What "passing" means to me

[ReineD]

I have finally come to realize that "passing" isn't necessarily about not being read, but rather being read and still being accepted and treated with respect.

That's the spirit!

And as you do gain in confidence and interact with others more and more (as opposed to just walking through a mall not talking to anyone for example), eventually the people you meet will know all about you, especially when you see them more than once and become friends. I can't think of anything more honest than accepting yourself for who you are, no matter where it is along the continuum. Others appreciate the honesty as well and there are many people out there who will applaud you for having the courage to be yourself.

[abbyleigh]

Hi Karin, Important subject. It really affects all of us that are concerned about being assimilated into the mainstream of the gender that we feel comfortable. Initially on my behalf yes, I was apprehensive in being out in public and suffering through my ill-perceived thoughts of the publics perception and behavior towards me. Awkward glances, yes, however, as I shopped at a major department store on pins and needles I began to finally let go of my preconceived images of the publics behavior towards me and began to shop in earnest without fear. It was I that finally relaxed and accepted myself as abby. No-one really cared. It wasn't until I arrived home hands full of purchases that I realized that I had passed. It really comes down to your mental state of acceptance... Hugs.

[Kara in CT]

I have been so consumed with looking as perfect as possible...

Your hard work has certainly paid off. You look AMAZING!

I have had about 5 months since then with no opportunity, and now that I have again, I am scared to death of going out. It petrifies me!

I don't know how others feel, but I know I still feel, maybe not fear, but certainly anxiety every time I venture out. Have a great time when the opportunity does arrive.

[Miranda09]

Good for you Kara. Glad to hear your outing resulting in a positive and enjoyable experience.

[Satrana]

Most CDs pass exceeding well because we have got the art of passing as a "normal" male down to a fine art-form. No-one ever suspects we are something else.

I believe the gay movement only began to make progress in breaking down society's prejudices when they began the gay pride marches. Being proud of who you really are is the most important thing we can do. Isn't it about time we stopped pretending to be either masculine males or GGs and actually be proud to let people know what we are?

Too many CDs stay trapped inside their homes too afraid to venture out because they feel they have to learn to pass as a GG first. This notion merely validates society's prejudices that there is something wrong which needs to be hidden by disguise. This idea is outdated and needs to be put to rest.

So I congratulate you Karain on your insight and hope you story encourages others to be proud of being a CD.

[Ms Jennifer]

I am glad you had a good experience.It helps to give me the courage to do that some day.

[erickka]

"Think about what you are doing, have a plan and maintain a storng positive attitude and your ability to pass comes with it, however you define it."

But, that is just my point of view.



Well said, Tamara. This is pretty much my view of being out in the public eye. It has done me well also.

[SamanthaS]

Hard to believe you worry about passing. You look great!

[Sarah Doepner]

I've never claimed to be able to pass as a woman, but I do expect to be either ignored or treated with a little respect. I also expect that I will eventually run into someone who is offended by my presence here on Earth, and I will return the compliment. Although my last outting was on Halloween, I was not in costume, but dressed in nice pants and a sweater. No one stared and the checker at the store didn't mention anything to me. Nor did she ask her co-workers to look at me or announce over the store P.A. system a "code pink - Crossdresser in the store". What she did after I left is her business.

I think you hit on the trick that the majority of us who go out eventually find. It's fun for us and it may be fun for them if they understand it's not going to hurt anyone if they show some respect.

[Starling]

...I also have a young daughter and have a Phd in sarcasm...

Kara, you present so well. Do you share this part of yourself with your daughter?

Lallie

[Tbirdgal]

Wow, one can spend all day listening to what is passing ........ In conclusion, be realistic when going out . Yes, look at real women and real men as they dress for the places yopu will want to go to . Watch posture , mannerisms , and above all, PRACTICE !