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Thread: Single because you crossdress? What do you say to people?

  1. #1
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    Single because you crossdress? What do you say to people?

    I feel I am probably single because I crossdress and generally have exotic sexual tastes.

    I've not given up. I'm not miserable about it. I'm not that hung up about it, well no more than you might expect But it is an issue especially about relationships.

    I now feel judged about not being settled/married etc.

    It must be confusing for people as I don't appear hung up about sexuality so I can't be repressed about being gay. Maybe they suspect all manner of things.

    I am tempted to let people know, the older I get the less I care. Though it could be awkward. I find some people can be seemingly understanding then shy away.

    Though I do know other middle aged single people. They seem vanilla enough and I wonder what their problem is.

    Anyone else in a similar situation?
    -=CherryZips=-

  2. #2
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    I'm single because I choose to be at this point in my life. I don't feel that it is because of my crossdressing because I don't share that part of my life with very many people. And I have much bigger issues than that in my life right now that I don't give it much thought.

    As far as what I say if people persist, I simply tell them it's none of their business.

  3. #3
    Member Laura Jane's Avatar
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    I'm single because I'm untidy! Well thats what my ex-girlfriend used to row with me about!

  4. #4
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    I know where you're coming from. I was married once, and have two kids. The marriage fell apart only partly because of the CDing. I've had a couple long term relationships, and the CDing would go on the back burner for a while, but it always comes back. I never told any of my girlfriends, but I shaved myself, or my legs a couple times, and then avoided intimacy for a couple weeks, until the hair grew back, which didn't set well with them. One of my girlfriends thought I was doing someone else, because I wasn't doing her.
    I haven't had a girlfriend for a while now, and it doesn't bother me at all. I have plenty of opportunities, but when I look at these old women, it's like, "No thank you". I look better than any of the women I know. Seriously. Some years ago, my girlfriend and I were sitting on the porch one summer Sunday morning in shorts. She was checking me out and said, "You've got better legs than I do". I looked over at her slightly gnarly legs, and damaged skin, from too many visits to the tanning booth, but didn't say anything.
    I'm alone by choice, and I like it that way. Every morning, I slip on some mid heel sandals and a short dress, or something comfy, while I have breakfast and coffee. Then I get into my guy clothes and get on with my day. Later in the evening, I get into something sexy and some heels, and have some wine and lounge around. If I had a woman here, I would either have to tell her about my CDing, or keep my guy clothes on. When I'm alone, I can do what I want, when I want.

  5. #5
    Gold Member MJ's Avatar
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    well I'm happy and single and gay and i like it that way. why do i need anyone to be complete?. no Drama no fuss life is great
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #6
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    At this stage in life, yes ,I find myself single for the first time since my teen years and partly because of my dressing. GG's are out there don't get me wrong , but I am picky now... I will not push my dressing off on a GG who I feel may sour her taste to it.. I won't even cluea GG in while seeing her that I even dress and if I sense she is ANTI to my habit, I will stop seeing her and normally that is on 1-3 dates..

    So ,,yeah I am single because of my desire's to dress ..But I have to be true to myself first as I know this will not go away and I am okay with this life style for now , it's a bit lonley but a lot less drama..
    I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.

  7. #7
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    I am single pretty much about the same reasons and yes sometimes people ask about it specially at work where almost everybody is married or in relationships. Sometimes I think life would be easier if I had married and lived an heterosexual life but that would be a lie to me and specially to other person.
    I guess the only thing that is left is try to be a happy gay transvestite

  8. #8
    Silver Member Marissa's Avatar
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    Good question.. can't say that anyone would think the wiser of me being a crossdresser but when people see that you have not brought someone around or mentioned someone for two years (I had transferred to new job site two years ago), then I would think that in their minds that I must be gay or something. Well most knew that I had a crazy marriage/divorce that left scars and as most would say it takes time for the healing process.

    Last night I decided to hang with a buddy to see a Zeplin cover band. We were going to grab a bite to eat and then go to the small sports bar where they were playing. It has been a while since I have gone out for this type of evening with my buddy. A few years back it was common for a few of us to meetup and make a night of it. One of those nights I ended up meeting my future wife.

    When we stopped at the first choice of resturants, we scowered the bar area in hopes of finding a seat since it was crowded big time. As we departed, I noticed a woman give me that once over look, so I caught her eyes and smiled as I walked out. The next stop to eat and have a beer, I saw a few pretty women that were near my age. I took in their looks and thought how nice it would be to be in one of their's company. Later, at the bar to see the band, I did take in the scenery of cute girls/women. Including the staff servers who for some reason seem to have big breasts protruding from their tops..I never could figure out why they dress that way??!! LOL.

    Well somewhere along the night, my thoughts shifted to seeing what they were wearing and doing the critique thing that most of us are guilty of. So the thought did occur to me about admiring these women, being jealous of what they were wearing..and wondering if a relationship could fit into my life...no.. not at this time.. I'm still trying to figure things out.

    But I will add that I did like the feeling of the desire to spend time with these women. So I think that dating may be in my future, but not really a relationship unless there is a hint that she will accept me for me..as I would accept her as her.

    Hugs,
    Marissa
    Marissa



    "You better look hard and look twice,
    ...is that me, baby or just a brilliant disguise?"- The Boss

  9. #9
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    I don't worry about what people think. I've had my share of girlfriends, and my friends all know it. The women close to my age just aren't attractive anymore.
    I'm reminded every day why I stayed single, when one of my friends says his wife won't let him do this or that, or buy this or that.

  10. #10
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    The women close to my age just aren't attractive anymore
    Wow.... I see plenty of women my age just knock outs!! They seem to be to get more beautiful with age like a wine.. I never thought I would feel that way over a matured lady as a youngster.. But I tell you what!! Send them my way anytime..
    I do not!! Claim to be an expert on any topic, when I post a new thread or reply on any thread my imput is strickly that of a crossdresser. Not to offend Gay people , Transexuals or any other life style, I am only commenting on one of my own.

  11. #11
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    the secret of success is not being....

    afraid to BE ALONE with your own thoughts. A lot of people just seem to be blank when they are alone. I enjoy my own company, I'm busy all day, I have lots of interests and I'd love to have 48 hour days.
    It is true that at an advanced age, it is nice not having to explain oneself for whatever. I no longer want to get permission for what I do or buy, and by the same token, I don't want to tell someone that they can or can't do something either. Life is now too short for me. Being single is the same thing that having NO CHILDREN used to be. People wonder whether your gay, or sterile or worse. They never bought the idea that there are simply too many people in the world and why add more. I do have lady friends and go out but that is the extent of it now.

  12. #12
    Silver Member Amy Lynn3's Avatar
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    Lucy, if you get too many, send them on to me.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Chiana's Avatar
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    Interesting question. I guess after my X left, which had nothing to do with CDing, I didn't try to go out and find someone else. There are probably several reasons for that and one would certainly be so that I could have more privacy to dress. Unfortunately, I do care what people think about me and I know some have questioned my sexuality. Almost everyone who knows me well enough thinks I am completely hetero since they know I am compulsively checking out the ladies. Of course, they might misunderstand why I check them out so intently, but I don't see any reason to correct them.
    Whether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right.

  14. #14
    General nuisance AliceJaneInNewcastle's Avatar
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    I was single until my late 20s. I felt like I was never going to meet someone who would accept me. After a disastrous relationship with a woman who equated crossdresser with transsexual and assumed that I would soon transition, I decided to be open with any potential partner, very early in the relationship. I told my wife only a few weeks after we began dating, and she was relieved that I was only a CD. She was worried that I might have been bi. We married about a year after we met, and have been married for over 11 years now.

    I started going out frequently in the past few years What I have found surprising over that time is the number of women who have openly flirted with me when I'm out en femme. At first, I assumed that I was misreading the signals and that they were simply treating me as they would a female friend, but I've watched some of the same women interact with other women and other CDs without exhibiting flirtatious behaviour. I've also seen some women openly flirting with other CD friends of mine. I think that the best way to meet an accepting GG would have to be to get out and about regularly en femme and let them come to you.

  15. #15
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Crossdressing is usually the straw that breaks the camel's back. I try to feel out the person, and see if she's open to, say, 'La Cage', and how she sees the actors in the show. Any negative feedback about guys in dresses usually signals me to look elsewhere.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  16. #16
    Full-Time Duality NathalieX66's Avatar
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    I'm single because I'm busy, proud, and sometimes weird.

    Somehow I get the feeling that crossdressing has nothing to do with it.....mainly because iIthink one's personality is what shows through.

    Some girls won't mind if you are a cd'er, others will....that has been my experience.

  17. #17
    eluuzion eluuzion's Avatar
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    Let’s see…why am I single…going on my 16th year now…hmmmm…

    Well, it took me about 10 years to recover from the financial and career devastation of being hooked by cheating gold-digger (ex) that found me as a mark. (I mean that in a cough, cough, nice, complimentary, respectably pleasing sort-of-way…).

    The last 6 years I have become totally self-employed, I am debt free, live alone in a big house with lots of toys, dress almost 24/7, have lots of friends, I’m healthy, sleep well when I do sleep, and get lots of “invitations” for companionship (which I seldom pursue). I’ve lived alone most of my life, but I have never been “lonely”. Most people that know me would describe me as eccentrically amusing, but not dangerous unless attacked, lol.

    The possibility of me running into a cognitive “match” at this point in life are slim. Most of the single people I meet seem to be “desperately needy” or “gold-diggers”. Most stable couples think I will either corrupt the husband or attract the wife, so they avoid me,).
    Plus, I seem to mistakenly send out the “player” or “good catch” impression when dating…which always attracts the opposite of what would be my ideal SO.

    Go figure…but, hey…I am happy.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member Noemi's Avatar
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    I love this place.
    I am single right now because I cross dress, and also because I am a starving artist, but I have been that for many years now and have found a few relationships. Actually very few as I am usually wondering just where I fall in the gender spectrum. I have slept with women with out making love to them several times because I just am not interested in their pussies, and have rebuked the advances of about 100 gg's(this probably makes me gay, but sometimes I really do not know what I am). This does not go over too well as GG's really want to have fun, and deserve fun, and get so worried when a man does not want them sexually. I love and respect women, it is fun calling them GG's on this forum, I wonder if they hate that, the poor creatures, they get so much undeserved shit to off set the considerable power they evince. My situation is that I am masculine looking, the public suspects nothing, but inside I am 98.4% woman.
    Barbara you said it, to be a Gay happy Transvestite. That is it dear, I like your posts by the way.
    Right now I am dressing allot and am the happiest I have been in a long time. I am going to ride this train and see where it goes.
    I am so happy to be here reading what you all have written. It is helping me, thank You.
    Last edited by Noemi; 11-21-2010 at 03:53 AM.
    polythene pam

  19. #19
    Fearfully MTF Steph.TS's Avatar
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    I'm single as I'm a transwoman, I haven't taken hormones, no surgery, no therapy yet, I don't think it'd be right for me to get involved with a woman (I have no interest in men) only to tell her later on in the relationship that her 'man' is a woman. I remain single as a choice and hope one day I'll transition and be the person I am inside.

  20. #20
    Member Ms Jennifer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BARBARA_MELENDEZ View Post
    I am single pretty much about the same reasons and yes sometimes people ask about it specially at work where almost everybody is married or in relationships. Sometimes I think life would be easier if I had married and lived an heterosexual life but that would be a lie to me and specially to other person.
    I guess the only thing that is left is try to be a happy gay transvestite
    I agree with Barbara and MJ,and when asked why I never married I just reply that I never wanted to.Works for me.

  21. #21
    Member Michaela42's Avatar
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    For the most part I am single because I am so . . . well, different. Yes, my crossdressing plays a part in that, but it is much deeper than that. I have never been much of a dater or anything, but with the few relationships I have had there has never been a real connection. The women only knew a small part of me and, truthfully or not, I felt that if they were ever to know the 'true' me they would bolt. It is the same way with friends and casual acquaintances for me as well. Like I said, crossdressing is a part of this feeling, but mainly I feel it is that I have not truly accepted myself. On moment I may be all feminine and like, but in the next I am looking for . . . well, trouble, I guess. Until I find the balance in my own life I do not think it would be fair (to myself or any potential partners) to even begin a relationship.

  22. #22
    Gold Member MJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BARBARA_MELENDEZ View Post
    I guess the only thing that is left is try to be a happy gay transvestite
    too bad you don't live near me
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  23. #23
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    I'm single because I've decided to find out how far I want to go. I've been in relationships pretty much since my teens and several have been with GG's that were accepting and wanted to participate but I found that unsatisfying. I don't enjoy cross dressing around a woman with whom I'm intimate, it just feels really weird to me.

    I do however enjoy it when I'm with a man I'm intimate with. But that leaves me with the problem of not being all that attracted to men when I'm not dressed.

    I don't think of my self as Gay, because I really, really like GG's. However sometimes I think the only practical solution will be to give up the Bi label and fall for another Transvestite, because I do find Transvestites attractive when I'm not dressed but also when I am.

    If you remember the documentary "Paris is burning" one of the things that really struck me was when they were doing what I remember as "businessman drag". That hit me because as a man I love to wear a well cut suit, it makes me feel remarkably masculine.

    This mixture of feelings complicate my life but I wouldn't have it any other way.

  24. #24
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    thanks for the thoughts everyone. Its great that the interweb supplies a place where you can put an idea like this and have people understand.

    I still say ideally I would marry a woman. I miss the intimacy so much. And so when someone asks me "would I like to meet someone?" I hate the idea of lying and pretending to be happy alone. But I am more accepting of that possibility. Though I have to avoid the company of too many couples in the one sitting.

    @AliceJaneInNewcastle

    What kind of locations were they?

    I agree just being seen is a good idea. Perhaps even being socially known. My best sexual experiences were with a woman who knew my tastes before we dated.

    Ideally I would put on a clubbing outfit and hang out in bars. But I'm not close to passing. I wish I was more effete rather than just boyish. Some women really go for crossdressed guys. But they don't look for it and only realise it when they see it. But I would not feel safe in the straight clubs.

    I did used to go to the fetish clubs but got too much unwanted male attention. So this is kind of me returning to the scene. No purges mind. Just returning to the scene now that work and family are less important.
    -=CherryZips=-

  25. #25
    Gold Member MJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Janice Lester View Post
    I don't think of my self as Gay, because I really, really like GG's. However sometimes I think the only practical solution will be to give up the Bi label and fall for another Transvestite, because I do find Transvestites attractive when I'm not dressed but also when I am.
    I also find Transvestites attractive and i see myself as gay, i so hate lables. i just respect people for who they are in turn i hope i get respect back weird world we live in ?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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