



Sorry to Julies everywhere.

[Julie]

Okay, let's see...

Donna,
I dress in drab with Dawn (not Laura) mostly because I feel ridiculous dressed when I'm with her. She's a very cute girl who looks good in just about anything she wears. I just feel like a joke next to her. I care a lot about her so there's feelings that come into play too that I don't have a real grip on.

Laura, on the other hand, likes me dressed better. She says she has more fun with Julie than Jim.

As far as the two of them, hands down it's Dawn. We just click so much better and I don't feel deprived about not dressing at all when I'm with her. We simply are having too much fun.

Julie York,
My wife and I divorced last June and there will be no reconciliation. I would never go back to that life. All I have to do is think about how well Dawn and I get along and it's painfully obvious my ex and I weren't compatible. We just did a good job tolerating each other.

I've never met a woman who makes me feel as alive as Dawn does. She knows everything about me, and I mean everything, and says, "It doesn't matter, I still love you. It's the person inside I love." That's something I've waited all my life to hear.

Dawn and I had a little falling out but we're back together better than ever now. Maybe that's where the confusion comes in.

[Deborah]

I'm sorry Julie but your confusing me. Didn't you say not to long ago that you were giving it all up?

Sorry so many people change their mind on this board it's hard to keep track sometimes.

[Natasha Anne]

It's a girl's perogative to change her mind. I understand what Julie is saying perfectly.

[Tristen Cox]

I'm sorry Julie but your confusing me. Didn't you say not to long ago that you were giving it all up?

Sorry so many people change their mind on this board it's hard to keep track sometimes.

And this surprises you? Ha! Stick around we'll try harder

[Deborah]

It's a girl's perogative to change her mind. I understand what Julie is saying perfectly.

This is true and that's fine.
Its hard to keep up when you miss the in between posts sometimes though.

[Deborah]

And this surprises you? Ha! Stick around we'll try harder

[size=1]biotch[/size]

[Valerie West]

"I was out Friday with my . We went to a girl event. I was in drab, as I always am when we plan a night together. That's my choice. On the way home I looked over at her in the passenger's seat and thought of what she had said before, "If you were a chick we'd be so together!" That brought a smile to my face and I became quiet. She asked me why I was so quiet but I didn't tell her...."

This sounds like a Golden Opportunity missed to me. If she's the best thing to happen to you since sliced bread, and if that is truly what's in your heart, then you owe it to the BOTH of you to let her see that side of you. You can be so much more to her and to yourself. Who would choose to live out the other half of our lives in the closet for fear of not being accepted or whatever the reason. She may not be aware of giving you the green light, but I think she did. I'd go for it!
Val.

[mand]

With all you damn Julie's how can we know which is which

There's only one "mand" though Tristen , mind you some have been known to say that's one to many


"Is reality sometimes too tough?"......................oh yes, without a doubt.

love mand xxx

[DonnaT]

OK Julie, I reckon I can understand why you'd feel uncomfortable.

I guess I also lost track of who's who and who's your

[Julie]

I'm sorry Julie but your confusing me. Didn't you say not to long ago that you were giving it all up?

Sorry so many people change their mind on this board it's hard to keep track sometimes.

If by saying "giving it all up" you mean transitioning, you're right. I thought transitioning was the magic bullet to end all this inner turmoil but the problems that arose from announcing I wanted to do it far outweighed the problems from the lifelong battle I've been waging. I'd love to do it but I lost so much just from family and close friends finding out. I couldn't stand to lose any more.

[Elizabeth]

Hi Julie,

I swear we are living parallel lives. I too divorced, and have found a woman who truely loves me as I am. She suggested we watch "The Hot Chick". It had the same efffect on me. The scene at the Track Stadium where he finally convinces her girl friend it is her made me cry too.

All in all, I really enjoyed the movie but it really made me realize just how bad I wish I were a girl. Even though dressing full time is quite satisfying, I still have the longing. Not just to become a girl, but wishing I had always been one. I know all too well that feeling of being cheated.

It seems the struggle never ends.

Love always,
Elizabeth