Charise, you are correct. People miss the point b/c their priorities aren't straight. Then they stand and scratch their head wondering what went wrong.
Charise, you are correct. People miss the point b/c their priorities aren't straight. Then they stand and scratch their head wondering what went wrong.
Hello WOTW:
Wow, good for you for standing up and not letting yourself being treated badly. Nobody deserves that. I can't believe he responded the way he did with you accepting him for who he was. I was married for 18 years, the wife knew before we married that I liked to CD and even encouraged it for a few years. Then she did an abrupt about face and rejected that part of me so I gave it up as best as I could. Then a few years later she left and woulkdn't even consider reconcilation no matter what I did or offered. So, to find somebody that would accept and love me for who I am............... well, that would heaven and I would treat her like gold and the Queen she is. Stef
As a once divorced person, I would observe that the problems this fellow was expereincing are pretty typical of recently divorced men. Generally speaking, people come out of a divorce with a lot of issues, not the least of which may be guilt about breaking up a family, remorse, depression and some lingering hopes of reconcilliation. A competent therapist once told me, much to my chagrin, that it might be 5 years before a person was really emotionally ready to successfully engage in a long term relationship. In the first couple years after my divorce, I know that I frustrated the heck out of a couple of very nice, attractive women because, though genuinely attracted to them and interested, I just wasn't ready/capable of fully letting go.
My advice to women out there...be very cautious about recently divorced men. They may want to jump into the sack and may think they are OK, but they aren't.
Stef, your story sounds identical to his and his ex wife's.
KIMD, for every 4 years in a relationship you are supposed to give yourself 1 year to heal.
I really don't know if I will be alone the rest of my life or not. I have to be content with it either way and make the best of it.
Last edited by WsprsOnTheWind; 11-21-2010 at 02:08 PM.
The problems you describe aren't about cd'ing. They are about having enough respect for you to put you first in his life. Sounds like the bigger issue was that he hadn't detangled his life from his ex's. That relationship polluted your relationship and made things bad for you. I think you should avoid the cd'ing issues when looking back at this relationship and realize that he just wasn't ready to be in a serious relationship.
Michelle
AKA, I think you are exactly right.
Last edited by WsprsOnTheWind; 11-21-2010 at 02:09 PM.
First I would like to thank you for being such an open minded person ~ woman.
Many of us would so dearly like to find someone such as yourself.
Just someone who is open to and recognizing the need to go to counseling after something as traumatic as divorce?
I married young ~ 22.
I didn't have a clue as to what it meant to be married, that what it takes to get "her" is what it takes to keep her? I didn't have a clue as to what women were about, that their minds were literally wired "differently" and that they literally "thought" differently than men ~ (and I"m not even beginning to talk about hormones)
I was young, dumb, ignorant, and arrogant!! And did I mention clueless?
For the better part of my life? I've attemped to 'live down' my feminnine side ~ indeed I've out right denied it.
Guess what?
The more I did so? The more pervassive it bacame!
No more than I see anything with being a woman ~ do I see wanting to be one?
Or at least doing the best one can do as such?
I would love being the other half feminnine side with a GG.
Think about it?
Twice the interests, twice the fun!
I should think all of your requests were certainly reasonable right out of the gate........second, I think anyone, cd'er or not has to be in the relationship and act like you are cared for, above and beyond all others.......a lot to ask? You bet your butt it is but it's the necessary stuff the best relationships are made of........I'm still yearning to find the partner in life that cares for one another above all else, not matter the circumstances. And there's no doubt in my mind from reading your post, that if and when you feel you've found that someone that you'll jump right in and give it your all. Just got that feeling about you!
He may have thought he was emotionally gone, but his actions seem to suggest otherwise. Honestly, if I were a GM or GG considering a serious relationship - not just dating & sexOriginally Posted by WsprsOnTheWInd
- I would at least keep the time since the divorce before getting to deeply involved.
You needn't worry about being alone. Be out there for people who are emotionally ready and it will work out.
I am so glad to have people such as yourself in this life!
Yes I have to accept as my last LTR GF (who BTW couldn't accept although tried) that I'm "Part Girl"
And no I'm not gay ~ although I believe being so would make it easier being TG?
I just love all things feminine ~ but I'm not allowed to express it!
I love that women are friends with other women ~ just because they'er woemen.
That don't have to be fishing, hunting, NASCAR, football buddies?
They simply need to be but women?
That's it!
That's all they need to have in common?
I love the concept among women of just "being"
And "sharing" just for the simple concept of "sharing"
I love the complexity and the simplicity of women!
A duality and a paradox all at the same time!
Yes, it's a lot to ask, but I am worth it as is everyone who truly commits to making it work. I will fight until my last dying breath to make things work, but I'll also be the first to let go when I feel I amdoing it alone. You're right, when I jump in again (if I ever do-not really sure I want to exhert the energy again) I will jump in the deep end. There's no other way to go.
It's not like I asked the man to change for me, just make a few adjustments.
Well he might, if it's his favorite dress! LOL! Sorry, couldn't resist.
LMAO! I'm thinking you need some serious duties handed out to you with heels and a maid's outfit locked on you.
Actually, changing is inevitable to some degree. You can't take two people from totally different backgrounds and expect every aspect to fit. There is going to have to be adjustments and tweaking things.
I was thinking on the drive home from work that I am 46 years old and I still do not know what it is like to be truly loved by a man. That's pretty sad. I hold very little hope that I will ever find it either. Lets face it, the older we get the slimmer our chances get. I spent years upon years in counseling and college getting psychology degrees to heal myself as well as help others. What good is knowing how to be a healthy partner when you can't find anyone else that's emotionally healthy?
Oops, there I go rambling again. Somebody smack me! lol
Pointing finger at Amanda....YOU started this. lol
Last edited by WsprsOnTheWind; 11-21-2010 at 02:10 PM.
So, some of you CDs clear something up for me. My BF told me that most CD's are wishy washy and you can't count on them keeping their word.
Last edited by WsprsOnTheWind; 11-21-2010 at 02:10 PM.
WOTW, that statement sounds like another lie he told you. I have been a cder from age 3 and have always been the type person, that if I told you something you could carry it to the bank.
PS: Would an older cder like myself stand a chance with you? You have a great understanding of life in general and you have great opinions, oh!! did I mention you are beautiful on top of all your other great qualities.
I don't think any of us know personally enough other CD's to make any generalizations about what's true for the majority. Crossdressing cuts across pretty much all social strata, income, and education levels so about the only thing that seems true is that in most respects CD's are pretty much like other men. Some are good at keeping their word and some are not. Some CDs worship their SOs while others treat them like dirt. Simply being a CD is not really a good predictor of other kinds of behavior. It's really unfortunate that you were involved with someone unwilling to do what was necessary to make the relationship work. There are a lot of lonely CD and non-CD men out there. Keep looking and sooner or later you'll come across one that is right for you.
Phoebe
Again, I think the correlation between CDing and personal reliability is just about zero -- some CDers will be space cadets, some will be the steadiest and most responsible people you'll ever meet, and most of us fall somewhere in between (or swing back and forth). Really, the only group characteristic that stands out among the crossdressers I know is that they like clothes of the opposite gender.
- Diane
As a formerly divorced person with children I have to say that your boyfreind picked the wrong person to date. I get breaking off contact with other women but what I always say is you divorce from your wife not your kids. The next time you pick up a guy your question should not be are you a crossdresser but "Do you have young children". Your relationship was never meant to be for a whole bunch of reasons.
Wsprs, you know where I stand on this. If I thought for one minute that I was wishy washy and could not keep my word because of my being a CD, I'd purge for the rest of my life! That ridiculous statement by him was merely to cover up his own lack of keeping his word. He told you things that suited his purpose and not what is really the truth about himself, other CD's or even about other men.
Funny you say this Margot (love that name BTW). My typical standing rules include:
No mothers that butt in
No small children
No exes interferring
No smokers
I broke all the rules for him and accepted his CD'ing. A friend of mine that I have confided in about this told me that he really didn't realize how lucky he was. I rarely let any man into my life and open up to them. Of course he couldn't know or appreciate the ground that he tread was ground select few will ever go. He was too busy wiping his feet on me to recognize that.
How ironic, John Mellencamp is blasting "I need a lover that won't drive me crazy" on my computer. lololol
Last edited by WsprsOnTheWind; 11-21-2010 at 02:11 PM.
Wishy-washy: well, you might have trouble getting me to give my word, but once I give it, I keep to it as best possible, even if it is inconvenient for me.
I would love to be the "wife" to a GG ~ I'm retired out of the military ~ I've got a check coming in that's more than the common man.
I know this is possible.
I've been reading the responses to your initial posting and cringeing everytime I read how self-centered this guy must have been. (My dogs also asked that I reply on their behalf that they would absolutely NOT go outside for him. Then, they got back up on my bed and went to sleep.)
"So, some of you CDs clear something up for me. My BF told me that most CD's are wishy washy and you can't count on them keeping their word. Of course, he excluded himself from that <hang on while I finish my fit of uncontrollable laughter> Okay, I'm back now. So, is that true for the majority or just him?"
Similar to Sandra-Leigh, I am slow to give my word because, once given, my integrity is on the line if I should go back on it. That might appear "wishy-washy" to some, but, in fact, means that it isn't something I toss out casually. It may sound contradictory coming from a CDer, but, as your studies undoubtedly revealed, humans are complex individuals.
Don't let this sour you on CDers. I believe that, in general, we are more likely than most GMs to be caring of others feelings because of what we are and have experienced.
Susan
"Not sure who I am, yet. But, I'll let you know..."
Susan,
You sound like me in that your dogs own you, you don't own them. My fur babies are my best friends and I will never give them up for anyone. Nor will they be put outside. What kind are yours?
I'm not soured to CD's at all. Talking to you all here has helped immensly. I'm the same way about when I give my word. I back my words up with actions.
Can make your head hurt.
Last edited by mklinden2010; 11-23-2010 at 05:19 AM.
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