Whenever I get dressed up and go to adult theatres I want to be grabbed!!
Whenever I get dressed up and go to adult theatres I want to be grabbed!!
Dear God, I give up!Originally Posted by Tara in the closet
Here is the original post.
READ IT!
Both what is being said and what is "between the lines".
Then read the whole thread and tell us how many times Tara has said she is ok with what happened.
Thanks Clayfish.
I'm curious, though. Why are you so willing to stick up for me?
"Move along people, there's nothing to see here."
I am with both you, Clayfish and Tara. Tara was clear in her OP and in her subsequent explanations. Some people here continue to refuse to admit that they were just that, clear and more than adequate explanations of what happened and how she took it. Everyone who jumped to the worse case scenario, could have simply asked for clarification regarding what happened. No, for them it is to continue the attack to prove how right they are and how misguided and immature Tara is. I was in high school and college where we grabbed ass and the crotch in a playful manner. Bid deal. Yeah, that may be sexual assault in some of your eyes but not between and within the group of people who knew each other. Over reaction and doing it your way is not the way to go here. Give Tara kudos for answering directly and honestly all the way through this thread.
Pythos, you make a good point, but in my opinion this is not comparable to your friend's experience.
Read my first and second stories, Tara.
They explain everything, especially why I find pc people so exasperating!
Give me common sense every time.
Go well, stay well.
jeebus, How long can people bicker over nothing before a thread gets shut down these days?
-------------------------------------------------
~Riley
Check out my trans themed standup on YouTube!
My Tumblr Blog
Tara, lets put aside the assault word for now. You're on friendly terms with this gal, and she hugs you everyday. Then one day, in front of others she grabs one of your breasts and makes it into a joke in front of everyone. You shrug it off, perhaps any attention is better than no attention? That was extremely inappropriate of her and in poor taste. I would venture a bet that everyone else there who were laughing off the experience, in the back of their minds were thinking something else. What makes this kind of incident confusing is the familiarity and casual 'friendship' that has been developing over time. This young woman crossed a boundary she shouldn't have. You've turned it into a 'compliment' with the incident prompting you to have a discussion with others here about your breasts. That is a separate issue and worthy of lots of discussion, but have you noticed that the majority of responders here have had a strong, visceral reaction to your encounter? Dudette, don't brush this thing off like it's no big deal, it is.
Take some time to check in with your feelings. What is underneath the statement, 'outwardly I just shrugged it off'? Why would you not care that it was inappropriate, as you state in your list above? As a gg, I've had my share of negative experiences around being grabbed, especially in high school. I often froze inside and just tried to get away. Now, I would go ballistic and cause a scene, depending on the situation. My most effective actions though have been taking someone aside and expressing my feelings and establishing boundaries around that kind of behavior. Just sayin' ...think about it.
Okay, final input here.
IF a total stranger did that, I would be absolutely incensed. I would let them know that that was not acceptable, either in the crowd, or at a later time.
If an acquaintance (someone I know only by name) did that, look above
If my GF did that, totally other matter, in fact I would return the favor.
Your OP was confusing ("a girl I barely know", that for me falls under the classification of acquaintance)
I guess the real question is this. IF a guy had done this to you. A guy you barely know. Would you be so nonchalant about it? IF not, then why do you accept it in the manner you do from someone that has female body parts?
Oh and Rye, I understand your question, but this is not so easy to understand. For many here this was clearly abuse, to one or two it was no big deal. The OP is now saying they don't care. So I no longer care. I for my part am just trying to point out some incongruous features of this thread.
I think this whole thread is a product of an over active imagination. I seriously doubt that the incident in the OP ever really occurred. There are too many inconsistencies in the reporting.
Read the OP's report on "crossdressing day" in high school.
The whole idea that a sexual assault can be "enjoyed" and therefor is not a sexual assault is a product of generations of misogynistic behavior.
I just don't think it ever happened.
S
That's a stretch. Suppose I kiss my wife in public. The mall, lets say. Not a french kiss, just a little kiss. If that upsets someone, then I am assaulting my wife?
Let's take it a step further - Two gay guys kiss in the mall and someone is upset by this. Is this a sexual assault?
At some point, the government has to let people live their lives. If the person being touched doesn't like it, that's one thing, but a bystander?
And even for the person being touched, how serious was the touching and what was meant by it? Is a pat on the back "unwanted touching" deserving of a criminal charge?
In the OP's case, the female touched the male's breasts (he didn't seem to mind). For some reason, male breasts and female breasts are treated differently in most societies. A male can show his bare breasts at a pool or beach and nothing is said. It's usually against the law for a female to do the same. Why is this?
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
In my younger, single days, I would have grabbed back!
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
Why shut it down ? It's turned into an interesting debate on what is and is not assult. 15 years ago, two people could have an argument, duke it out, after 3 or 4 punches, someone would yell break it up, seperate the two people, more othen then not, they would shake hands hands and that would be the end of it. These days (and Im exagrating here), If you look at someone 'funny', you get slapped with 15 different charges, hauled to court, fined,sentenced, have permanat record and then you have to go pick up the garbage. (some might know this reference)
I can testify to how true this post is.
Though you could just say, "Community service".
"Move along people, there's nothing to see here."
So...
In other words, you're calling me a liar, saying that I'm just some sad person who sits behind a computer screen all day?
If you don't believe the "Opposite Sex Day" topic, I DID mention that it took place a few years ago. I was still in high school during the time it happened.
"Move along people, there's nothing to see here."
[QUOTE=Tara in the closet;2336216]I can testify to how true this post is.
.........QUOTE]
I don't recall implying that your post was not true ?
Dont be so quick to dismiss the warning of the other posters. It really does only take ONE bystander to make this situation UGLY! Especially given this was an academic environment.
A TRUE example:
One of my neighbors was at work, flirting with a co worker. They knew each other QUITE well. Their conversation was overheard by another who reported it to HR. They were both fired for sexual harassment. The both were fine with the flirting, they didnt feel it was harassment, or unwanted. There was no 'touching' of any kind. But the onlooker was offended.. DONE! There was no foul language used. There was no harassing behavior. It was innuendo, plain and simple. Didnt matter. Both of their careers were ruined. So just because you didnt feel threatened, just because you were OK with it, doesnt make it harmless or un prosecutable in today's world.
I can see a educational environment being just as cautious (if not more so), trying to avoid a lawsuit, or more bad press. Especially after the recent suicides due to teasing and bullying that have occurred recently.
My $.02
My final thoughts and comments ...
1. My job requires me to make swift and accurate assessments of people and situations, by all possible means ... what is said and unsaid, written and implied (and body language if I am physically present!).
2. When I read the OP, I did NOT focus on one single aspect of the post, as Pythos seems to have done. Sure, I understood that the GG was virtually a stranger, but I read on before making a judgement call.
3. The rest of the post seemed to me to clearly say that Tara did NOT feel sexually violated by the incident, but flattered, even if secretly.
4. Believe me, Pythos, Kelly and others who share your views, had I for one moment felt that your assessment of the situation was correct, I would have been on your side of the fence, high heels and all!
5. There is a very real danger that those who hold strong views on issues such as this can cause a whole lot of unnecessary long-term grief by rushing to condemn a possibly innocent person, and I have told two stories from my own personal experience as examples of what I mean.
6. Before issuing a verdict, it is vital to ask questions and make every effort to ascertain all the facts of the matter ... I will relate two more true stories to end.
7. I am visiting an art classroom to observe a student teacher as she presents a practice lesson. As we walk around watching the children as they draw, she points out one lass and says to me, "I'm very worried about her." "Why?", I ask. "She only ever uses a black crayon when doing a drawing," the student tells me. I suggest to her that she might ask the lass to explain why she only uses a black crayon. Later, during the debriefing session, the student teacher tells me that the lass only has one crayon, the black one. Her mind is set at ease.
8. I am a relief teacher in a maths classroom. Suddenly a young lass stands up and rushes towards the door. I stop her and ask what is going on. Wild-eyed, she tells me that she MUST leave the room then and there. I look into her eyes and let her go. "What's going on?", I ask the class. "She draws wierd pictures," they tell me and proceed to describe them to me (their exact nature has been censored, they are wierd!). I let rip, as I did in some of my earlier posts on this thread, and let the class know in no uncertain terms, that the lass deserves their help and support, not their ridicule or condemnation. They are stunned into reflective silence. Later I report the incident to the relevant authorities at the school, who have no idea that the lass is an at-risk student!
9. The lass in point 7 above is now an accomplished graphic artist. The lass in point 8 is alive and well and living in a far better space, surrounded by fellow-students who are more accepting of her, because they are now more knowledgable about her circumstances.
10. And lastly, whatever you do, do it in the best interests of ALL concerned, never in your own interests alone. People matter more than causes; others more than ourselves.
Bless us all, as we struggle through our lives.
Posting Permissions
