any other "sensative" guys guestioned for not being like "normal" guys?

[trappedNhere]

I know, I know, what the heck is normal anyway. But here is the situation. My wife often comments, and her friends too, that I'm just to "sweet" and not like normal men.

I guess in some ways that may be true. I mean, I do her nails, make-up, facials, shave her, do all the cooking, clean the house, laundry, shop for her (gives me a chance to long) and just love "chick flicks". And my views are often more about feelings that facts.

But, she often accused me of being not normal. This is usually when she is mad. She also says I'm gay (as a slap). I've told her I am but that she is my soul mate and in love with her. Which I am.

All her friends have said they would love to have me if/when she is tired of me. I just want them as my GG friends!!

Anyway, she always uses this to demean me. Feel attacked. So coming out is very hard. She knows I underdress and has made comments about me wearing her clothes (only did once as noted in a post yesterday).

Just wondering and looking for support!!

Also, suggestions for "my name"

Mmuuaah

[trappedNhere]

Here's the issues. My wife says I'm just not like other men (normal) and can't understand them. I guess that may be truen but what the heck is normal anyway?

This is me: sweet, tender, compassionate, homemaker, cook, laundress, manacurist, girlfriend, massuse, make-up artist, movie buff (chick flics please).

All her girlfriends want to be my "wife" if she wants to trade me in. (I just wanna be their girlfriend)

She usually does this when mad or wants to hurt me.

I know that I'm not overly masculine. And have admitted to being gay. But she also knows that I am totally in love with her and she is my soul-mate. Really if SHE was male, she would be my ideal mate.

Anybody have similar situations or suggestions. Also ideas for my "name"

Mmuuaahh

[SarahLynn]

I have not been questioned but comments have been made to the effect i'm too much like "his sister, her mother, etc when it comes to the stories i write. They are about emotions and feelings not action.

SarahLynn

[Annaliese2010]

I've always been feeling-oriented and only within the last few years started wondering if I was 'wrong' to be sensitive to others and feel so much. I'm sure not gay but I'm wondering if my innate sensitivity is why I'm not makin it with GG's which is so fcn frustrating!!! Frustration turns to callousness detachment self-pity & false self-superiority after awhile - as a defense mechanism - which isn't fun.

I (Annaliese) was born out of this inner conflict. I am my own girl to love and make love to. I may be an edgy unconventional girl, but fun loving n real. I'm very sensitive and not frustrated and not angry; admired and complimented, not criticized or taken advantage of. And very, very sexual. Self-accepting, guiltless, unabashed but also sensual & caring; kind but not foolish, trusting but not naive, assertive but not aggressive. Self respecting. Self-expressing. Seeking beauty & truth with faith love & hope. Passionate but not possessive. Happy, pretty & free.

Free as a tiny little birdie flyin high in a great big sapphire-blue sunlit sky...

[Loni]

i get some ribbing for my nails, one friend even said for me to show my fingers...and committed said a bit long and that i should not paint them ( in a not so good way)...but what he did not know is they were painted, a clear coat over shear pink. :-0.

.

[Annaliese2010]

...i've spent a lot of time wondering why jerks like this have girls throwing themselves at them, and a nice guy like me never had a snowball's chance in hell of getting a date.

exactly!

[Loni]

"normal" is only what is "normal" for were you live. look into the next town, city, county, state, country and "normal" is different.

women have always wanted the guy who is sweet, tender...but can open "that" jar.

"masculine" is another word that changes over time and space.

as you posted in another post also a name... what is the first letter in your given name? (some times helps for "paper work")
what real names do you feel like? enjoy saying/hearing, and can respond to?

.

[PortiaHoney]

Hi "trapped".

Firstly, isn't it amazing how they love the pampering and that you can do some of the "girly" things better or even just show more interest than some of the GG's, and then throw it in your face when they need a weapon to hurt you? For many years I made do with "pampering" my partners, and of course myself in private moments, but always copped a bashing with - you're not like other men - I want a real man to love - don't be such a wimp.....etc.

It took me a while, but the only lady I pamper now is myself and a very close GG friend of mine - much moreso myself though. I had had enough of all the bullying and letting them belittle me for my quirks. I finally let the real me out and have been so much happier for it. Every day is on a scale from ordinary to wonderful. As opposed to dreading getting out of bed in the morning or wondering what would set off the wrath of she who must be obeyed. Of course, this may not be what you really want, just the freedom to express yourself sometimes is highly likely for you. It all depends on what you want and need.

As for your name...... Well, there are heaps of places you can find a name for yourself. Baby books, on line, nicknames you may have had or a version of them. BUT, your name is YOUR name. You have to feel comfortable with it and it helps if it reflects who you feel you are. It's your choice hun.

All the best in your journey, and please don't let her beat you up like this. Verbally or physically, abuse is abuse.

Good luck
Portia

[joan47]

The girls at work are always asking about mylong gelled nails, an of course when i tell them a get them done every two weeks I tell them I get my eyebrows waxed at the same time.. I enjoy talking with girls much more, I compliment them on makeup and offer suggestions, I might say "my that is a cute blouse" where did you get it..

Never been comfortible around guys, or sports. I'd rather be shopping

[kitchenette]

Trapped, you gf needs to learn how to "fight fair." it's ok to argue in a relationship, but it can't be "no holds barred." if she loves the fem side of you: the pampering, doting, girl-flick watching side then it is totally wrong to use that against you when you're fighting. I'm with Portia, it's abusive behavior and needs to stop. Perhaps you might to express to her how much that hurts you during a quiet moment when you are not in the heat of battle. If she can hear you out and listen to you then, it's more likely to stick. If she blows you off or belittles your feelings then, that's something to be seriously concerned about. Good luck.

[Babette]

I never get "questioned" for my sensitivity or being a little different from some other guys. Instead, I receive many comments from not only my wife but others, and I will take them as compliments. Yes, I do her nails but she does mine too. I have always loved to cook because I love eating and sharing my creations. I help with the house cleaning because after all, I did my part in creating the mess. I'm a pushover for "chick flicks" because I generally like stories with happy endings. Why be depressed by a sad story?

Mmuuaah, I wonder if the root of your problem isn't a lack of appreciation from one or both sides of your relationship. If so, then how did that come about in a relationship that was once deep enough to result in a marriage? Grant it, there could be other issues such as communication, depression, or insecurity too. I won't ever attempt to analyze your dilemma or anyone else's for that matter because that should be left up to the professionals. Sometimes it is best to seek their help before it is too late.

Babette

[Kathryn Martin]

My entire life I have been considered by many not to be a "real" man. This originally arose from this: Several women working in my office were talking about a trip one of them had taken with her husband, and she explained and everyone laughed with her that her husband having got lost didn't ask for directions and was furious. She followed up with "you know how men are". I entered the circle and told them that I ask for directions. I was told by them, "oh you're not a real man". I laughed about it with them and felt curiously proud at the time. I later rationalized that if being a real man meant not asking for directions I'd rather be me.

In reflecting on this and many other similar circumsatnces that began so early in my life I have come to embrace my being different as a man and recognize that I am a woman.

Of course there are many that have tried to use it to diminish me. It is part of being different.

[Madilyn A.]

[SIZE="4"]I can identify with you on so many levels. Having overcompensating my manliness to mask my true sensitivity for the first part of my life, I always gravitated towards women for chat while the guys might be doing other manly things, cigars, cutting up, cussing. I was different. My wife noticed before we married however did not have confirmation till our honeymoon. Long story short, I do much of what you described to take care of my wife and my household. I love it. My wife has made many comments over the years about my soft side without exposing our secret. She has commented about my legs and that she would wear dresses all the time if she had my legs, she has told other I help her with her hair and make up. Somehow, I take pride in this. I am not embarrassed to be a sensitive guy but know this is what I enjoy and who I am.....My suggestion is to pick a name of some person who you wanted to be like, many of us have favorite teachers, actress' names etc. I would engage your wife in conversation about your sensitivity and your desire to dress a bit more feminine. Something tells me your wife will help you be more feminine, then see where your relationship goes from there......Good luck.......Madilyn [/SIZE]

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hi Trapped,

Is it really a bad thing, or a slam to be associated with he female gender? Take it as a compliment and move forward.

I think it is just as odd that woman will keep going back to an abuser as it is that they gravitate to a guy that is not kind to them in the first place. Sometimes a person does not do what is good for them, I mean look at us, we all identify with the female gender more then male, but look at all the internal strife we had put ourselves through to do so.

My wife says I am the pick of the litter when talking about my other brothers, (I have six) I tell her that it is my alter ego "Jenny" that has a lot to do with that.

I feel as though I am rambling, but to come to a point. Enjoy who you are and be yourself, who ever that might be. If your partner does not like that person and make life miserable...... move on.

[Danielle Gee]

[SIZE="4"]I can identify with you on so many levels. Having overcompensating my manliness to mask my true sensitivity for the first part of my life, I always gravitated towards women for chat while the guys might be doing other manly things, cigars, cutting up, cussing. I was different. My wife noticed before we married however did not have confirmation till our honeymoon. Long story short, I do much of what you described to take care of my wife and my household. I love it. My wife has made many comments over the years about my soft side without exposing our secret. She has commented about my legs and that she would wear dresses all the time if she had my legs, she has told other I help her with her hair and make up. Somehow, I take pride in this. I am not embarrassed to be a sensitive guy but know this is what I enjoy and who I am.....My suggestion is to pick a name of some person who you wanted to be like, many of us have favorite teachers, actress' names etc. I would engage your wife in conversation about your sensitivity and your desire to dress a bit more feminine. Something tells me your wife will help you be more feminine, then see where your relationship goes from there......Good luck.......Madilyn [/SIZE]

That's also a perfect description of my persona. My wife is always "bragging" to her girlfriends about the many things I do to make her life easier. I can't tell you how many times I've heard one of them say "If you ever get tired of him, let me know"

Danielle

[CharleneCD]

I fit in well here also. From an early age I was always different from the other boys. They could see it and made my life hell because of that difference. I may still have to put up with some crap from those guys who just havnt grown up yet, but I wouldnt tolerate it for a second from someone who is supposed to be my partner in life.

[alli2229]

I agree all the way with you Jenny. My wife did originally accept my fem side but as we have gone on she has deminished that support. She knows I still dress whenever I can but just does not want to participate anymore. Oh well.

[Jay Cee]

You are who you are, and you sound like good people to me. If you are gay, then so be it. Nothing wrong with that. Feel proud of your personality, of who you are.

And I know you didn't ask, but: Her pattern of attacking your feminine side (the one she cherishes at other times) is not healthy, for either of you. She can't have it both ways.

Yeah, I can be pretty sensitive. I can cry at the sad or happy parts of a movie. I'm very empathic. I don't really get much out of talking with most guys - can't stand sports talk, or the general machismo (although I can put on a show, if I feel the need to). I had much better work friends when I was employed at an office. There were a group of women that I felt honoured to call friends. I would occasionally tease them about their chattiness, but secretly wanted to be a woman so that I could fit right in. The closeness they had was awesome.

[Tammy V]

I have always had this problem. Always felt different and school was very tough. As I got into my teens I tried to be more like other guys, starting lifting some wights and stopped my early crossdressing. Sometimes people try to overcompensateby going in the opposite direction of what they feel. Like now when I do my female vocie when dressed, I find it very natural. Like I was deepening my voice the voice the whole time growing up to hide who I really was.

[AKAMichelle]

The balance of power in your marriage is different. Usually you have a strong male with a submissive wife (at least on some things) and you don't fit the stereotype. She is probably just trying to work within the boundaries in your marriage and trying to get you to conform a little more. I know how akward it all is because it is one of the things that was thrown up in my face about liking chick-flicks. we change the marriage dynamic and it causes a whole different set of issues which aren't easy to understand.

[t-girlxsophie]

Maybe Im being too sensitive on your behalf.But I find your partners constant digs at wanting a "real" man out of order.So is she wanting you to be sensitive and caring just when shes in the mood.and then uses it as a stick to beat you with at other times,wheres the mutual respect that every relationship should have,seems like its badly lacking here

As for your name choice is there any names of women you admire that you would like to emulate?

Sophie

[juno]

I am a very sensitive guy. I used to be bothered by not being "manly" enough, but now I am glad that I am not. If more men were sensitive, the world might drop fewer bombs. Being sensitive is much better than being on the insensitive side of average.

[DeeDee1974]

I had a hard time growing up. I lived in a tough working class neighborhood on the south side of Chicago. While all the boys in my neighborhood were off playing sports, I was taking piano lessons, art and dance classes. Not even the norm for girls where i grew up. I was bullied a lot for being different. Luckily for me my mom preferred me this way and we were super close and because of her support I always had a lot of self confidencephalitis in who I am. She knew I was dressing as far back as my early teens and accepted it.

Once I got to college there were groups and several open minded females to hang out with. In my twenties I dated a lot of women that I wasn't man enough for, but was able to meet a few that loved a feminine artistic caring person. My first wife loved DeeDee, but decided that we were too much like friends to be sharing a bed. Sexually DeeDee was too much like woman for this heterosexual woman.

My current wife is 55 (I'm 35) very open minded and trying to get used to a full time DeeDee. Somedays she's all over me, others she wants me to sleep in the guest room. She loves me as a housekeepe, shopping partner, and sometimes a lover and spouse. Then one thing that she has said is that no matter how far I take this, including srs she is going to stay . But I have recently found out she has been reading a lot of erotic novels about dominate men. So I have a feeling that this is going to change in the long run.

[trappedNhere]

Thanks ladies. Its so wonderful to lnow that I'm by no means the only one to have undergone these delimmas.
As for the abusive nature in the relationship, I know I have to do something. Its scarry to even imagine that I will have to walk away and be on my own. Heck hard enough to be honest with myself.
The most scary part would be to risk loosing her as my friend, not as my wife. I guess that says something there doesn't it.

Again thank you and may tomorow be filled with rainbows and sunshine for you.

[Annaliese2010]

I just wish I could find a decent looking girl who would let me be the pussy I guess I am. Where are all the girls who WANT to be treated with kindness & love - to be tended to - dotted over - cared for - who are open & honest and like to talk - really talk? Huh? Where are they? Or do they just like to complain about their men who are so callous and tough yet when push comes to shove these same women would have it no other way! Wtf...