How 'passable' are we really???

[kimdl93]

There is such a range among us, in size, stature, facial characteristics...I don't think its possible to make a blanket statement. Some of us just don't feel that the person we see in the mirror can even begin to present publically as female. Others can blend in but closer observation may betray masculine physcial traits, and some lucky ladies look totally feminine. In the end all that matters is that we are comfortable with ourselves and the situations we are in...if that means occassional dressing for ourselves (and our SOs) at home, spending time with others in safe gatherings, or being fully out there.

[Ruth]

I think if you can be within the 'envelope' of reasonable female appearance in terms of size, height, facial hair etc, then most people are too busy with their own stuff to conduct an in-depth exploration of your 'real' gender. I suppose what I'm saying is that most people don't notice you particularly unless you resemble a drag queen or a gorilla.
But it does wonders for your self-confidence and general poise if you yourself feel that you are doing a passable imitation of a woman.
(And apologies to all those gorilla impersonators out there.)

[debbie55]

I have to agree with Audrey on page 1, how many 'girls' do you see when out and about, assuming you don't live in San Francisco or somewhere similar we are a rare sight in my experience and no doubt we pay more attention and frequent the same shops.

[PetiteDuality]

Almost none of us truly passes. That's the truth. Don't let this stop you and have a great time!

[CalamityJane]

Hi Stacy,

Well I would say that any people who do notice don't feel any need to say anything, and just maybe they do not care either. When all is said and done what would be the point in anyone confronting a crossdresser, they are not doing anything wrong....just been different.

[Rhonda Jean]

I think we tend to overestimate our passability. I think people do notice and they do care. They just don't say anything where you can hear it.

That said (IMHO), trying, and I mean trying HARD, as in doing your absolute best to present yourself in the most convincing and acceptably feminine way possible is the only way to do what we do and have any possiblilty of garnering any public support and respect for yourself and our community.

[t-girlxsophie]

I dont pass,but all i ask is to be treated with respect when I am out,we all should have that from decent ppl.I would be happy with that

Sophie

[Sophie_C]

Look, it all depends on what you define 'passable' as. If you define it as 'being perceived and treated almost consistently as a woman', almost no crossdressers pass. There are too many male body characteristics, even shown in the face, that make it pretty obvious. But, if you define it as 'being treated with respect, and maybe sometimes in a way as a woman' then plenty of people here do.

I believe there's a lot of support given here, which I do love and encourage, but that lends people to overcomplementing, at times, often not entirely grounded in reality. The reality is that, while most of us would love to be able to put on a little makeup and a cute outfit to be seen entirely as a woman, it take a whole lot more than that.

Ask yourself this question: Plenty of MTF girls aren't even passable without FFS (especially late transitioners), so why on God's green earth would you, having no female hormones in your body be?

Now, most people in this world are too busy and into their own lives to care, and there are more and more people who are learning the meaning of respect, but do not confuse a saleswoman who clearly knows you are a crossdresser and calls you 'maam' with her actually thinking you are a woman. She knows it, everyone knows it, even that 10-year-old kid over there knows it.

But, so what? You only live once, and the only way to truly enjoy it is to be true to yourself, and be what you really are...

[jacky83]

[SIZE="4"]A reasonably presentable appearance and a positive attitude makes most people indifferent to us. Passing or not passing I'm not sure is the most important thing. [/SIZE]

[Sparkles]

Hello all. I very often go out dressed up. I still get just as nervous as I did the first time. Do you think people dont say anything because they dont notice or do they just not care?

It's more about confidence and control. I've been with Carrie even at gay bars, and couldn't tell you who was male and who was female. If you believe it we will too!

[AKAMichelle]

most likely don't care in my case.

[Sara Jessica]

I think we tend to overestimate our passability. I think people do notice and they do care. They just don't say anything where you can hear it.

That said (IMHO), trying, and I mean trying HARD, as in doing your absolute best to present yourself in the most convincing and acceptably feminine way possible is the only way to do what we do and have any possiblilty of garnering any public support and respect for yourself and our community.

Absolutely right on the mark. I couldn't have said it better myself, except of course that I'll add a couple things.

1. The stress level goes way down when one accepts the fact that we will be read. By one, by some or all, who cares? But as Rhonda said, do the best you can and all will be just fine. This is where blending becomes much easier to achieve than "passing". Besides, how does one really know if they passed?

2. Consider what you leave in your wake. By being the best you can be, being respectful in presentation, etc, those of us who might not be full time in presentation are considerate for those who are living this 24/7. I had a lesson in this in Vegas earlier this year. I felt the eyes, I was being read. And while I didn't care so much, my heart ached for those who feel such scrutiny EVERY SINGLE DAY. Me? I could switch back, whether within minutes or days, I wouldn't have to deal with such prying eyes if I didn't want to. This is a big reason why I always try to represent well, for our community.

[Christy_M]

I am pretty confident that I don't pass but I think the most people aren't really looking as much as we might think they are. I spent an hour this morning walking around the outer perimeter of the local mall and ran across a few people walking around, too. Not a one of them gave me a second look. I was in a dress with knee boots with 4 inch heels. certainly a large figure looming aorund the area.

[Alice Torn]

Dani, Dittos!

[sherri]

I think we tend to overestimate our passability. I think people do notice and they do care. They just don't say anything where you can hear it.

That said (IMHO), trying, and I mean trying HARD, as in doing your absolute best to present yourself in the most convincing and acceptably feminine way possible is the only way to do what we do and have any possiblilty of garnering any public support and respect for yourself and our community.

This may be the best short answer I've seen on this issue.

Very, very few of us truly pass, and virtually none do under close scrutiny, and just because people aren't confrontational does not mean they approve. The only thing that's going to change their attitude, assuming anything can, is repeated exposure to positive examples that teach them that in every other way, we are "normal" people just like them. Actually, what we're asking them to do is expand their notion of what it means to be normal.

Which raises another question: Is it even desirable that we pass? Given that the majority of us are never going to go the full-time transsexual transition route, isn't it one of our collective goals to get society to embrace genetic males presenting in feminine ways? How could we do that if we were fooling everyone? Sure, passing might be convenient for the rare few that can pull it off, but the rest of us just have to accept the fact that we are, with varying degrees of difficulty and success, forging the way for those that come after us.

[Sarasometimes]

If you want to really know the answer, go to the mall when the most teenage girls are there (preferably in groups) and if they don't notice, YOU PASS!! now this may not be a pleasant experience but it is in my mind the ultimate test. I hope to blend. If I go unnoticed by 8 out of 10, it is a good day. I on occasion may ask an SA or a receptionist for an honest opinion. I have two key goals, dress like the GG's do and try to be confident. The second only comes with time and my choosing the right places.

[melissacd]

In my opinion, if you dress to fit in and carry yourself with confidence then regardless of whether they know you are a real female or not you will for the most part be treated with indifference at worst and respect and friendliness normally.

Passing is passe, being is more important. Just be yourself and enjoy the experience, you will be surprised at how normal it all starts to feel.

[Michaela42]

The average woman isn't 6'3".

The average woman doesn't wear a size 13 shoe.

The average woman doesn't have 8" hands.

Almost no woman on earth has an Adam's apple.

I know what I'm up against, and I don't expect the rest of the world to be "fooled." I just hope that, when I present as a woman, I do so with the class and respect with which I want to be treated. I'm not trying to deceive anyone, I'm trying to be as pretty as I want to be. If I sell woman despite everything I'm genetically up against, GREAT! If not, oh well...

True, the *average* woman does not have those sizes, but their are more than I think you realize. Go to a public place and just people watch and I think you will see what I mean.

[ronny0]

I agree with Makaila average is a moving target. For those of us on the large tall side their might be more thought as to is it a he or a she. But in day to day real women that are tall must deal with the same public view. And yes if yo sit in a busy mall and do the people watching men and women all come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. I'd guess that from a distance we all will pass as long as we make an effort at trying to blend in with the crowd and not draw attention by dressing to far out of the norm. I am still not comfortable enough to go out and interact with strangers. I have taken a few night time drives and a noon Sunday drive to buy the newspaper. I finally ended up with the feeling that I am not walking about with a note on my forehead saying I am a guy in woman's clothing. People might look but they are not trying to detect anything, they are just looking. If you do nothing to draw attention to yourself, no one or not many will give your gender a second thought.
But if you run into a friend or neighbor, some one that watches you come and go or knows your car, they will for sure wonder who the new girl is? My wife jokes about it, saying that the neighbors will think I am cheating on her if they see a strange woman going in and out.
If yo are trying to do face to face encounters then people will look a lot closer, and depending on your skills you will pass or not. Even then the majority of people will not be put off too much if you don't pass. I'd say just looking at the images on this site, many of us would pass 100% of the time with little to no effort. Others will draw some attention, some don't even come close. Yet real women can and do look like men so the public will more often than not just smile at you and not really care what's happening in your mind.

[BonnieAlexander]

I have to agree with all said.
1 , If I am in a mall and I see a GG, in short skirt and heels, My eyes will investigate for sure.
If I see a GG or girls just dressed casually, I really don't take much notice.

2 , thanks to the writings on these pages, I am going out for the first time, other than the occasional drive, this Sat to a club, and as of right now I am very relaxed about it. I know
I do my best but, am readable and you know what, I'll know I DID my best and won't care.
I am going to dress in Jeans instead of the knee length skirt from the advice here, I am trying to blend. Thanks.

[BiancaEstrella]

True, the *average* woman does not have those sizes, but their are more than I think you realize. Go to a public place and just people watch and I think you will see what I mean.

I'm not picking at you specifically, because others have raised these points as well. But, I chose the words I did with care. I'm very much aware that women out there exist that are taller, larger, have larger extremities, etc. I'm even friends with a few of 'em. My main point was that despite all of those things, it is still my desire to be accepted as female when physically appearing as female. Would that be easier if I was 5'6", wore a size 8 1/2 shoe, and had smaller hands? Of course it would. I'm not any of those things, though, and thus have to work harder to make the features and the fixtures sync with what my brain wants.

[crazybiker]

As far as passing goes, I'm still on the way there. I'm going out during the eveings, getting comfortable passing people in the park while dressed with out any make up, and then when I have make up, I'm way more confident in my self cause I know what I look like, and i feel better about my self. I know that most of, if not all of my passion to be girly, and dress girly is all limited to my own limitations, yet still I hold back. However, I would like to know that as a good step forward, sometimes... you really can't tell regardless of what age you are or how you look.

Watch the Youtube video

of a young colege jock who really can't tell the difference, and neither can the rest of these people on national TV.

[abbyleigh]

Passable, Long time ago I let this paranoia bit go... I am not concerned about this bug-a-boo. Quiet naturally I try to dress to blend in.

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]Everybody has their own definition of "passable", but this is mine...334 hayden 11-6-2010 4 (2).jpg[/SIZE]

[Christy_M]

[SIZE=4]Everybody has their own definition of "passable", but this is mine...[/SIZE]

I would define it the same way - you look great.