Who is currently trying to quit?

[tosbourne]

Hello all!

I've lurked in this and similar forums for a long time... but finally joined a few weeks ago.

Very long story short (which I've posted in New Member Intro's, found here: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...697-First-post), I am trying to quit. I've read countless threads on the subject - I know the lifelong success rate is very low, but there have been a few threads here and there that I've found where the original poster appeared to have gone on to have successfully quit.

I've answered why I am looking to quit in the thread linked above. Again, very long story short, I don't see anything wrong with crossdressing for most people - if it's something they're dedicated to and is an important enough aspect of their lives. For others though, I do believe it is damaging, and that support towards quitting entirely would be helpful for them.

So... just curious, who else out there would consider themselves actively trying to quit?

[Karren H]

Not any more.... I've quit so many times in the past but always started again.. And I'm not dedicated to it I'm entrapped by it but I accept that I can't quit and it won't go away... Crossdressing overly colplicates your life for sure... And I truely hope you are successful!!

[donnalee]

I am reminded of a Mark Twain quote concerning smoking;"It's easy to quit; I've done it hundreds of times."

[BLUE ORCHID]

It's like the Mafia you can't quit your in it for life.

Orchid

[Elizabeth Ann]

I continue to believe in the ability of human beings to adapt, and in the inevitability of change. I don't know if you can quit, or more precisely, how difficult it would be for you to quit, but these blanket pronouncements on this site that it is impossible irritate me no end. It is argument by anecdote.

The conclusion by members here that we cannot quit is a classic example of what is known as "sample selection bias." First, the people who participate in this forum are very likely not to be a random sample of all crossdressers, and are likely more committed to and tolerant of it than the universe of crossdressers.

More importantly, we no longer have in our sample those who might have successfully quit. It is a bit like the observation that building were better constructed in the 19th century than they are today. If you don't think so, just look at all those great old buildings still standing. Of course, only the great ones are still standing.

If I had to guess, I would say that yes you can quit, though I have no idea how difficult it would be for you personally. But to be fair, I don't have much evidence for my position either. I am projecting on the basis of the amount of change, truly fundamental change, I have seen in both myself and others.

Liz

[Sarasometimes]

Well I have been to several therapists and the consistent information is that my desire/need to crossdress is part of my gender makeup. I could deprive myself of that expression but not without a price. Good luck, each person's needs and wonts are individual and there is no one here who know you better than yourself. Do monitor you reaction to quiting. Will you become more hostile, less patient and easier to anger. If these things happen please rethink the benefits of quiting. I know that when I can't express myself this way for a period of time i get togh to live with. My fuse gets short and i stay mad longer due to the undelying frustration about not being able to dress. That is just my experiences. But I do wish you luck, Sara.

[Shapeshiffter]

I did my best to suppress the desire for a long time. Now, I don't try anymore and my GF is much happier. She says I am a much nicer person and more fun to be with while dressed. I have no intention of trying to suppress it anymore.

[KellyCD]

Honestly......I'm trying to quit to a certain degree. I used to have a more fem type body, and therefor i didn't look half bad and I was passable when dressed. But, I made a decision to try and stop......as much as I could at least.....

Since then I've went to the gym ALOT this year to not only get into better shape.....but to erase the "femness" i could get away with. If I dressed now....IMO i'd just look stupid. So that's my deterrent.

The only thing I can't stop is panties.....which is ok I geuss. My GF now knows all about Kelly's past and is supportive to the point where she has told me that I "have" to dress for her at least once. So we'll see where this goes I guess.

[juno]

The disadvantages are artificial, created by other people. If you don't crossdress, then it is important to do other things that will keep your female side happy. There are many other activities to choose from. I started dressing late in life, but I have always enjoyed feminine things, like sewing clothes for my wife. However, I feel happier crossdressing and wish I hard started much sooner.

If you have a female partner, you can express a lot of femininity with her. Shop with her for lingerie and dresses. You will have fun, and nobody will ridicule you. You can wear a pink men's shirt and say that your SO bought it for you.

[GingerLeigh]

Well I have been to several therapists and the consistent information is that my desire/need to crossdress is part of my gender makeup. I could deprive myself of that expression but not without a price. Good luck, each person's needs and wonts are individual and there is no one here who know you better than yourself. Do monitor you reaction to quiting. Will you become more hostile, less patient and easier to anger. If these things happen please rethink the benefits of quiting. I know that when I can't express myself this way for a period of time i get togh to live with. My fuse gets short and i stay mad longer due to the undelying frustration about not being able to dress. That is just my experiences. But I do wish you luck, Sara.

Exactly the same thing for me. I tried to quit many times. Each time started out fine. No problem. However it always anded up where I would become easily agitated, and became tough to live with. In essence I exchanged secretly acting as a woman to outwardly acting as a bear. Can you quit? Sure! anyone here can if they really want to. Will anyone want to live with you as a non-crossdesser? I know nobody would want to live with me in that state.

Ginger

[Kelly DeWinter]

I have been, but my boss won't let me. Every day it's the same thing. get here by 9:00 ..... work ..... leave at 5:00 . Oh wait ... we're talking about our jobs right ?


Actualy I had enough of trying to quit for 15 years, including the accompanying purges, too much stress in that, Now i go with the flow. I fell stress free and my life is so much better. Anyone else feel the same ?

[Christine Andrews]

Exactly the same thing for me. I tried to quit many times. Each time started out fine. No problem. However it always anded up where I would become easily agitated, and became tough to live with. In essence I exchanged secretly acting as a woman to outwardly acting as a bear. Can you quit? Sure! anyone here can if they really want to. Will anyone want to live with you as a non-crossdesser? I know nobody would want to live with me in that state.

Ginger

This sums up my experiences of trying to stop expressing myself and crossdressing. I felt agitated frquently and I would become increasingly wound up about petty things and generally be poor company. I also found that I withdrew more often and became increasingly apathetic. I may feel guily from time to time and feel trapped that I have to keep it hidden but the alternative of feeling like half a person, becoming moody, unpleasant and thoroughly miserable. Sarasometimes reference to

the undelying frustration about not being able to dress

rings very true to me.

Crossdressing - exploring and expressing the feminine aspect of myself makes me happy, calm and balanced. It has motivated me to join the gym, watch what I eat and take better care of my health. Overall I am a better person for this.

For better or worse, I've learned that quitting is not an option for me.

Tosbourne, I truly hope that you succeed. Life is too short to be unhappy, going through the motions. Whether or not you succeed depends on you and your support network - it is something only you can answer.

Good luck and all the best!

[Juliemckay]

I quit smoking, does that count?



I used to go in that little circle of dress> quit > purge > shop > dress. That got to be frustrating and expensive. Now I understand who I am much better, and I've learned to accept it. It's much easier now.

I did have a major purge this summer, but I was getting rid of things that either didn't fit or looked bad on me.

[Amanda22]

I wish you the best of success trying to quit. I wouldn't know how because for me, it is impossible. Literally impossible. I love my femininity 100% and if I could take a pill to make crossdressing leave the core of my being, I'd flush it down the toilet. I hope you can be successful and happy.

[Amy Lynn3]

I can only echo what Karren said. I have tried to stop many times, but the end results was the same. Now it pleases me very much.

[kathie225]

Forced Abstinence
Just returned from a protracted business assignment, the circumstances of which made indulgiing in CDing totally impossible. I was fortunate to get a few shots at wearing panties; otherwise strictly drab. For approximately two months I was "forced to quit" by circumstances and while the mind set may be different than one wanting to quit, the sheer relief I felt upon wearing what I wanted to was indescribable and akin to what is reported after one has purged for a while and then resumed wearing femme. I've never wanted to quit, but can identify with some of the feelings experienced by those who do and then need to resume.
Good luck to all, Kathie

[Rachel Mari]

I've decided that suppessing and not giving in to that urge (for close to 20 years) and looking back, has left me feeling only half the person has been there at times. Within the last couple of years, the urge, and need, has become so much stronger that it occupies much space in my mind. I'm tired of pushing her down and away.
I started counselling two weeks ago, but it's going to take some time yet to come to peace with it, if ever.
I don't want to quit. I wish I hadn't stopped and I was more out. I feel like I want to tell people and go out.
I think it's not a problem and there's nothing wrong with dressing if it doesn't hurt anyone. However, I do believe not dressing has effected me wrongly. I believe that I communicate less and by internalizing the frustration of not expressing myself fully has harmed me. I don't care about myself as much as I do when Rachel is more in the picture.
So can you quit? Sure. But what price are you willing to pay is the question.
Good luck and I wish you all the happiness.

[JohnH]

I find the urge to cross dress comes and goes. Since I wore dresses for the past two days I was tired of wearing dresses, so I am dressed en homme with a polo shirt and long jeans.

I don't try to fight the urge to cross dress - I just roll with the punches.

[Pythos]

Ah, another "crossdressing is a disease and therefore must be cured" thread.

PLEASE STOP THIS!!! It is not a disease!! The only thing that makes it wrong is that society is blind and stupid. Crossdressing does not make you drive badly (unless your hair gets in the way, or your heels are too high.) It does not make you beat your wife or whack your kids. It does not make you do incredibly stupid decisions when it comes to intimacy. It does not run the risk of giving you throat, lung, or other cancer.

The only main drawback to what we do is how OTHERs react. If we approach it like it is some kind of ailment, how the hell can we say it is not a bad thing?

[TGMarla]

I've never really tried to quit, because deep down, I know I don't want to. I love wearing dresses, hosiery, and high heels (and everything else!) way too much for me to really put my heart and soul into quitting. I'd miss it immediately, and it would gnaw at me. I'm sure it's possible to walk away from it, much like smoking and other addictive habits. I wish the very best to anyone who tries and really wants to. But for me, I'm not anywhere near that point where I have any desire to quit.

[Sarah Doepner]

It may be possible to stop crossdressing if you can find something that will replace the rewards you get from the activity with something better.

So far I haven't seen anything that can do it. I don't know of anything that would give me the same satisfaction, calm me down as much, provide a set of activities that are both very fun and challenging, allow me to explore myself and my relationships from a unique and positive perspective, help me understand my own sensuality - particularly in touch and smell, open the other feminine half of the world and allow me to stay in touch with a community as wonderful as this one here. If you can come up with something that wouldn't put me in jail or kill me, let me know.

[JohnH]

Ah, another "crossdressing is a disease and therefore must be cured" thread.

PLEASE STOP THIS!!! It is not a disease!! The only thing that makes it wrong is that society is blind and stupid.

Thanks Pythos.

My sentiments exactly. Men's fashions have been dumbed down so much after the French Revolution that there is the urge for us to break out of the rigid conventions imposed on us. Before the French Revolution men had 7.5 cm (3 inch) heel shoes, wigs that sometimes were 60 cm (2 feet) tall, blouses with ruffles, and on and on.

What I'm saying along with others is the problem is not with the individual who wants to go outside the narrow confines of what is acceptable male attire; the problem lies with society. However, we have to work with the dysfunctional conventions imposed upon us.

I also say the plain fashion imposed on men is a violation of nature - look at animals where the male is more flamboyant than the female - lions, cardinals, mallards, peacocks, etc.

¡¡¡ CROSS DRESSING IS NOT A DISEASE !!!

[Jane P]

I'll start with a bit of a rant. I find it rather amusing that anyone would take offence to a thread like this . The O P is not suggesting that anyone should quit or that anything is wrong with those who accept or embrace it . So relax , paranoia will destroy ya.

As far as the question goes. I would not say that I am actively trying to quit. I am actively trying to understand what it is that makes me have these desires and I am actively trying to keep these urges under control. I am finding the diversity of experience among the forums membership quite helpful in this regard. For so many it is about so much more than just clothes and I can't imagine the turmoil that they have gone through in their lives. The most recent that comes to mind is that of Danni Bear , who's story brings such an unfathomable dose of reality to why people are the way they/we are.

I would say if you do wish quit because it is something that you have fetishised (if that is a word) or is something that has become merely part of a masturbatory fantasy , perhaps try to refrain from masturbation while you are dressed so you might learn to disassociate the two feelings. Just a thought. as I prepare for the onslaught of condemnation.

[Stephanie Anne]

I bet it feels asking here how to quit like asking how to lose weight at an all you can eat buffet. The compulsion can becoe an addiction. Does not mean crosdressing is inherently addictive and a sign of a disturbance.

the facts remain the same: The vast majority of transgendered people do not cross dress or transition because they are addicted. You may find that it is not possible to stop being who you are. Only by acceptance can you find out if it is a fetish, addiction, or a part of your normal makeup.

I tried so hard to stop being trans my entire life. Did not work. cross dressing was never a part of my life but I did it to try and figure out who the hell I was.

I hope you find out what you want and come to terms with yourself.

One thing I hate to tell you is that cross dressing for arousal does not mean much, especially if it was started around puberty and coincided with discovering masturbation. You either grow out of that, you learn to hate it, or you embrace that it is something that makes you turned on and work with it.

If instead, you come to terms with being transsexual, it is something quite a few of us started as while trying to figure out our gender.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Quit what? Buying more shoes???

To save my marriage I went to a shrink for 6 months. All he did was help me see that the problem won't me...hahahahaha.

I one time meet a GUY he was bragging how he had quit and hadn't dressed for 3 years. He was the most unhappy person I have every meet.

Em