Coming out to a family member

[Marsha]

One of the challenges that I have had since beginning this journey two years ago (45 years ago) is that I have never been able to tell anyone with the exception of my therapist. She is very supportive but it is not the same as telling my wife. As much as I love my wife I know her feelings on this subject and I know that she is unaccepting. The interesting thing is that now that I have completly become Marsha on the inside she is constantly letting me know what a better partner I am. Now comes the tricky part. My older sister, who lives in San Francisco and has very open attitudes, has also said how different I sound during our phone conversations, how I sound more upbeat and positive. I hinted at the fact that she was now talking to her sister instead of her brother and she really wanted to hear more. She is coming in for a visit in a few weeks and I am considering about letting her know everything. We've always been very close and her acceptance would mean a lot. Has anyone out there come out to their sister? If so, how did it go? (Also, she dressed me up in our mother's very sexy black stockings, garter and bra when I was 5, my first CD experience.)

[Cheery GG]

Hi Marsha,

From what youve said it sounds as if your sister could be a very good support for you. It sounds like she is open minded, and would be accepting of it. It may give you some more confidence in yourself if you tell her.....go on...you know you wanna....

But then i dont know what the hell i'm talking about...im only a GG !

cheery
xx

[Natasha Anne]

All I can say is a visitor worked for me. My aunt stayed with us for a couple of weeks in July. She's only 6 years my senior and is more of a close friend than an aunt. I told my wife while my aunt was here, and we were all on holiday. Then I left my aunt alone with my wife enough in that time instead of dominating the gatherings like I normally do.

It was very helpful, and just the catalyst we needed.

I did not plan it, it just came out 3 days after my aunt got here and looking back in retrospect the damage control could not have been better.

Things happen for a reason sometimes. My wife was very unaccepting and threatened me she would leave me lots of times in our past, but when it came down to the crunch she's doing her best to cope and that's much more than I could have hoped for. It's not smooth sailing, but I'm still living in the house too. Here's hoping you fare at least as well.

[susie d]

I came out to my sister a couple of years ago with no problems. I agonized over telling her for years. I was actually surprised when she basially said it didn't bother her and people should wear what they please. I was somewhat dissapointed there wasn't more said, but relieved. We don't talk about it and she doesn't paticipate. It is just not an issue with her.

Go ahead and tell and you will be glad you did no matter what the outcome!

[Natasha Anne]

It is quite a let down sometimes You break this "big news" and people say "oh that fits your character" or "I kind of knew, no problem" and you look at things and almost wish there was some big reaction.

Of course in retropect you know you have a true friend or loving, understanding relative when that happens, but you expect them to be surprised and then it turns out you get surprised. Pleasant surprise though isn't it?

[Rachel_740]

When I told my family my plans for a sex change I did it in a couple of stages.

I had some photo's taken of me en-femme and the first thing my family knew was when I took them to show my brother. I told him it was me, and left it at that for a little while - mainly cos I got that far then got cold feet.

Anyway, a few weeks later, I'd been to see him regularly trying to find the right moment to tell him - but it never happened. Eventually I had to force myself to tell him - almost coming out with it several times then closing my mouth again, but it HAD to be done.

Once I'd told my brother - and he took it very well, with the attitude that it's my life and my body for me to do what I want with - it wans't too long before I could tell mum. After I had told mum, I then HAD to tell dad, cos it wasn't fair for me to leave mum to tell him. They both took the same attitude as my brother and all of them said they were happy for me to go round dressed.

From there I could tell the rest of my family, who again all accepted it, except one female cousin (my closest cousin).

I thought long and hard how to tell my brother, mum and dad, thinking about the phone, by letter or in person and for me it had to be done face to face. Obviously others may do it by phone or letter for their own reasons. I told my extended family by phone, but that was more because they are all some distance away.

I hope this gives you something to think about.

Anne

[Gemma]

Hi Marsha, my one regret was never having told my sister, so I say go for it, my brother's accepted me, so I am sure a sister is going to be more accepting, good luck hun, keep us imformed x x

[Debbie Kong]

I've revealed myself to both of my brothers and their spouses with positive results. It's a nice feeling. Since then I've told an exgirlfriend and an old male friend. They're all supportive and think it's nice for me. If I knew it would be this easy I would have come out years ago.

Debbie ( Geezer TV )

[Stlalice]

Since my sister is my last direct blood relative coming out was something of an all or nothing deal. The catch in this was that she lives on the west coast and me in the midwest - about 2100 miles difference! On the advice of my therapist I elected to come out by letter rather than phone. The three days between when I mailed the letter and her call were about the most nerve wracking that I've ever spent. But her first question when she called was "Did you really think I would reject you?" My only reply was that it was a possibility that I had to be prepared for. We talked several times that weekend - more than we had in the previous year. Late the next week a small package came in from her - she sent some of our mothers jewelry as her way of saying " I accept you - its OK". So my advice to you would be that if you think your sister is/would be accepting is to go for it. Being out of the closet and having the support of your family is a tremendous relief.