Sensitivities

[JulieK1980]

I was curious, does any one else see a trend that as a whole we are a sensitive bunch?

I see a lot of threads on here, where someone will ask a question, and then get a bit tiffed whenever someone doesn't tell them what they want to hear. It seems odd to me, as I can't help but think, why ask the question, if you don't want to hear other peoples answers? Granted people tend to attack much more viciously online, and it's definitely understandable that people would become defensive when that happens. But more and more, I see people get offended at the slightest benign comment.

Do you all think this is the norm in general, or are we as crossdressers more sensitive than most? Is it safe to utter a disagreeing statement, or would we all be better to just "smile and nod" so to speak?

[Cherry Lynn]

I have noticed this also and think to myself it is a feminine trait. I guess when we dress like a woman we tend to act like one.

[JulieK1980]

I have noticed this also and think to myself it is a feminine trait. I guess when we dress like a woman we tend to act like one.

That's exactly what I was wondering! It's an interesting epiphany I got..... lol!

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Hi, just lost one reply Yes I have noticed it too. Maybe we do not like to be criticized for something that benefits us personally instead of others and we seek positive feedback because crossdressing maybe frowned upon at home. We see and enjoy something that makes us feel good and desire only to be justified in what we do. Negative or criticism may be reflective in a home situation and maybe taken as a personal attack on our own pleasure and happiness.

[Steph.TS]

I don't think it's simply because being sensitive is a feminine trait that we are sensitive on here, that may be part of it and as some of us identify as a woman on the inside we can be a bit sensitive, but I think a braoder issue is that alot of us are scared or uncomfortable, worried about putting ourselves out there, and interacting with others on this topic, and with this I'm sure alot of us react with the fear that we are being judged, or otherwise not being accepted, because text doesn't carry tone or intent of ones message the reader is left to fill in the gaps.

[Karren H]

My wife says I'm insensitive!! Lol.

[Cherry Lynn]

My wife says I'm insensitive!! Lol.

Is that a coal miner thing? LOL

[Presh GG]

That's interesting. I thought it was a male trait to just get mad and throw down your toys and go home when someone disagrees with them !

Females tend to talk it out without the anger..

Just my opinion
Presh GG

[Cherry Lynn]

That's interesting. I thought it was a male trait to just get mad and throw down your toys and go home when someone disagrees with them !

Females tend to talk it out without the anger..

Just my opinion
Presh GG

That must be Fantasy Island you are on because most of the females I know are not that way. Catfight might be a closer description.

[GaleWarning]

Females tend to talk it out without the anger..

I must tell Shesa that.

[Kathi Lake]

Such interesting replies lately. Danielle, been to any catfights lately? Seen any catfights? Didn't think so. Heard about catfights? Of course we have! However, other than the Jerry Springer show, Jersey Shore, or other documentaries of classy women, most women don't exist that way.

Most women strive for collaboration. It is, unfortunately, a male trait to do much of what we do - get miffed when someone calls us out, or engage in competition on who's the best whatever.

Sigh. Still, it can be entertaining, at times.



Kathi

[Cherry Lynn]

Such interesting replies lately. Danielle, been to any catfights lately? Seen any catfights? Didn't think so. Heard about catfights? Of course we have! However, other than the Jerry Springer show, Jersey Shore, or other documentaries of classy women, most women don't exist that way.

Most women strive for collaboration. It is, unfortunately, a male trait to do much of what we do - get miffed when someone calls us out, or engage in competition on who's the best whatever.

Sigh. Still, it can be entertaining, at times.



Kathi

You must not live in a redneck area like I do.

[Kathi Lake]

OK, add redneck areas to the Jersey Shore and Springer shore then.



Kathi

[Cherry Lynn]

OK, add redneck areas to the Jersey Shore and Springer shore then.



Kathi

I love a girl who knows how to adapt.

[SuzanneBender]

alot of us are scared or uncomfortable, worried about putting ourselves out there, and interacting with others on this topic, and with this I'm sure alot of us react with the fear that we are being judged, or otherwise not being accepted, because text doesn't carry tone or intent of ones message the reader is left to fill in the gaps.

I think Jen hit it on the head. Its not about one gender or the other being catty or insensistive. Its more about our own lack of self confidence when it comes to this part of our lives. We are begging for the acceptance that many of us have been missing all our lives. Unfortunately when it comes to the topics involve transgenderism we often perceive any disagreement as a lack of acceptance or tolerance which most times couldn't be farther from the truth.

Of course the exception to are the categories that Kathi, Karen and Danielle have pointed out of Rednecks, Jersey Shore, Jerry Springer guests and coal miners. I also thing we could add in any of the Real Housewives and the Women of the WWE into that list.

AND WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T DISAGREE WITH ME

[Cherry Lynn]

AND WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T DISAGREE WITH ME

I sense emotion in this post that we do not usually perceive in text as Jen said. I like that.

[JulieK1980]

I think Jen hit it on the head. Its not about one gender or the other being catty or insensistive. Its more about our own lack of self confidence when it comes to this part of our lives. We are begging for the acceptance that many of us have been missing all our lives. Unfortunately when it comes to the topics involve transgenderism we often perceive any disagreement as a lack of acceptance or tolerance which most times couldn't be farther from the truth.

Of course the exception to are the categories that Kathi, Karen and Danielle have pointed out of Rednecks, Jersey Shore, Jerry Springer guests and coal miners. I also thing we could add in any of the Real Housewives and the Women of the WWE into that list.

AND WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T DISAGREE WITH ME

I think this is the source of it.

But I disagree..... Just because..... :P

[SuzanneBender]

I think this is the source of it.

But I disagree..... Just because..... :P

I sense emotion in this post that we do not usually perceive in text as Jen said. I like that.

In the immortal words of that great emotional stalwort Elmer Fudd, "Ohhhhhhhh you wascally women...you are making wittle ole me sooow dawgone mad."

[shesadvl]

I was curious, does any one else see a trend that as a whole we are a sensitive bunch?

I see a lot of threads on here, where someone will ask a question, and then get a bit tiffed whenever someone doesn't tell them what they want to hear. It seems odd to me, as I can't help but think, why ask the question, if you don't want to hear other peoples answers? Granted people tend to attack much more viciously online, and it's definitely understandable that people would become defensive when that happens. But more and more, I see people get offended at the slightest benign comment.

Do you all think this is the norm in general, or are we as crossdressers more sensitive than most? Is it safe to utter a disagreeing statement, or would we all be better to just "smile and nod" so to speak?

nope dont have to be crossdressers to be more sensitive as presh said in her post about the male trait,....
my son inlaw is hetrosexual male and if things dont go his way or he asks the wrong question and the answer is not what he expects,... i have seen him.... down in the paddock tossing his tools around it or over the fence...lol.... he does not get verbal...just throws that sort of tantrum,.I have been known to ask whats up... "hes throwing a tantrum tossing his toys out the cot..." lol.....
doesnt always happen...

granted if people ask questions from a CD'ers perspective and dont like the answers then they shouldnt be asking them...
thats like opening things up for all sorts of fodder lol...sensitivity or not. Just because you are in femme mode doesnt make you anymore sensitive then you are
remember its just the clothes that changes not YOU.....even though that you are trying to emulate women.

That's interesting. I thought it was a male trait to just get mad and throw down your toys and go home when someone disagrees with them !

Females tend to talk it out without the anger..
Just my opinion
Presh GG

as Presh points out..... if their is anger in even my words its to the point and for a very valid reason (maybe thats my sensitive point perhaps)...trying to explain this to my
SO why I was sensitive about that particular situation, ..... and I do talk all things out.....doesnt matter how sensitive the situation is. No need for anger but to resolve
what the sensitivity is or was.....

Danielle you crack me up... if we women act like some of the ever loving CD'rs here i think there would be far more divorces and a lot less acceptance of things lol.....
perse theres a lot of things that a lot of CD'ers do that we dont...

but there is nothing wrong in being intouch with your feminine side or female side....or male side....(ftm) but the brain wiring,.... for males and females no matter are different... no matter how they are or present....lol...is very different in deed....

but in all we are all sensitive... and catfight...nah dont go there lol... i think thats just for entertainment laffing....

[ReineD]

I have noticed this also and think to myself it is a feminine trait. I guess when we dress like a woman we tend to act like one.

Well, with all due respect, and pshaw!

I'm a woman and I like to think of myself as being balanced and objective.

Seriously, I think the sensitivity has more to do with unresolved personal issues (i.e. lack of acceptance, lack of opportunities to present as desired, or not having the desired or ideal look, etc), which is not surprising when you think of the challenges and frustrations that members here face daily.

When my own buttons get pushed, it is because someone has tapped into old hurts (even if they are somewhat resolved, they can still be near the surface), or some of my current inadequacies.

[docrobbysherry]

However, it's taken me over 60 sixty years to become a confidant, successful male.

As I've ONLY been dressing PART TIME for 13 years, (teenager, in other words)! How could I be expected become a confidant female in such a short time?

Maybe the SAME is tru for others!?

[sterling12]

Oh, I think over time They learn that they are going to get a Variety of Opinions....and some of those opinions aren't going to be what they want to read. So, they either act like a Child and quit The Forum, or learn that SOMETIMES They are going to get Their Nose shoved in It! I don't think you can be around here for very long, and somebody will disagree with you. And, that seems to be true if you reply, or you originate A Thread. Compared to Other Places on The net; I would think that People are pretty gentle around here. It doesn't degenerate into Flame Wars, and The Mods "correct" Personal Attacks and Obsenities

Getting your feelings hurt because somebody doesn't agree with you? I don't imagine that's a Trait exclusive to either sex. Everybody is capable of being Petulant, and at some time in their life, everybody does it.


Around Here, "Smart Dogs" learn to swallow their bile and actually think about what was written. It usually serves no purpose to "fight back." That only invites another Opportunity to make yourself look bad!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Cherry Lynn]

[QUOTE=ReineD;2299709]
I'm a woman and I like to think of myself as being balanced and objective.

You may be balanced and objective but that does not mean all women are. A lot of men probably think they are likewise but that does not mean they all are. I think age has a lot to do with sensitivity. As we get older we learn to accept that others have different opinions from our own. Docrobbysherry says it better in her post below I think.

[JulieK1980]

I honestly don't think there is a huge difference in the way men and women react to conflict. Maybe the overall approach varies, but the stereotypes we create are based mostly off of a few bad examples. From a professional standpoint, I've worked in all male environments in the military, and I worked in a nursing home where I was the only male. People generally were the same. There are always poor examples of both genders. I think age, and maturity level, and life experiences are a much, much larger factor in how people deal with criticism. It does in my mind make a certain amount of sense that we as crossdressers would be a tad on the oversensitive side, realistically a large chunk of society sees us as perverts, or oddities.

[PuniPuni]

I see a lot of both arguments in this thread. It is very interesting indeed. On the one hand, I see people debating about gender identities. On the other, I see discussions on insecurities and self-doubt.

What I do want to point out more than anything though is that, compared to a lot of Internet forums I've been on, you ladies have real class! I know there are disagreements, but I really believe this is one of the most sociable and friendly boards I've been on in years!

Now for my own personal view, men are kinda programmed to compete, though we aren't programmed exactly what to compete over. In the past, we would fight to determine who had the best resources. But resources is a fluid thing. We see violence rates go up in areas with lower resources. Deaths by accidents and homicides increase dramatically in lower-class neighborhoods, primarily between men.

On the other hand, when you have areas with high resources, the men in the community create a new "scarce" resource to fight over. Think about the $4 million umbrella stand that is now so infamous from the Enron debacle. That was competition between men.

On this forum, competition might manifest in the form of experience or knowledge. Whoever feels she has been here longer or has more experience might expect her view to be more important. The key is though that this kind of competition isn't uncommon among women.

Just as men fought for position, women also fought for position, and they do it in different, more subtle ways. Rather than open confrontation, they may sneak-attack to discredit someone. But we have to make sure to separate gender roles from natural biology. Biology only really tells us that women are programmed to be picky and choose men with resources of some vague variety, and men are programmed to compete with each other to determine who has the greatest amount of that resource. Women then compete over that man by trying to make themselves seem like the best candidates for his resources. This is complex human behavior, but it isn't tied to gender identities and just as women can learn to fight openly, men can learn to be sneaky. To create social harmony, we can establish openly what "resource" means. You could argue that "compassion" is a resource. "Cooperation" is also a vital resource. "A sense of community" is a further resource. There will always be competition between men and competition between women and probably competition between the two sexes, but we can find a mutual understanding through establishing a "resource" and a means of competing over it that is beneficial to the group. Gender ambiguity is one of those great things that lets us do this because it allows men and women to compete over the "resource" of how comfortable they are being themselves in a type of competition of mutual support.

lol, "I'm much more supportive than you!" is in our future.

It's rather fortunate that we're more related to the benign banobo than the furious chimpanzee. If two chimps get in a conflict, they bash each other's brains out with rocks. If two banobos get into a conflict, they have sex. ^.-