When you literally can't transition for health reasons (for guys and girls...)

[Poltergeist]

I post this here because I'm FtM, but I don't really care what you are if you have something to add to this thread.

Yes, I know... I'm that annyoing guy who posts once a year and promises to post more often!

Honestly - the reason is that I don't know what to do with myself, naturally I keep being attracted to FTM-related stuff, but at the same time it depresses me.

Not because I can't be happy for you guys who are transitioning, and it's nice to see your progress. But it makes me depressed because I'm still stuck in a female body, and also it makes me feel like an "outsider"... I feel like I'm the only one who isn't transitioning. I can't tell you about my progress - I can only repeat the same old topics and ask the same questions, because I'm stuck in the exact same spot where I was when I first came out as a transguy.

And... now my hopes have finally been destroyed completely. I suspected it, but never really dared to ask anyone before, because I didn't want such a final answer as I got today - there is no way I can transition, because my body can't take the hormone treatment. I found out through an unrelated health problem, where I was treated with a small dose of male hormones and had a bad reaction to them. I asked if this meant that T would be out of the question, and the reply I got is that it would most likely kill me.

So this is it... I am stuck in a female body, with being a gay man who's being read as a lesbian woman, and unable to experience love because my mind/appearance don't go with my body.

Even though transition has seemed out of reach for me for a while now, the fact that is is now absolutely over and out of the question is very hard to accept.

I don't know if anyone else on here is in the same situation... FtM or MtF.

How do you deal with it if you really can't transition?
How do you accept it... CAN you even accept it?
And do you have that problem too, where you look for others like you for support, but then feel left behind and not a part of the community when "everyone else" is transitioning?

I also hate the fact that everyone's attitude is "great, problem solved... you're a girl again". No I'm NOT!! The fact that I can't transition doesn't mean that I am now going to stop worrying about it and start a new life as a woman. And that attitude really scares me, because I realise that unless I transition, I am not going to be taken seriously as a transguy. I'm so sick of "you like men, and woman can wear pants too... what's your problem?".

[tess graham]

My heart goes out to you. As a MtF in transition, I can imagine how disheartening it would be to find there was no hope of FINALLY being complete at last. Having to face a lifetime of being in the wrong body would be a cruel test of faith. Believing that life is not a series of arbitrary events and random coincidences but rather major and minor events all part of a gradual unfolding of our lives that will eventually explain why we are as we are and a purose that will make some sense to us, has kept me moving forward, regardless of obstacles that look to be unsurmountable. After 60+ years of this, I have learned that all things change. Be patient and persistant. "No" usually turns out to mean just mean "Not Now".
Hope this helps.
Tess

[Areyan]

i'm so sorry to hear of your situation. i haven't had tests for anything yet myself but i do have metabolic issues which i may or may not be able to resolve and this possibility scares me. you raise a good topic, one that deserves awareness within the community... there are plenty of FTMs and MTFs who for medicial reasons cannot physically transition.

i may find myself in that situation and i really hope not but i feel for you. i know your pain... i'm 33 and only just coming out of myself now so being read as a lesbian is something that is happening a bit as well... i also for some time believed i was just a lesbian, but i've been trying to be like a woman all my life in my head and it hasn't worked so far.

i understand what you are saying about being non-op, non-hrt. no one but you knows who you are sometimes and you are frequently read as her when you just wish they'd see him. i have a life history of being female that i cannot erase. if i could not transition in future... hmmm, not a nice thought.

i hope you still feel welcome to keep coming back here. your perspective is important and you may not be the only one, i'm sure there may be a few more here who are medically unable to transition.

[Seamus_Jameson]

Wow. Don't know what to say for you, man. That's damn hard.

Stay in the movement. I know its depressing, but the trans community is where you will find support when no one else seems to understand. And your voice is valuable, even if it doesn't always seem so. The guys busy transitioning that you speak of are not the entire community. A lot of times, the excitement of making progress in transition causes guys to forget the frustration of being completely new to transgenderism, trying to figure their feelings out, waiting through the (sometimes) agonizing process of deciding whether to transition or not. . . As someone who has made up his mind, but hasn't gotten caught up in the medical roller-coaster, you are a sympathetic ear to these new guys. You are also a great potential friend to MTFs who can't pass no matter how much they want it, due to size, shape, distinctive feature, etc.

Many transmen throughout history had to deal with not passing consistently. Keep your head up, no matter how people treat you. They didn't make you a man and they can't take it away from you.

[7sisters]

I'm a gg bu the way.
Look, there may be different kinds of male hormones. Please please don't give up hope just yet. Bodies can change and I can promise you that endocrinologists themselves are only touching the tip of the iceberg as far as knowledge about hormones and the endo system goes. For all their white coats and fancy degrees, they are still only beginning to understand the amazing mechanism that is the human endo system!
I was born with a hormonal syndrome. I visited the best doctors and all they did was give me medication. Now the best way to handle my case is by determined disciplined lifestyle changes. My doctors never bothered to really explain HOW CRUCIAL this was. They took the easy way out and put me on hormones. In the end,I went on the internet and did my research and found how to handle my case. I even made my diagnosis before they did!!!!!
Look, someone somewhere has to have your same problem. Spend all your free time on the net trying to find out how they handle the issue. But please don't give up yet.
There is Lucas Silveira the famous Canadian Singer who is an FTM. He chose not to go on hormones as it would screw up his singing voice (of course that is his choice and not forced on him like an unpleasant surprise). He's got top surgery. Please watch his videos. Also there are many FTMs with cancer who cannot use hormones. I will try to get that youtube video for you... gimme time...
My point is that you can do some of the things to surgically attain the body you wish to attain. From yoru photo you look like a boy ... in fact you look like Gary Barlow. Do you know him? He's a singer also... a genetic boy. Google and see Lucas and Gary.
Cheer up my friend! Where there is life there is hope. Like I said, these doctors are not always correct. Go to the site www.americantransman.com. He is an FTM endocrinologist.

[tanyalynn51]

Im so sorry for you. Im just a little ways into transitioning, and being told that it has to stop now that Ive started would be devastating. But, I agree with 7sisters. Dont give up yet. There are a lot of options, and scientists and doctors only want us to think they have all the answers. Be all of the man that you are, inside, until the time comes, hopefully when it can be on the outside as well.

[Poltergeist]

Thank for for the comments and advice. I've had some days now to deal with the first "shock"... and right now my attitude is that I have to move on and try to get the most out of what I got, but knowing myself and how I usually deal with my "trans issues", I can be kind of ok with everything one minute and deeply depressed the next.

I have a very androgynous nature, and even enjoy looking androgynous too, so I've often told myself that maybe it would be possible to kind of transform myself into something I could be comfortable with even if real transitioning wasn't going to happen. Maybe that's what I need to focus on right now... even if it isn't the ideal sollution.

I just find it so hard to deal with being a "she" to everyone... to say it like it is, I have a very large chest and very wide hips, so I don't feel like there's any point in trying to encourage people to say "he"... I know for a fact that no one is reading me as male. I have a very "venus shaped" body, so even though I pass pretty well from the neck and up, the rest of me couldn't be more female. And to my family, I am simply "A"... that's as far as they will go. They refuse to call me Adrian, even though it has officially been my name for a few years now, it's in my passport and on all my other ID.

It's not going to be easy... but I guess life will have to go on somehow.

[janelle]

BOY AM I with you!!!!!!!!!!! My transition was going very well until it was time to up my hormones, by the way I am a M t F. They will not up them because of my weight & all the Dr.'s I have talked with want me to lose 100# would be perfect but would still do surgery with a 50# weight loss. I weighed more than that when I graduated from High school. So my journey to become the real me fully is at a stand still also. It has also brought my depression back big time as my shrink as of this last Friday has now said I now am in the severe depression state & she is worried.
Now with that said & you know where I am at, I still try to think that something will happen. Yes the chance is almost zero but I hope & talk with friends. I know that talking does not do much as you can see by the fact my depression has become worse. I keep looking for that someone who will accept me as a woman with a defect or an outie if you will. Guess what I am trying to say is find choices you could be happy with to live as you are. Yes I want to be whole, in fact I have told all who take care of me in is wonderful trip, that I was cheated of getting my period & everything else, that is how bad I want to be whole. I know it will never happen & most GG say I would change my tune if it could happen, but, to me I am a woman & whatever GG's get,have or go thru should have happened to me. I should not have by passed any of it.
Guess I am making this clear as mud so let me try to wrap it up. Have faith in urself, find someone who can accept u as u are, & help u accept that this is you weather u go any farther or not. & then enjoy being a man, maybe a tad different but look around, not 1 person looks the same or has the same problems. The hard part is waiting to find that person. Don't give up, I haven't!!!!!!!
Hugs & kisses to you, take care

[Andy66]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Seems like there's some good advice here. Don't give up on finding the right person. They are rare, but I have known a few genetic men who like transmen or more masculine women.