Hitting a sort of 'glass ceiling'?

[Cristi]

So I've been a crossdresser for as much of my life as I can remember.

I've progressed through all the stages, from a few stolen moments in panties, to underdressing 24/7, to going out in public en femme.

The issue now is... I think I've hit a barrier. I've pretty much gotten about as far as I can go without 'coming out', and I can't ever envision that being a realistic option. It would mean too many possible repercussions with family, work and friends.

(Yes, I know that family and friends would eventually get over it, but I would permanently put a crimp in my career path and future income... and getting new employment would be several magnitudes more difficult. As would making new friends if the first thing they ever know about me is that I CD, even BEFORE they might get a chance to find out what else we may have in common. I'm realistic enough to know how it would all play out)

I go out in public dressed, my SO is fully comfortable with me dressing at home so I can wear whatever I want almost every minute I am home... beside a few other minor 'bucket list' type goals there are not really any steps to take that are realistic for me.

The only steps on from here are
Transitioning? Nope, not even tempted. I'm not TG, just CD.
Hormones? WAY too much of a step (though I'd LOVE real breasts)
Anything that permanently changes my body? Nope, see family/friends/work above
Living 'full-time' for even a short while (days, weeks or months)? Without hormones, implants, laser treatments, etc. this is unrealistic. I can 'do' femme for a few hours at a time, but nothing more.

So here I sit, realizing that I don't really have anywhere to go from here... and I guess starting to feel restless about it. Words like 'Hormones' and 'implants' keep popping into my head, but I KNOW that they are not right for me.

I guess the only thing I can do now is keep refining my appearance to make it easier to blend in public, but that is only small progress, no big steps into new things like I've been used to in the past.

Does anybody else share this feeling?

[Cassandra Lynn]

Nope, i'm still just trying to get further along with my TGness. Bumpy road in my journey at the moment.
Very curious though that you feel there has to be a goal to be reached, what's wrong with taking the time to just enjoy it.
Best wishes to you.
mj (Cassie)

[Holly]

Cristi, the "glass ceiling" you are seeing as being imposed on you is being placed there by you. And I think it is important to point out that today's reality and tomorrow's reality are more often than not, two very different things. Your reasons for not moving further down the spectrum are sound and very understandable. And yet something inside is saying it isn't enough.

Honey, I can't tell you, nor should anyone else tell you what to do. This is your life. You establish the goals, you establish the priorities, you determine how to measure the success (or failure) of what you have accomplished. A couple of suggestions... trust your instincts. They've gotten you this far. Make your choices based on what makes YOU happy, not what everyone else expects of you. Of course, you are not in this alone as you have a wife, and a supportive one at that. You need to get her perspective on this as well. But the decisions are ultimately yours to make. Secondly a qualified counselor with TG experience can be a useful tool in sorting out and resolving internal conflicts. It may be worth your while to seek one out.

You say that you feel that you have no place to go from where you are. Maybe the first question you need to answer is where do you want to be?

[tinalynn]

Cristi, I know exactly how you feel! I'm pretty much at that same point and in a little rut. My wife doesn't mind me dressing around the house pretty much whenever I want. I've been out, and will be again soon (on a business trip). Want nothing to do with TG'ing, coming out, hormones, etc... That stuff just doesn't fit who I am. So what else? For me, it's being content with what I have done, and continuing to find new things to do while out. I haven't been to a club, so that's my next goal.

For you? No idea... Holly makes a good point, though - only you can decide what it is you want. Maybe its possible to talk with your wife about it? In any case, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Good luck!

[JohnH]

As Martin Luther said, "Sin boldly."

Several weeks ago I got busted for public intoxication while I was wearing a dress, sandals, and carrying a purse. I got carted off to jail, and when someone posted bond, I had to put the street clothes back on, which was what I was wearing what I got busted,

After putting my street clothes back on (dress, purse, and sandals) I had to ask a guard which bondsman bailed me out. Then I had to walk across the street to the bondsman's office, where I had to call my wife up to come get me. She said, "After I get my pants on I'll come get you." I forgot to get my medicine. So I had to go back to the jail in my dress to ask the guard for my medicine.

So, gals, don't tell me about being embarrassed about going out en femme. During the whole experience I was never harassed nor made to feel embarrassed about what I was wearing, let alone being threatened in any way.

[NathalieX66]

Aside from fetish crossdressers and drag queens, I'm discovering (from my own experience) that that there are basically two types of transgendered people:

One is the person who fits the non-binary concept of gender: someone who finds being one gender somewhat oppressive, therefore prefers to embrace both genders. I fit that description.

Two, the person who sees himself/herself as one gender. this applies to average cisgendered people, and it also applies to transsexuals. A transsexual favors being the other gender, being the gender not given at birth, and is not interested inthe concept of dual-gendered. It's either one, or the other. Just like the old binary computer programming code of 0 or 1..........0011010111001, get it?

Say, if you won the lottery, what would you do with the money?
that will define you.

[Loni]

i would hate to win the lottery. would rather find a large suitcase with real 100 dollar bills in it. as the tax man would be way to close to me.

but yes your dreams of having a couple million dollars. O what a life of great clothing, only the finest for me.
and my home on wheels. a very large diesel pusher, just traveling and seeing this great country, up close and first hand as only Loni could.
all the people i could meet and maybe i could even learn how to build and work a web site to list my travels.

[eluuzion]

hiya Cristi,

I can honestly say that I have never been “bored” in my life and I doubt I will ever have that experience. My extremely curious nature insures that will not happen.

But I do think I understand your point, about reaching a stage in an exploration where you get a feeling of the process reaching a "saturation finality" of sorts. Not a “dead end”, but a place where the remaining “options” to pursue all seem unappealing.

One suggestion here was for you to consider just relaxing and enjoying the fruits of your efforts. A sound and admirable endeavor for those with the internal make-up to sit still that long. But I sense you and I share an inability to pull that one off for very long.

Although I can usually find endless avenues to explore in a specific area such as crossdressing, I sometimes feel as you have stated. I have a compartmentalized approach to such areas, meaning CD is like one toy in a toy box full of toys. Sometimes I just put one away, and pull out a different one to play with for awhile. Later on, that toy I shelved becomes fun to play with again, and my interest is renewed again.

I also feel that some of us are “builders” and some of us are “caretakers” in life. Both roles are credible positions requiring specific skills and expertise. (Neither position is more “important” or “impressive” than the other).

I happen to be a builder, not a caretaker. I excel in creating things and building whatever it is that I envisioned at the start. Once the building process is finalized and becomes more of a managing process (becoming a manager or “caretaker”), I am “outta’ there and on to the next venture”.

I think this may have something to do with what you are relating here.

Then again, maybe not…

Only our hairdresser knows for sure…

[AllieSF]

I do not have your problem, .... yet! I still have a lot of hurdles to overcome and to experience, many items on my bucket list, I check some off and then add more. I can only say that just being able to do what you do seems like a fantastic accomplishment to savor and enjoy just as it is. Someone mentioned balance above. Part of that balance to me is to enjoy what we have while we can. Like you I am a CD only and really do not see that point in the future where I will get bored because of the lack of new things, challenges and mountains to scale. Hell, I have a great time just meeting new people. If I have met about 1,000 people here in my area already, I still have a couple or more million yet to meet. I don't think I will get bored anytime soon. Goods luck and I hope you find something to keep you going.

[Sarah Doepner]

Cristi, You have a problem that many of us would like to face in some fashion. Holly has great advice, Mom's always do. If you do see a counselor you may sit through several sessions just getting your territory established and defining issues before getting to the payoff. I'll give you a hint. It sounds like you need to know it's okay to be happy where you are. Things may change over time, but for now it's all good. There is no external reward for getting started on hormones, coming out at work or doing something that is basically against your best judgement. It reminds me of that old Bobby McFerrin song, "Don't Worry, Be Happy", it's okay.

My advice is to slip on a robe, get your comfortable bunny slippers on and curl up on the couch, relaxing with a cup of tea and admire the lipstick print through the steam on the rim of the cup.

[sherri]

I agree with trying to be content with the "level" you've attained because you have some very good reasons for drawing the line there, but I would add that maybe you're not fully exploring that level. You say you go out, so I assume you're confident you can do so without being outed -- in other words, some people you don't want knowing, but with others it's okay. If that's the case, couldn't you use your outings to cultivate a network of venues and people that are friends of Cristi without it spreading to your straight life? I know there's always some element of risk, but I find that the crossover is minimal if you live in or near a large city, and even more so within some special interest cultures such as support groups or the gay community. It's a shame to have to compartmentalize your life like that, but it's worth it to expand your opportunities for expression and interaction.

[Cristi]

Thank to everybody who replied to this. I got some very valuable feedback that I'm certainly going to take some time to think about. It has brought some new perspective to where I am, and where I may be going (or just how I may become more satisfied with where I AM).

[Satrana]

Cristi

I am at a similar place, very comfortable with being a CD, can dress at home whenever I like, 100% supportive wife, large wardrobe, even lasered off my beard. But I have a great job which would be impossible to replace and I would lose it for sure if it become public knowledge that I was a CD so my public outings always have to be done far away. Overall I am in a very happy place but I have also hit this glass ceiling.

I think the key is to put everything in perspective. I have it good in so many ways, do I really need to have it all? Everything in life requires degrees of compromise so I have come to terms that complete public openness is a bridge too far. So there are things which you can still do, avenues to explore which can keep you occupied but these are really just tinkering around. Only when you reach a stage in your life when your lifestyle is no longer jeopardized by losing your job will you be in the right place to continue the journey.

Never take your current state of happiness for granted.

[sometimes_miss]

So I've been a crossdresser for as much of my life as I can remember. <snip>
Words like 'Hormones' and 'implants' keep popping into my head, but I KNOW that they are not right for me.

If they keep popping into your head, there's a reason for that. Some part of you want's way, way more than you're currently aware of. Only you can figure that out, and why. BTW, I had similar desires about progressing perhaps even to SRS when I was a teen. It took many, many years to figure out it all. Read my bio, link in my sig, to find out how I figured it all out. BTW, my desire to be a real girl never goes away, but at least I know why it's there, and that it's based on faulted beliefs that unfortunately will never go away entirely. Best of luck. If you'd rather me explain this better you can always email or message me.

[TiffanyTgirl]

Well, I do understand where you are coming from. Each level attained seems to lead to another level. But where is the end? Maybe now it is just small things. I think laser treatments would be ok. Hair leaves for various resons. Make yourself and your SO happy with whatever you decide. Supportive women are very hard to find.

[Rhonda Jean]

My current situation is very similar to yours. Instead of viewing it as a glass ceiling, I see it as a comfort zone. Much of the "problem", if it is one, is that it's hard to find the thrill and excitement that I once felt when it was new. Not necessarily when the whole concept was new. I can't even remeber that far back. But, from time to time, I've always found new areas to explore. For instance, having my hair colored was new about 3 years ago. Now I don't even remember what my natural color was, and getting my hair colored is certainly not a thrill anymore. It's become ordinary and necessary.

The only thing I do now that is new is that I've just begun to combine my formerly compartmentalized male and female lives. In a very limited and controlled way, it gives me some of the experience of coming out. So far that's been with one person; a hairdresser I've used off and on for about 20 years. Even using her is kind of a cop out. She's always done my hair in feminine styles, but I was always in drab. Over the past year or so I've been getting a little more fem, starting with high heel boots and girls jeans, progressing (so far) to girl's shorts (shaved legs), a girl's top, and polished toes with flip flops. She hasn't said anything derogutory, but she's exhibited some discomfort about it. I usually use other hairdressers. I have one for color, one for cuts, then there's the occasional trip to the beauty school. The others know me in fem. It's probably not exactly fair to her to be part of this experiment and to only see her a few of times a year, but so it is. I don't go there just for the coming out experience. Although I don't use her for color, and only for the most minor trims, she is the most talented with a curling iron of any I've ever used, and, yes, she did the curling iron styles when I was in drab, too. Mainly, she's given me a very small taste of coming out.

I'll continue to try to find those who I can safely introuduce a more fem appearance. Those are pretty limited. It has to be someone who knows me, but not my family or work. Almost all of those know me only in fem already. That's about my only new horizon, though.

[Jaydee]

Relax and enjoy your life and "comfort zone". It shouldn't be a competition to get to the "end", what ever that is. I agree with sherri, maybe try to fill out your life as Christi.

Jaydee