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Thread: How 'passable' are we really???

  1. #1
    New Member sometimes-stacy's Avatar
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    How 'passable' are we really???

    Hello all. I very often go out dressed up. I still get just as nervous as I did the first time. Do you think people dont say anything because they dont notice or do they just not care?

  2. #2
    Aspiring Member
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    I'm sure it's a little bit of both but IMO its mostly that the average person just doesn't care enough to say anything. Sorry you're still very nervous going out; try to relax and just enjoy yourself

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Freddy12's Avatar
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    You probably are very passable, and people don't notice. I think in general we are much more passable than we give ourselves credit for. Having said that, most of us have a long way to go in the voice area.

    Freddy

  4. #4
    New Member sometimes-stacy's Avatar
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    Opps I put this in the wrong place it seems. Lol still breaking my "blog virginity"

    Yeah thats true actually. I compose myself fine until I get to a counter and I suddenly sound like a cross between a cat and 15year old going true puberty lol
    Last edited by Nigella; 10-25-2010 at 12:46 PM. Reason: Merged consecutive posts

  5. #5
    Be free - overcome fear!
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    I find its a little bit of both, with me the majority of people don't pick me as being transsexual however on the odd occasions
    I get the odd look or a nice smile from a natal female who picks up on it, but I have found that everyone I have come across
    has been very accepting & respectful of me - May God have mercy on their pitiful transphobic souls if they dont! LOL

  6. #6
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    I think they really don't care

  7. #7
    Trans woman BiancaEstrella's Avatar
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    The average woman isn't 6'3".

    The average woman doesn't wear a size 13 shoe.

    The average woman doesn't have 8" hands.

    Almost no woman on earth has an Adam's apple.

    I know what I'm up against, and I don't expect the rest of the world to be "fooled." I just hope that, when I present as a woman, I do so with the class and respect with which I want to be treated. I'm not trying to deceive anyone, I'm trying to be as pretty as I want to be. If I sell woman despite everything I'm genetically up against, GREAT! If not, oh well...
    "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
    Oscar Wilde

  8. #8
    Rotten 80's child Nicole Erin's Avatar
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    Normally the TG'a who attract a lot of attention are the ones who dress ridiculous. We have all seen the older ones who are tall and try to pull a Britney Spears look or maybe wear a short skirt.
    I sure don't pass all that great and I just go wherever and people don't seem to be looking at me.
    Thing is, I dress presentably.

    To raise comfort level, look your best when you go out and wear something conservative like maybe a blouse and jeans/slacks, or a skirt with low heels. Even if people DO detect you, they won't really care anyways especially since you look like you have made an honest effort instead of trying to look like you just got out of some kind of tranny convention.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  9. #9
    Be free - overcome fear!
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    Nicole pretty much nailed it - I go for the casual look throughout the day, so I often wear jeans & a blouse with sandals with light make-up.

    If Im going to a business type meeting then I make an effort to look smart & conservative with low heels & the appropriate type
    of make up. The only time I would wear high heels if I was going out at night and would dress trendy & sexy with night make up.

  10. #10
    Senior Member JaytoJillian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dani xo View Post
    The average woman isn't 6'3".

    The average woman doesn't wear a size 13 shoe.

    The average woman doesn't have 8" hands.

    Almost no woman on earth has an Adam's apple.

    I know what I'm up against, and I don't expect the rest of the world to be "fooled." I just hope that, when I present as a woman, I do so with the class and respect with which I want to be treated. I'm not trying to deceive anyone, I'm trying to be as pretty as I want to be. If I sell woman despite everything I'm genetically up against, GREAT! If not, oh well...
    Amen, Dani!

  11. #11
    Member Kelly Greene's Avatar
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    I think the others have said it best when we look presentable and try to blend in the general public is willing to let us alone, for me having nice legs helps but I still have a long way to go with my presentation.
    Kelly

    You ARE Loved.
    You BELONG in this World.

  12. #12
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    I have to agree if you look like your trying to blend you will probably do OK because no one cares. But if you are walking in 6" heels and you stand 5'9" with out and the skirt is a mini mini and your at the local walmart. Well maybe.
    the key is dress to blenddon't over do it and no one cares
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

  13. #13
    Be free - overcome fear!
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dani xo View Post
    The average woman isn't 6'3".

    The average woman doesn't wear a size 13 shoe.

    The average woman doesn't have 8" hands.

    Almost no woman on earth has an Adam's apple.

    I know what I'm up against, and I don't expect the rest of the world to be "fooled." I just hope that, when I present as a woman, I do so with the class and respect with which I want to be treated. I'm not trying to deceive anyone, I'm trying to be as pretty as I want to be. If I sell woman despite everything I'm genetically up against, GREAT! If not, oh well...
    You will be surprised.... how about Zulu women from Africa or some women from Germany, Europe & Russia
    for example? There are some very tall women in this world & plenty of them with some very masculine features.

    There is a transsexual lady I know is 6'4" with a prominent Adam's apple. However she has no issues
    now that she is choosing the right clothes to suit the occasion & has learnt how to use make up properly.

    Wearing flat soled shoes jewellery such as bracelets & rings can help distract from the size of the hands and feet. Not to much you can do about the Adam'sapple except make it less obvious by using make up to hide the shape of it - lighten up the shadowed areas and darken the lighter areas.

    Dressing appropriately to suit the occasion is the best thing to do so you are blending in rather than standing out in the crowd.

    If you feel like you are sticking out like a sore thumb, then more than likely you are sticking out like a sore thumb - what I'm getting here at is if you worry & feel uncomfortable you will appear stressed others will notice it and the chances are greater that someone will make a comment about you & that can be devastating. The more relaxed and confident you are & selective about your style of dress, the less others will notice you & more people will be acceptable of you. I'm transsexual and have been living as a female and going out now 24/7 and as I said earlier, i have had no issues at all. Any attention I get, I obviously bring to myself - So the next time I plan on going anywhere I work on any issues to correct those issues.
    Last edited by Melody Moore; 10-24-2010 at 11:09 PM.

  14. #14
    Pantyhose forever! joann07's Avatar
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    I am fortunate, that my height (5'5), body shape, and relatively petite size fits somewhat within the range of most GGs and so it allows me to blend in fairly comfortably, but I'm not taking that for granted. I'm constantly looking at ways to perfect my overall feminine presentation.

    Whenever I go out, I dress to blend in appropriately for the time and the venue. If it's a Saturday, and I'm heading to the mall, I'm going with casual wear as in a denim skirt or jeans; flip flops or sandals; casual tee, tank, or cami. During the week, I can wear a nice dress or out fit that's professional because it's work time so it's not uncommon to see GGs wearing a nice dress or outfit at the mall, or at lunch, because they're wearing their work clothes. After work hours, I can still wear a nice dress or outfit while eating out, at the grocer, or at Wally world because some GG's work late and so they don't have time to go home and dress down to run errands. On Sundays, I can get a little more dressier because it's church day and so GG's dress up for church. I can run errands in the morning to early afternoon, but after that say 2 or 3PM it's back to casual. These are just some things I think about that will help me blend in when going out during the week.

    I've been to out to all kinds of public places and I'm not nervous when people look at me because it's just a casual glance. You can tell you're read because people's eyes will get wider and they'll just stare and point or look at you with curiosity. Whenever I see some GG glancing at me, I can just tell she's just looking me up and down and checking out what I'm wearing because that's what GGs do when they see a pretty woman wearing something that catches their eye. Rarely have I noticed that I've been read, but even if I am I'm not even paying attention because I'm just doing my own thing and doing what comes naturally. I'm so comfortable with my feminine presenation that I'm not worrying about the people around me nor am I doing things to draw attention to myself, such as, avoiding eye contact, trying to hide or evade, or overdoing my feminine mannerisms (i.e walking with one foot in front of the other, purposefully shaking my hips). Whenever I cross paths with a GG or whoever, I always give them a friendly smile and I always get one in return. It's amazing how a friendly smile goes a long way.

    Hugs!
    Last edited by joann07; 10-24-2010 at 11:12 PM.
    JoAnn

    I love to see a beautiful woman in a nice dress, but then again, I also want to wear that dress.

  15. #15
    Diamond Member Persephone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by joann07 View Post
    . . . I'm so comfortable with my feminine presenation that I'm not worrying about the people around me nor am I doing things to draw attention to myself, such as, avoiding eye contact, trying to hide or evade, or overdoing my feminine mannerisms (i.e walking with one foot in front of the other, purposefully shaking my hips). Whenever I cross paths with a GG or whoever, I always give them a friendly smile and I always get one in return. It's amazing how a friendly smile goes a long way.
    Right on! Right on!

    In these discussions I always end up identifying with and sympathizing with the difficulty those who are ultra-tall must feel, although I know several GG women who are above 6-feet by a couple of inches or more.

    There are definitely some tall GG women out there. Several women's departments sell not only "Tall" sizes, but "Ultra-tall" sizes (Penny's defines "Tall" as 5'8" to 5'11" and "Ultra-tall" as 5'11-1/2" to 6'2") and you can be sure there are women taller than that.

    But as a general rule, I believe that passing is a matter of effort. I admit I have a height advantage at 5'7-1/2", but I've also spent endless hours trying my best to hone my passing skills, my makeup, my hair, my moves, and I never quit trying to learn.

    Along the way I've spent gobs of money on electrolysis and laser. And I've lost a few jobs here and there because I wouldn't shorten my hair nor my nails. I may be on the "high maintenance" side, but I'm pretty sure I'm within the average for many of my female friends.

    It took me a year and a half to loose 40 pounds, but that has changed my life and my health as well as my passability. How many who complain about their inability to pass have quit smoking, given up more than a once-every-couple-of-months beer and pizza? How many run/walk 4-5 miles every morning and eat their veggies, selecting the salad instead of the steak?

    Unlike a number of people here, I do believe in passing. I do it all the time.

    Most of us can. But are you ready?
    "If you are living the life you want to live you've successfully transitioned to being the person you want to be." - Eryn.

    "If you truly care about me you should damn well want for me what I want for myself" - Michael Westen (Burn Notice)

    -.-. --.-/-.-. --.-/-.-. -../ Persephone™ and Persephone™ are trademarks of Persephone herself, accept no substitutes. The terms "en femme" and "en drab" originated with Marcia Sampson/Staylace (OBM).

  16. #16
    Silver Member Loni's Avatar
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    all i know is my Dr wants me to loose 30 pounds....and he does not know about loni.
    so i am taking his advice and working on loosing the extra weight. but as for shoulders and height. just a work around there.
    but then i have seen many a gg that is taller than me, and i am 5, 11. working on the looks, and voice, lucky for me one of the gals in a group i am in set it up at a local collage for a voice class. even the under grads are a hoot to be with, a couple of them came to our Halloween party this past sat night.
    but how one presents ones self has more to do with blending in than all of the makeup in a couple stores.
    the best advice told to me is to be out there looking and doing just like any other woman and like you belong there.

    and to just leave them with a smile.

    .

  17. #17
    Silver Member victoriamwilliams1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dani xo View Post
    The average woman isn't 6'3".

    The average woman doesn't wear a size 13 shoe.

    The average woman doesn't have 8" hands.

    Almost no woman on earth has an Adam's apple.

    I know what I'm up against, and I don't expect the rest of the world to be "fooled." I just hope that, when I present as a woman, I do so with the class and respect with which I want to be treated. I'm not trying to deceive anyone, I'm trying to be as pretty as I want to be. If I sell woman despite everything I'm genetically up against, GREAT! If not, oh well...
    Partially true

    I have seen women who are almost eye to eye with me. I know women with size 13 feet and big hands, and yes some women do have adams apples:

    Adams Apples & Women: http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/2317

    Now for me I am 6'8" and I have been told more by GG's that I am "Passable" which for me began when I accepted myself and worked on my presentation. No one in 100% "Passable" TG or dare I say even a few GG's get sired! I know my mom who was 6'3" did!

  18. #18
    Truth, Love, Freedom Angiemead12's Avatar
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    Hmmm Im tall for my area, 6'4 with heels is a stand out so I dont think I am.

  19. #19
    eluuzion eluuzion's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes-stacy View Post
    Yeah thats true actually. I compose myself fine until I get to a counter and I suddenly sound like a cross between a cat and 15year old going true puberty lol
    Identifying or gawking at a suspected CD is probably not on many peoples' "to do" list. We are all self-absorbed in our own little world when we are out there. The issues we might be subconscious about or "proud of" rarely receive the anticipated recognition that we build up in our minds.

    We tend to see what we want to see in relation to the due diligence surrounding the task at hand. There are some people who are naturally keen observers of their surroundings. Most are not unless an incident engages them personally.

    The last time you went up to "a counter", can you remember what clothes the person was wearing? how about specific jewelry? What was the name on the nametag? How about the other people around the counter that you did not have contact with...or the others in line at the registers at the time, or pushing carts in the aisles...

    We are just not as noticable to other people as we think we are in our own minds. As long as we do not draw attention to ourselves, we really are just part of the backdrop to others. Even if we are noticed, we rarely warrant a person altering their "schedule" to stop and focus on us.

    Now if you were wearing clown shoes and boxing gloves with a see thru top and swim goggles...


    In short...pick one of these replies that works best for you...hehehe

    Internet Forum Reply... "I think most of manage to pass enough to blend in and not "stick out".

    Real World Reply... "Most of us will rarely be able to pass "close inspection". Fortunately, most people out there don't really care enough about us to make it an issue."
    Last edited by eluuzion; 11-07-2010 at 02:53 AM.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  20. #20
    Tamara Ann Valla tamarav's Avatar
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    [SIZE=4]As a crossdresser there are just some things you eventually have to expect. I work dressed and over the past Christmas holiday I worked at the cosmetics/fragrance counter in a local Macys. I went through the hiring process, through their extensive cash register training and then went on the floor. I half expected every customer to just stand there and stare but it wasn't the case.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=4][/SIZE]
    [SIZE=4]I dressed the same as the other girls and wore the typical black outfits most of us wear in the beauty business. I wore hot makeup and pretty standard hair for me and did stand out against the norm, but I had only 2 incidents of flat out "OMG" statements. Everyone else just asked their questions, bought products and left. [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=4][/SIZE]
    [SIZE=4]Passing is a personal issue in our minds only. There are women out there that have a tough time "passing", I work on many of them every day in the salons I work in. [/SIZE]
    [SIZE=4][/SIZE]
    [SIZE=4]All of us, CDs or otherwise want to pass, or at least attract positive attention. We invite others to look at us when we are out and many times when they do, we feel that we aren't passing, otherwise why would they be looking? Getting looked at is common for most every woman, many times it is just innocent and at other times it is from a devious person simply trying to figure out how to approach you. But, any look you get is the standard for life. Go with it, don't go nuts trying to assume what others are thinking, they may not even be thinking about you..[/SIZE]
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    I am a licensed Cosmetologist (hair stylist, not cosmonaut), work as a hair and wig stylist, makeup artist and permanent makeup artist, dressed as you see in my avatar and albums.

    My web site www.apparentlyfemale.com

    I have over 2,500 pictures on my Flicker site located at http://www.flickr.com/photos/9315394@N02/

  21. #21
    Senior Member
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    I'm with the group that feels that most people simply don't pay that much attention. As a crossdresser, I'm constantly 'on the lookout' for sisters, and, honestly I can't say as I've ever been absolutely convinced I've seen one of us out and about. But I have seen a fair number of women who are.. how can I put this?... not handsome. As a guy, my mental process as far as observing women out in public is, "hot," "not hot," and "somehere in between." (although I admit I'm always checking out what other women are wearing, probably in an effort to best figure out how I can blend in.) Because of my crossdressing prediliction, I'm probably much more attuned to observing people than average. For the most part, I don't think others really pay all that much attention unless we make a point of making spectacles of ourselves.

  22. #22
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    Even with my ugly puss whenever I'm en femme I'm called ma'am and treated like a lady, so I guess I can honestly say thet most people don't care.
    Luv and Jill


    Straight, into Fantasy Land

  23. #23
    Silver Member linnea's Avatar
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    I just try to blend in and not assume that others who "look" are looking at me because they think that I'm CD or a freak or something else. As Tamarav has said, for women being "looked at" is very common and typical. It's the norm. I try to take it as a compliment or not take it as anything other than a normal reaction.
    Still I'm trying to do all that I can to achieve a level of self-acceptance and passableness that I'm comfortable with. The most important goal for me is weight loss. No, I can't change my hands, my shoe size, or my fairly broad shoulders, but at a lower weight, I will be able to wear more clothing styles, especially ones that will flatter the shape and size that I have.
    There are more women today than ever before who are taller, bigger, etc. In that sense, it's getting easier to blend and to feel comfortable.
    Mostly it's our own attitudes.
    warmly, Linnea

  24. #24
    Gen thechic's Avatar
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    Hi there.
    I go out dressed up a lot, most people don't seam to notice me I Think .I would like to think i would pass a a woman but I don't think so after all i cant see myself from a distance, I get nervous around teenagers and young kids as you don't know what they are going to say,this is when i nearly lose my female voice.
    Im not so nervous around older people,everybody treats me like a woman,this even happens at work some times in male mode.

  25. #25
    Just a touch of class Lynn Marie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tamarav View Post
    [SIZE=4]Getting looked at is common for most every woman, many times it is just innocent and at other times it is from a devious person simply trying to figure out how to approach you. But, any look you get is the standard for life. Go with it, don't go nuts trying to assume what others are thinking, they may not even be thinking about you..[/SIZE]
    [SIZE="3"]Tami just has a way of putting things in perspective. I like the term "good taste". "Elegant" also comes to mind, as does one of my favorites, "classy". "Stylish" is another term used to describe someone nicely dressed and maybe even "dressed up" more than is necessary for the occasion, but definitely not "over the top".

    In high school my daughter wore jeans and a sweatshirt almost exclusively as a kind of uniform. If that is what it would take to "blend" and not get noticed, then I'd rather wear my male wardrobe. What's the point if I can't wear heels?
    [/SIZE]

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